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hardworkertn, 38 y.o.
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Sounds like you made him feel insecure. Maybe keep the “fuck me” comments in your head.
You've handled this brilliantly. Folk model most of their behavior on their parents, if he went through spanks, he might think they work.
Engaging with him in a way that clearly shows you want what's best for his daughter, whom I'm sure he adores, and you – was perfect.
Best luck with this!
He made a kind of sad puppy face, as if I was the one in the wrong, the annoying one. He does that often…
I mean, I still live with my ex and we're best friends. But my roommate has met every one of my partners I've had since him, and I've definitely told him all about some of the worst first dates lol.
Not being able to meet them is shady as fuck. I wouldn't let that fly.
First, stop thinking about your parents during sex. That's weird.
Second, marry her so you can get over your self-inflicted issues or leave her so she can find someone who will provide what she needs.
Good luck.
Dude she got lip filler in 2019 everyone saying she has to disclose lip filler she got 3-4yrs ago is ridiculous. Shes been with this guy less than a year, it’s irrelevant. He never said i need you to disclose every cosmetic procedure: he said i don’t like the fake look. Good cosmetic procedure don’t look fake. Do Blake lively, Katy Perry, Cindy Crawford, gwyneth Paltrow, Kaley Cuoco, Lisa Kudrow, etc etc etc all look fake or amazing? Yes there is kardashian level cosmetic surgery where everyone knows you’ve had it done but thats obviously not OP’s goals. All these comments remind of when guys compliment me like “i love that you don’t wear make up” i am wearing make up you just have no idea what you are talking about.
The same reason women say they like senisitive open men then lose feeling when their partner shows his emotional side because among many answers people lie, do actually know what they want until presented with it, like to appear pc but don’t possess a pc bone in their bodies!!!
Girl, let me tell you. The first 5-6 years or so of my sex life, I thought sex was not supposed to feel nice for me. It was usually “okay” or just bad. But because I did have enough experience with different men, I just thought this was all there was to sex and it'd never get better and maybe something was wrong with my body not enjoying it as much. I also thought maybe I was naked to please. I never even enjoyed receiving oral.
Anyway, from all the guys I slept with, only one guy actually satisfied me sexually. When we first “got going” he went down on me and I already started to push his face away with my hand because I thought I'd feel “nothing” as always. But he pushed away my hand and I am sooooooo glad he did. Like holy shit, I don't know what he did but I had no idea I could actually enjoy oral. And everything else, other sexual needs and likes, he took care of it ALL. It was the first (and only time since) that I actually, genuinely enjoyed the sex without having to “help myself out”. The first time a man could satisfy me all by himself.
And ever since I experienced that I have a lot higher expectations from men sexually. Never settle for less than what you want. Of course not every partner will be “perfect” in every way, but you should at the very least be satisfied emotionally and physically.
I downvoted after the first line, then had to go back and upvote ha ha
If she's willing to do that next to you, I doubt that she would care if you put music. Save yourself!
She still has shame from her past. That’s why she got so upset about the comments. She wanted you to validate that she had changed. You probably should have gone up to the guy and asked why you thought it necessary to make her upset? Then you leave and make it a point to her friends, his comments were why. Not every confrontation leads to violence. Since you didn’t do that…
Please sit her down and explain that you don’t like confrontation and even though you love her, fighting in a bar would be childish and dangerous. That like it or not, you and she can’t control what others think and say. The only thing that can be controlled is how we react to it. You two are not in college anymore, if her college friends keep bringing up the past, why hang with them? She should have a ready made answer (as should you) when this comes up again. Something that appears on the surface to be funny but also makes it clear it’s not a subject you want brought up again. If someone doesn’t get the point cut them out of your lives.
If you really love her and want to make her happy, offer to take some self defense classes if she agrees to therapy. It will do wonders for your confidence (and her confidence in you) and her therapist can help her deal with her past much more effectively than you. Good luck, I wish you all the best.
OP, you need someone who will lift you up when you’re being emotional. You’ve been together for 2 years so I would talk with her to understand why your showing of emotions bothers her. Maybe she was raised to believe that men should not cry. It is absolutely normal and healthy to let it out, even for men.
Well, I am also of the philosophy that in committed relationship people should be allowed to see each other social media messages and other such.
Besides, people make mistakes, so if you have eyes you will notice signs. In case of proper affair, time is the best indicator. Time and energy are limited resources, if your partner can't find it for you, it's reason to start looking into it. There is also drop in sexual activities.
People who do not find out for years are also unlucky having excellent natural talent actors for partners, or could have noticed sings, but decided not to.
The issue is that she doesn't have many friends. I fear she might feel even worse if I simply walk away. On the other hand if I tell her how I feel she wouldn't feel particularly good either. The best solition would be for her to get mad at me and realize my toxicity, however she is too forgiving. I seriously don't know what to do.
The only thing I really had to hide was private conversations with my mother about things I was upset with her about, plus issues with my brother who’s a drug addict that I didn’t feel comfortable sharing with her because we came from very different cultural and economic upbringings and she doesn’t handle that stuff well.
Regardless she ended up seeing everything I didn’t feel comfortable sharing with her anyway. The issue is she didn’t believe me that that’s all there was.
It’s weird, I didn’t think we have issues with trust honestly. It was really this isolated incident that just completely spiraled out of control.
I feel like the general consensus here has been to just move on anyway so I guess that’s what I must do even if I do feel as though I still love her deeply. It’s out of my control and she clearly doesn’t want me to be in her life anymore.
That he didn’t get you a fan as well is when I stopped reading. That’s really fucked up and he needs to be called in that. Paying you is a whole other, more nuanced argument. But if he cares about you, the fact that he didn’t think to get you a fan as well is enough of a red flag.
If I asked my wife to help me with something work related, she’d be given the most comfortable provisions available.
I can’t help but feel of the genders were reversed the entire comment section would be up in arms about him shaming you for touching yourself and trying to limit when you can or can’t do so. They’d be calling your partner a manipulative abuser and that you should “run”.
Honestly, no it’s not ok that she essentially has made you feel bad for a week for this. It’s fine to feel weird right away because, yeah, it’s awkward. But she should be able to get her shit together and work through this with you, without it taking a billion years. She literally just saw your hand around your dick, the man she has sex with, not you murdering a cat.
And I’m not going to assume it’s the porn like every person here when she hasn’t said it is. She said it’s you touching yourself that made her feel weird, and she can’t seem to deal with this in a healthy way where she isn’t also making you feel bad about yourself. That’s not okay.
Lady it’s been 11 years the red flags are there all along. Sure you can judge him, call him out, complain but you need to take ownership because you accepted this for more than a decade. I hope you never have kids with this man because your children may mirror the toxic relationship they see. I don’t know what advice you’re looking for