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Wow, all this started after you got married?
i dont want to say its your problem/fault but in his eyes, you were not against having sex at all & if he isnt good at consoling you, maybe he thought thats all he could do to make you feel better. its all about communication & while i do sympathise with you, you need to try to make your needs/wants more clear to him. he’s not a mind reader. when i read your edit tho, i will say that it is kinda weird he wanted to have sex when the whole problem was unwanted sex/rape
He could have answered another way. He made sure to let me know he's not dating for marriage. I am. So we're not compatible. I dont have to the time to waste on someone who doesnt share the same goals. Period.
Yep it’s all of us who can’t understand. Definitely not you. /s
Personally I would much rather someone come up to me and ask me questions to understand my mindset before telling me what I’m doing and what they think I should do different. Which I tell people if/when we have a conflict.
Get fucking rid.
I wonder what underlying definitions and beliefs he holds with the label ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’..
I have an update. I met with him at a restaurant near his Airbnb because every phone call has resulted in a miscommunication. It was a long and difficult conversation. From the get go, he was caught off guard that I didn’t jump into his arms and that instead, I told him how uncomfortable this made me. I said things like “my boundaries were crossed” “you did not communicate with me” “I feel like you created a whole story in your head that’s different than my reality” “I don’t have space for your version of things in my life” … he told me he thinks I gaslit him and led him on. He looked incredibly hurt and I do feel bad, but I never asked him to uproot his life for me. In his mind, he thought we were in a relationship because of our frequent correspondence and the depth of our conversations. He said he had told his whole family about me and that they were rooting for “us”.. It hurt to spell out to him that I was about 1000 steps behind him and thought that maybe this could bloom into something with time. In a way, maybe I did lead him on, but I feel I have been nothing but authentic and honest with him from the first message. I said it’s unfair that he didn’t think it was worth talking over and that he thought he could make a decision on my behalf without my consent. I said this friendship could’ve been salvaged if this didn’t happen, but I don’t see how I can look past this breach moving forward. And then I left the restaurant. I received a message from him about 2 hours later saying that he is leaving Arizona and that he wishes me good luck. With that said, I have notified my roommates, a few neighbors and shared my location with my family and many friends. They know what his van looks like (yes, to make things even worse, he drives a fucking van) and they have a photo of him. I cannot thank you guys enough for your advice and validating my concerns. Even if maybe we were a little dramatic, I was able to end a relationship that was not for me.
Your friend will get over it, pursue the relationship, sounds like you're both happy, if she can't be happy for the both of you she can kick rocks.
I'm about their age. I would be unwilling to date someone your age because it's too easy to fall into a pattern as a substitute parent and never interact as equals or treat you as an adult.
I don't it's a good idea to date someone old enough to be your father because if he's willing, he's probably not looking for someone he'd respect or treat as an equal.