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I mean, I understand it. Kids are not an Itty bitty change. Whether he had already or nor, or if it was plans for the future, it's a big deal to not be on the same page.
If you refuse to consider abortion, just be prepared that he might not be prepared to stay. It's a rough situation for you all, and I hope it all works out OP.
Why was the year rough for your relationship?
Thank you for commenting!
We are looking into a nanny to help with the kids and with house work. For now my mom will also on-line with us for the first couple of weeks.
As soon as possible we will move to a bigger house, closer to friends and family
Yes and I be hella pissed!
I’d divorce over it
I think your gut was right
Lots of separated parents have two Christmases. My great nephews love it because the day ends up being all about them. They spend one Christmas Day at one parents house, and the next day the do it all again at the other parents house. The next year they switch. I love turkey and stuffing so much, I would LOVE to have two full Christmas dinners two days in a row!
Of course they can.
Here to say this!!!
Ok thanks, I was thinking about that but wasn't sure, could you help me find a way to do it that dosnt involve her hurting herself or more? She has attachement issues and has done so in the past. I'm afraid the relationship of 3 years ending may bring her back to it and I don't want to see her hurting herself because of me.
I'm not going to belittle what it's like to live! with anxiety, because I on-line with it and I have triggers (which I am working on, my partner is very patient and I recognise when it's reared its ugly head and apologise for it) but … From what you've said and other commenters have, the fact it's gone from a private thing between you two, to something she's done in public … I'm inclined to think that she may be using it as an excuse.
Has she tried to distance herself from you at all? It may be she's been trying to end the relationship anyways and hasn't had the balls to do it, so she's been putting barriers between you two in the hopes you'd be the one to do it and she can get away guilt free.
Bro be dating high schoolers
he’s gonna continue watching porn.there’s no stopping that cycle
There is no compromise. She doesn’t see the importance of sharing a bed. He finds it important. Neither is wrong.
Is it at all possible she was giving cookies to a lot of regular customers that night?
You would leave without an explanation; definition of reddit
Maybe she took the pictures on his phone thinking it was hers!
Maybe their icloud syncs and those photos are on his phone unbeknownst to him!
My mom is the LAST person I would purposely have photos of, so maybe ask?
She hangs out with the cheating friend in y’all’s city and is faithful. That doesn’t change if the place they are hanging out at happens to be Miami.
This sounds like you just don’t trust her to not cheat. Which cause you shouldn’t be with someone you don’t trust.
Sounds like you’re dodging a bullet. Tell her not to let the door hit her on the way out.
Yeah, I would have ended things then if he told me the truth. And yes, I know it's a big commitment, I grew up with GSD's so know how to raise and take care of them, and was looking forward to training and all the challenge that comes with raising one.
Your friend sounds like a user of this sub. They do that a lot here.
Well, the big thing for me is the “best love you'll ever have” bit. That's straight out of the manipulator's play book. It's usually an attempt to play on the target's self-esteem with the goal being not to give explanations as to how this relationship will actually satisfy their needs and desires but to rely on the target thinking they can't do better. The more extreme form is when abusers tell a victim no one else would want them to make them feel like they can't leave as then they'll be alone forever.
I don't really believe he hasn't been listening to those people but it doesn't really matter. Maybe he did coincidentally come up with their exact playbook all on his own. It doesn't make it any better coming from him.
You can support his dreams and tell him you need to support your own too. If his desire for the very false narrative of the American dream is so strong that he sees any other option with you as a demotion. That's cruel.
People growing in different directions isn't bad, by the way. It's OK. It hurts, you grieve but it's not wrong. It can be very good.
You don’t spend a grand on friends especially if your SO is struggling. Her gift is a bigger priority than you struggling with bill. OP you now know who comes first is his life.
You don’t spend a grand on friends especially if your SO is struggling. Her gift is a bigger priority than you struggling with bill. OP you now know who comes first is his life.
I'd agree with you if OP had responded to any of the requests for more info. She's had 13 hours and numerous people have asked at this point and still nothing.
I genuinely hope so. But I am going to try and let her direct the conversation to see where it goes rather then blurt out anything desperate on my end.
You’re both too young to explore this lifestyle in a healthy and respectful manner. He probably doesn’t know what he wants and your gut is giving you these signals for a reason. You can use whatever logic you want to justify going forward but it likely won’t end well.
I recommend reflecting on why you’re so afraid of being alone when all you’ve known is your partner’s companionship. You’re an adult now, you can make adult friends if you be brave and put yourself out there.
Personally I've always thought it was inappropriate and immature to be sharing your relationship woes with your parents. It's a deal breaker for me and it shows that there is no privacy. The only exception is if you feel you are being abused.
No honey. You shouldn’t be ashamed. You didn’t do anything wrong other than trust your BF not to rape and hurt you.
I’m so sorry your mother and brothers are such horrible people that they would victim blame you.
You are wrong, the thirst traps were repelling not enticing.
My dad and I took up scuba diving! Not dearly as expensive and then you can vacation to places with reefs!
If what came up? Are you spending multiple nights alone with a coworker of the opposite sex? And not telling your spouse ? That’s a crazy flex but okay.
That’s the thing, to me he is the love of my life.
And don't forget slapping her! No “pat on the cheek” accidentally hurts.
Obviously I care that my sister isn’t talking to me.
