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I would see this as a sweet gesture but if you’re uncomfortable talk to him about how it makes you feel and what you could both do to ensure it doesn’t happen again
This may be an unpopular opinion but I think you both could have obviously handled yourselves differently. As a woman we don’t need to explain ourselves to any man especially in an uncomfortable situation. If it was a crowded or loud bar, you could have simply pretended not to hear them and return to your fiancé. And we all know how he could have reacted a bit better. I think it’s great that you guys spoke about the situation after the fact though. Very scary situation.
I get what you’re saying when you say you’re scared, but talk to him. Let it out. You’re young, start developing the trait of speaking to your partner HONESTLY when you feel like you’re unhappy with something.
And it’s not an urge to cheat, it’s the urge to “be free”. Free from the guilt you’re clearly feeling about dragging on a relationship that’s seemingly one sided. If you’re really that unhappy, just talk to him and let him down gently. Two years is a long time, and again you guys are young. Be a better person than the person that chooses to cheat and end the relationship when you’re caught up.
Some people are really stubborn. There’s not much you can do besides asking him not to talk to you anymore. He probably be offended and act like your being an asshole, but thats what people do so as to not feel bad about rejection.
Tough situation. Hopefully he’ll get it soon
as someone who “doesnt use snapchat,” i have it logged in and on my phone even though i never open it. i'm sure there are memories from years ago on there, yet i have no idea which they are. there is probably pics of my ex from my old phone on there that i never went back and deleted because i never thought of them until now because of this post
Talk to him directly and go over the actual reason he doesn't want to marry. Is it your relationship? Is it that he dislikes the institution? Waiting for him to propose when the best you got out of him was a “maybe” is just setting you up for disappointment.
I get it. I just sent you a message saying to get out of here now. This is an unhealthy environment in this comment section! Lol. I thought you sounded honest, not unhinged. You sound like you are analyzing the heck out of the situation but I understand why and offer support in taking a deep breath and realizing some people suck and don’t either realize how they are handling things is hurtful or don’t care like it seems this guy must be one or the other.
Unfortunately it’s not always clear and easy to explain. None of us is perfect and as long as you try your best to minimize a negative impact on others and consider them as well as yourself in what you do you’re not a bad person or unworthy of love and kindness.
I feel like you are able to consider that some actions on your part may need adjustment as we all should and are willing to work on that, but I think you may be overly distressed by the idea and that’s not good for you.
I’d just forget this guy because he’s not good for your mental health or anyone else’s and he won’t be probably. It will suck with the good memories but ultimately look how he’s made you feel. I think that’s the most important thing you need to focus on.
I also have a nude time trusting people for a good reason but knowing that I don’t want to just be alone forever I have to learn to trust again and so I try doing it one person at a time and learning from the experience and hopefully I’ll meet somebody who is really trustworthy and good as a person in my life so I’m just gonna say try that and keep going to your therapist and give yourself a little bit of a break. Write this guy off. He is not gonna make you feel better and there’s probably no answers coming your way. You will be okay though.
Ah shit did not see that I’m at work
“Pressuring” someone about intercourse is definitely wrong. But it honestly doesn't seem right that he's getting pissed at OP over her crying… Just leave honestly…
I know I personally wouldn't want to be with a man who gets angry at me because I'm crying. Would you?
Is this Bike as is Bicycle or Bike as in Motorbike? One is attempted murder, the other just wants to see you get hurt. Either way this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship
she thought i was cheating ( i wasnt and proved myself)
My ex used to always say that if I ever cheat on him I'll be thrown out on to the streets… guess which one of us ACTUALLY cheated? Yep, he did. I've not read many other comments but I'm sure others have pointed out that it's usually the one who accuses that has something to hide. If you've got some friends or family you can stay with maybe go “visit” for a few days and take that time to remove any rose-tinted glasses and really evaluate your relationship.
Thats true, i guess that should have been more obvious to me, thank you, ill try my best.
