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Sheesh his flags are more red than my brothers nose after he ran against a tree full speed.
Leave that lying disgusting piece of shit.
I would try to let this go if I were you, at least for right now. The logistics of not having your wedding party members geographically close can be a real pain. A wedding party isn't only about emotional closeness, it's also an absolute practicality. Who can get to Michaels to buy one more specific garland in an emergency miscount? Who is super organized to help with spreadsheets and invite tracking, even for the batchelorette etc? Who has the killer eye for the bride's personal style to help them make styling decisions when they are indecisive?
I have a big university friend group and a lot of wonderful female friends, but I decided to have a MOH and two of my best friends who happen to be male so they were the other members of my wedding party. I had anticipated there might be hurt feelings if I wasn't transparent so I sent my girl group a message letting them know the unorthodox choice and that we would have a major batchelorette spa celebration and I wish I could have my whole crew up there with me but we are having a very small wedding party and I want them to enjoy the festivities on the day.
Back to your situation, considering that this is a surprise party, perhaps they had a plan to talk to you, but are not aware you're going to be in town yet? Give them time. Talk to the friend you are staying with in private or have a phone call with them before. 9 times out of 10 our brains will take the worst case scenario and your newly engaged couple friends are probably a little self-absorbed (and rightly so) right now and perhaps have not given a lot of thought to how this might feel for you. Having an earnest conversation with them and reinforcing your excitement for them and wishing you could be more involved might be an option to offer your interest to help them without being in the wedding party if that is something you want.
I get that but dude, seek therapy and not some dude in his 30s that gets you indebted. Also legally, there has to be some solution to the boat shit, either sell it or he has to buy your shares so you get money back. Talk to a lawyer about this and see if you can stay with friends or family so he can't kick you out
She sounds horrible leave her
i think you said it perfectly right there. you understand that it’s about her insecurities, and you don’t want to hurt her or upset her, but it’s sad that she doesn’t support you. i think it might help to just compliment her and tell her she’s beautiful and you love her the same as you did before you made those changes. it seems like she thinks you’re gonna move on
Thanks for reading and for the words I needed to hear. I know it is what's right – but at the same time – ending it seems unthinkable. Like I say that and my mind just jumps off a never ending cliff into a void. It is scary – but I fear you may be right.
My logic says the same as your gut
Ex or T?
One way to solve problems is to set concrete goals.
These goals need to be specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and have a set time frame. Choose something smaller and more concrete to begin with.
For example, if one of your arguments is that neither of you makes considerations for the other, choose a specific goal related to that. For instance: the goal is to check in with one another before making plans.
Is this specific? Yes, it’s one aspect of consideration that can be honed in on and focused upon.
Can this be measured? Yes. It can be measured by how many days in the week a plan is discussed as a couple before being made.
Is this achievable? Yes, assuming you both have access to technology like phones.
Is this relevant to your issue? Yes, because it is an element of consideration.
Is this time bound? Yes, if you set a date to reassess. That date can be a week or a month from now, when you reconvene and discuss how it went. What worked, what didn’t? What can be changed to make it work better?
You can then set another goal.
OP. If you did not see all the red flags while writing this, nobody can help you.
32 with 20, grossed out because you are pregnant? What the fuck? He basically wanted a living flesh light and thats it?
No,that will tell your husband is blindly trust you and you are good at gaslighting
Yeah that’s def not cool. That is something that def needs to be addressed.
I’d focus only on that aspect when you talk to him and say it’s ok to hang with your friends but I’m to treat me the way you did.
Some people are needy. You either like that or you don't. This one is a sucker vine, which squeezes the life out of the host plant.
Some people are needy. You either like that or you don't. This one is a sucker vine, which squeezes the life out of the host plant.
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But aren’t you broken up – you guys just haven’t said the words?
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I'm really surprised at all the comments telling you that your girlfriend is a liar and a cheater, and you should dump her. It's a bit insane.
You have been with this girl for five years. You are worrying about an extremely insignificant amount of time at the very beginning of your relationship. You were casually dating with no expectation of fidelity. When you decided to make it official, she made it clear that her priority was you, and from what you've said she has not wavered. You know who she is.
Don't let these little details derail your emotions and make you question her integrity. She may not have been completely upfront about being in a hook up relationship when you met, but she didn't lie. She liked you, and wanted you to like her. Imagine what you would have done in the same circumstances. She ended it immediately when she realized you had something special and decided to be exclusive. Focus on that.
How was he feeling at this point?
OP, do you want to look back on your life at 80 and think “damn, I could've had half my life without him”?
No. You sound miserable. And you still have every and all opportunity to be happy. So grab the chance by the horns and LEAVE.
He’s never going to want it. He told you he doesn’t want it. This is obviously not going to work out.
Abuse can take different forms. Some parents/parental figures put you into situations where they force you to be dependent on them, therefore controlling you, your behavior, your whereabouts, etc.
Growing up we were not allowed to eat at night or at bed time so that would not happen. We always made sure everyone got some. THAT was the rule.
Honestly, yes.
Tom has to be the one to defend you to his family.
