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I think I know a little about how you feel. My brother and I had to have some very tough discussions. I’m a “fixer” so letting go, for his wishes, was hot. The Palliative Nurse helped me see that ultimately, I needed to put him first and start dealing with the inevitable.
Hope you do find a way to have your wishes Heard but try to hold on to your kindness with others…we who are left behind have our pain too.
So, the odds are that she’s broken up with Brad and it’s not actually all that urgent. Even if their relationship is over, that wouldn’t erase the fact that she prioritised a deeply unethical romantic relationship over her own child.
Having said that, there’s always the off chance that it actually is urgent. I doubt that’s the case though. The likelihood is she specifically told you it was urgent as a manipulation tactic. After all, if she plants the seed that she may be dying in your head, you couldn’t possibly say no, right? That’s the kind of thought process that’s often at work in cases like this.
Personally, I’m weak, so I’d want to know if what’s so urgent is more like scenario A or more like scenario B. But I would not blindly agree to meet her in order to find out. So what I’d do is send her a text basically saying “I’m not going to meet you unless you tell me what this is about”. If she refuses to tell you, well, it’s probably not that urgent and you can move on. If she does tell you, you can decide whether it’s a subject worth having a face-to-face with your mother.
This is what I’d do, but honestly, there are no wrong answers here. Even if she is dying, that does not obligate you to see the woman who rejected you for a toy boy. And even if it’s not urgent at all and it’s just “Brad and I are moving and we have some of your stuff” or whatever, you would not be wrong. Do what feels right to you. Talk to your grandmother about it.
If you do decide to see her, definitely bring your grandmother with you. Having some moral support can be invaluable.
I wish you the best of luck.
Wow. Just wow. Both of you. Wow. You cheated that woman out of years of her life. Please let karma be real.
Thank you. This actually helps alot. 🙂
What sort of advice are you looking for here?
You are the side piece. The “ex” that he lives with is his current GF and he’s cheating on her with you.
So you think this is weird? What's a good range of gap in your opinion?
Fake
No… he heard you he didnt care. Sports was more important than your request but the World Cup isn’t every day. So what’s his actual excuse? Hes not slow he just knows you will still sleep with him regardless if he even tries to get you off.
Make her hold herself open for you. Works well because it makes her feel submissive and it makes it easier for you to get to the clit.
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You don't know.
Monogamous people will not want to continue a relationship once you make your desire to sleep with others known, it's life.
Hell yeah. Start the new year with zero baggage.
If she refuses help to a problem that is affecting you too, she seams to not care about you. A selfcentered partner to the point of hurting yourself isn't worth the stay.
I think, if she is your love and you want to stay together, you need to put your foot down and give her an ultimatum: “You can't stay with her like this for the sake of your health in the long run.”
The best thing would be to block him and move on, I would ask him about it out of curiosity tho.
You're in the wrong here. Obviously your feelings are valid but you need to have a look at them.
She isn't entertaining them, if she was she would be giving them her ACTUAL NUMBER
She isn't your property, you don't own her. She is under no obligation to announce to men that you like have a claim to her.
Men don't respect no, and they don't care what the reason for the no is. Rejecting men can escalate a situation and make it dangerous.
It's very common that upon hearing someone has a partner men will say “but he's not here” or something like that. They do not understand that statement to mean no.
He's done a lot of personal work over the years and now he's a real stand-up guy.
I don't have any advice re: your parents unreasonable ultimatum, I just want to validate the possibility of genuine change that you have seen in him.
From the late teens to mid 20s is a time of massive personal growth and development(literally as well as figuratively, the human brain is still developing and only reaches 'maturity' at around 25). People can and do change drastically during this time as they mature into the adults they will basically spend the rest of their life as.
The man you see now is not the boy he once was, but he is very likely the man he will continue to be in the future.
We should e DNA testing all children at birth.
How is that even a question? Yes it's rape. And yes you should report asap
Do people change, sure. People can work on themselves and iron out their mistakes.
However.. if someone needs to tell you:
not to just link, I’m actually a decent guy 🙂
Usually that is a red flag and they're putting up a front.