Harmless socially inept?
If he thinks he can and needs to change you, then he’s in love with an idea of you, rather than you yourself as you are.
I think it’s also a red flag that he’s insisting on you adapting to his way, rather than working with you on a compromise, to craft a partnership that works for you both.
Speaking as someone whose parents divorced when they were 10 – I wish my parents had been divorced sooner. My dad was having an affair pretty much the entire time they were married. I’m the only biological child between my parents (I have a younger sister who is adopted), and I favour my mum very much in looks & personality. As an adult i have a very limited relationship with my father and have my stepdad’s surname – and I’ll keep it when I change it again. My mum didn’t give us the real reason that she and dad split up until my sister and I were 15 and 16. I wish she’d told us sooner, but I understand why she didn’t. Don’t stay together for your daughter.
It’s normal for them to feel sorry for you. It means they care.
Don’t protect him. Tell your family and friends the truth, that he cheated on you, if not physically but emotionally and financially.
After the divorce, totally cut him off. Don’t stay friends with him. Friends don’t betray each other.
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Dude, that's so far and away from a “love languages” issue(which again, they're only a conversation starter, so this isn't possible) that's the point. So asking us how to help resolve that won't get you a single answer that can do any good for you.
It's like asking how to help score a goal in soccer, when you're playing football; any answer you get won't help you solve your problem.
This is a massive communication issue, and she's withdrawing emotionally. You need to get into relationship counselling, so that someone can work with you during these conversations, to ensure what each of you need can be considered and worked towards. You're two silos at the moment, and you can't resolve anything from there.
Just want to thank you all for the good advice. My reddit is tripping out and won't let me see the comments in app but I've seen them in my email. Thank you all I will take everything you all said into consideration
Wireless charging like a cell phone lmao
Yeah that's it, I went against type. I did the enneagram a few years ago, pretty sure I got peacekeeper!
Not sure. I didn’t even know sex counselling was a thing
If you guys met in a normal setting I would not be concerned. But with a dating app I would be.
As a 29 year old woman who thought a guy was cute. I found out he was like 21 and I immediately nipped it in the bud. I realized I could very much tell he was a kid when I spent alone time with him. I was floored at the men who tried to date me at that age.
When you get to 29 you might realize this. Everyone is nice when you first meet them. Over time people just show more of themselves. It’s possible he is a good person but there’s definitely a possibility this could be a traumatic man for you to date.
So many guys spoke up and demanded my best friend didn't get a septum piercing. So many. I thought she would look good, it's her body, if she wants it, she should get it.
She got it, she looks amazing.
You can't make people conform to what you want. Let her get it, maybe she won't like it and take it out again. Maybe she will get more. The thing is, this isn't about you, it's about her, it's about the identity and appearance she wants to have and what will make her happy and if you care about her happiness you'd either support it or just let it slide. Complaining about it and making out she's suddenly going to be ugly and not what you want any more is selfish and shallow.
Welcome to the spam
So you're 32-year-old boyfriend is now at bars checking out nude chicks, getting so drunk that he “accidentally” texts you, and nothing happened?
First off, let's get to the root of the texts. The wording and the text implies that he does not find you desirable or “hot” since he has apparently forgotten how women can look /s
Let's look at the next red flag these guys probably went to a club/bar that is more than likely frequented by younger women. Do you really want to stick around to be replaced by a newer model? Guys who view women this way generally end up being skeezy.
The accidental nature of the texts; you would have to be out of your mind drunk to accidentally send that many. This reeks a little bit of negging to me. He lets you know he finds other women nude so you will attempt to do more to be naked to him.
All in all, there are so many red flags in this post. And I bet if you started to write them out, you would see that you are in a very unhealthy relationship.
