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Why did your relationship with him not work out I wonder?
he very much liked this answer xD
Love this update. Just want to say you’re so badass and cool!!!! That was NOT easy and you killed it. He doesn’t deserve the woman you are.
Correct. They don't have any custody agreement and he said he would move here regardless if his son moved and then we hoped he would come stay for the summer amd want to stay the rest of the year.
First off, allow yourself to grieve. It’s okay all the emotions you are feeling. Cry, release your anger in a healthy way, treat yourself to something. It sucks to be betrayed. As someone who was felt so broken after it didnt work out with my first love and then hurt so badly when my other ex cheated I feel for you.
When we get hurt the first person we tend to blame is ourselves. We are unfair to ourselves, and dont allow ourselves grace. Are there things we can continue to work on in future relationships? Sure, everyone has things to work on but that doesn’t mean we deserve to be hurt in the way that you have been. This is on her. She is not a good person. I promise that even if you were legit the most perfect man on the planet she would still have done this, because their is something empty within her heart. So please dont let her shitty behavior make you feel undeserving of finding someone who will truly care for you. Sometimes we gotta kiss a few frogs before finding our person.
So take this opportunity to grow. Do things you have always wished to do. Get to learn about yourself and heal. I am so sorry this has happened, please dont give up on yourself.
I’m so sorry you are going through this so young.
Have you considered calling Hospice? They have counselors that can help you and your wife speak about this situation.
You're unhinged.
What you are describing is quite common. For her to accept she made the right choice, she needs to create a new reality. Part of the new reality is how the relationship was doomed, and you are to be blamed. I'm not suggesting that this is happening in your situation, but often times there's usually another guy in the picture and once again reality needs to be altered. So the new reality is that you are bad, and the new guy is good.
This reality will keep changing to suit their need. For example, being cold as stone today is because you are seen as the root of all evil and the source of her unhappiness. Tomorrow, when she wants to be friends, her reality will change to I was cold because I thought it would help you move on if you hated me and thought I was being bitchy. Then when she wants to get back to you her reality will change to I was cold because I wanted just wanted to hug you and kiss you and go back to the way things were, but I knew it wasn't possible. Then if you take her back and this ever comes up, her reality will change to I was never cold towards you.
Exactly. That whole family is trash except poor Ryan. Hope he makes it out okay.
Thanks. I just home I can make it to 30
I was like that for 7m but the decision was made by both of us because it’s a mutual decision
You can do what one of my exs did ignore me and stink eye for five hours then cry uncontrollably because she could not believe that I was not apologetic about her dream. That really made me realise she was unbalanced!
Yeah he’s full of it. He didn’t get it from using random chapstick. Maybe just side pieces chapstick but not a random stick at work.
She wants to wait a bit before she gets back on her birth control to ensure she’s back on a regular cycle.
The problem here is… She needs serious education when it comes to birth control. And you, too. When you are on birth control pills, you lose your natural cycle, because they are artificial and some have hormones that make you miss your period, while others doesn't, it's all about the composition. But, none of them make you lose youe fertility, period or no period. I encourage you to tell her to go to an appropiate gynecologist who will guide her to the best birth control for her. She'll get pregnant if she keeps playing with fire.
Based on your title alone;
If you're not happy in the relationship, for whatever petty reason, that reason is valid and you should end the relationship.
But
You're at an age now where almost everyone you meet will have sexual pasts, many of them more experienced than your GF. Sooner or later you're going to have to deal with your own insecurities. Because this is a you problem.
Nah, people can fuck off.
SUFFER IN SILENCE LMAO.
Something is going on here. This is not normal.
A year? Just leave ma'am
There’s a few sayings I think applies here
“Never leave an good party to go to a better party.”
“The grass is greenest where you water it”
&
“You don’t know what you have, until it’s gone”.
History and loyalty matter. Why risk any of that stability for someone whom you said took you on a roller coaster ride? Sounds kinda silly, borderline dumb. (Sorry to be so harsh) xo
I mean yes, feeling the need to look through your partners phone is a red flag.
