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Ignoring the entire story, I have a very strict no backsies policy. If either breaks things off, it's done. Once it happens once it'll happen over and over and over again with any discomfort comes the breakup. It's a manipulation tactic to get a desired result.
As for the rest of the details, I made another comment about this, but he has a hero complex and wants to rescue you. You'll never be good enough for him. Please don't waste your time.
So people who don't have the same opinion as you are weird? Grow up.
Dump her
Take it from me! I was with someone once who was so special!
Just to make it as short as possible: there was 100% complete and deep trust! We were together 5 years and this man could have woken up in a bed full of hard women without remembering what happened and I would have thought literally nothing of it ?
When you find that special someone, and your relationship is that secure, and you have that established trust-it is THE most wonderful feeling in the world!!!
Fucking dump his ass and collect child support instead. You’ll be MUCH happier!
It’s scary at first and that happiness doesn’t come quickly. But you’ll be glad you did-PROMISE! ?♥️
Have a final talk with her. Is this the kind of BS you want in your life? Break up with her
Maybe your relationship has just run its course? Sometimes it takes a year to figure out you'd be better as friends.
fear that he’ll cheat*
Wow you suck dude
After reading your edit, and this is clearly a fantasy of his? Nope… bright red flag, run.
The Bible supports abortions? Really? I doubt that, but it’s your story tell it how you want. An unplanned pregnancy doesn’t have to be oh just toss it away I didn’t want it anyway. I didn’t plan my third child but she is amazing and I am so glad to be her mom. Most don’t plan to be a single parent that doesn’t mean they are a bad person if they don’t kill it. Get off your high horse.
u/buvi_sre Why would you want to do that? Have some self respect.
You're blocked because she wants no interaction.
(F23) (M35)
She was in a lesbian relationship before getting together with OP. It's not unspoken, and she's not exploring. OP knew she was in a lesbian relationship. He mentions it in the OP.
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I didn't know and now I do. I'll do better going forward.
Read what you wrote then ask yourselfWhy am I with this liar?”
there's a huge difference between
“I don't feel safe around you” read: you are a potential threat to my well being
and
“I don't think you act as a protector when you should and could”
what exactly did she say? and what was her answer to your further inquiry? (I sure hope you tried to bring it up with her before you asked complete strangers on here)
You were not drugged and you’re leaning into that excuse because it’s easier to shroud yourself in victimhood than it is to acknowledge that (i) you’re an alcoholic and (ii) you’re an alcoholic who drank too much and did something shitty.
The likelihood of you being drugged on the day you relapse into drinking is statistically slim and you need to recognize that unless you take responsibility for yourself and get a grip on your drinking you are going to continue waking up having made mistakes you can’t take back when you’re sober. Is this really the life you want to on-line? Getting drunk and waking up to a bunch of damage that you can’t remember doing?
You’re in denial about your drinking and you need to get treatment and medical intervention. You also need to understand that you are not entitled to anyones attention or interaction simply because you feel sorry about the consequences of your shitty behavior. People are allowed to have boundaries. People are allowed to have boundaries which exclude you from being in communication with them. People are allowed to be on the receiving end of shitty behavior – whatever the reason – and decide that they do not want to engage, listen to explanations, or give second or third chances. You have to respect that even if you don’t like it.
Furthermore, the fact you’re only concerned about remedying this situation so you can have sex with someone is manipulative and disgusting. This is a human being – not a plaything and not an object for your gratification. You need to stop scrambling for victimhood in an endeavor to shirk responsibility and grow up. Get help and leave this guy alone. He deserves better.
Nah his defensiveness is because when we spend too much time together we tend to bicker a bit or he gets frustrated because he needs a night off so he can bad his alone time to “reset”. The issue is we are very all or nothing and I don’t think it’s healthy.
lime concrete powder
He is not the one for you
This is fishy. He's up to something.
Updateme!
Is this rhetorical? If you're asking this question, you should already know the answer.
But just in case it's not- definitely do not throw your future away for an old, creepy leach.
Correction: multimillionaire.
