I'm glad it worked out for you with your family, but religion definitely has something to do with it. It's practically impossible to make a rational argument for homophobic beliefs without reverting to religious doctrine. But if you base your epistemological and moral values on religion, it gets easy to condemn homosexuality.
Of course there would still be irrational people who are homophobic without religion. But at least they wouldn't have their religious worldview to fall back on. It's safe to assume that homophobia would be less of an issue today without religion.
You should sit down and have a conversation with here where you actually tell her this. It's unfair of your to continue a relationship with her without being transparent on this. You should get her feelings on it (maybe she's feeling the same way). Plan it on an evening where you both don't have obligations the next days (e.g. a friday night). Tell her you want to sit down and talk about your futures together and what both of your long term goals are. Tell her you want to discuss your feelings and her feelings, see how you align on things, and if there are places you need to adjust on. Then just has everything out. Talk about how you feel about the relationship and what you think about getting married. What you want for the next 5, 10, 20 years of your life. Ask her about how she feels and what she wants.
Haha you for some reason believe I’m bitter. I’m here giving advice. Im happy as can be. I have always had great conversations on dates. Im certain some weren’t into me. That’s logically going to happen. In the reverse, I wasn’t into some of them at one point or another.
I’m not here just dismissing 20 year olds or whoever as a blanket statement. Of course they’re capable of having logical conversations. I was 20 one. I certainly thought I was smart as hell then, and while that was largely true, I still had a lot to learn.
But me saying “logical” was complex. Were we on the same page in terms of the future. Could we enjoy the same things (even to keep it simple as an American, my date couldn’t get into a bar). Did we have the same timeline? Did we focus on the same issues? That’s largely not going to happen and that’s not an anecdote as much as reality.
A 20 year old is generally focusing on finishing up college. She more than likely lives at home and is years away from establishing a career. A 25 year old is generally a few years out of college, established in their career, and might on-line on their own. Her primary focus might only be on college events and having fun, which is awesome. I might also want to have fun but have other things to deal with that she can’t relate to. But like everything, context matters. I’m obviously being completely general as if everyone’s the same and we’re aware that’s not the case. But I can still make assumptions based on likely scenarios.
After all that, all I want to know is what you’re so angry about? Are you a 20 year old pissed off that I called you immature? Talk to me.
It's seriously unlikely this guy will be the last.
What I'm trying to say is that she'll undergo a personality change or change in values at some point within three months to maybe a year. As you said before, you both matured. She'll keep maturing and likely change as a person. What's acceptable at the start of a relationship can easily change later on in it when you're young and changing so much anyway.
Even more so, she's literally 19. This is more of a “feel-it-out” and learning what you like and dislike kind of age.
I'm suggesting that it's highly likely this guy won't work out. You were close for too long for her NOT to think of you when they break up.
She handled it maturely. Shoved the emotions down and didn't break down right then. It's also possible she's thinking about things and sorting out how she feels.
I've only ever peed in a bottle, while in my apartment, in an emergency. Like I got home, had to pee really bad and my daughter is in the shower. It has always seemed like a better option than peeing in the kitchen sink… which is gross.
Nothing you describe in the comments adds up to cheating. You should talk your paranoia through with a counselor and your wife. Absolutely do not FURTHER spy on her and/or violate her privacy as suggested by some comments.
Dance with your dad but take time to do something nice for your stepdad during the ceremony. Was at a wedding recently where after the toasts the bride said a few words about her relationship with her stepdad and it meant a lot to him
You can’t force someone to change. You communicated your issues and he is not making changes in that direction. Your young, find someone your more comparable with, highly doubtful he will change.
I understand. what I’m saying is don’t text her or call her be nice and respectful because of the kids but at the end of the day remember she is a cheater.
As far as he goes that’s where you guide him away from her. If you got to a wedding invite him as a plus one. Drinks with co workers invite. Don’t just insist he starts dating steer him in the direction of single women.
The more busy he is the less he’ll think about her. Again at the end of the day always show you got his back and that will go along way.
In many places godparents are just adults who are committed to helping raise a child as non parental adults who love and care. Often they are the adults who the child will be trusted with in case of a tragedy.
You are in the wrong here. He has made it clear that this friendship and the child are important to him and he's willing to let you walk rather than eliminate them from his life. You're both better off. You clearly don't want to be in a relationship with a person who is friends with their ex and he can go on and find someone more secure with his arrangements.