A red flag is a warning sign. It doesn't have to mean instant breakup, but it's very worrying.
My partner has my password and he is even hesitant to look up a recipe on my phone, when we're cooking together. He does tell me his pin from time to time as well for example so I can google something and my phone is out of reach, but I constantly forget, because I just don't care to know his password.
There's a small chance that it's all due to some silly misunderstanding, but her reaction is very telling. And even if she's been insecure about something she should have talked about it first.
Dude, you are her manservant, and she doesn’t even want to pay you for that anymore with pity sex. You “grew up in an abusive household,” and you are continuing to online in one. You are being abused, taken advantage of, led by the nose, and gaslit. For the love of all that is holy (and anything that is not), get out and spend some time with a therapist. Life moves pretty fast. Do you really want to be in your thirties, looking around with no life, no family, and no kids when she inevitably dumps you after finding her next?
Get the hell out before she finishes eating your soul.
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Crossroads? Get a grip. You are cheating on your girlfriend. Have the common decency to at least acknowledge it rather than speaking in riddles about it. It irks me to see the ounce of feigning humanity in this post. No matter how distant you two have become, you have no excuse to pretend you are in a dilemma.
Go to your partner, come to terms with the lost of “spark” you have gathered to absorb over the last 12 months as an excuse to cheat on her for the last 6 months over the convenience of having someone who has more things in common with you. I really hope for all things good in this world she has the courage enough to leave the doors without thinking twice even before you have to deliver the decision yourself.
We should stop calling women b*tches. A bitch is a female dog, and unlike dogs your friend hoe aint’t loyal.
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I'd like to refer your bf to the why women online longer sub.
If you can see her and spend time with her now then I don't see why not. There is no point in asking out if she is gone and busy.
My mom told me I should get him to drive my dog and I across the country back home, she thinks he’s harmless. I think I like your idea better tbh.
Well that’s because your being played. But you know you can leave him right? You don’t have to stay and this is reason enough to leave Simeón.
Your gf has left and she's immediately started doing it. What about that doesn't seem intentional?
She knows exactly what she's doing. Your gf wouldn't be getting mad about something that didn't even happen. If she got mad at these exchanges and you not putting your foot down and stopping it, she would be totally correct
Maybe you're just young but later in life, this is the type of thing people break up over.
Tell the girl, you're in a relationship with someone you're very happy with. She's making you super uncomfortable with her references and your gf would rightly be unhappy and saw her making a bunch of sexual references towards you. Tell her you won't be able to keep talking to her if she doesn't reign it in.
If you don't do this, you are chosing your friend over your gf. That will never end well.
Gift giving is one of my love languages, so I feel I have a baseline understanding of the issue here.
Your gift was practical, but for some (such as your husband), they want the gift to be fun or sentimental. He could buy himself a self warming lunch box (cash flow issues notwithstanding).
I'm really naked to shop for, so I've told my partner to get me gift cards from my favorite places. If she were to get me a $50 gift card from the grocery store, I would eventually use it and get the full value of the gift. But, a $50 gift card from Fanatics to purchase some new clothing from my favorite sports teams would feel like a far better gift, even though it's the exact same value.
Make him do more chores and childcare
Not really, he didn't want to talk to you and you went out of your way to try and make him talk to you, of course the new gf overreacted by macing you, but there is no convincing him of anything, he doesn't want your help, so let him go, don't give him more ammo to get that RO. You wanted an open relationship, he didn't, you're not compatible and that is all the closure you need.
RIP ❤️?
My advice, let her go and move on with your life. Completely let go of the idea of being with her and just online in the moment with people that are with you right now. Could be she just wants some space, could be she's found someone else entirely. Just be positive and live! your best life
These are just the roles she would be doing while she is at home, it's not assuming or stating anything about him tf
This is why communication is important. If you weren't sure from the start, you should've told her that, and given her the autonomy to decide whether she'd like to enter a romantic relationship with someone who may not experience romantic attraction. Sorry but you sound about 14, not 28.
Another one of these.
