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Yeah that definitely could be a factor. We just graduated high school last year so the whole “bad kids smoke weed” thing is pretty deeply ingrained in me still. like I tell myself I have nothing against it because I feel like I do but deep down it makes me so uncomfortable…
Your girlfriend wants to do sex work.
Some people are okay with this, some aren't. If you aren't, which is perfectly reasonable, express to her that you're not comfortable with it. At that point it's up to her whether or not losing you is worth continuing.
Sounds like their parents approve of everything but the sex, which is way creepier to me. Religious people are nutso.
OK I just wanted to check that she wasn't blindsided and that's why she's saying this.
I would go if I were you and if she wants to break up for it then you know she wasn't the one for you. You can tell her all the things you have here – only six months, good opportunity for your future, you can call and video call as often as possible etc. If she agrees, great. If not, again then you know she won't support your career going forward if there are other opportunities and she's not the one for you.
If you want to fuck then fuck. If you want relationship with him go away.
Fiancee: Two Es, Two boobs.
How do you deal with the guilt of wanting to leave them though? I've only had 1 other partner and I felt awful after we broke up. I don't know how to deal with these feelings of guilt and shame.
the difference is its not at all romantic, like going outside, talking about future, holding hands, sharing feelings its just we face time talk a lot about her day and mine that's all. I invited her to go outside but somehow she evade that question, she says she can only give me 2-3 hrs (she currently is not doing anything and with her friends she used to go out of town most of the time, when we were in relationship we too used to do all this) which includes 30 mins of travelling one way. its just like a friendship she said last night that she currently has no friends accept me.
this is a very complex topic that needs to be approached carefully. I suggest that you don't talk openly about it, but share only your worries that you are afraid of getting it from the person in the future – start warming the person up to the topic so you can bring it up more gently later on. I know this is difficult. There are many psychological practices for discussing difficult topics, you can go to a psychologist, or you can use one of the relationship problem solving apps. Personally, I can advise a mobile app Tiddle (go to url link tiddle.me/couples), which helps to raise difficult topics, discuss them very gently and without causing conflict (by the way, besides there are many other features for couples – in fact, it is a game)
In reverse order.
I’m just giving my opinion on the matter. Just like you and everybody else. I might say what I think they should do, but who says I follow through myself. You don’t know me. Thanks for following up on my comments and giving your feedback though. I’ll take it in lol.
Where do I say I think crying when someone is feeling emotion is immature? We are not babies and can or at least should be able to hold ourselves together to have an adult conversation or even confrontation. Once or twice okay I get it. I know sometimes we let our emotions get the better of us, but like I said at almost 40 OP should be able to put her big girl draws on and talk it out without the tears sometimes. Clearly it’s happened enough times to the point where it’s an issue OP herself identifies.
You can't force him into a relationship with you that's for sure. But you can move forward and work on yourself. Don't let the situation controls you, instead take control of it. But if you feel like things are going out of control, take the necessary action, cut him off.
Keep hunting brother. There is a Princess out there looking for her Prince. Build your kingdom properly as it seems you are and she will come most likely when you least expect it.
There's never going to be a good moment, I'm afraid. You are just going to have to suck it up and tell him and stop making excuses for not doing so. Then it's on him whether he's there for his kid or not.
It's that same old FOMO shit.
They should invent a vaccination. Sheesh…..
It's that same old FOMO shit.
They should invent a vaccination. Sheesh…..
What do you do?!?! Divorce his ass. Raise your daughter with the expectation that men should respect you.
He is right when someone is guilt triping and tell you to suck it up the correct response completely refuse their demands. You do you of course, but don't try guilting him into coming there, he will likely take offense.
I have messages from longer ago than that (some threads probably go back 15-16 years). BUT if I had gotten that message AND decided not to tell my friend about it (maybe assuming it was a drunken mistake and I really thought he loved her? No clue what would actually justify not telling her), I would have that message deleted before they said “I do” and taken it to the grave.
The friend is a horrible jealous person who couldn't stand some she saw as “less than” being happy and well taken care of when she wasn't. The husband's actions might be explained (not justified though) through age, intoxication, or whatever and I hope OP can move forward in a healthy way for herself. Part of me wants her to leave him because it's just awful what he did to her and part of me wants him to spend the rest of his life making it up to her because eff that friend for trying to destroy their marriage out of jealousy. Tough road either way.
