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Birth Date: 1999-10-15
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This is where you're wrong. Blocking her wouldn't mean you are acting like a kid, it would mean that you have boundaries that have been crossed multiple times already by her, and that enough is enough. Women respect men who won't allow them to trample all over them. She treats you like garbage and you still want to discuss, even though previous discussions have accomplished nothing, because this is who she is! At 35, she won't change no matter how many conversations you'll have.
I get it, you love her and are willing to sacrifice your wellbeing only to be with her. If this is the type of relationship you want, by all means, stay. But then you need to accept that this is how she is and expect stuff like this to happen whenever you don't obey, like a little puppy. The way I see it, she'd be doing you a favor if she never contacts you again, but unfortunately for you, she'll be back because not too many guys will be willing to put up with her nuttiness.
That sucks my first thought when said he with 2 year old was he either RICH or or from anther country that wants to move her..I older guy and the few people I know that have younger wifes or GF it is usually one of the 2.I know 2 gys who got mail order brides. sounds crazy in this day and age. But still goes on.. Not sure if any thing you can do cept try sit down have A talk.But if he in love you wasting time… Just hope he see s the real her before to late ??
Youth gets to the best of us.
This guy is going to have to learn some very hot lessons. They won’t be fun, but you’re not responsible for being the one that has to teach him. Keeping this going will just delay his (hopefully) eventual emotional growth.
Tbh both of you sound like massive red flags and this was clearly a very dysfunctional, abusive relationship. Both of you need therapy & you are better off without each other
I am open to suggestions, please do
She’s still a good woman
She is not. She’s physically abusing you, and she’s going to seriously hurt if not kill you one day. This is not what love looks like. Please leave. Stay safe.
Right?
Maybe ask him why his stepson doesn't look like your son that you know is 100% his?
The best revenge is a life well lived. Also the best revenge is when said husband would care. By his actions, he doesn't care.
Most of my friends completely agree with you ?
Take time think twice then take good decision because he is needed councelling. Don't married him quickly.
I agree with you but he has not acted wrongly either (yet as im still unsure)
8 years is still over 1/3 of her entire life.
You don't talk to her parents, you have one last talk with her (if you even want to) and then you break up, you choose yourself. I can't even fathom being into that kind of roleplay, but going as far as to dismiss and disrespect your boundaries and you as a person, as her partner?!
Imagine a girl whose boyfriend like to roleplay “rape” (CNC or “consensual non consent” is a real kink), but the girlfriend thought it was going too far. Then the guy tells her that it's just for fun and not that deep, and keeps trying to force her into the roleplay, says things like “You're my bitch! I'll do whatever I want to you. Shut up!” Pretty fucking disgusting to do that to someone isn't it?
At what point does this stop being an incompatibility and start being sexual abuse? Maybe you're consensually having sex, but you're not consensually participating in this roleplay. She is forcing you to be a part of it. If she is not taking “I don't want to do this” for an answer, it is sexual misconduct at the VERY least. And I'm being very soft on her.
Question. Is she married to someone who acts like she describes? Was she? I think her past dating or married life holds the key to your response.
Agreed. But as previously stated, if you have a history of not being transparent or misleading, it’s may not be JUST because you did it this time. It might be because she asked you to put in more effort to communicating clearly and being transparent repeatedly over 5 years, and you keep choosing to ignore her need for explicit honesty.
Your views are logical. There is no reason to not split equally between the 3. His 50/50 doesn’t make sense by his own argument. There are two of you, so they should split in half. When in reality, you contribute 66/34 (I threw him a bone with the extra 1%). So, split it in thirds. He’s being greedy and petty, only looking out for his child.
Where 19 years ago it would have been labeled as cheating but now we know with the pressure of power it’s assault.
Uh this was still known back in 2004, you're thinking of way earlier times than that
My [19F] dad
found out that he's not my biological father. He left my mom
but she refuses to accept it.
Sorry, sucks for you+dad, etc., but not your nor your dad's fault.
Dad found out I'm not his and left the house
Well, you're 19 – so presuming that's adult where you are, for better or worse, he could pretty much walk or kick you out, or whatever, even if he were your biodad. Quite sucks regardless. Give it time.
has initiated a divorce.
Good for him! Absolutely appropriate!
My mom refuses to accept it
Wasn't immaculate conception. She f*cked up very badly, not only in what she did or what happened and not telling about it, but even more so the lies/deceit/withholding around that information for over two decades!
mom and dad were together for over 30 years
Your mom totally blew that, also means around a decade into the marriage she was cheating on your dad – or something like that – in any case she never came clean regarding speaking the relevant truth on the matter.
been amazed by how in love they've always been. I've never seen them yell at each other or even argue
Some things aren't always what they seem. There was a great big giant huge lie/deception/withholding goin' on there, on your mom's part … and she kept that up for two decades! And if she lied about it all that time, dear knows what she may have done before that, or what else she may have been lying about. Sorry, she's not trustworthy – she's a huge liar and deceiver. Just how it is – sometimes reality sucks.