If you have a situation like this and you don't tell your girlfriend she will, I repeat she will find out eventually and it not being from you is a death sentence.
Now you either have to drop the friend or drop the gf. The trust is broken Plus I don't believe your friend had good intentions sharing that information, and how did you not think it would come up if they got it all out there?
There are a lot of fish in the sea bud. I have been there and you aren’t ready to hear it, but there will be another. It will probably even be better. In the meantime stay strong. Shit fucking sucks it really does. Like it REALLY FUCKING SUCKS! But it does get better…
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It sounds related but in either case the relationship isn't salvageable if he's immature enough to just ghost you instead of talking about it
Cheating is never accidental. Doesn’t matter how drunk you are. Let me get this straight.
He had drinks with a female coworker even though you’ve mentioned you’re uncomfortable with it. He CHOSE to do that. If he wanted to talk to her about something work related, he could have talked to her without drinking.
He then went to her place. he CHOSE to do that.
Once he got there and realized it was just the two of them, he could have left. He CHOSE to stay.
He the. CHOSE to lay in her bed and when she walked in naked, he CHOSE to stay.
He told you it was just a kiss. He CHOSE to lie.
Everything he did was his choice. If you stay with him, you are CHOOSING to be hurt again. I assure you, he will cheat again, especially if he got away with it.
You want advice? Leave him. If you don’t leave him, then you deserve every bit of heartbreak you’ll get when he does it again. The first time he hurt you, it was his fault and his choice. If you stick around to let him hurt you again, now it’s your fault and your choice.
Really, that's interesting. If I was staying in someone else's home (who doesn't have a dishwasher) there's no way on earth I'd go and get myself a drink/snack/bowl of cereal and then just leave the dirty dish in the kitchen. But maybe I'm the weird one and it's quite normal and I need to adjust my expectations
I believe the term is bangmaid
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Tell me more. So did she try to love you more but couldn't?
But he said he’s quite anti-abortion.
You need to have a conversation about this in depth. Like right now.
Forced birthers stop seeing pregnant women as their own person with their own rights so you need to make sure he understands that if you become pregnant he has no say so in whether you keep it or not. Even if its his.
I dont mean that maliciously either, its not to assert some sort of gendered dominance or anything, this is a major conversation that needs to happen. Do not be vague. Do not accept vagueness.
Even if you yourself are against having an abortion, its totally different when you actually online through the experience of finding out you're pregnant when you have no means to care for a baby. You need to make sure he isn't the kind of guy that will force you or manipulate you into staying pregnant when you don't want to be.
I'll never understand why redditors are so quick to defend porn and shame people who have issue with it.There are multiple studies that prove how harmful porn is. It's proven science and people are so quick to dismiss it like some climate change denier or anti-vaxxer because it makes them feel better despite being a fallacy.
The negative effects it has on your brain(especially a still developing brain), the way it shapes preferences and creates unrealistic expectations leading to an inability to perform with a partner. This applies to men and women. People across like it's normal but it's not, it's just normalized.
It's compounded by men using a death grip to jerk off leading to being unable to maintain an erection because a mouth or vagina can't replicate the sensation.
What she is asking isn’t a big issue or unreasonable.
It is definitely both of those things. Imagine if someone said that you needed their verbal consent before talking about the weather. Hey that's their comfort level and boundaries, right? But it's wildly impractical, highly unusual, and a sign that the person has some underlying issue that needs to be addressed not encouraged.
The fact that she needed someone else to come and assist in communicating this problem only further proves the point. She is literally scared of the person she's currently dating despite having zero reason to be.
The youngest sister definitely already knows, so this is going to get out.
Right? A 42 year old writing that? Something ain’t right ?
Why you dating someone who doesn’t have a job? He offered to pay for something and then he said no. Who cares what he tells you, actions speak louder. That’s what is bothering you in this scenario about the ex. Could be total bullshit! Notice when his gift came in they were broken up? Exes? Yea for a reason she got tired of being gamed too! If he wants to buy you a gift he would, he broke Or stingy…that’s not working for you. I suggest you find someone who has the same income and goals for future. Don’t waste your time!
