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I'm going to piggy back off this and say that I've worked for 7 years now as a mental health professional for sexually abused children. This 100%. It is illegal, grooming, and have me all kinds of concerned. This leads to a VERY messy and abusive cycle down the road. I don't want to immediately call your brother a predator but this is exactly how a lot of my cases started. I am happy to read that OP is considering getting the police involved. At the VERY minimum, cut all contact with the brother asap.
Overall, it sounds like you and your partner are on a positive and healthy path in your relationship. It's great that you have been on many fun dates, have met each other's families and friends, and have been intimate and compatible in that department. It's also a positive sign that your partner has expressed their love for you and that you have reciprocated. It's important to continue to communicate openly and honestly with each other and to continue to support each other in growing and getting out of your comfort zones. As long as you both continue to put in effort and make each other a priority, your relationship has the potential for a successful progression.
are we sure they're not already sleeping together? why the attachment to this band?
Evelyn or the girl with matching usernames?
Really. You're too old for this. Learn to drive.
If she doesn’t like it, you cannot change her mind. And you can’t get her back if you are not understanding this
He was not the man you thought he was.
You are in love with who you thought he was.
That's not him.
Yeah I understand maybe 6 months or even a year of her being pissed but if everyone else is happy and moved on she needs to really move on too. Would she go on a couples trip with them just to maybe get to know her or even a girls trip with her and some mutual girlfriends maybe.
Get over it and be grateful that your girlfriend is with you.
She's with you. She loves you. She appreciates you.
She's also not deaf dumb or blind. There are 7 bazillion other people in the world. I'm sure you've glanced at another woman or watched porn at some point in your relationship- it had nothing to do with her. Her glancing at another dude, height or not, has nothing to do with you.
My fiance is bald. I can appreciate another dudes great head of hair without belittling how much I love and adore, and am seriously attracted to my fiancé. He doesn't care because he feels confident in everything he brings to the table. He knows that his lack of hair has absolutely zero to do with why I'm marrying him.
This insecurity is YOUR problem. Not hers to fix. Go to therapy. Learn how to focus on everything you bring to the table and be grateful for the awesome girl in front of you or you're going to end up alone and bitter convinced (wrongly) that your height is the problem (it's not)
I'm sorry you're in this situation. But to make your next move, you should stop thinking things like, “she refuses to let me go” or “she's making me stay” (from your comments).
She doesn't have control over you, just like you don't control her. You need to make your own choices, even if it's to protect yourself against her.
What is that?
Look there are lawyers that are there because they love to fight for the victims and the downtrodden and then there are lawyers that are just soulless heartless killers , looks like you just found out which one you married.
I was hoping the glass of water she got was to throw in Mimi’s face! LoL
Sounds like your emotional connection with him has been severed. For some people, attraction truly is and only is physical.
You're not going to get the answers you want and in the meantime you are putting yourself through immense pain. Be kind to yourself.
I just posted above, but I'll share here too. I have ADHD and this situation sounds just like mine. It IS exhausting and uncomfortable to hold in our thoughts, but it's not impossible. When my ex pointed out how I blather on nonsensically, my feelings were really hurt. I spend all day holding it in and trying my best to be normal. When I'm with people I feel safe with, I let my guard down and take the mask off. So when someone close to me tells me to stop… ya know.. being the real me, it hurts.
I hope that OP and his roommate can talk it out in a positive way so that they both feel safe and comfortable in their home.
Shout “that’s way too loud – she’s faking”
Even if you’d broken up yesterday, it wouldn’t be a nice thing to do, but you’d have no say in it.
Idiot. What happend to caring about your friends feelings? You all are just gross. Half of reddit gives answers like imaging they are getting to fuck the girl.
Yep it is wrong. OP does not feel like it and especially in this situation, the friend should listen.Best friend your shitty sexless arse.
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I suspect when you hear somebody talk about something they want, it gets etched into your brain forever. For me, i go “oh that’s cool” and it returns to the ether. If you want to have a functional relationship with someone who is like me, you need to be completely direct. If you want to be with someone who is like yourself, you need to leave your relationship.