You don't tell people you're a good guy. You demonstrate it through consistency and actions.
Rightfully so:
I’ve now started to take men’s words with a grain of salt.
This goes for both genders… do not dive head first into anything without knowing it is safe to do so. That is how people get burnt. Getting burnt enough times will develop a negative view towards dating in general. Only you can protect yourself when it comes to dating. So everyone should proceed with caution. Take things slow rather than rush is what I always advocate.
If (and I mean loosely) were to give him a chance… you should be taking it as slow as possible. Do not give up anything freely. Ensure there is respect and a good amount effort on his behalf.
Normally people would say “nah, not worth it”
In your post you talk about it happening in the midst of conflict. Argument started, he left, when he came back you said it. I’d still consider that to be part of the disagreement. This doesn’t appear to be normal conversation that the term “ig” came up and triggered a unique argument.
Communicate. If he does it again leave. That’s what I would do. How are other aspects of your relationship?
You two seem to have a real strong connection, and it's clear that you're into her big time. Here's the deal, it's totally cool to want more from a relationship, but it's also important to respect where the other person is at. If she's not ready for a relationship right now, then you gotta respect that. But that doesn't mean you can't let her know that you're still interested.
It's a delicate balance, you don't want to push her away, but you also don't want to miss out on an opportunity. Here's what you do, bro. Keep doing what you're doing, spending time together and building on your friendship. But also make it clear that you're still interested in her romantically. Let her know that you're happy to keep things as they are, but that you hope she'll change her mind about a relationship in the future.
And listen, if things don't work out between you two, it doesn't mean you've lost something special. You'll always have the memories of your amazing friendship and the work you've done together. And who knows, maybe down the line things will change and you'll be able to take things to the next level. But for now, just enjoy the time you have together and keep being open and honest with her. Good luck, bro!
He sounds like any other guy who is too cowardly to say they don’t want kids snd just keep stringing their gf along.
Men are constantly making sperm. The quality goes down as they age because copying mistakes are made. He can have kids when he’s older but the miscarriages and defect risks go up.
“after we made everything good”… You never made everything good.
What you're describing is absolutely bizarre and I don't see how you could ever expect it to improve in the future. Is there any more to this story? This seems really strange. As written though, I think you should aim to get out of the relationship as soon as possible.
Honestly this was me when my husband asked me out ! We were working together at the same job and I was the new hire. I have social anxiety and panicked because he caught me off guard. He didn’t know as we had barely known each other for 2 weeks with just a few interactions. He also asked me in front of other people. I would have preferred a text lol. But yes I also panicked, was embarrassed, and said I would get back to him. We have now been married for 7 years. Maybe she also has social anxiety?? So my advice is that for now I would leave it alone with her. Maybe text her if you can in a few days and just remind her, “Hey have you found free time for us to get a coffee?” But do not make her feel bad about the previous interaction. There’s always a reason of why she acted the way she did, and it probably wasn’t intentional or meant to be rude to you. And I agree with the rest of the people here. I do not think you got rejected. So keep your hopes up! If she is a nice girl, then she’s worth waiting for no?
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is one of the few disorders that there is considered no cure or even viable treatment for. In all studies with narcissism there have been been few tbt (talk based therapy) that might be effective for better coping and self awareness for narcissists, but not decreasing the whole narcissistic part.
What it sounds like he is doing (purposefully mind you) is called love bombing. Where whenever they get caught or someone is trying to disconnect or unmesh themselves from the narcissist, they will change behavior (not because they want to get better but because they want the results that it will give them) for as long as they think it takes to make the other person think they've changed or get stuck more and more into the relationship. Happens a lot with parents with personality disorders towards their grown children.
To put it simply, you are in an abusive marriage. Would you let your child be treated the way you are being treated? Your sister? Best friend? A stranger? No. Nothing you have written above sounds even remotely healthy. The start of your relationship was due to manipulation and lies and the continuation of your relationship is due to manipulation and lies.
Because he is her SO.
>>How can I get it through his head
He already understands, OP. He just doesn't care. You'll jump through all the hoops & clean & take care of the dog, and he straight up said he knows you'll do it.