If this isn't happening then it will only get worse. You said that Abby and her/his mother are a tag team and Abby is colluding with this Emily and talking crap behind your back about things about you and your relationship that are totally untrue. In an effort to push you out or talk smack to Tom about you.
The best way to deal with this sadly is to remove yourself and go low contact. There is no winning with sad and pathetic people whose only joy is talking about others in a negative way. All you can do is not play their games.
I would also look at your coping mechanisms and resilience with the aim to be able to ignore and dismiss crap like this and not worry so much about others judgement.
It is sad that after 5 years that you are facing this sort of behaviour now. But it seems that they are in a pattern of talking crap about people and now it is your turn.
If Tom is on board with you being very low contact for your own anxiety then great. If he is dismissing your worries and downplaying the effect this is having on you then not great. Some people don't understand that being talked about like this is horrible as they are used to it.
If you cannot handle being around them or the stress then that is okay to protect your mental health from this and not be around them and if that includes Tom for reasons then so be it. Not everyone can handle this level of toxic behaviour no matter how good their resilience is.
Please don’t get back together. This relationship is TOXIC
You should do nothing. Its your hair and your body. He has no say about it. Ignore him or tell him to act like an adult
I’m so sorry to hear you’ve had so many issues with your birth control. Is the depo shot an option? I’ve been on it for a few years now and I don’t even have a period most months, it’s so nice. Either way, at the end of the day it’s your body so whatever you’re most comfortable with is what matters.
Onto your boyfriends comment, people didn’t use birth control in the ancient times because it didn’t exist, partially why most families had 5+ children back then. I’m glad he’s at least willing to wear condoms, but they have about a 13% chance of not working unless used “perfectly” so I hope he recognizes the increased chance for accidental pregnancy.
Finding affordable housing is a serious situation that you must consider. Especially nowadays.
You're in school, right? Does your institution provide housing. It's been a little while for me, but there is still student housing, I think.
These situations can be delicate. It sounds like you're dealing with someone who may take the loss of this relationship very badly, and then, there's your things.
Things cost money. Or maybe not, but if you care enough about them to mention them in your post, I think you should have a plan for your possessions.
Maybe you can start with that. Get a storage unit and start moving out your most valued pieces. Little by little. Then start 'Actively' looking for places you can afford and deal with for the next few months until you are done with school and maybe a bit longer.
There’s a reason why she’s not dating someone her own age.
just ask, “is there any events coming up that you’d like to go attend with me?” and from there if she doesn’t bring up the trip, dial the friendship back or probably just not respond for a while. If she invites you, soblem proved!
He probably ended it because you are improving. You’re growing as a person and he isn’t. You watch – his next girlfriend will be 18 at the oldest. If she’s any older, she will be extremely immature or fragile.
This hurts right now. And I cannot imagine the level of frustration you must feel because you were never heard. You feel like you have so much to say and now you’ll never get a chance to say it. But if you had ever said it he would not have listened, would he? Focus on yourself like you never have before. Exercise, eat good, fresh foods. Drink a lot of water. Cleanse yourself inside and out. Sit in the sun with your eyes closed looking upward. You are 21 years old. You’re at the peak moment in your youth. you have everything ahead of you. The next several years of your life or when you find out who you are and what you care about and what you believe and what you do not believe. They are powerful years. And you will not be wasting them on someone who stifled your most basic ability to speak your mind. You will not look back when you turn 30 years old and cry because you wasted your 20s on an emotionally vacant, manipulative, uncaring piece of steaming shit. He has done you such a huge favor and he has no idea. He expects you to be crushed. Do not be crushed.
Our Mom IS in a memory care unit. It is an expensive one.
Yeah fantasy is always better 5han reality. What she thought it would be and what it really is I'm sure is 2 completely different things.
What she is saying to you and what she really wants may be 2 different things. I mean our brains can make complicated decisions for our lives, but our hearts rule.
So he's a drug dealer?
I will never forgot her face – but I didn’t recognise them in photos ?
And that's where we are different. I care about more than just myself, whereas many adults (?) here on Reddit, do not. Which is very sad and, yes, incredibly selfish.
Did you not read anything the OP has said in her post or comments? I'm not going to give you a summary of why those 2 people were unfit to care for the girl. You can work on your reading comprehension skills on your own time.
And, you are suggesting something totally illogical and not even close to the same situation. Are YOU a child? Do you need help? Is that what you are really getting at? Lol.
I'm a busy working mom with my own children, but yes, God forbid anything happened to anyone I knew in my life. I would, without a doubt, take a child in.
Everyone here, especially OP, needs to reevaluate their morals and life choices. And, you need to work on your persuasive argument writing skills and gain some more life experience before you can comment on things you know nothing about.
Mom needs therapy. Nothing that you can do or say will change her behavior. Perhaps you could insist on getting the receipt with the gift. No explanation is best. If she refuses, send her packing with the gift. Then you can exchange the gift for something or get the money back. You can keep the money. When she notices the item missing, be totally nonchalant and transparent. You know how to talk to mom without ruffling feathers.