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Hazel Jean, 99 y.o.
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Or he is waiting for the relationship to collapse and he can get back with her
What a heart warming story. You got drunk and let a bartender fuck you for a lift home.
I'm sure he's absolutely heart broken…
You are not being unreasonable in this request. He is supposed to be dating you but is running off with her for a weekend? I wouldn't trust that at all given that they were fwb. What's to stop them at all during that weekend away? The fact that he didn't invite you or even talk to you about this first says volumes. He never once took you into consideration. He is being absolutely disrespectful towards you and seems to have serious disregard towards the relationship. Stick to the boundary you set. If he can't respect it then walk away. Don't let him gaslight you either, you are not the problem in this.
It's time for you to put on your big girl panties and tell him that you want to explore life. You can do it.
Have this conversation with him one last time, a real serious sit down conversation and spell it out. Men have a habit of promising to change after a break up. Giving him this honesty and chance is more than fair.
He is holding you back, life is too short. You have given it long enough, i would have gone at the not paying repairs if i am honest but you clearly would like this man but a better version/ future.
My money is on he will not change, or maybe for a short period.
Ever heard of being bi?
Also I don't really care what label you want to stick on it, but if my partner spends more one-on-one time with his friend then me on the regular, and is more concerned with their well-being than mine, I'm gonna at least want to have a conversation about it regardless of the friend's gender. Because I'd feel like I'm not his top priority.
You're being downvoted because you had to go and bring gender stereotypes into it for no reason whatsoever. I've seen enough men on this sub having meltdowns over their girlfriends' male friends or trying to outright ban friends of the opposite gender to tell you it is absolutely not the case that women “get to have healthy friendships” and men are demonized for it.
Personally I don't think the content of the texts is sus at all, but the fact that he got this close a friend and never even mentioned her to OP reeks of guilt. I talk about my friends all the time. How come husband never brought up Jackie, or explained how they met, or invited her to meet OP? That's not an excuse for going through his phone, but I can understand why she decided to when he got all defensive over a simple question.
He says he just uses it as a visual aid for masturbation but, now that we have had sex I don’t see why he can’t just imagine it. The porn industry as a whole is awful and it makes me feel gross to know that is where he gets his information about sex from, since we aren’t very sexually experienced
a relationship should never be your main focus at 20. that’s what my current boyfriend and i both believe, and why we have worked out so far. if your boyfriend is in it for the long run, he’ll view your schooling as securing his future as well, and be less threatened by it. if you are his main focus right now, but he is not yours, that is his problem for not keeping busy enough and having his own ambitions. love feels great, and i understand being obsessed with a person and wanting to spend all your time with them but that breeds codependency and resentment. it sounds like you’re bending over backwards to fill his cup when he should have other hobbies/interests/activities so your relationship isn’t so unbalanced. you and your schedule are not causing this strain, his inability to accept and accommodate your schedule and keep himself busy when you’re not available is.
I would recommend “visiting” an out of town friend or family member
Why can’t y’all ever stay on topic..?
He doesn't understand what was wrong with him himself and hates/hated himself for it, I can see that he's genuine, that's why I have forgiven him. I kinda think that maybe he was depressed a bit, that's why I also stayed and still did everything, cause you know “in sickness and health”, but he also didn't see a therapist for it, so idk for sure.
I think you're completely in the clear in that you have no mal intention here
I'm curious about why a 30 something with a wife would need you to help him practice though. So dont be surprised if it turns out that hes interested.
By all means go and do interview practice, you could be helping a genuine person, but just be aware that he could be just making up an excuse to chat. If not much interview practice actually happens, then you will know and can just avoid him in future, but as of now theres no reason to cancel since your intention is purely to help someone
then just drop all of this. You were digging for something you wanted to hear specifically and then upset he didn't read your mind.
Well why do you leave it? Why are you afraid of talking to her ? Your dad is obviously uncomfortable but you don’t talk to him either? Is there some family dynamic that makes you afraid to talk? I don’t understand it.
So what will happen if you're injured and hospitalized? Under the terms of your current relationship, your girlfriend would not only denied access to you but she would not be allowed to make decisions on your behalf because she's not your wife. The same is true in reverse if your girlfriend is hospitalized. You don't need a marriage to prove your love but you do need marriage for purely secular reasons.
You're not the problem, sweets, he is. The red flags are (in no particular order): the anger over you having a totally normal celeb crush and inherent possessiveness in that, his gaslighting you by putting words in your mouth (ie, you “love [actor] but not him,” when you guys haven't even talked about love), the – most likely – outright lie to guilt you that he'd never be attracted to someone else when he's in a relationship, and his stubborn pettiness holding onto his anger over the whole thing, how he's dangling his coldness over you like a punishment. That's not now someone should treat their partner, you know?