Bingo
I’m going to think about your choice of word “unstable”. That’s one I haven’t thought about. I have major ADHD and thrive in chaos. I love it. I love a challenge and I wouldn’t list myself as “stable” all the time. But I know what I want and I’m reliable and loyal as hell. Just trying to get those qualities in return.
But I have to admit… highly stable people kinda bore me and scare me a little. I relate better to people with some demons and hold space for them. I love diamonds in the rough. Maybe ADHD chaos is driving and attracting this. ?
I tried to ask what her definition of cheating would be but she refused to answer
You’re totally right. God I wish he could see.
In his eyes what he did last night was “slight” and fine. Hes done nothing wrong. And the nice things do indeed cancel it out. Oh well..
All things considered, I’d suggest the issues lie in one of you being a little less accessible than in your dick miraculously starting to grow, whether that be a lubrication issue, or some sort of skin change.
If you want to save your marriage I would start counseling. But if he had feelings for her and her husband has now left her, you may find yourself single. I wouldn’t be surprised if your husband leaves you for her.
It almost seems unbelievable that so much drama could go down in the span of 10 days.
It always is when it’s not your life you want to blow up. It was asked why she wasn’t wanting to go straight to divorce, I answered it.
Just look at male role models in popular shows and movies. Almost everyone in my age was quoting Barney Stinson up and down during high school and apparently lots of them copied his behaviour.
I assume you aren't serious about billing him?
I have ulcerative colitis, and flareups can result in explosive and bloody diarrhea, pain and lots of vomiting. The first time I had an accident (before diagnosis), I was in bed with my boyfriend and was dozing off. I suddenly felt weird, so I sat up. Then proceeded to shit myself and vomit the entire way to the bathroom. Like, a goddamned trail behind me. I was so humiliated, that I was crying while trying not to pass out. I was 100% sure he'd want nothing to do with me after that. He came to see me the next morning and checked that I was okay.
That was almost 11 years ago. We now have ten sets of waterproof mattress covers, sheets, and blankets, just in case (also epileptic, and frequently lose bladder control during a seizure). It's been a game-changer.
Just ask him if he's feeling better, or if he's needing anything, because he may still be feeling ill. Please, do not make jokes. He's already feeling shitty as is, joking about it will be just rubbing his face in it.
Your 20 & 23, chill tf out.
Are they your dogs or your parents dogs?
What if they say they will stop using it?
Yeah, my bf doesn’t like seeing people get picked on and tends to stand up for people.
Maybe you should take a page out of his book and stop befriending abusers
You spend time together, but is there any quality in the quantity? For example, when was the last time you went on an actual date together? Such as going to a zoo, theme park or museum etc and just enjoying a day of casual fun and feeling happy & relaxed. How much time do you spend chatting with each other and showing a genuine interest in each others lives? Do you know what your partner is up to? Do you have any particular dreams or goals (and are you actively pursuing them)? Please do not go look for sex/intimacy elsewhere outside of this relationship (in any shape or form) as it will really put a coffin nail in what remains of your relationship. The lack of sex is a consequence of both your partners self esteem and anxiety issues (which will become even more compounded if you start looking elsewhere) and the distance between you two. The sex issue will not improve until you deal with the underlying causes of it. Is your partner suffering from depression at all?
Then OP needs to make the facts known “your father got me pregnant then refused to believe you were his babies and refused to help me. He assumed I'd get an abortion but didn't offer to help even with that.”
OP you don't have to use subjective words like “mean”. If you just recount the facts anyone can see that the guy was mean and a deadbeat. It's important for the kids to make their own minds up about their parentage.
If you don't let them see him now, you can't stop them from reaching out forever.
So all i am hearing is that Yu are fighting for something and someone who has given up years ago.
I would.be open with him and say that either he gets into therapy for his troubles and starts working WITH YOU on the troubles, you don't think it has a future. Because that is the fact, this can not have a future if he expects you to do it all while he wallows in self pity
Just FYI as a mental health professional, people who aren't autistic very rarely even ask themselves if they might be autistic. It's likely that his self dx is accurate. Take into consideration that your understanding of what autism is may be underdeveloped. A lot of people have an incredibly narrow perspective of what autism can look like. From the outside, it can be imperceptible.
Keep what in control?
Thank you for sharing this, I wish more people would share these same views (all genders).
Quick question, are you fucking stupid?
I think this guy is trouble you don't want or need.
Chances are you already have a form of herpes because literally the vast majority of the population has it – about 80% of the population. He has HPV1 which is oral herpes so is his plan never to kiss anyone ever, share a drink, etc? Just don't do anything while he has an active outbreak and you'll be fine. He needs to educate himself on this.
Ask to use her phone for whatever reason like ur phone is dead and you want to google smth or whatever and see if she gets cagey about it ?♂️ if she does then maybe start worrying, if she doesn’t just say that you noticed hinge was on her phone whilst using it and see how she reacts
Uff, it was anything but. Really creepy and sad, and a straight up cult. You can actually Google it and read about them
I offer my services lol
Honestly, if she wants to explore her sexuality and you're ok with it, so be it. Just set your boundaries and stick to them.
If you're not ok with it, then sit down and tell her how you feel about it. If you think it's cheating, then she has to respect your boundaries. If she's not ok with that, then I'd talk to her about proceeding with the relationship.