What are your expectations about this friendship?
You seem to be on denial about the fact that he is not that into you. You seem to expect a type of relationship from him as in a romantic partner. You made it known 4 or 5 years ago you had a crush on him, he rejected you and it seems you never got over it.
He is in a long term relationship with A, and there is not a thing as you having dibs on him because of a crush or anything. They just decided to start a relationship between them and that as nothing to do with you or your previous crush on him. He never gave you even an hint that he was romantically interested in you and you should accept that.
You seem to be way too needy and clingy of him and he seems to not have a clear idea about how to deal with it. It also seems you are constantly trying to stir up drama between the three of you. He is not your partner and never was, you seem to think he is, and you keep stalking him, even after he tried multiple times to create a bigger distance berween you to. He seems to have no idea how to handle you or how to handle the expectations you have off him.
For your personal mental health, maybe it would be good to separate from A and V for some time as you say you intend to. And in my opinion you should had done that years ago when you seem to not be able to cope with the fact that you were rejected by him and that he and your friend have a relationship. Use that time to work on your self and your self confidence. Your mental health should not be hanging up by a thread because of a platonic relationship with a previous crush.
Re-read your own question. You asked how old I am in comparison, not how old I am. I was in my early 20s when this started happening, and no, there is not some magical information you’re missing about the situation that will prove you’re correct. It just is as I said it is. Your gross speculation is simply gross speculation, and I’m not wasting my time responding anymore as you keep trying to prove you’re somehow more correct about my own life than I am.
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Dude, you are too young to be this miserable over a relationship. Break up with her and find someone else. You will. You're still a teenager.
Every single word of this.
I promise you young lady that there are men out there who would cut off their left arm to treat you like the amazing person that you are.
Your boyfriend is not that man.
You are not responsible for someone else's depression and suicidal thoughts. You cannot be the only reason a person has to on-line. This is NOT on you if he decides to end his life.
You don't have to tell him you met someone new. That's irrelevant to the fact that you have wanted to end this relationship for awhile but he has emotionally blackmailed you into staying by threatening to end his life if you leave. Telling him you have already moved on is an unnecessary hurt.
End it cleanly, don't let him beg or threaten you into staying in a relationship that is going nowhere. If you have a way to contact his parents, maybe let them know so they can help support him through the break-up. Then block him on everything so he can't try to bully you back into a relationship. He will get through it. If he does choose to go through with his threats, please know that this is not on you.
Learn from this experience. It will probably be the first of many like it. You have to learn to accept rejection, and not to have extreme reactions to it. It will always feel bad to be rejected. You just have to keep those emotions under control, so that you can continue to behave respectfully and amicably towards the person who rejected you–a person whose happiness you presumably still wish for.
This is a pretty major thing. Your BF's instincts are not to listen to you or to protect you. Talk to him about what you want and need from him, and if he just shuts you down, well, there's your answer. He's 27, he's probably pretty set in his ways at this point. He doesn't seem to listen to your needs and not allowing you to feel safe while you're out walking at night is a pretty huge red flag to me.
Best of luck. Remember – just because you're with him doesn't mean you have remain with him.
You're right, I do remember finding it toxic when I first met her.
You’re only 31! That’s still so young! Please get a divorce and when you’re ready get out there and find a man who doesn’t horribly betray you the day before your wedding day.
He sucks. You deserve someone who loves you and trust me there are plenty of men out there who will be over the moon to love you and only you.
You dont want to be with someone who tells you you aren't “wife material”. The only condition to be wife material is to date someone who loves you as much as you do
Oh definitely. But he clearly doesn’t want to be involved beyond what’s legally required of him. So she needs to figure out how life as a single mom, in very uncertain circumstances, will look
go see a doctor an always use a condom the entire time you are having sex precum has sperm in it
I’m glad you edited your post because this is not what it sounded like. Still, though, I would stop telling her that her weight is the real issue. Encourage her to talk to a therapist. She has deep-seated insecurities that you can’t fix and she needs to work on. And doing anything to see how someone would react is a super immature thing to do. Don’t do that.
