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I'm so glad I'm not the only person whose brain went there
Definitely address your mental health, as the other commenter suggested.
But in addition, be more aware of what you are doing and make an effort to stop. Like before you ask him for something, prepare for him to possibly say no, so you can say OK and let it go without a fuss. And before you ask him to do something, ask yourself if it is selfish and unreasonable. It is OK to be selfish sometimes, like asking to be held while you are having a panic attack. But asking for something unreasonable, like something silly when he's hanging out with his friends, is something you should just make yourself more aware of so you can put the kibosh on it. It sounds like you have a good deal of awareness but it probably comes after the fact. So just train yourself to start thinking before you ask.
So you would basicly still fuck around when you about to potentially connect with another person on a romantic level?
That's super disrespectful. I am either single , try to connect with another person (then I am not available for other ones) or I am in a relationship.
Everything else is super disrespectful for me and I would instantly leave.
That said I am happily married but holy moly. The hook up culture is so fcked up nowadays
Update: I made a confession to a friend not a close one but the one he wanted me to confess to because I felt as if he’d do it for if I didn’t do it. I feel sick. After I told him that I told this friend he said he didn’t believe me. So he read the message I sent this friend. Said I was “very articulate.” Because I told them in a way that didn’t truly expose myself. I told this friend that I lie sometimes for no reason. Told them the reason why . I told them that I was getting help and that I’m trying to start over on a new leaf this year.
That wasn’t good enough for him. I’ve known this friend for 14 years. We aren’t close friends. We just happened to grow up together. We’ve been getting closer recently. But they know way more about me than he does. He wants me to tell them everything I lied to them about. I’ve known this person longer than I’ve known him. How could I possibly go back and remember everything I’ve said. And this is why I feel like he’s trying to alienate me from people. He’ll say he knows I’m a good person but, he seriously wants me to paint myself as a monster to others.
I’m seriously trying to be a better person. I hate this part about me. But constantly being told that my efforts aren’t good enough is really draining.
You shouldn't be letting it go. You just taught her that she's right.
Worse you don't know why she won't run it again.
Is it time (laziness) or cost (cheapness)?
No, no one has ever been able to negotiate desire. That's not really how that works. You can ignore it and move on, but you can't force yourself to sexually desire someone.
Ask him to trim the beard, not shave it. If that doesn't really help, I'd suggest moving on.
Lots of people here are just skipping over what you actually asked for- advice regarding consoling her.
I won’t beat a dead horse, but this is shitty, manipulative behavior on her part. She needs to communicate more respectfully and I urge you to stand your ground on this. Her anxiety over hurting you is something to be a bit sympathetic towards, but it’s not your responsibility to manage. She should see someone about it if she can’t manage it herself.
Sounds like you had a child with the man of the year and we're only on the 5th day of 2023. Congrats.
Obviously this is a huge fucking red flag, i'm almost certain it's not the only red flag if we were to dig more into your relationship with this turd. As others have already pointed out, get the fuck out of this situation, this man is dangerous.
Yes this. I've already written a novel above, but wanted to agree here. If this is the only thing that turns him on, to the point where he can't sustain an erection otherwise, he needs to stop with the anime porn and try and reset his libido. This isn't tenable and you're correct, OP, that the games are making it worse. I would in fact make this a condition of staying together.
My god, it’s almost like men aren’t horny all the time and sometimes aren’t in the mood to be sexual! Such a concept! Other way would be it’s my wife’s birthday and she’s not in the mood, she should at least cup my balls.
Because she’s the one who’s body is being used to incubate that child, not him, he’s doing nothing. Therefore it is her choice whether to allow that.
Jeez, it isn’t hard.
My advice is don't.
Taking into consideration what you have written, it seems like they either have some kind of relationship or she wants them to do so.
The backpedaling part was a way to measure your reaction, but then she puts a band-aid and tells you that she is not interested, after telling you that she has shown signs of attraction towards that guy.
Seems suspicious.
I would handle the situation by taking her up to a neutral place, tell her to open up about what she is feeling and if she gets upset or sad about the topic, I would start making a plan to finish the things, unless she is really sincere about the entire topic
all “xenogenders” do is make it look like the LGBT movement is not something to be taken seriously. the whole thing is just “otherkin” rebranded.
Trust your instincts, OP, you did the right thing. Move on.
Your gf is bad. Get a new one.
Seriously. This type of stupid isn’t going to go away. You can maybe work this one out, but there are and endless supply of unreasonable bullshit with people like this.
Just dump her.
it bad it makes your writing look.
Ah yes, this is what a coherent sentence looks like.
Warranted, meaning you deserve to confront them? Sure. I think people who advise non confrontation are speaking to the effectiveness of the strategy, assuming you want to give yourself the best chance to get through to the person you’re addressing.
If said friend didn't have active oozing sore you're fine.
I’ve never been to a sleepover with another female friend where we ended up without clothes or in lingerie cuddling. Wtf lol where did he get this info from? It’s not some porn plot. When I sleepover at my friends we are in our comfy pjs watching tv and gossiping at the same time until we fall asleep ?
….so you the person who broke her trust has the audacity to deem her untrustworthy
''In 1996, a man named Mark Gleeson died after he deliberately shoved tampons up his nostrils to cure his snoring problem, caused by an accident which damaged his nose. He suffocated in his sleep because he couldn't breathe through his nose at all. The titles of the news articles are worded in a way they imply that him not being able to breathe through his nose is what caused his death.''
Evidently, not during sleep.