Well, it's in front of others that she's usually like this tbh. I just want to say, I'm in a better financial situation then I was during covid (I have a better paying job and lots of savings). However, her thesis defense was at the end of 2022, so that lunch happened recently. I would've been able to pay for that meal if it was necessary, so I was, like, really offended by what she said.
Also, as I pointed out, she doesn't treat me or pay for me usually. During that two-days-stay, she only paid for that lunch and her boyfriend insisted on ordering us dinner the next day. Other than that, she's didn't make anything at home (she did actually tell me, when we were outside, that I'm free to buy myself something if I'm hungry… now that I think about it, that sounds strange too but idk) so I assume it's just how she wanted to look like in front of her bf and her professor.
Now that I look back at all of it, I think she's definitely looking down on me.
Also, this will sound mean, but other than me, she has no other friends and hasn't had them for years (she had boyfriends though). I suspect she might be that desperate to apologize simply because she has no other friends… Who knows what's in her head, honestly. There are more examples of things she said and did, it'd just be too long to write it all down.
And since I just want to cut it off, I'll do that. Thanks for your advice, I'll definitely try it that way.
Thanks for the insight man for real means a lot. I guess I just see it foggy cause I do love and care for her but you’re right, if she felt that way she wouldn’t have done what she did, I sure as hell wouldn’t
It's not a lack of trust. It's verifying what you assume to be true. It's fact-checking. Trust, but always verify.
Personally, I would abort. Having a kid with a predator is generally not a good idea. Darius is not a great guy.
When a person is suffering from depression, personal hygiene and self care are one of the first things to fall to the wayside. It can take extraordinary effort simply to get out of bed every day.
While disgusting to pee in bottles instead of going the few yards to the working bathroom…I don't believe it's divorce worthy. What would be divorce worthy is if he refuses to get mental health care. He clearly needs help. If he is willing to work on getting better and to become more functional again then the relationship is salvageable.
If he's completely unwilling to try to improve his mental health, that's when it's time to end things.
What do you have to lose? Seriously, give me 3 things you have to lose.
Not weird really. Most women can sense when a guy is taken by another woman. When I was in my relationships, other women start coming out of nowhere trying to hit on me even though neither me nor gf say anything about our relationship. When I'm not in one, then it dies down.
I'm a cat momma and the moment I read that you allowed him to abuse your cat, I was done with you. You can choose to be with a worthless, mentally ill abuser. The cat can not. Please give your cat to someone who will provide a loving environment before your crazy husband kill him. I was going to offer advice until I read about the poor cat. I will only ask that would you really want to have kids by that monster? Knowing you, you probably will let him abuse your newborn baby like he did that cat.
Yea that's a huge red flag. Where the hell is the money going?
Hi OP. There’s a lot of people saying this might be your only chance to have a child, and that might be true, but it might not be too. My sister has pretty bad PCOS and endometriosis, and has a 15 year old, a 12 year old and a 3 year old! They wanted to start her on fertility treatments when she was diagnosed, but she got pregnant naturally a few months in. If you go ahead and terminate, I just think you need to have a real think about whether you actually do want kids. If the answer’s yes, that’s ok! You have plenty of time, and hopefully your husband will have those difficult conversations with you. Your views are just as valid as his. (My husband and I are child free, so I have no dogs in this race!)
I hated comments about my weight lose , my body is none of your business
I think it's pretty fucked up how she wanted to be totally honest with you, so she showed you the conversation & instead of appreciating the honesty you yelled at her. So, that wasn't fucking cool.
I don't think there's anything wrong with not feeling comfortable with her texting this guy. However, I also see how in her perspective that it was all light-hearted fun, so what's the big deal? This is just one of those things you have to deal with & learn about when being in a long term relationship with a person Some people are okay with it & others are not. Neither one of you is wrong or right. You just have to figure out a compromise.
What you shouldn't do is yell at your significant other. You should know that shit better by now.