Worth noting you should probably accidentally send him a text about a really hot guy at the gym and then send him another one saying oh my gosh I'm so sorry that was supposed to be for my friend…
She told you what was wrong: depression. Maybe ask her what’s going on.
love yourself girl
you know what this is
You have plenty of time! I started dating my boyfriend when I was 25, we both turned 29 last year in Oct! And we don’t have it fully together yet, we are trying for a baby now. People do things at their own pace! Life isn’t a race, it’s a journey, and it’s YOUR story to tell.
I know couples who got together young, had a child and are separated. I know two separate girls who got married at 22 and 23 and both of them are now divorced. I know a couple who got together at 32 got married and are not divorced with two kids. It doesn’t matter when you find someone, what matters is doing things at your pace! Not because you feel there’s a time limit, or that you’re running out of time, this will put unbelievable amount of stress on yourself. Things will come 🙂
Relationships shouldn’t be scary.
I’m not sending her anywhere that I don’t know the address of
she has a dad who loves her
at least one parent does!
Why should you leave YOUR home? He disrespected you by cheating and he’s not on the lease
Have someone you trust come over and tell him to immediately come home and pack his things , the other person is a witness in case you need to call the police or it goes to court
If he doesn’t come home give him 90 days to pick them up and if he doesn’t sell all his junk on eBay
I know it isn't easy when in the situation to realize how much is wrong even though from the outside its clear. But still these I love my unicorn that treats me great and grants wishes and farts rainbows, except my unicorn doesn't have a horn, treats me like a jackass and is an ass stories are just numbingly common. And so often even when clearly pointed out that they love the idea of the person they have in their head not the actual person, they still deflect and hope for the jackass to suddenly be the unicorn they had built in their mind during the honeymoon period.
One would have to believe this dude to assume that. Nice logic
She could keep him handy just in case
After that you start growing. Experiencing you make it on your own gives you a boost. No more pain and sorrow. You get a sober mind because you dont need pills anymore.
NTA, means he doesn’t understand women
Probably because she wanted you to make a move and took you not doing so as evidence that you weren't interested in her. I've had the exact same thing happen to me before. The 'why' of it isn't that nude to figure out.
So how many women does he need to mess around with behind your back before you realize he isn't going to change; especially because you keep taking him back?
Personally, I think you should call it quits; not only for your sexual health, but for your own mental state of mind. This is a very miserable, ugly and unhealthy way to on-line. I am sure you agree that your child deserves a happy healthy mom rather than a mom who gets HIV before she realizes she needs to dump her clown, or a miserable unhappy basket case. The only other option is to put up with being treated like that, and always make him use a condom with you since he insists on being a high risk candidate.
You've already communicated and were met with disrespect, coldness, and hypocrisy. Time to ghost him for good. He's toxic.
You're not wrong for wanting what you want, and it was a little bit weaselly of him to not be up front about not being exclusive. Realistically though, you didn't have a relationship with him, you had a friends with benefits arrangement. It was always going to end. You two had talked about it. Since you were probably having sex with him under the illusion that you two were exclusive, you might want to go get an STD panel.
If you want to understand more about how someone can ethically love more than one person, look into polyamory. Yes, it is real. Yes, millions of people are actually able to be polyamorous and in relationships with more than one person at a time. Yes, it is a lot more complex than monogamy.
This guy sounds like he's trying to trick people into being polyamorous with them. That is not ethical.
Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this guy? I'd consider leaving him now before you get in any deeper
Yeah, my mom is like this. I specifically hired an in home care giver to witness her behavior and he straight up told me it was abuse.
I have ADHD. I understand how it can cause problems like these to arise, but also it is our responsibility to do the therapy and the self work and take the medications and hold ourselves accountable as best we can so our problems don’t spiral so far out of control as OPs ex has let them. Having ADHD might be an explanation but it’s not an excuse.
NTA. Cut your losses and leave the leech. He knows he f*cked up. He called you a brat for demanding your money that he used? Because YOU didn't remind HIM? In what world? It's called audacity and he has all of it. He does not respect you.