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Woah. Ok. So I’m not a mother, but if you remove that element I’ve lived what you’re describing in her just a few years ago. I’m very sorry for the length, but your scenario strikes an uncomfortably intimate chord in me and for your sake I’d love try and give any account even close to what she might be going through.
I had several years of instability and warning signs that ultimately resulted in a legally and physically dangerous psychotic break. Crazy long story short: My poor mental health, strong genetic predisposition to ADHD & Bipolar I, and the unprecedented multi-faceted stressors in my life at that time collided and my mind imploded along with my sense of self and previously firm grasp on reality. I was behaving damn near exactly like she is but it seems to have been going on significantly longer for her which is terrifying.
When she smokes, I’m guessing it’s weed? Even if it’s cigarettes. Look into research on the theorized predisposition of the ADHD brain to substance abuse. It can definitely start from something that was never a problem before. I went from weed to alcohol +misc. and back and forth a million times until I was properly addicted for years to dangerous, life-altering/threatening levels and it took a very expensive addiction program and my father’s death from substance abuse to get me to finally stop and begin repairing my life. It’s both chemical and mental. Just as clinical as it is emotional. I can’t speak for everyone but I don’t think my stimulants worked how they were supposed to when I was virtually never sober, even though they always helped. I was barred from using stimulants indefinitely for a few years due to my use and I’m glad it happened; as much as it filled me with daily desperation at the time ‘cause I really did need them. I’m back on them now after years of hot work to prove to doctors and therapists that I was healthy enough for it – it’s so much less chaotic and more productive when you’re genuinely stable and have a holistic approach to your personal progress.
As for the psychosis symptoms. Absolutely what others have said: this is way above everyone’s pay grade. Any first year, first semester psych student could immediately recognize serious symptoms in the bipolar/psychosis/schizophrenia family from what you’ve written. Out-of-character aggression when others lovingly tried to help or be rational was the point where no one around me could deny I wasn’t in control anymore, but I was already too far gone to let even trusted doctors convince me how sick I was. I know it’s very hot, but you can’t blame yourself or try to fix it. Surrender both of yourselves to highly trained professionals that you trust and connect with and let go of any notions of what the correct outcome is here. The only outcome that matters is that you both get well and your child stays safe, no matter how unrecognizable life is from here on out.
I would absolutely listen to those mentioning possible postpartum psychosis more seriously versus my account since motherhood is obviously some kind of catalyst here. Bare minimum it’s a layer of her existence she can’t escape that carries undeniable potential to be a permanent, dynamic stressor. Just wanted to communicate that this could’ve been inevitable for her, baby or no baby, depending on her family history and you should try to find comfort in the fact that no single factor was ever to blame. Sadly, this probably won’t play out without some serious interventions from family or providers and I’m sorry you’ll be dealing with all that. But she isn’t safe – there’s no path out that will completely avoid these hurdles.
My biggest takeaway from my experiences was that your mental health providers are the most important professional relationships in your life. They’re not your friend, but you have to feel safe and completely open with them and they have listen carefully and respect what you tell them is or isn’t working while still being the person in the room who 100% will and should always know the medical side better than you. If she’s uncomfortable for the tiniest reason and it’s causing her to hold back information or push through the discomfort as a challenge to herself: leave. If it works for a while then it doesn’t: leave. There will always be amazing and shitty providers. They’re highly trained, but they’re still just people. Fit matters so much and should be prioritized above all.
Many statements made by my psychiatrists have changed my life, but the one that’s gotten me to today is: “If there’s a medication with a side effect bad enough to mess with your quality of life, it’s not the right medication for you.” Or not the right dose. Or not the right combination of medications and doses. I always thought medications were about making trade offs you could stomach. Almost 4 years and countless medication and lifestyle adjustments later I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been. On multiple ADHD + Bipolar medications (some at a high dose) with no side effects whatsoever. The contrast to how bad off I was is frightening. I honestly didn’t think my life today was possible from how dark everything was through months, then years of shame and humiliation over the things I’d done settling in + the fight to trust when I wasn’t paranoid or hallucinating, etc. But I promise you it’s possible for your wife to move on from this one day. Though it’ll probably take everything she’s got. I wish you so, so much luck as parents and as two individuals who have shared love and life before all this.
I don't know what I would do in your situation. What I do know is you being PUT in that situation stinks, and after he basically refused to take it back it should never have been brought up again.
na this is about another woman, plain and simple. IM a guy and agree with the girlfriend in this instance. I suppose the guy would be fine with his gf hitting the gym with a much older man and then hell lets do lunch too.
I usually do this on the rougher side of town where most people don't have access to Uber. I grew up really poor so I just sympathize with them.
I feel kinda bad for not being 100% for it
And that kiddo, is exactly why he feels the need for condoms. He doesn't want kids now, maybe never, and certainly not next month because you got sick and needed antibiotics.
Find a new boyfriend and drop his ass.