Leave. Her out of that relationship right now. It WILL NOT GET BETTER if y'all move into a house. He will trash that as well.
I think you’re suffering from depression. You need to get out from under this crappy relationship and get counseling. Life can and will get better if do those two things. Wishing you the best.
Ummmmm red flag ? obviously
Ok- but as a 420 friendly person, this made me literally lol. The vision of him tied to a chair, drooling on himself while OP yells, “DO YOU WANT ANOTHER BROWNIE?? I SAID, DO YOU WANT ANOTHER BROWNIE?!?!” ?? What a sweet revenge that would be! But yes, OP’s and her child’s safety is obviously the most important, but that’s funny.
You’re going to be here in a year writing the same things about your new partner once you actually get to know him
That’s even worse. You don’t want to be blacklisted for getting on their bad side.
But yes, I understand how me paying for it could be undermining her agency, professionalism, and independence.
What? No, you paying for the surprise you planned is appropriate. The part that's undermining her agency and independence is where you contacted her manager to arrange her work schedule outside her awareness. “Agency” means having control over your life, which means scheduling directly with your own manager to take accountability for your time. You say that she shows up late because of sleeping in and shit – maybe she hates that about herself and is working really naked on being more reliable and accountable for her time, only to find out that daddy wrote her a sick note so she doesn't have to go to school today.
So he was play pretending and randomly coming up with names.
Coincidentally, the names that oftentimes pop up are those you have attachment to, in some way or another.
Difficult to come up with names on the spot that are foreign to you.
Excellent point! ???
I'm sorry you seem to have a narcissistic mother. She IS treating you like a spouse rather than her child, which I guarantee is why her and Nel never worked out. Which is why she hates your GF so much. r/justnoMIL has a lot of these stories. Tbh it would just be better to go low to no contact and not entertain her.
Yeah, it sounds like something he wrote in a moment (or multiple) of weakness thinking of the “high” his ex gave him while trying to force his brain to realize that that's not what he wants/needs. Unfortunately, a lot of ppl who were in toxic relationships tend to struggle to adapt to healthy ones bc they've been conditioned to crave that excitement and passion and drama. They see safe as “boring” when really it's just that it lacks the adrenaline from fighting and making up that toxic relationships give you.
You still need to be direct and tell him. He's not getting your hints and taking note without change is meaningless.
You know enough that “not giving me a lot of foreplay/warming me up.”
So start discussing it and what you w
Thank you! you are right
I agree with you completely, and I also think a big part of it is what he's yelling. He's not getting angry and raising his voice about the substance of the conflict, he's yelling personal attacks at her. I could tolerate a partner getting heated and yelling about the thing we're in conflict about, as long as that's not accompanied by a physical component like getting in my face or blocking my path. But I'd never tolerate a partner yelling “fuck you!” at me.
He isn’t an idiot for putting thoughts to paper. It’s called journaling and it can really help to write down your thoughts. He is working through his feelings and this is a good thing.
The only down side is that these thoughts were not meant for OP to read. However, if he has these thoughts for real he should have brought them up with OP and discussed it. That’s healthy communication.
Aight. This was a little too real for me. ?
You do realize this is what every girl with a weirdo possessive bf says right?
No
Nope. Nu uh. No way. No. HELLLLLL NO.
End it. Not a month without you and she cheated with her ex.
Doesn’t sound like she’s worth your time. You deserve better.
It's a shame there's no emergency housing list for anyone who needs to move out of their current room quickly.
Fucking wreck it.
She didnt tell you because its not your business and not your body. She will protect herself, and you should let her do so.
I’m not saying that it’s a certainty, but:
The baby trap is possible. Idk why the rule of three always seems to help sort things out, but here goes:
She’s already pregnant and she needs to “assign” an identity to the eventual father on the birth certificate.