Her telling you that she loves you are just empty words. That is all they are, just words. If those words were genuine she wouldnt have slept with the other guy. Because that is not what love is. She got her “closure” and now you are the back up. It is up to you if you want to be that. But i wouldnt advise to do it.
Suggestion: install a bidet, then wash your asses with soap and water. That way, there will be no soiled TP to throw in the trash. The TP will simply be used to dry your clean butthole.
OK, let me say this all back to you so you can’t miss it:
1) Your friend likes men and women.
2) She listened to a playlist of love songs you made for her (and listened to it a lot, which means she HAD to have picked up on how many of them were love songs at some point even if she dismissed it at the time)
3) You both keep finding ways to spend time together constantly (which implies she is doing the same with you)
4) You both like holding hands and cuddling up together (if she really had an issue with it, do you think she would have even let you do that, comfortable or otherwise?)
If you’re worried about being rejected, I would say that the odds of that happening are pretty low with all of that in mind, because all of those signs point towards her being someone who is at least open to being in a relationship with you to me. Don’t get me wrong, approaching this subject with tact is probably the right move to avoid creating bigger problems if it turns out that the answer is actually a no, but I can tell you fairly confidently that most people do NOT hold hands and cuddle up on the couch with someone who is “just a friend”. Childhood friends or people who have known each other platonically for many years (a decade plus), I could believe genuinely being OK with that and it being completely innocent, but not people who have been living together for a couple of months. A few months just feels too short a period of time to me to really go from “I don’t know this person and want to set my own boundaries until I feel truly comfortable around them” to where you are now for a purely platonic friend.
Definitely bring it up. She might be able to change our you guys could come up with strategies so it doesn't bother you as much (she texts you when she actually gets on the road so you know not to leave until then, or if you pick her up at her place and you can hang out while she finishes getting ready or whatever).
She won't know that something needs to change unless you stop saying “it's all good” when it's not.
If you really like this woman, then this is an issue you can solve together.
Dogs shouldn't eat most cooked human food. Just the spices alone…
As above – definite no! Be honest and decent about it, face to face ideally.
I'm glad it worked out for you with your family, but religion definitely has something to do with it. It's practically impossible to make a rational argument for homophobic beliefs without reverting to religious doctrine. But if you base your epistemological and moral values on religion, it gets easy to condemn homosexuality.
Of course there would still be irrational people who are homophobic without religion. But at least they wouldn't have their religious worldview to fall back on. It's safe to assume that homophobia would be less of an issue today without religion.
Perfect response
However I don’t think I see myself marrying her.
You should sit down and have a conversation with here where you actually tell her this. It's unfair of your to continue a relationship with her without being transparent on this. You should get her feelings on it (maybe she's feeling the same way). Plan it on an evening where you both don't have obligations the next days (e.g. a friday night). Tell her you want to sit down and talk about your futures together and what both of your long term goals are. Tell her you want to discuss your feelings and her feelings, see how you align on things, and if there are places you need to adjust on. Then just has everything out. Talk about how you feel about the relationship and what you think about getting married. What you want for the next 5, 10, 20 years of your life. Ask her about how she feels and what she wants.
The sooner you do this the better.
Haha you for some reason believe I’m bitter. I’m here giving advice. Im happy as can be. I have always had great conversations on dates. Im certain some weren’t into me. That’s logically going to happen. In the reverse, I wasn’t into some of them at one point or another.
I’m not here just dismissing 20 year olds or whoever as a blanket statement. Of course they’re capable of having logical conversations. I was 20 one. I certainly thought I was smart as hell then, and while that was largely true, I still had a lot to learn.
But me saying “logical” was complex. Were we on the same page in terms of the future. Could we enjoy the same things (even to keep it simple as an American, my date couldn’t get into a bar). Did we have the same timeline? Did we focus on the same issues? That’s largely not going to happen and that’s not an anecdote as much as reality.
A 20 year old is generally focusing on finishing up college. She more than likely lives at home and is years away from establishing a career. A 25 year old is generally a few years out of college, established in their career, and might on-line on their own. Her primary focus might only be on college events and having fun, which is awesome. I might also want to have fun but have other things to deal with that she can’t relate to. But like everything, context matters. I’m obviously being completely general as if everyone’s the same and we’re aware that’s not the case. But I can still make assumptions based on likely scenarios.
