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You are in a job where the only way you succeed in your career is to always put your job first – no wonder you feel shortchanged (because you had to trade off your personal for your professional life. That balance should be able to swing more towards your personal life now that you are almost done with residency. So be patient and start putting some effort in to travel and your social life it will happen. It happened for me in my 40s.
Okay, well I hope you understand your own response is extremely prudish and sex-shaming and that most people don’t share this point of view. She wasn’t even in any kind of relationship, now could she disrespect one? Sex isn’t a finite resource you have to hoard, you can have as much of it as you want and if it bothers other people that’s really their issue…
What emotions? You're talking about lust and sex. I'm not shaming you for that, but don't confuse the manipulation you exacted as emotions that were pulling you along. You made choices and excused it (his 'controlling' actions, which wasn't at all controlling) to suit your own ends.
I honestly mean this, be happy in your new relationship. However you need to work on your empathy and understanding of how your actions affect others.
It's hot to hear and harder to put into action, but your education, your future and your career are worth more than a relationship that may or may not last. There are no guarantees on your relationship, he could dump you at any time and then you're left with nothing. Put yourself first.
Use words, ask her?
I think as a general rule men care a whole lot more about nides than women. From a female perspective, nudes of men are just meh.
So most women will not ask you for nudes. They aren’t as interested. It isn’t that she doesn’t want to see you like that, it’s just that she imagines it instead.
Next, you said you wouldn’t send anything unsolicited? That’s usually referring to a situation where the two people don’t have an intimate relationship. If you guys are into seeing each other hot and you know she’s cool with it and you’re cool with it, the other person doesn’t have to ask. You can just send it.
I don't blame you it's very important. Unfortunately I don't think he will see this, and will only continue to want you to cut off all friendships or even want you to stop contacting loved ones. Go on your trip. If he's not okay with it find someone who is okay with you experiencing life and spending time with other people you care about.
Seems like someone hasn't moved on
Seems like someone hasn't moved on
I'm an Indian woman who refused to have an arranged marriage. There are very few people who have the courage to go against their parents and “society”. He has already told you that he isn't ready to put up a fight. The answer is quite simple. You leave.
I'm an Indian woman who refused to have an arranged marriage. There are very few people who have the courage to go against their parents and “society”. He has already told you that he isn't ready to put up a fight. The answer is quite simple. You leave.
I am known being an overthinker, that’s why I seemed help from Reddit. Plus when I got sick last week she asked how I was and offered help in the subjects I missed, that’s why I’m contemplating whether I should help her or not, as the context is vague and unclear
I, personally, would also breakup with someone if they didn't have good hygiene practices, especially when you consider things like intimacy and the risk of things like UTIs and just being a little grossed out by that.
My recommendation would be to get yourself into a pattern where you are showering every day. You probably can't smell yourself the way those around you can, as we're often a little blind to our own scent until it's really noticeable.
She's drawing a line and you'll have to decide how you respond to that.
Maybe it’s just me being extra sneaky but if the house is big enough I’d take the day off and only “pretend to leave”. Cams are a good idea too!
I’m 25 and if I had my dating app age filter set to include 20 year olds my friends would be distraught. If you met in person I’d be willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, but having his filters set that low at 29 is pretty concerning. Makes me wonder if he’s got it set as low as 18.
He is an idiot…!
Weird howd you know its NY? Im not really sure but i have some ideas.
I’m 62, married for 27 years. When I was in my 40s, I worked with a woman who I was very attracted to. She was between 10 & 20 years younger than me. We used to speak every day and she would tell me all these things about her life. And I was very tempted to cheat on my wife with her.
I never even told the younger coworker that I was attracted to her or that I was tempted to cheat with her. I managed to control myself and she eventually left the company for another job.
I didn’t give in to temptation because I didn’t want to hurt my wife or be “that guy”. I wouldn’t be able to online with myself after hurting her like that.
I also have no reason to believe the coworker ever saw me as anything other than a friend who offered a sympathetic ear to her problems. So there was a very real possibility that any pass I made would have been rejected.
In any event I hope I’m not the only exception to the rule of people in that position who choose as I did. Lots of things have changed in social mores in my lifetime. I hope that most people would choose as I did.
Tap him on the nose too and tell him “Stop!” /s
This is the best advice. Like my silly comment, he needs to be corrected on the spot, like a dog. Haha
You don't need to look farther than this advice here. Don't shit where you eat, and don't fuck your dad.
Under the jail
Seriously, him “tattling” to your parents is the least of your problems.
Do not allow your gf to derail your plans. No matter what. And, please do NOT make the mistake of marrying her before you head off to basic.
It seems like there are quite a few men in the comments saying that rape is a funny joke and you shouldn't be so sensitive. I'm going to go ahead and say those men are trash just like your gross boyfriend. There is no way a conversation naturally flows from an Olive Garden proposal to a kidnapping and rape unless you literally believe the pain and suffering that is typically only experienced by women is a punchline. Especially when you know your “audience” aka partner has been abused by previous men in her life.
You are right that it's screaming red flag, especially since his response to you pointing out how uncomfortable he made you was a poor man's attempt at DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim and offender). It would be one thing if he actually took your feedback and said that wasn't his intention and he's sorry that he hurt you. That's a pretty mediocre apology anyways and he couldn't even do that.