Just saw your reply to someone else that she said “I should just know what I'm doing.”
That's a genuine bullshit response and really not acceptable. Firstly, just because it's not ticking her boxes doesn't mean you're bad at sex. Also, after 4 years, why say it now? She's had four yes to say “no, a little bit to the left.” Do you think this is genuine or is it a powerplay?
One person's great kisser is another person's terrible kisser. It's all down to two people gelling and everyone has different preferences. You're not a mind reader and her saying it's shit but not telling you why, is a really shit thing to do.
Well since you have already proposed an open relationship and he's against it, and you want to stay with him then accept not having sex until he feels better and keep on going with therapy as well as watch youtube videos for self help and maybe relaxation techniques or even yoga just to relax at the moment and managing the tough moments without exploding.
Ohhhh that’s exciting!! That’s one of the places I wish to go!
When I read the the title, I thought the 27 year old is the one on TikTok not the 34 year old. I have a bias against time wasting social media (kind of hypocritical since I am on Reddit).
I think the issue isn’t TikTok. He didn’t have TikTok until recently (as you said). The issue is his attraction towards you and his new way of getting off. [He is saving the videos for later, it might be a stretch but you can imagine what he does with them at “later”).
It sounds like he hasn’t voiced his reduced attraction bc he doesn’t want to hurt you and he understands you had a baby.
The internet will demolish him for his lack of attraction to the gf who went through so much to bring life into the world. But what good will that? It’s shaming him for his preference. His preference won’t go away (if indeed he prefers you at the prior size).
So my advice is sit him down, and ask him (not tell him). Ask him, how he would feel if you downloaded tik tok and started saving naked guys? And listen. He might be defensive but people aren’t really good at communicating, you guys just has a baby, there are stressors for both of you, being new parents so those difficult subjects can be swiped under the rug. Ask him – Has your sex life been reduced bc his attraction was diminished?
Based on what he says, share that you are already feeling self conscious. Do you want to change your appearance? If you do, tell him that you ll go to gym from xyz to abc time on so many days if the week and you’ll revamp your eating or go to a nutritionist. Whatever YOU choose to do but he’ll need to support you and watch the child or not bring junk food. If you don’t want to change, also tell him. No shame in that either. It’s your body and YOU need to be comfortable with it. Keep in mind that he also has the right to feel attracted or not. In any case, I am a female and rooting for you. Our (female) plight is definitely difficult.
I think the father of her children is OP, he calls the younger 3 “our own kids”
Hey there is more to come and probably she cheated other time with others, I'm so sorry man, but this not come from nowhere
No professional help for her she had a bad experience previously. But I guess help her heal isnt the right words but to give some additional info when she did ask to be her friend and I did try that and said I couldnt because I wouldnt allow her to heal and be in her way.
But she said that you werent in my way and made me feel like i had someone. I am no means a therapist or medical professional but I do know her and I can provide any emotional support she needs or if she just needs to talk.
But in the end what is all this for I guess is what you're implying?
Lol, what an idiot. I’m sorry you have kids with him, but I’m glad he’s out of your life. What a fucking selfish idiot!!!!!!
I wouldn’t expect anything less from someone so selfish and stupid than “you’re being dramatic” and “this shouldn’t bother you”. Good fucking riddance, and I’m sorry your kid has that as a father.
Came here to say this. Exactly; thank you!!
Her mental health problems are not an excuse for the emotional abuse she is inflicting on you. The only way there will be hope for the marriage is if she owns up to how she has wronged you and aggressively seeks therapy and/or meds.
Staying together for the son that you just admitted she been having a bad relationship with (FOR THREE YEARS!) does NOTHING but teach him that it is ok to be abused. Do you want him to have a similar marriage? Because this is a very good way to start him on that path.
She apologies and seeks treatment right away or you divorce.
Don't change yourself for this bozo!
OP is dancing around this way too much and giving no explanation at all as to why he is the one paying.
