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Volunteer at your local soup kitchen, animal shelter or read to the elderly if you feel that you have too much time on your hands. No need to run out and get a friend because your boyfriend told you so…that's ridiculous. You make friends when you want to not because you have to.
So what do I do now?
Learn from this for the next one ?
How do I fix this?
Don’t think you do, sounds like it’s no undoable
I think your sister needs to grow up, and your husband sounds cold and controlling. She’s your sister, you love her, you want to help her. You also want your marriage. Your husband isn’t being fair, and neither is your sister with her behaviour. Going on benders and refusing help when she’s bipolar is terrifying. The thing is, the drugs make you feel awful. The side effects start to wear off about an hour before you’re due to take the next one. You try and stretch it out, because you’re going to feel like death again once you take it, so you leave it an extra hour, feel even better, then another hour…bipolar mania is a high that is better than any coke, any drug, and it’s addictive, but it’s always followed by the crash. Is there anywhere else you can go with your sister? You need to have a serious talk with her about her choices, about how it’s affecting your mental health, how you are scared for her all the time, how you can’t sleep for worrying, about the toll it’s taking on you all together. With your husband- only you can decide. He sounds cold, unfeeling, but only you can decide that. Alit of people are scared and uncomfortable around mental illness. If he restricts you in any way from having friends, seeing people, then that’s worrying. If it’s just your sister, then I would take it that she makes him very uncomfortable. Look for other ways to help your sister, ie going to an appointment with her and meet her therapist, asking her to keep a mood diary, finding live! support groups, just being interested. It’s horrible being so sick that you can’t trust yourself and not having support. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. You sound like a lovely person.
It's very possible she likes it, most women I've dated like rough play.
No, it's not possible that she likes it outside of the bedroom. It's not possible that she likes it when she explicitly told him not to do it. It is still abusive to randomly come up to your partner and start choking them, even if they like in the bedroom.
Ffs what a huge leap. He cheated, sure, but the fact you’re turning a few paragraphs of people you don’t know into the boyfriend having “abusive colors”, this mystery scammer is suddenly a savior that did a “favor” for OP, he’s with his girlfriend for four years because he can manipulate her, and this mystery woman warned him and sent them to call out behavior. You’re an idiot and should feel bad. You cannot discern all of this information from one post.
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That's the spirit! You have a great attitude. Maybe it'll take time. How can they not like you. You even have a stranger liking you, so coworkers should be no problem for you. LOL. It'll work out for you.
Although I do miss office life, not having to commute is great as well … unless I can more elsewhere. Being social is good. I do get lonely here, so I'll check it out, and maybe I'll even move. New statt. Thx.
You are unbelievably inspiring OP. Know that a lot of people would be frightened in your position and return back to the comfort of familiarity, but you are choosing to do something that will change your life for the better. I’m incredibly proud of you. If you need anything feel free to dm me. May all of the love and happiness you deserve shine your way❤️?
wait there’s an option written “hide from gallery”, maybe he pressed this button and I didn’t noticed it?
Sister probably learned this from the parents. Parents may have done the same to them as kids.
because that's where she decided he broke the rules.
I’d be severely pissed and conflicted too. I think the big question that needs to be answered is why she never told you. Just by your demeanor I can tell that the infidelity is less an issue for you than the dishonesty.
As I’ve gotten older infidelity has gotten less black and white in my mind but if a relationship is to survive it there needs to be transparency and the offender needs to fight like hell to win back trust.
I’m not certain your wife is doing that here.
Either she doesn't cook/bake as much as she says she does,
We have cooked together when I've visited, and she did make a cheesecake that my senses totally buy as homemade. So I can at least attest she does do both on occasion.
or she was planning on baking actual cupcakes to gift you but, for some reason, she was unable to. And she has a baking reputation to maintain, so she wasn't going to admit the “sin” of buying store cupcakes.
This is the most likely explanation. There's absolutely good reasons why she wasn't able to bake at the time. She's been stressed with family issues. But that's why I wouldn't have expected anything. I didn't expect her to put so much stock on her 'reputation'
Plus – and I'm stretching here, but it's Saturday and I have nothing better to do, lol – maybe she's into you.