She’s in a relationship and she wants a baby, but for some reason, conception has not occurred. Finding a pinch hitter is one of the oldest solutions out there.
She wants a baby and then wants you to get lost, or she wants a baby and then she will probably want you in the picture.
In both 2 and 3, finding a healthy younger man as a sperm donor is a quicker and less expensive method of conception.
That doesn’t mean that this is what’s going on, and I’m not judging anyone at all. If I’m not in their shoes, with their expectations and/or past experiences, I don’t dare do such a thing
Do you two joke around normally. It sounds like it was just a harmless joke.
Yeah, I think this is exactly what I need to hear… thank you
Appreciate the perspective. Certainly I should establish and maintain some stronger boundaries.
I know he loves me. That doesn’t change that we are on different pages at this time. Life’s too short to wait for him.
Really hope this separation feels better asap.
You sound delightful.
This relationship isn’t a fit for your GF. She just needs to get out of it. It’s been this way for 4 years. She’s either to needy to leave or she’ll just do the same thing as your ex wife.
Ehhh, gut feeling is that he's gonna cheat.
I wouldn't consider this a trauma bond, it is more commonly referred to as a type of classical conditioning in behavioural psychology. The secrecy and excitement is what you associate with your ex hook up. There might be addictive elements as well, if you associate her with doing drugs and getting high.
There is another psychological element of “beating” another guy which you might have an attraction to. You're probably a highly competitive person and attracted to this love-triangle situation and not particularly the woman in question, because if you found strong attraction to a woman who resembled her simply from her similar skin/hair tone, then she could easily be replaced by any woman who has this specific set of phenotypes.
I gather there is something in your childhood in which you couldn't express yourself or had to keep romance and love secret or there were brothers or cousins you were competitive with.
If you've been with your current girlfriend for 1.5 years and have no sexual chemistry this is a sign that this woman is wrong for you. You shouldn't be with someone with whom you have no sexual chemistry.
However, you also have to separate sexual chemistry with attraction towards certain situations that allow you to indulge in your sexual turn ons in the “secret affair/shame/guilt/anger” cycle of stealing a woman from another man.
If you have a particular preference for a phenotype, I really don't see a need to change it as it's not particularly damaging to you but you should understand the particular conditions of a situation that turns you on.
I suggest the way to deal with this is to date a variety of women with the same phenotype as your ex hookup. Eventually over time, you'll become desensitised to that particular phenotype. Over time, you might even find this type of love triangle situation boring and cliché.
However the root of your attraction to this situation is that you may feel inadequate compared to other men, and hence you need to “beat” them. Once you develop your sense of self, and become confident, you'll no longer find this situation arousing.
Why are you so insecure that your wife isn't allowed to want one day alone in the house
That’s exactly what this is. Normally, I think it’s ok for people to err on the side of caution and provide help to someone just in case the story is real, even if it’s unbelievable, who knows – it might help someone else. But this story just takes it way too far.
Okay, but is it immature of me to try because I am really scared that I might kose him due to lung diseases. He even had surgeries last year in his stomach. I am just scared for him. Nothing else.
Thank you for your advice I appreciate it
They both had hurt feelings. She obviously wanted to seduce him but knew he was tired and napped with him. He could have complimented her and told her not today but you’re naked. And she could have been calm about it and not insulted him. Idk why you’re all so angry that both of them were triggered and this shit happens all the fucking time. It just depends on how you deal with it and communicate about it so things like that don’t happen.
No, I get it. I've yet to meet a man who understands the concept. I don't expect you to either. Kids come first, always. Sometimes that means you have to support your kids' support system, too. You don't have kids, so I'm not going to waste time trying to convince you what good parenting looks like.
It's been a few months and your attraction is already waning. When you're 30 he's going to be almost 50 and trust me, the drop off between 20 to 30 is much less severe than the one between 40 and 50.
You had a nice fling with an older man, probably best to leave it at that and break it off.
Time.
Have new activities. You will meet new people.. And she will think, ” he has a good life while I must still bang random guys to feel alive. “