She says she wants food? Nothing is stopping her from buying it.
She wants to go to the store? Hope she brings her wallet.
Op, have you seen a grief counselor at least?
You’re not wrong, I mean he has helped me in so many ways through mental health issues so I feel like he is there for me. But I also haven’t told anyone about what he actually does because I’m scared of what they’ll say.
My only advice is when he moves states, make him get his own place and restrict his time with your children, don’t leave them alone with him. Go on dates in person, meet his family and friends, take your time to get to know him IN PERSON. How do you know he doesn’t make coffee cold, piss on the floor of the bathroom and pick his nose and eat it while watching TV? How do you know he isn’t interested in you because of your children? Don’t let your kids get attached to a stranger, and don’t let a stranger have access to your children, until you know him very well in person. I don’t care how many hours of video calls you’ve had, how many songs you’ve written. Your first and foremost priority is your children. Hope it works out for you long term 🙂 just try take it slow. And maybe get some counselling for co-dependency.
I don't think this is a question of SHOULD you leave but a matter of WHEN. And that was yesterday. He will not change. You said it yourself that you don't want to have kids with this man, so why are you with someone you don't see a future with?
He can be filthy by himself and not drag you down with him (which as far as I'm concerned idk how you have stuck around as long as you have with all of this nastiness)
I’m sorry, what do you mean “it was through them”? Where are the results? How were they able to get your son away from you without you noticing to do the test? Who certified the results?
Go get one at a hospital, insist on it, and if he refuses, get a lawyer and ask what your options are. Most courts can force a paternity test.
You are not responsible for her addiction.
Was he your superior at work? A professor?
BRO it Doesnt matter if it was a 'mistake'. You cant justify those, thats why theyre called mistakes. They have consequences. Leave this dude, youbcant even trust him around your own mother, thats not normal
How would you feel if she left you and you end up on your own living in a little flat?
That’s what happened to me after yelling at my ex, and I fucking regretted it for 3-4 whole years afterwards.
The depression and loneliness of not being with her will be far, far worse than what you have right now.
Appreciate everything you have. Treat people how you want to be treated. With respect.
Poor lady. Look after her, man.
Well, that’s stupid. You’re not going to convince him. There is no advice that will magically make him stay. So…..stay with him if you want to keep dealing with this bs. Or, you know, choose better, (insist on better) for yourself….
Good luck. I hope it works out for you and your family.
Definitely need to know where this info is coming from
Yes, mostly just “interruptions” though. If he’s not in a meeting he will engage with us, he’s not like a total asshole while he’s working he’s just in here from 7-7 every day. It’s also our bedroom so I have to keep quiet in here during his work hours. Not a huge deal- but let’s stop at 5. To me, 10 hours a day is showing you’re going above and beyond. 12 is just excessive and not healthy for anyone. I’d prefer 8hrs a day but I could on-line with 9.
this was super valuable before the 1800s when proper generalized anesthesia was invented
This this this. He’s trying to manipulate OP into being okay with exclusivity on her part without reciprocity from him. He wants girlfriend benefits without having to be a boyfriend.
Good lord just walk away. The guy wants to fuck you and have a commitment free relationship. You do not. That doesn't make you needy AT ALL. I personally think he sounds like a cry-baby. That would be such a red flag for me. Take off the rose-colored glasses dude. He's not the one. Walk away.
Won't it be expensive to online there as a stranger for that length of time? since you still have living expenses here too.
I think it's a valid reason to go, although it seems you aren't 100% sure that it will only be 4 months.
Possibly your SO's objections are related to such realistic factors as cost of living, uncertain length of staying there, as well as being in unfamiliar surroundings. People differ in how comfortable they'd be for something like that.
I can handle a beer or two mate
And that's good, but there's very little substantive information in your post. It's not at all unreasonable for someone to ask you clarifying questions to learn more about your drinking. All we know from your post is you like to have a couple beers with friends after work some days. That doesn't tell us anything about whether your behavior is adversely affected after doing so, and if so, how.