Me and my siblings
Might wanna get some more paternity testing – at least for those that wanna know, … 'cause dear knows …
ancestry DNA kit things
mom
told us that she didn't think we should do it
dad was enthusiastic
she didn't say anything after that
Well, now we know why!
he laid out the results, my mom just broke down. She seemed like she was having a panic attack, and she couldn't speak
She got caught in a humongous monumental lie she's been carrying on for decades … so now her whole world is crumbling down. Yeah, major sh*t like that has consequences – now she's got to face those – she royally f*cked up her life, and yours, and your dad's … f*cked things up royally for the whole family. All could'a been (at least mostly) avoided, but no, she went on with her lies and deception for decades, hoping and thinking she'd never get caught. Well, she got caught in her major f*ckup that she's been lying and deceiving about it for decades – and to not just to anybody, but those closest to her … pretty dang despicable and horrible of her to do so.
she wouldn't answer any of his questions
Of course – as there can be no justification for what she did – so nothing for her to say.
younger siblings don't know about why he left
Well, perhaps best – at least for now … but probably all ought get paternity tested.
told my dad that no matter what, he's my dad and I don't want to lose him
My dad has promised me that this doesn't change our relationship and he loves me more than anything
Good … he's a decent man. Your mom, on the other hand …
He hasn't tested my siblings since he said he doesn't want to know
That's fine too … though siblings may want to know … sooner, or later … can always bring it up to 'em when they're adults … and they can decide if they wanna get tested or not.
He just said he needed to be away from my mom
Absolutely … and forever – for the best. Your mom is a pretty crud person who's been harboring huge lie and deception for decades.
He pretty much instantly initiated a divorce, which wrecked my mom
Boo hoo. She deserves worse than just a divorce.
Ya know, last year a driver hit me – totally their fault … and … f*ckin' felonly hit and run – very seriously injured me. Statute of limitations … 6 years. Max. penalty 4 years in prison, $10k fine, plus victim restitution. And you know what? If 5 years from now they're happily living the scot-free life, good job, spouse, kids, … and they get arrested and convicted and sent away for 4 years behind bars etc. … boo hoo, I really don't f*ckin' care. They damn well know what they did … and they just drove away. They could'a stopped and it “merely” would'a been a serious injury accident. But no. Well, f*ck 'em. I hope they get theirs. And boo hoo … your mom got hers (or at least some of it) for her despicable and enduring deception. If you can't face the time/punishment, don't do the crime. And she just compounded the damage by not fessing up immediately, or at least as soon as highly relevant (notably once there was any possible question of paternity).
Well, it worked
But, instead of making him want to be with her again, it actually just pushed him away more
Of course! She's been manipulating him for at least two decades … and she pulled it again. He realized that and he's so f*ckin' done with her and her manipulation – at this point he probably doesn't even care at all what her motives might be – he's just absolutely sick of it and so done with it – totally – it's over. No more. Kaput. Done.
He was furious
Not at all surprising. Whether he's pissed at her, or himself for (momentarily) falling for the lure, or both. Not surprising at all he's right pissed angry.
he called me screaming, telling me how much my mom was hurting him
Yep, she's done it for decades … he's so done with that – and her.
mom has been inconsolable
Boo hoo. Time to fess up and trying to make up for the disaster she caused. And no more lies and deception – she's been doing it for decades … don't know that she'd even be capable of stopping that now … and she's not to be trusted.
It's her fault all of this is happening
she's acting like she's the victim
How can I get her to stop
Maybe get her into some serious therapy. She done did f*ckup bad, and still isn't owning that. Whole helluva lot of work to do there.
her reaction might indicate that something else happened
Maybe she was raped. Maybe she was blackout drunk and doesn't remember. BUT SHE NEVER TOLD HIM! So she ain't off the hook. And parts of her reaction also speak volumes – maybe she doesn't fully know, but I doubt she knew nothing and had zero idea or suspicion, or that she had absolutely nothing that she should've brought up and discussed but never did.
Ah, life. Well, … best of luck … and you did nothing wrong here, so you can be proud in that. And your mom, … yeah, she's still got a whole lot 'o 'splainin' to do – but she hasn't even started to admit any fault yet … so I wouldn't hold my breath on that. And at this with her decades of deception, she just may make some sh*t up, so dear knows if she'll ever tell the truth.
But to me you should know your limits… You decide you’re not driving before you go over that limit
I’m with ya! No tolerance for drunk drivers and no one will change my mind!
In perspective to our other issues? It’s definitely last.
Make a list of what needs to be done.
Let him pick what he thinks he can do.
Have HIM put a calender week behind it, when it will be done.
Ask him if he needs your help. If everything is there required to do tgat work.
Then look, if it is done according to his schedule.
If 3 things get late, reconsider if he needs to move out.