Unlikely, whilst we are both single and compatibly oriented, various family/friends have done the 'so are you two together?' talk to us both but it's never even been a consideration for us as far as I'm aware. Just not that vibe. Whilst I could be blind, she's not exactly shy so I figure it wouldn't be a secret if she did feel that way.
Let it go and don't “bake” her a set of the same cupcakes.
I think you're right, I'll drop it.
What does she expect to accomplish by saying “my ex is/was like that?” Is she defending it? How do those conversations go?
I care a lot less about her saying “that's just how he is” compared to if she's trying to defend him or the behavior. Is she?
I can't wrap my head around the fact they haven't even met in person yet.
I think the issue that a lot of people are missing here is he made it out to me that our plans were concrete, that it would be very unlikely either of us would cancel them, especially because he made a huge deal of saying that he wasn't gonna change our plans just to suit his friends. It was during that conversation that I encouraged him to go out, and he very strongly said no, that's why I'm pissed that our plans suddenly did change. I think I just wish he had been honest with me during that conversation and just said, yeah I'll go out that night and we'll reschedule, instead of saying he definitely didn't want to.
Or he’s insecure and not ready for a relationship if he can’t trust his partner
Almost as if…
They were 3 people conversing and the mom could talk with her husband and her daughter if they didn't want to participate…. being the birthday person doesn't mean that you get to make the free speech non existent on your day!!!
Team up with her best friend to “pamper” your gf for her bday. If her friend is on board and supportive, there is very little chance of her turning it around negatively on you.
Setup the appointment with gf at least a week beforehand. And only after talking with her.
I'd suggest dinner with you two and her friend and bring it up then as part of her bday gift you want to plan with her.
Sorry I mean no disrespect but you sound a little out of touch
My ex is very open to cheating with me (Sent borderline inappropriate photos and comments about our past sex life)
He is not a “cheater” or a “narcissist.”
How would you reconcile those two contradictory statements? He’s not a cheater… except that he asked you to cheat via text, message etc?
He’s a good man, one of the best guys I’ve ever dated.
I mean clearly he created a fascinating delusion for you
He seems happy in his marriage except he has eluded to very little intimacy.
Because all cheater say that. If they said they were perfectly happy in their current relationship but wanted a side piece, how many people would sympathize with that?
Do men seriously cheat because of lack of sex?
No, it’s because the ones that cheat are assholes
Why with the ex? Is it nostalgia? Is it taboo?
Not a general rule about exes, but he probably wants to cheat with you because he thinks he was a greater chance of success because you apparently have such a high opinion of this trash human. ‘he’s not a cheater, but wants to with me. So I must be special or something is wrong with his wife’. No ma’am, it’s nothing so interesting, this is just a garden variety cheater. In general people tend to cheat with people that they think are ‘east’ and susceptible
He never was that kind of person in the past.
He was, he just didn’t show it to you. Do you think his now wife knows what kind of a person she married?
I don't think poorly of him and have no judgement because I'm a firm believer we are all fallible.
Good for you. I wonder if his wife shared this view? Why don’t you send her the screenshots and let her decide? Is he gonna sleep with someone else if you decline the offer? Is he gonna get some disease and bring it back to his wife? What if the wife quits her job to be a sahm while he’s out there cheating, so when she finds out she can’t really leave? What if they’re trying to get pregnant? A lot to think about for you
I will definitely Insist on the Uber next time ….he’s the one who asks me to drop him off/pick him up so that he can get an extra hour nap in the car before his shift while I drive
Because it really bothers me and I’m not sure what to do. I love him and want to be with him
I did however smoke 3 times in the house when she was not there.
I 100% agree with her. She told you a hot boundary and you ignored it. You showed you don't respect her and will lie to her face.
Why would anyone stay?
I definitely am not trying to change him! I guess I feel more sad than anything that he does things he doesn’t want to do out of fear he will disappointment them, or doesn’t do things he wants to do for the same reason.
Thanks for helping me see this from another point of view! I really appreciate it!
thank you for your insights
Man, this generation is fucked. Impatient and always in constant need of attention and instant gratification. I'm probably too old to help on issues like that. For older people like me, this is such a non issue to create a fuss over one way or another. I can see this through my daughter as well who is almost 3. We fucked up by letting her watch youtube. Her attention span and patience level is shattered by all this media and tech. Feel sorry for the next gen.