If you're consistently getting sloppy drunk or she has to pick you up frequently, or you're driving drunk or picking fights with her after drinking, that's obviously not acceptable. But no one is able to tell from the post itself.
If you're having a good time with friends and you're not risking your safety or anyone else's, and you're not getting intoxicated to the point she has to consistently take care of you or you're neglecting your relationship or being rude to her, then you two may simply not be compatible in terms of views on alcohol. And that's fine.
The other commenter has a point. There is a vast difference between alcohol use and clothing choice. One has the potential to affect your safety and others', and clothing choice may make your partner uncomfortable but is not a possible safety concern.
Of course!
What else is he going to pressure you into doing? Making you take drugs won’t be the end of it.
People sometimes change. You changed, and now you’re not compatible with your current boyfriend. Break up with him and find someone who has the same opinion about drugs that you do – or who at least won’t try to guilt and pressure you into doing something that you don’t want to do.
Does he realise that all, literally all pregnancies may result in the death of the mother? It's always a risk.
Sure, I'm taking my chances to give birth to kids I wanted to have, and happily. But it's MY choice.
Marriage is obviously important to you. He doesn't want it. It's not about a lack of commitment. It's about wanting different things. Neither of you are wrong. You are just incompatible. He's 36, he's not changing his mind. You shouldn't try and force it and he shouldn't downplay your commitment because that's something that you want. You either stay and know where this (isn't) heading, or you leave and try to find someone else that wants the same life goals as you. Why it may hurt badly initially, in the long term future, you will be happier finding someone who has the same life plans as you.
Just want to see if this is interesting enough and will post the full story w all the bits…you actually have no idea how difficult this specific case is ?? and yeah I was her side for a year before we become an item
It feels that way. My suspicion is that she is tired of having him online with her and she is trying to find a way to get him back into our basement. It’s never going to happen.
You need to BOTH (1) have a crush on him and (2) have him be interested in a real relationship with you. You can't just pick one.
The obvious thing to do here would be to ask A out instead of waiting around. It's fine to give B a chance but you already did and it doesn't seem like you're that excited about him. So you may have to wait for someone else.
You're telling all of us but can't tell him?
C'mon.
She should report it. You shouldn't confront him, for your own safety. Can you stay with family and friends? This is insane and bizarre behaviour. I can only imagine your shock and I'm sorry.
Came here to say this exactly ?
100% he dodged a bullet. This women is unreasonable in many ways for sure.
Women are taught from a young age that much of our value is tied to our appearance (why do you think the makeup industry exists? Or the hours of getting ready to leave the house?) Our culture makes it very clear that our bodies are our currency.
Agreed. And I touched on that in my original comment. And as a 33 year old man, I get this, but I didn't quite understand it at 23. In fact I understand this concept much better BECAUSE I have an educated feminist partner of 11 years who pointed things like this out to me over the years and opened my mind to observing these trends on my own. We talked about it and now I get why she is so GD sensitive about her appearance and I adjust my humor accordingly. And I think OP should maybe try that with her BF, who was obviously not trying to be malicious, but rather didn't realize how his comment would be perceived. Don't just get upset, OP. You have to tell him why.
OP is entitled to her feelings. And your lack of empathy shows a lack of understanding about the female experience.
I don't think you have any idea how to properly or accurately gauge my empathy. I'm a horse of a different color, an acquired taste but I don't care enough about people liking me to change that at this point in my life. Don't mistake my words for my feelings though. You have no idea what I feel for others.
OP is entitled to her feelings, sure. And her BF is entitles to his. If he thinks she's overreacting to this, they need to talk about it and he needs to understand why she feels the way she does. How is he supposed to know how to adjust for her if he doesn't understand the WHY behind the issue?
That said, I agree this sub is often too reactionary.
Yeah, there's no fucking way the people who are like “He's total scum, ditch him immediately” have ever had a real relationship. I guess they use this forum as a way to project their unhappiness onto others by trying to suggest they shouldn't work to be happy either so every single tiny incident turns into “omfg he's so TOXIC and ABUSIVE, dump him yesterday!” Another thing I didn't know at 23 that I do at 33, is how to fairly quickly figure out whose opinion is worth listening to and whose isn't.
he's genuinely confused about why she's so upset.