After all that, all I want to know is what you’re so angry about? Are you a 20 year old pissed off that I called you immature? Talk to me.
It's seriously unlikely this guy will be the last.
What I'm trying to say is that she'll undergo a personality change or change in values at some point within three months to maybe a year. As you said before, you both matured. She'll keep maturing and likely change as a person. What's acceptable at the start of a relationship can easily change later on in it when you're young and changing so much anyway.
Even more so, she's literally 19. This is more of a “feel-it-out” and learning what you like and dislike kind of age.
I'm suggesting that it's highly likely this guy won't work out. You were close for too long for her NOT to think of you when they break up.
She handled it maturely. Shoved the emotions down and didn't break down right then. It's also possible she's thinking about things and sorting out how she feels.
I've only ever peed in a bottle, while in my apartment, in an emergency. Like I got home, had to pee really bad and my daughter is in the shower. It has always seemed like a better option than peeing in the kitchen sink… which is gross.
It's wild to just do it out pure laziness.
Are you trying to learn the language?
Nothing you describe in the comments adds up to cheating. You should talk your paranoia through with a counselor and your wife. Absolutely do not FURTHER spy on her and/or violate her privacy as suggested by some comments.
Dance with your dad but take time to do something nice for your stepdad during the ceremony. Was at a wedding recently where after the toasts the bride said a few words about her relationship with her stepdad and it meant a lot to him
You can’t force someone to change. You communicated your issues and he is not making changes in that direction. Your young, find someone your more comparable with, highly doubtful he will change.
I understand. what I’m saying is don’t text her or call her be nice and respectful because of the kids but at the end of the day remember she is a cheater.
As far as he goes that’s where you guide him away from her. If you got to a wedding invite him as a plus one. Drinks with co workers invite. Don’t just insist he starts dating steer him in the direction of single women.
The more busy he is the less he’ll think about her. Again at the end of the day always show you got his back and that will go along way.
In many places godparents are just adults who are committed to helping raise a child as non parental adults who love and care. Often they are the adults who the child will be trusted with in case of a tragedy.
You are in the wrong here. He has made it clear that this friendship and the child are important to him and he's willing to let you walk rather than eliminate them from his life. You're both better off. You clearly don't want to be in a relationship with a person who is friends with their ex and he can go on and find someone more secure with his arrangements.
Her telling you that she loves you are just empty words. That is all they are, just words. If those words were genuine she wouldnt have slept with the other guy. Because that is not what love is. She got her “closure” and now you are the back up. It is up to you if you want to be that. But i wouldnt advise to do it.
Suggestion: install a bidet, then wash your asses with soap and water. That way, there will be no soiled TP to throw in the trash. The TP will simply be used to dry your clean butthole.
OK, let me say this all back to you so you can’t miss it:
1) Your friend likes men and women.
2) She listened to a playlist of love songs you made for her (and listened to it a lot, which means she HAD to have picked up on how many of them were love songs at some point even if she dismissed it at the time)
3) You both keep finding ways to spend time together constantly (which implies she is doing the same with you)
4) You both like holding hands and cuddling up together (if she really had an issue with it, do you think she would have even let you do that, comfortable or otherwise?)
If you’re worried about being rejected, I would say that the odds of that happening are pretty low with all of that in mind, because all of those signs point towards her being someone who is at least open to being in a relationship with you to me. Don’t get me wrong, approaching this subject with tact is probably the right move to avoid creating bigger problems if it turns out that the answer is actually a no, but I can tell you fairly confidently that most people do NOT hold hands and cuddle up on the couch with someone who is “just a friend”. Childhood friends or people who have known each other platonically for many years (a decade plus), I could believe genuinely being OK with that and it being completely innocent, but not people who have been living together for a couple of months. A few months just feels too short a period of time to me to really go from “I don’t know this person and want to set my own boundaries until I feel truly comfortable around them” to where you are now for a purely platonic friend.
Just ask her why she has texted (guys name from voicemail) 600 hundred times? See what she says
Definitely bring it up. She might be able to change our you guys could come up with strategies so it doesn't bother you as much (she texts you when she actually gets on the road so you know not to leave until then, or if you pick her up at her place and you can hang out while she finishes getting ready or whatever).
She won't know that something needs to change unless you stop saying “it's all good” when it's not.
If you really like this woman, then this is an issue you can solve together.