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Birth Date: 2001-06-17
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Mate…that guys (late) conscience is trying to save you from an enormous mistake. Note also bro is making her – this is not coming from her.
Don't let this be the moment you look back on and think “I wish I had heeded that red flag”
She failed the girlfriend test. She hasn't even made it to the marriage test when life gets much harder. This is one of those awful situations that is actually a good gift in the long term even if it's a shite sandwich in the short term.
Is there anything else that you would use shame on your wife to change her mind on?
Her cooking? Her hair style? The clothes she wears?
When has shaming a spouse ever 'worked' to accomplish anything other than a divorce?
He seems extremely mature. Go to the therapy, both the couple therapy and some individual therapy for the outbursts. He’s giving you a chance. Take it.
I'm not positive that you're a troll, though I am leaning that way.
I am, however, positive that you are an idiot. And so is your husband. I'm just not sure who is the bigger idiot –the man who would leave someone over eye color or the woman who keeps having kids with the man who would leave someone over eye color.
Again he made it clear he's gotten nothing and will not do so. Nothing in his comments indicates he has gotten a letter. Nothing in his comments shows that they are upset in anyway that he's not getting anything only that his sister asked that he buy something too. Nothing in the comments shows he's ever asked if a non monetary gift would be acceptable.
I feel like you're attacking my post that had over and over again made it absolutely clear I feel a non monetary gift is in order. Instead you keep bringing money to my post that has OVER AND OVER made clear he shouldn't spend money. I'm talking about playing with monopoly money but for some reason you keep trying to make it about buy real houses which I don't understand…
Yes he is getting gifts that he's accepting and not pushing back on which is nice but he's still ignoring any human empathy which could be shown with a simple card. You can definitely hold strong on the fact that he's made everyone uncomfortable by not doing showing love and empathy with the rest of the family but it's still just op deciding to show the family he doesn't care enough to do the bare minimum on the holiday. Again I point you to my numerous analogies because in any other situation this is shitty behavior.
Of course in all of these situations it is ok to have boundaries but it makes 0 sense to participate in the part of the event you don't want to be part of then get mad that people don't feel comfortable with it.
He's an addict and unless he admits he has a problem AND he wants to quit for himself there is nothing you can do. It's liek any other addiction. You begging and pleading won't do any good. I was married to an alcoholic and porn addict so I've been there. You can give him an ultimatum but again unless he's really wanting to quit for himself and get professional help he won't quit long term. He might quit or cut back just long enough so he lulls you back into a false sense of security and then start again. My ex was in rehab with a few people who were basically forced to go to rehab. They all relapsed either during rehab or right after. You can't force people to get clean. If you give him an ultimatum (which should include professional help) just be sure you are willing to follow through either whatever consequences you threaten him with. But knowing what I know about addiction now I would leave him unless he admits his problem and is wanting to quit for himself with professional help.