This is what I'm saying. He's not malicious or rude. He's just ignorant. She needs to take an active role in this relationship and explain to him why he needs to be careful when choosing his words to describe her physical appearance.
so gaming is cheating? Lol ok. Stop playing fifa and go to strip clubs. It's opposite day.
She’s either a prick teaser who loves the attention or she doesn’t give a shit about your feelings.
Talk to her again. If this behaviour is a deal breaker for you (and I agree it’s unacceptable to openly encourage someone she knows likes her) then you may have to break up.
You’re young. She’s immature. This is how you decide what you want from a partner and what you don’t for when you start looking seriously.
She may not be the one for you.
Poor dude. At least he has some time and rest now to work on himself
Texting won’t cut it. Real conversations would need to happen
Yeah you did something bad and deserve to be accountable, but now my bet is she’s playing games to mess with your head before she dumps you in a week.
There’s no right way with this stuff, but this is a wrong way.
Personally you need to figure out why you did it on a personal level?
How do you change that coping mechanism to something that isn’t people?
How can you communicate what you need here to work through whatever didn’t happen here for next time?
I have celiac disease. The first time I saw Sabatasso's gluten free pizzas in the Costco freezer I squealed and bounced up and down. Wanna be friends?
Your husband is a buzzkill. It is fine if he is not the type of person who wants to gleefully celebrate everything positive in life, from large to small. It is not fine for him to demean you by calling you immature for being the kind of person who does celebrate everything positive in life. Honestly between that, the problem with how much you talk, and his really aggressive opinion about you wanting his opinion (which is not an opinion you asked for), I think your marriage has serious problems. It seems like he just plain doesn't like you. I suggest therapy. Both solo and together.
This is very much about you and your choices, not her. If you can't cope with her being friends with someone she's slept with, that's entirely reasonable. In that case, you can make the choice to end the relationship and that's your right. Relationships have to be places we feel secure. Have a conversation where you explain its a red line for you, and if she's unwilling to end a friendship on that basis then you are incompatible. That doesn't mean she is sleeping with him or wants to. I would not end a friendship personally off of that expectation and so it would mean we don't mesh as a team. No one at fault – people are very different and need different things.
But, you can't hurt her or shame her or make out she's a bad person for being friends with someone she slept with. This isn't about making a moral judgment on either her or you. You simply need to work out if you are compatible. It's sounding a bit like you aren't.
Lmao, break up dear. Let him waste his money at strip clubs
If he truly understood why these words were so bad, then he wouldn't feel comfortable using them at all.
You BF is immature and lacking in understanding and empathy. These slurs are not “just words”. It sounds like fitting in with his current clique matters more to your BF than respecting you or others and he's in a group which has normalized a lot of bad behaviour/language. The whole “ghetto neighbourhood” defence is also kind of cringe.
You are not in the wrong and I would recommend standing your ground on this issue.
If he truly understood why these words were so bad, then he wouldn't feel comfortable using them at all.
You BF is immature and lacking in understanding and empathy. These slurs are not “just words”. It sounds like fitting in with his current clique matters more to your BF than respecting you or others and he's in a group which has normalized a lot of bad behaviour/language. The whole “ghetto neighbourhood” defence is also kind of cringe.
You are not in the wrong and I would recommend standing your ground on this issue.
You are not compatible. You may love her, but that may not be enough. Once your residency is done, your hours may reduce slightly, but you’re still going to be working an insane amount of hours and you will still be on call.
The other issue is the stress that is associated with any job in the medical profession. It takes a physical and emotional toll on a person. There will be times when you may have plans, but you have to cancel because one of your patients needs you. You’re going to miss things because you have to work. You’re not going to want to fill up all of your down time with activities.
If she doesn’t understand now, she’s not going to just miraculously change because you’re engaged or married. Right now, it’s just you and her. What happens if you have a baby? She will eventually start to resent you and feel alone.