I stopped reading after the second paragraph. Bye bye, leave her. Don't even look back.
Now. This point. So she can be free of you.
There's a lot of “I” in here. You need to figure out how to change that to “we”. Maybe even couples therapy.
You're both young, and I think it would really, really benefit you both, your relationship, and any future children you have, if you went to couples therapy. It might be able to give you tools to communicate and teach you both a few things that a lot of others only really learn later in life. Like standing up for your needs and wants.
You'll also both be able to hash out any issues that you might not even realise are present, and it will hopefully reveal if he's someone you should be having a child with anyway.
No, you should gather evidence, secure all your assets, file for divorce, move his things to a storage facility and then serve him the divorce papers and storage facility info while he is with his mistress
Man, i’ve been living miserably for many years because of the unseen disorders. I haven’t met any psychiatrist yet. I tried not to dwell but sometimes it haunts me everytime I try.
Exactly, I told him it was something a teenager would do
Get a mattress cover and change out the sheets and pillow cases.
You realize her body will still have the same responses to the food except she won’t be able to do anything about it right?
Understandable. And no problem. It will work out eventually if there is genuine love. Also congrats on the house.
You don't need a way to apologise or to start over, you need a new job and to have a talk with your boyfriend's parents (together with your boyfriend!) about how you all need to be able to separate your private relationships from your work relationships.
The inability you all show to separate work matters from private matters is astounding. Of course your boyfriend's parents bear the majority of the blame since they are the owners of the business(es) and should be the ones to set an example, but you're all going about this all wrong, including you and your boyfriend.
Talks about work belong at work, not at the dinner table at home. The fact that neither of you is able to see let alone maintain this relatively simple boundary is a clear sign that you shouldn't be working together at all.
Find another job the same way your boyfriend did and, when you're both ready, approach your boyfriend's parents to try to patch up your private relationship without bringing work into it.
All of this. They both are pining for each other.
Means she has feelings for someone else
Note for anyone else who read this
If you’ve ever wanted to know how a narcissist thinks…this is it
Good lord dude
stop lacking on married women because you think you’re so good looking (and fit, don’t forget fit!) and you’re an executive who can make her dreams happen that her husband can’t. Thats some unhinged thinking and you’re actively trying to wreck a marriage for a girl who’s only been a legal adult for a few years
Leave these people alone
If he wasn't overreacting why does it not happen in front of friends and family? Why with them he's suddenly able to moderate his sensitivity but with OP it prevents him from chores and constantly ruins their dates?
She's not ready or has accepted the change
I think she's choosing a neutral way of addressing you to create some sort of connection to your past self.
They aren’t saying that asking for a prenup makes you a misogynist pig. And he hasn’t asked for one in any event. His thinking about women and conspiracy theories about the way the law works are bizarre and misogynist. Almost all states have extremely limited spousal maintenance requirements. Gone are the days of being stripped of your money.
It definitely could be related to her being so upset. If he was so upset about this, he could communicate respectfully
Maybe he can pay 1500 + half the utilities. Under what he has now, but so none of you are feeling resentful. Since y'all are new id also still rec arase agreement to protect you both.
You’re absolutely right .
Your head is completely in the clouds, you need a serious reality check.
4 months? Girl, move on. Please don’t make a habit of collecting ?. Let him go.
She’s not actively trying to find another job with a daytime schedule? Break up
Updateme
I'm afraid this deserves a red flag, but not the one you're expecting.
First, this isn't about right and wrong, it's about compatibility. For every person who would go mad if their partner didn't agree to open devices apps passwords, tracking, and check-ins, there is another person who would go just as mad under their partner's constant surveillance and insatiable distrust.
Now, the red flag. Why did this issue take 3 years to surface???? The only change you mention is that you're engaged now. I don't think you're dealing entirely with phones and privacy. I think cold feet is the bigger part of this, and sadly it seems you're looking at the marriage more with apprehension than with joy.
No infidelity that I know of is a very qualified vote of confidence, not the sort I expect after giving a promise to marry. The ring goes back where it came from, and very possibly so does the man. I'm sorry about the 3 years, but at 28 he's not your last chance.