His misogyny, his inability to take responsibility for the (very easy to expect) effects his words had, his inability to validate your feelings, all red flags. I wouldn't be able to be in the same room again with somebody who was supposed to be my partner and did what he did. I'm livid for you.
Wow, you’re dating a real online psycho.
Do NOT have another baby with this man.
Is he worth the time it will take to teach him to be a good lover? Will he be a receptive student?
There’s not much worse than bad sex. You know better than we do if it’s fixable.
Not true. If she's willing to let her SIL adopt the baby, it means she'll be involved as an aunt.
OP doesn't want to put her entire life on hold *again* to raise another baby.
Her feelings are completely valid, and if she were a man no one would have doubted the decision.
Get ready to divorce. It looks like this marriage is coming to an end, which is a good thing.
Not all age gap relationships are sketchy. But this one is.
When he was the age you are now, you were 8.
He’s banking on you having no frame of reference to know he’s awful. Typically the reason why he doesn’t go for women closer to his age, and or why they don’t put up with him.
Please please please for your own safety, leave him.
I want repair our friendship and stay with her
Weird way to say “latch onto her so she can take care of you, or harrass her until she finishes the job”
Well, i wouldnt date someone 18 years older than me that cant get a woman his own age
The difference is between: “I am not going to accept you going off the rails with alcohol, as bad things can happen” and “I don’t trust you to limit your own alcohol so you’re not allowed to travel without me.”
The first makes sense. The second is controlling. If you respect her, then respect her to make decision about what situations she can safely be in. It’s not your call.
It would explain why he downplays your relationship to his coworkers
How?
First thing: get tested for STDs. You should not put yourself in danger to tell his wife. You don’t know exactly what he’s capable of. He was able to conceal a lot from you. If you’re going to remain in that town, no need to make an enemy of the police. In a different situation I would encourage you to tell but in this case, your safety is at risk.
You just openly admitted to just want them around as options. I would be tempted to say break up with both of them they deserve better but the other girl definitely doesn't need you make her an option.
Uh… your bf is a psycho. You should break up with him… from a very safe distance.
Good luck. Despite knowing your situation, he's still demanding. This is not a good dynamic. Do not buy a house now! You need to save for a down payment but it sounds like at your level, you need to get the emergency 6 month fund together first.
A loving partner understands your struggles and tries to ease your burden. Not this guy, he's doubling down. Also, job hunt. Seriously, there has to be a position better paying than that. Lunch ladies must make atleast that as well.
Your bf visits you ONCE every four to six months.
What are you holding onto here?
Please also consider therapy, you dont HAVE to stay in this or any relationship.
Aw, I can agree with you on that. In my experience, those poor dudes were trying to be sexy. And I am just laying there in the darkness, with my head tilted going – what is he trying to do?
“I'm sorry… for not breaking up with you sooner”
She said “i believe full custody would be quite easy.”, which is 1. Baseless and 2. Pretty crazy, given its a 4 month old they don't even have confirmed paternity for.
They don't get to decide who does and does not have their child taken, and despite calling her “insane” she's provided no examples of neglect or abuse. Just that this woman is inconvenient to them.
And during the entire pregnancy and now the four months of this child's life they have 1. Not been involved 2. Not worked to establish paternity at all and 3. Act like they could rip this INFANT from the breast of its mother at their whim.
This is the girlfriend of a year speaking for the absentee dad. How are you rooting for them over the mother? This “father” has done NO work to be involved in his sons life, and instead whines about the consequences of him not wrapping his dick
personal feelings don't really have anything to do with what I said
What are you talking about personal feelings?
My point is “child support” essentially means “mother support” because the laws are broken. No one is saying he shouldn't be supporting his children. Idk why people are using that as an argument, it is literally irrelevant to what I am saying
You strike me as incredibly judgemental.
I wonder what his response to this post might be.
You mentioned she doesn't want to have her hormones messed with.
Maybe she can look into a copper IUD, it isn't hormonal and I think they have those that last 5-10 years.
Definitely, she isn't handling the situation well at all, but the two people above me should have lead with that instead of only commenting on all people with crazy parents existing.
I understand how you feel. I’m dating a really skinny guy and always feel too “big” for him. Until I hear a guy on tv say there are men out there that love thick women. He said something like “if you don’t love your thick woman let her go, because there are men out there who will love on them.” We truly don’t hear this enough. I’ve unfortunately only dated men that have wanted me to lose weight. There’s only one of them that accepted my body the way it was.
If your bf doesn’t love you, love yourself x
“I really like you a lot and I don’t want this to end, but i cannot guarantee anything right now because I know that I cant handle long distance”
Assuming this is actually what you said, I think you need to be more direct. By saying, 'I can't guarantee' you've (inadvertently) given her some hope.
As for what her friends and family thinks, in a way that's not your concern. However, it could be an opportunity to reopen the conversation.
“Person, your friends and family seem to be under the impression we are going to continue to date after we both leave for uni. Did you tell them that? Because if so you and I have to have a more frank discussion.”
If she can't/won't acknowledge that this relationship has a hot expiration date, then you might have to go ahead and break up now. Otherwise you are staying with her because you want to, regardless of what might be best for her.
You don't have to end the friendship entirely, just take a break for a bit while you sort out your feelings and focus on other things in your life. It'll take time.