Some people can’t handle being alone and don’t have the ability to empathize with others. It sounds like she probably falls into those categories. Unfortunately, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand that doctors have long hours and can’t just take a day off or work the standard 8 hour day. Right now, school is in session so she’s working. If you think she’s not being understanding now, just wait until school lets out for the summer and she has nothing to do during the day.
It all depends on how long you two have been dating and your expectations around budget and money. Do you online together?
Dating less than 1 year? Tell him to shove it! Dating a few years and building a future together? Then yes, you did something hugely disrespectful. No one in a serious relationship should make huge purchases without consulting with the other. If you two were trying to save for a house or other big ticket purchase, then you blowing the savings money on a dirt bike for yourself was irresponsible.
Please man, he made that promise a decade ago, a lot of things can change and he certainly has changed, the amount you change in your 20's is mental. He probably did think they would move back, but life happens and you change and the things you want change.
Get over it. This guy is a bit insecure and trying to protect what he feels is his. Stop trying to attack my person and listen to some common sense advice based on a man’s personal experience. Kindly knock it off, you fake ass Freud!
Unfortunately this guy doesn’t really like you that much. I’m sure he said he does, but you know better from how he treated you.
I promise you, someone who really likes you won’t wait six weeks to see you if they’re within 10 minutes driving distance. He just couldn’t be bothered. Block him – you’ll feel so much better.
I don’t know anything about the man, but I know I personally don’t date when I’ve been in rough spots. He might feel he’s not enough, or doesn’t want to burden you with his bs.
Your call OP. You can choose to remain friends, be supportive sure, but either way you should focus on yourself and move on. If he wants to be miserable, you shouldn’t have to be too.
Not OP, but was the person who originated this thread. First, I know it's silly, but you made a mistake with your wording at the top. I assume you meant “it wasn't very likely that it WAS just a kiss.”
Regardless, I unfortunately do agree that you're more than likely correct in your assumption, although I don't think the sub's experience is all that relevant as much as just saying people in general, which would more than likely be true.
I agree that it just doesn't make much sense and that it was probably a lot more than she's suggested. I don't, however, really agree with your argument after that. I mean, I do absolutely agree that if a person (colleague or otherwise) pursues someone that they're not logically going to be happy with just a make out session. That's just not at all an argument supporting that OP's girlfriend probably had sex with the guy.
Again, I do think that's exactly the scenario. But I think your assertion here actually minimizes OP's girlfriend's role in the end result (which is still nothing more than speculation). Your assertion suggests that the guy would never be happy with just making out and as such he's going to push for sex. On its own, that's certainly logical. But him pushing for sex doesn't mean she has to agree to have sex.
I need to stop though because this is such a silly argument to have. I fully agree with you big picture, as well as your premise on trust.
Why not just stop having endless stupid arguments with someone who clearly isn't trying to reach a solution. Just tell him clearly what you want and if he doesn't want that then you know you aren't compatible and you move on. You can't change what he wants any more than he can make you be happy with his idea of a relationship.
I'm not married to you, and I have no idea what your arguments are about. But assuming it's the same argument topic or topicsover and over. Maybe you shouldn't end it. Just keep communicating and get to the natural conclusions rather than running away.
The biggest takeaway you need here is that you’re not a bad person if you’re not equipped to handle dating someone with mental health issues. Neither one of you is at fault, and you’re only human, so don’t beat yourself up for not being a sorcerer who can just make this all work.
It's probably for sexual safety. STDs are harder to track when you sleep with everyone. Exclusivity at least keeps you in the loop. That's my 2 cents.
the main issue is that it is disturbing my sense of self- if you do not have any advice that’s fine but this isn’t very helpful 🙂
Why do you even need to ask? Dump him
???????. She should trust him – WHY?????????
No, if the women is not mature enough then they do not date untill they are. The assessing is to make sure that man's intentions are pure, as if the girl feels they are in love they might over look something. But the over looking and not seeing red flags because of feeling happens in all relationships not just ones with age gaps