Why don’t you try to think about what she wants and stop making ultimatums about how you won’t marry the mother of your baby because she’s not performing her wifely duty.
you just read the title and went off with your assumptions huh? stop projecting your own shit into other people
you act like he’s expecting sex everyday. he said he would marry her even with the dead bedroom but not if she thinks he’s going to force her into sex. did you even read the post?
the constant SHITTING on men for having basic negative feelings in relationships is really getting old on here. it’s constantly an echo chamber of comments at this point. no nuance whatsoever
Your standards for eating during pregnancy are far more restrictive than average and so you should have mentioned this before you got there. If your husband isn't prescient you should have prepared him that you'll only eat a very limited menu and that he should notify his parents to have something on hand that you'd be willing to consume. To wait until you got there and expect people to have read your mind is a bit extra. Most people aren't super comfortable around their in-laws, that's normal. But if you're going to be on such a strict diet you need to let people know (before you show up at their house). Next time maybe just bring your own food so this doesn't become an issue.
Sounds like she was itchy and exposed herself accidently, which apparently no one saw but you. Although none of what you're saying makes much sense, because you said you and someone else saw it but only you saw it?
Either way, what are you uncomfortable about? She clearly wasn't trying to flash anyone in a sexual manner. No one noticed and the night carried on. You can say something if you want, but I would have said only in the sense of making her realize she wasn't discreet. The thing is she did realize it. You shouldn't bring it up from a perspective of being uncomfortable, because it's quite frankly ridiculous.
Yep. To take it a step farther I’m also in favor of keeping your own bank accounts. Have a shared account for shared expenses and savings, the rest stays in your individual account. That’s just always seemed to make much more sense than fully combined finances to me. I don’t want to ask permission to buy things because we have a fully shared bank account.
You’ve only been dating 6 months. You’re still getting to know each other & how to come back from a fight.
Why don’t you talk to them about how you’re feeling about the argument- that you feel like things are off & you want to make it right.
Listen, though, you need to be way more empathetic about how tired they are. Do you think they WANTED to fall asleep in the movie? Why be mad at that? If they’re falling asleep all the time, they need more sleep. Let them sleep for 8 hours every day & see what happens.
First thing, if you did get married and have children, you would not be paying her bills. You would be paying your bills.
You can always make it a prerequisite to getting married or engaged that she pay a significant portion of her debt off.
It's not made up about her, I've seen screenshots, heard stories about her from different people even from my own cousin. She has anger issues and goes for counselling from what I hear. Most people don't talk good of her as well. Even at the start of their relationship she was the one who pushed him into it, my bf may come off as dominating with the age but it's not that case.
To quote my favorite movie ever:
“When will I know I'm ready?
You won't. It's a leap of faith. That's all it is”
You need to let go of this fantasy of getting back with her, she has stated firmly that she doesn’t see herself with you, its ok to move on, youre not betraying her, you deserve to online your life. Take what you have learned from this relationship and go out there and enjoy your life. Take that leap of faith
What he does is annoying, and the whole not letting you play anything you want to hear is annoying.
Did you think that he would stop listening to them after you’d gotten serious?
You should take this as a learning opportunity to recognize that when you start dating someone, you need to see them as they actually are, not who they could be.
It’s a variation on “don’t date potential,” but with a soundtrack. This is who he is. His identity is inextricably connected to being a GD fan. If you try to change that about him, you’re an A.
And even the part where he won’t let you listen to anything but GD. Surely you noticed that before now? Why did you keep dating him after that realization? Honestly, that would’ve been enough reason for me to hit the road.
Of course you did the right thing. When you’re in a relationship you’re in a relationship with the one person, not in a relationship with the one person and your ex.
She’s insane if she thinks any guy with a modicum of self-respect will put up with that crap. She’ll either move back to Australia and her ex permanently or she’ll be a very lonely woman when she gets older.
You meanwhile can look for someone who will fully commit to making your relationship work. All the best.
Men aren’t infants or goldfish. If he was told and forgot, he would’ve remembered when he was reminded of it by his father. There’s zero reason to assume he knew and forgot or never mentioned it, or that he remembered and is pretending to have never known to save face.
In some culture, it is indeed quite common to have teens and young adults doing the service during familial gatherings. However as your close family finds it weird, I assume it is not related to your culture and even if so, it is a two-way thing. Have you ever seen your cousin doing the service for a familial event? Because you don't initiate this kind of custom when it becomes convenient for you. I think your cousin family just wants to save money. You have no obligation to help them.
