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My opinion-
There’s no such thing as perfect, maybe he is perfect for you, but it’s been 4 months so check yourself on your expectations and don’t put him on a pedestal – that isn’t fair to either of you.
41 and has only been to 1 strip club in his life? Sorry- not buying that. I’ve heard that line before and usually it means « it’s not my scene » but by 41 he has likely been on business trips, to bachelor parties etc
Why do you feel uncomfortable? Because he is going to a sexually charged environment where alcohol is served and you won’t be there to supervise. If you’re that concerned you can talk to him and establish boundaries you are comfortable with (no touching, no private dances, etc) but 4 months in, he has done the courtesy of letting you know about the invite and that it’s not his scene, so I would probably leave it at that.
Sp basically no one should go to marriage counseling ever? Nearly every couple who argue are abusive to each other in some way
It sounds like a tough situation you are in. She has maybe grown out of the partying and into a place where she wants more security, and you are still into doing things you used to enjoy doing together.
On one hand, I can see where she is coming from. You have been together a long time; she is ready to settle down, and she wants you to want that also. The fact that you don’t likely makes her feel insecure and threatened. On the other hand, I can see that you don’t see eye to eye with her on the issue and don’t want to just bend to her will. Which I can also understand.
I still believe that a real conversation is necessary. Hopefully not a heated one, but a very honest one about where each of you is and how you are feeling. How one’s actions truly make the other feel and vice versa. Both of you should have boundaries that the other respects, and hopefully that is achievable. Hoping peace for both of you.
You think a 20 year is in the same space to make the same decisions as a 35 year old?
I wouldn't be surprised if he is honestly just disgusted with his former choices by now cause that also happens. Once again: He said y'all aren't together and YOU seem to be the one still pushing it and holding on. You feel rejected because you got rejected.