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It sounds to me like your husband and I also relate on the father figure front as well. I know all people are different people, but I will say that I would have never made the progress I have without the support I’ve received through therapy. It’s a lot to unpack and it will be REALLY FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE for him, but it is so important and eventually, freeing. Holding a mirror up to ourselves is scary, but it’s the only way we can see just how bad the wounds really are.
Don’t forget that matching with a therapist can be a lot like matching with a partner. Compatibility matters, from communication style to personality. It might take meeting a few for him to find the right fit.
I wish you all the best and good luck with the little one.
Time for a new boyfriend. Either he respects your boundaries or you kick him to the curb.
Not the same I think. She said they have been together for 6 years. This post says 3 years. Idk.
Drunk driving is foolish, dangerous, and potentially fatal. With that being said, I'd wager that most adults have operated motor vehicles under the influence of alcohol. It's not anyone's proudest moment, but humans do error.
I could get into a bunch of nitty gritties about the law and about the legal limit and about how if you have anything more than one shot/beer/wine within an hour span of time, you are very likely passed the legal limit…but I won't go into those details because there's something else that is more concerning to me and it has to do with your future and your relationships.
I am a 37M and I would like you to take a step back and assess your decision. In my view, as I read your post and what has transpired, I believe you dealt quite a harsh judgement. To me it vibes as a militant regime style for tolerance, or perhaps the ethos during the French Revolution…”The penalty for all offenses is death!”
You are an adult and I give you all the respect and credit that is due to a grown person. I also want to point out that when we (humans) are young adults, our “filing cabinet of experience” is pretty light and bare. What I'm saying is, we make judgements based on our life experiences. When we are confronted with a situation that is outside of our experience, the human being struggles to discern the best course of action. We then have to dive into our memory of theoretical advice based on second-hand or third-hand stories, or lessons told. When we're in the space outside experience, we tend to view things very black and white, to the highest degree, and without exception–and that take is not usually how things go when the voice of experience is speaking. Additionally, when we learn second-hand lessons from parents, etc., we are given a version of their story in which they have created a “spark notes” version in order to put a story in a nice and neat little package, otherwise the full story gets kinda lost in translation because a lot peripheral information is involved and by the time the story is told, you wouldn't fucking remember a god damn thing about what is important about it. So, the “youngin's” get a version that will be useful and also keep them safe. Parents would rather have you go atomic on your boyfriend, hard line, zero leniency; than have you underestimate the situation and get in a car with a drunk driver and die.
Whether or not your boyfriend's actions warrant a breakup is ultimately up to you, but I just want you to make sure you have done your due diligence, for yourself, in terms of investigation and appropriate follow through. I am going to attempt to “pass on” my sense of the situation.
What is concerning: • being flippant about what he did, like: nbd whatever • does not feel remorse or guilt • does not take ownership or responsibility • has no “talk track” about how to not allow himself to do this again • multiple incidents of drunk driving
What is reasonable: • treats the matter seriously • being remorseful and acknowledges his mistake • takes ownership and responsibility • HAS a talk track about how to prevent a future occurrence (designated driver, Uber, being sober for an evening, etc.) • first time drunk driving
As you consider what I've put together here, I want you to understand that you will make plenty of mistakes yourself in your life ahead of you and probably some pretty big ones. Do you want to be judged with equal severity by your future partner(s)?
I think you've got a good moral compass, a good head in your shoulders, and you're interested in doing what is right. All of this is very good. I think you should CONTINUE to be this way, but keep your finger off of the trigger a little bit longer maybe ?, just some food for thought.
I hope you find my message helpful. Take care.
He wasn’t planning on marrying you, he “agreed” in the hopes you’d change your mind once you got going. So then when things didn’t get going during the make out session he dipped. He just wanted sex