It sounds like maybe you have been letting her dictate how the apartment would run while she lived there, you both pay equal rent ? Listen to music while showering if it’s a normal time. You can enjoy your apartment. Unless your willing to pay all the rent, don’t say anything to her.
i know right.. i'm so sad so many people are shitting on her when its just that she's so obviously insecure about her looks. he probably knows it and still said those things. twice!! yes she shouldn't have asked but being honest in a situation like this is …
Sounds like she wants to feel desired, which has very little to do with how many times you have sex.
Try to be more vocally enthusiastic about sex (how much you're looking forward to it next time and etc) and she'll probably snap right back.
Yeah she doesn't feel comfortable when she is really down, and blames herself and cries a lot.. I always feel bad, because she doesn't want me to talk about it in the moment and doesn't want to be touched..
You want her to look better, so you are perceived to have more value because you have a hotter girlfriend. That is insecurity. Yes. Get professional help.
I'm aware I'm projecting frustration; I'm trying to do that here instead of with him. I'm really trying to understand this perspective.
Do you think your story would have changed had you been in significant pain that affected your daily life? It's not like I had no idea, and he didn't draw attention to it. He had visible swelling and serious other symptoms and led me to believe he wasn't doing anything about it. In other words, he left me to worry longer alone. I don't see how that's protective.
Also, how do you determine when you'll deny your spouse the chance to be there for you? Do you get the opportunity to provide support for them? As someone who's been on both sides, “I don't want to do that to him” sounds like “I don't want to risk relying on him to handle his own feelings well enough to care about me more than him.”
I can agree and understand why I would be perceived as untrustworthy. My partner has all of his friends though however. I have never made him cut a friend off, or argued with him while hanging out with his friends. I know he doesn’t have a lot of female friends he communicates with on a daily basis, but i’m not sure who all he is with when he goes out because I trust him and don’t really ask.
Yea sure a guy is gonna get real excited watching the girl he just had sex with and thinks he satisfied having to go and masterbate to get off. I bet he feels like crap that he couldn't satisfy her and she needs to hill off after he went to sleep
A medical abortion is done for serious reasons. Either the child will not be able to survive and suffer intensely after birth, or continuing the pregnancy will risk the life of the person who is carrying the child. Either way, it is usually done ASAP.
This isn’t some magical sign from the universe. It’s extremely rare for it to be a good idea to get back with an ex.
You need to look at why you broke up in the first place and if the root issue is resolved – probably not. Focus on yourself, get out more, meet new people.
You are not in the wrong! Your boyfriend is having feelings rooted in sexist beliefs for sure. Crying, yelling, blaming YOU for his reactions, these are all manipulative tactics. He would literally rather threaten your relationship than see you be comfortable while it’s very hot outside. Not only is he sexualizing you but also making you feel like your body should be his only. That’s weird.
“Hadn’t really clearly said “hey sexting is inappropriate”. I’m sorry but who the fuck needs to have a convo like that?!?? You’re saying that like it’s a thing that needs to be said, but uhhh what?
Sorry to say, but it does sound like you are the side relationship….wouldn't you want to know?
Girl. What are you doing.
Thank you haha
This is reductive. You are being emotionally and occasionally physically abused.
Also OP needs to realize weather he is single or not it doesn't matter you have to keep this strictly professional esp if you want to be taken seriously this could destroy her reputation.
I def feel her job set her up tho like someone said in the comments just started and already given the biggest client which happens to be a rich old man who finds her attractive
You’ve had 2 years and multiple chances to change and only now when he’s sick of your crap and leaves you, you decide to get help? How can he ever believe your going to stick to it and change?
Yeah. I was going to say that. What happens to him, i feel it but you just need to power through it and be in auto pilot
I feel seriously disgusted. The moment I saw the other girl, I felt sick to my stomach because I knew she got her to my place.
I totally understand and support you!
Then you have people who did it once or even a few times and now realize how stupid it is and are heavily against it
Good for her. But I bet a bazillion dollars he’s a porn watcher. And if she liked it so much she wouldn’t have posed the question .
How does the direct approach work? What does she say when you ask point blank, “Why do you go into my room at every opportunity you can find? What is it that you're looking for?”
I like you, you make me lol with each comment here.