It's clear youve tried to see his perspective on this but just ask yourself one thing before u go forward – has he tried to see yours?
Gl ❤
Speak to your cousin. Tell him you see what's happening and one day he will have a job and how own life – and he will never have to speak to them again.
I really can't with what happened. For a woman it's more emotional when it comes to connecting to a man…
So break it off via text and block her everywhere. Really. Never speak to her again. If she shows up at your house call the police. File a restraining order if you need to.
I cant wait until you move out. This sounds like hell on earth.
I feel people have missed the /s . Sarcasm was on point tho
I mean he’s gross enough to cheat on his wife of course he’s gross enough to want any woman he’s with to only be with him it’s typical gross man behavior and it’s a red flag. Tell his wife and block him.
It is a breach of trust.
It’s up to you to decide if that breach is fixable, but personally it wouldn’t be.
Got about a quarter of the way through this before I rolled my eyes so far back that I nearly fell over????
And her comes the misandry squad.
Good luck! I hope to see an update that you were fretting about nothing and that you have the best partner!
Why are children the prize when a person decides to get clean, it often doesn’t last another life is ruined, thanks, a person is not a sobriety prize
I’d like to communicate this to him but I’m honestly afraid of hurting his feelings
This is the biggest problem in many many human relationships.
Don't tell us your feelings, you gotta tell your partner. It's ok if it hurts their feelings, you need to be honest and represent yourself sincerely.
Small aside, the word you're looking for is complacent, not comfortable ?
Finally a comment I can see ! For some reason I’m not seeing any of the others.
He is a licensed trainer , but not a physical therapist from what I’m aware ! And thankyou i had no idea that was a somewhat common thing, I’ve never done sports before so this is definitely not something I’m used to
No for real, its very likely it will not, last time i cried was in 2016 over the team i support in football winning a trophy. When it comes to crying over negative emotions its really never happens and last time i did, other than the example in the post, was some time around when i was a kid.
Please also keep in mind that he's in flagrant violation of half your age + 7, and there is actually truth to that.
I have a good friend who is 23 and I love her to death. I have a great deal of respect for her as a person, and she's very accomplished in her career — she's already worked herself into a position where people older than her are answering to her. But thats a different sphere of life than personal relationships, especially when it's attained by accomplishment/merit. I definitely have maternal/protective feelings for her, and she comes for me for that type of advice when it comes to men. I just don't believe that men my age don't look at her and also think “child” to some degree. I question anyone who has that feeling triggered, experiences sexual attraction, and wants to act on it. I'd guess emotional stunting, but that doesn't suddenly make it totally cool.
My roommate’s dad was killed two years ago by a drunk driver, she was 19. It destroy her and her family. Your ex is selfish and irresponsible, and fuck anybody that dismisses it
That’s so awful, I’m sorry that happened. I can’t imagine how painful that must have been, losing your first love at such a young age. My first boyfriend passed away last year, but we had been broken up for nearly 10 years so it wasn’t quite as painful. There’s something about those young romances that consume such a big chunk of your heart forever
When I said dressed to the nines I meant for him, I guess drunk me wasn't too clear. He was always jeans and a band shirt all the time, no problem with that, but getting him to be formal was like trying to shave a cat. He was in a suit, which prior to this he wore to like weddings and funerals only. He's probably happy, and I should be happy for him. Take away how alone I felt with him, he was actually a really good friend. It just felt like at a certain point he just stopped loving me.
This is so different from your family acting inappropriate, invasive and overbearing the FIRST TIME they meet your SO. Typically everyone is putting their best foot forward. OP’s family was way beyond too much here.
Nice 40 years old child u found there for yourself.
You need to have a serious convo with him and set expectations/boundaries right now
I would dump someone just for trying to make me feel bad for enjoying music…a fact that exists only because I wasted 2 years of my one and only precious life on someone who was almost exactly like the guy you're describing…a bottomless pit into which I couldn't throw enough attention, affection, praise, patience, sexual servitude, money or sympathy for all the ways he thought he'd been wronged by the world.
Please, please, break up with him and don't settle for less than a guy who thinks you ARE “the shit”, who either dances with you or enjoys watching your joy, who does the fucking dishes without whining (ideally without being asked, but we cannot always have everything) and who knows that sex is something to be shared, not something you need to provide on demand whether you're into it or not.