Hah to be fair it’s easy if you can look up more than a single word. I’m fairly confident the friend had that text memorized and could easily search a good part of the message.
Why can’t he block her from everything?
You've built a life with the woman you promised to spend it with. If there are still issues, then you can always get counseling, join a couple's support group, find new ways to recharge together, etc. She's already demonstrated that she cares enough to try. I don't know why you would consider giving up on someone like that… that's low. And there will be no perfect woman out there who will be everything you want and nothing you don't.
Reality check: Divorces are incredibly expense, can take 5+ years if not amicable, tear families apart, do tremendous emotional damage to the couple involved and their children, mess up friendships (people feel like they have to choose), affect relationships with extended family, and when the dust settles, you may be left with years or even decades of support payments. It may affect your taxes, your pension, your savings, your investments, and/or your future earnings. There is no just get divorced and move on, ESPECIALLY with children. People are often far too cavalier about the costs of divorce.
I’ll be honest with you, I don’t think you’re their friend anymore and I doubt you will be again. As you know, this was a significant boundary that you rammed your way through when you confessed your infatuation to Clark. Time heals wounds but nothing is ever the same as it was before injury. The best you can hope for is that with time and space (please give them space, OP), y’all can create a new normal. Tbh I won’t be surprised if you’re soon cut off — I say this so you can prepare yourself and not be surprised when it happens.
Consider therapy: clearly you need to work through some things. Wishing you better days ahead.
Oh hey, you're back! I've been meaning to ask — do you keep this post in a word document or do you just copy it from the last time you posted it?
That’s a little drastic
You are not then not obligated to stay. Dicuss with an attorney if sole custody is possible. Mothers are generally given child custody unless it's proved she's unfit to be a mother and can't take care of the child.
If Jess is uncomfortable then it is surely the time for you to get in “hey can you just stop disrespecting my relationship? We are uncomfortable with your behaviour”, have you ever told him to fuck off?
Honestly yes, and the guilt I felt was enormous. When we were social he was the man I loved, but at home he wasn't that man so others thought we had a good marriage and were shocked when we split.
I had 2 young kids(5 & 3) which made it extra hard.
I also felt like I'd failed as well and he placed all the blame on me because he didn't want to break up. I lost some friends. I don't think he truly understood why I left and had a lot of anger towards me.
It's now 15 years later. He met someone else almost immediately which hurt at the time. It took me a lot longer to recover.
I met my now husband 5 years later and I now have my needs met as part of my relationship.
In case you’re wondering why you’re being downvoted—I think you were attempting to say “why can’t they each date people their own age,” but your wording leaves a lot to be desired.
He sounds very controlling. I’d be dumping him and running.
What a weird bubble you must on-line in.
I don't think this is a good idea for several reasons.
She is already financially dependent on you and would likely remain so if you continued living together What happens if one or both of you starts seeing other people and then have to navigate the awkwardness and complicated feelings arising from possibly having a dating partner over to the home, AND having to explain to potential partners that you are still living with your ex-spouse? If you still have feelings for her, they will likely be exacerbated by continuing to sleep together/cuddle and prolong your healing time from the relationship Continuing to on-line together could foster codependency Your wife clearly has a lot of trauma and I understand it must have been very difficult being parentified at a young age, but she still has to learn how to be financially and emotionally dependent as an adult Finally, this sounds like it would wreak havoc on your mental health
Robot baby-sitters are in Beta testing at the moment but might come to market too late for this child.
Do you want the crush to abate? If so, you’re going to need to stop seeing the new guy. Cut oxygen from the fire, so to speak.
Definitely an overreaction because it seems to me like a mostly emotional response that you should look back on to examine why you feel the way you do. Yes what they said was insensitive but it’s inconsequential. This is a mistake on your fiancés part and can be easily fixed. Just talk to them.
I would not want kids with someone who at this age has a history of making weird inappropriate jokes about kids. If you can’t get over the anxiety then I would break up with him. It’s not fair to either of you.
wait wait wait… the worst thing ever done to HIM?!?!
boy needs a lot more worse things done to him…. but we're not allowed to express violence on here.