Yeah i am sure as I ended it I felt good when I did it because I knew he wasn't for me emotionally but physically I thought he was beautiful. We get along well as friends hes a good guy, I just didn't want to waste time romantically If I didn't feel we had something between us, he is quite emotionally immature and I need someone who can communicate well so yeah… I'm definitely sure I don't want anything solid with him I just think physically he's exactly what I imagine my dream looking man to look like but I can't figure out why. Looks have never played a huge part in my relationships that's not what I seek. A part of me felt a bit inferior when we dated like I didn't deserve it but now it's casual I feel like that's silly! But yeah i can't work it out
My parents had this kind of issue, sort of. My father demanded that my mother give him blow jobs and anal (started after they got married). She refused, he kept pushing, year after year. He bullied her, forced her. They went to marriage counseling and the counselor said they should make a deal that she'd give him a BJ once a month if he'd stop harping on the anal. She tried, it made her sick. He got abusive, and the marriage was very, very bad because he had one type of sexuality and she had another. They divorced and she happily married a man that respected her and what she was comfortable with, and they were happy together until the day he died. My father remained single because he couldn't find someone else to put up with his selfish nature.
Moral of the story: Find someone who respects and cares about you and what you are comfortable with, and will never demand that you go way out of your comfort zone to give him something that satisfies him and makes you sick. You should never sacrifice yourself that way.
So not only is he stupid AF to pay a scammer but he was cheating on you. Idk why you would want to even stay with him.
He's allowed to be disappointed, and allowed to show and express his feelings. It doesn't sound like he is acting it to push you into to something.
So why are you defensive of his feelings instead of empathetic? Why do you feel guilty? Where does that come from? Are you a people pleaser? Why do you not show your own disappointment? (Read in comments).
Someone suggested couple therapy which is a great idea. But also consider some individual therapy to help get to the root of your reaction to his feelings.
He's allowed to be disappointed, and allowed to show and express his feelings. It doesn't sound like he is acting it to push you into to something.
So why are you defensive of his feelings instead of empathetic? Why do you feel guilty? Where does that come from? Are you a people pleaser? Why do you not show your own disappointment? (Read in comments).
Someone suggested couple therapy which is a great idea. But also consider some individual therapy to help get to the root of your reaction to his feelings.
“only oral” yeah the kissing would be enough for me to walk. Run away OP your X feels like she can blow dudes and it isn't cheating
Plus all these people saying “go to the police” are assuming that he will immediately get arrested and put in jail with no bail on threatening to murder her.
In reality, she unfortunately has no proof, and (fortunately) hasn’t been physically harmed, so there’s little they can actually do. She’s much better off running away and basically hiding until the police file charges.
IMO it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong.
Except maybe you are hung up on “closure”.
IMO it sounds like she just lost interest and so you should move on, hard not to take it personally but from what you wrote you wanted more from her than she was willing to commit.
And sure it would be nice if she said that straight to your face but feeling entitled to that is not good for your mental health.
Instead of looking for “closure” I think you should just accept that she felt more causal about you two than you did and move on.
Fixating and obsessing on it is not healthy.
She might not be communicating her feelings with words but her actions make it clear she lost interest so it is time to let it go.
I think you're right. I don't know how to leave my dream job. I don't know how to even start this process. I've never had this happen to me or anyone I know.
But how can the interest rate be 11%, if interest rates everywhere have been 0% for years now?
First off I’m not really against this looking in peoples things when there’s a problem because a lot of times you find the answers there. We have to sit for killing them. In the truth of the matter is there dishonest and hiding stuff that’s why they have to be so secretive.
Also, porn is a really prevalent addiction right now because it’s so available on the Internet and it takes a man’s sex life down. Because he’s doing himself all day long he’s not Randy
Sounds like some thing of “Petty revenge”.
That may have been OPs most expensive impoliteness ever.
She may not even think “this was ok”. It more sounds like a lesson to him.
Either it's considered a break of trust.
Or at least they should discuss boundaries.
I totally understand that his gf maybe could be pi..ed with him walking out on her for a lengthy chat with someone else.
But using money that wasn't hers to use is also stomping boundaries.
You just say Bingo..
Yep. however it does change this should be #1
I don't think it's a problem to not online together before you get married. I do think it's a problem though to marry someone who has never lived independently of mummy and daddy. That's your sister's problem.
I think it's just nice to hear someone say “I'm sorry” it's been a long time since it's happened and I didn't get that a lot or any at all really. My mom handled it HORRIBLY, she would get drunk and start like being overly angry about it and it was just obnoxious at some points, and there wasn't much my dad could do, I know he pretty much wanted to kill the guy who did it, worse enough, he lived right under us.. I think I really do need to look into EMDR therapy or do some research for therapists, I feel so sick every time I think about til this day and I wish I could just fucking forget it. It's a secret I bury the deepest, yet it's the loudest shit in my brain. I'm also so fucking sorry you to had go through that and as a five year old, I can't imagine how horrific that had to of been. I hope you got help or are actively getting help if you need it too. I'm not even surprised anymore by how fucking sick and twisted people can be. I have a 10 year old daughter and I'll protect her until the day I fucking die, I'd never forgive myself if something happened to her ughhh.
Not sure on the timeline, but if it's still possible go to the hospital and get a rape kit ASAP. It's hard definite proof that will give you the upper hand in court
Holy shit you’re an asshole.
oh I see, you don’t do nuance when defining what it means to blow someone off. I don’t know why you keep assuming that it was possible to compromise, you realize that’s not always possible? In the same way it’s not always possible to know about your sisters trip ahead of time when they tell you the day of?
are you the kind of girl to get jealous of your bf’s sister? Come on now you can do better
Thank you! I think he’s a narcissist and doesn’t care tbh.
Thank you!!