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Birth Date: 2004-05-05
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Maybe talk with him about those feelings. Also maybe take note of his schedule so maybe you can self soothe “ok he usually is working around this time” etc
OP, your kids are never going to “fall in line” and be straight or hearing. Never. Your husband is beating them with a stick to cause a future that cannot physically happen. They will never be good enough, their families will never be good enough for you this ridiculous, small-minded, petty man.
Your children have received decades of messaging that their very existence is embarrassing for their father and you have so far only encouraged this messaging. I think that's tragic. I can't think of a single thing your kids would get out of continuing to have a relationship with this man. If you don't distance yourself from this, they won't see the value in having a relationship with you either.
Do you honestly benefit from a relationship with this man, who is forcing you to not have deep meaningful relationships with your kids?