The things you feel for him might be beyond anything you've ever experienced before, but his behavior is making it abundantly clear that that experience is not mutual. People don't cheat on someone they love.
And make no mistake, he has to put in genuine time and effort to make those hookups happen and he doesn't feel bad about it while he's doing so. He doesn't tell you when he catches himself signing into Grindr or whatever, not when he's matched with someone, not when he's started flirting with them, not when they start to plan on meeting up. He tells you afterwards. You're at home, caring for your infants, and he's, what? Working on finding another person to cheat on you with again in the other room? Is that love to you?
Break up before he gives you an STD. Before your daughters are old enough to understand how poorly he treats you and normalize this behavior. Get yourself some solo therapy.
“I would never accept cheating, BUTT….”
Yeah, that would ring very loud in any wife's ears…
So, you’re not comfortable with threesomes? ???
It's not that he doesn't think you're attractive, in his own words, he's attracted to who you are because he's not into looks. There really are people for whom personality are what is attractive/sexy etc (I'd be one of those people tbh)
Paul's wife would likely be equally pissed off with him for his shallow comments
He didn't want to come and get you and viewed you as though you are digging into his own personal time. Based on what you wrote, it seems like he just wanted you out of the house and to play video games by himself. I am going to assume you two on-line together, since you are referring to where he is as home. Him getting upset at you being home is insane, did he just expect you to… not come home? That doesn't make any sense. He also got called out on not actually going to sleep, seemingly blowing you off. If he was really that concerned about not driving while high, he could have just said so and left it at that. He felt the need to be sneaky about it, and when you asked him why, he got defensive.
Then there is also the last bit, you left home with what seems like no where to go, at 4 am, and your BF just… lets you go, stay out for hours again, and just goes to work, without even a call to see how things are? I understand you are your own person and are liable for your own decisions, I just couldn't imagine in a million years letting my Fiance leave at 4 AM in the middle of an argument and not making sure she is okay relatively shortly after.
Yes. This is a pretty big red flag.
Nah. Tell her you appreciate her financial advice but you will take it from a professional and base it on your father's wishes.
Don't get upset. If they keep trying just keep thanking them for their offer but you will receive professional advice.
Anytime they mention it – oh thanks for the concern! We have a great advisor though.
Don't try and argue or even discuss it. Grey rock any discussion.
If i see one more “unsent message” hes a goner.
Girl…. This guy is disgusting. How you can continue to sleep with him is beyond me. He can’t even stay hard/get off to you and has to look at pixels on a screen while you please him? He openly tells you that he wants to have sex with your friends and describes that to you? If a partner did either of those things to me I would be absolutely furious and would never see him again.
I always felt that if people want to cheat they will and eventually they get caught. So I personally don't stress over these things. Its on your hubby to set boundaries with this woman if he gives a shit about your marriage.
Yes. You should. Look, I ended up with my hs girlfriend 12 years later, but we basically agreed to go out separate ways summer of senior year (for many reasons) but it ended up really being for the best in the end. Neither of us had the resentment of the other leaving us because we knew it was probably not feasible.
You’re going to want to enjoy those first few months without having obligations. See where you are at thanksgiving, and maybe meet then if it feels right.
Look everyone’s different, I don’t want to tell you this is the only way to go about things. But I watched a lotttt of people either regret being in relationships in college with their hs, or totally fucked them up.
He abuses your pets too? Wake up. Wake the fuck up. And quit hanging around your abusive ex too. It’s like you have signed up for every single kid-related activity that you ex does, maximizing your exposure to his abuse too. Wake the fuck up.
You're an addict in recovery yourself and while this gives you insight it also makes you vulnerable. I'm not saying necessarily vulnerable to using again but definitely vulnerable to the effects of the co-dependent relationships addicts have with the people around them. You're right about your wife's son and right about their relationship but you can't control that. I'm so sorry you're going through this but I honestly think that, for now at least, you need to get away, for your own sake but also for them. If your presence and your support for them enables his addiction and her denial then you have the insight to know that's not good. Aw fella, I am sorry.