There's an undeniable level of jealousy I'm reading and it's understandable but I would absolutely not attend. There's no reason to put yourself through anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.
You entered the marriage in good faith. I'm not so sure about her.
Once it became clear that moving to the US is not on budget and that you would not be applying for her green card, she started monkey branching for another 'sponsor'.
You should look out for the poor kid she is trying to make her next mark. The guy sounds vulnerable due to his foster care status. At least it sounds like his foster parents truly care for him if he is living with them at 20.
Maybe next call, pop onto the call with your daughter and introduce yourself. Don't let her hurt another person.
Get the divorce started and request full custody.
Be thankful that you found out that she is a con artist early on.
That wasn't the point I was trying to make with the ages. Yeah, I was young, and still am, but what happens when I'm not and it the same boat because I didn't care to figure things out while I actually was young?
And why would I not care about everyone else having an advantage over me? It's doing me no good having the same level of dating experience as a typical 6th grader. I would have rather messed up when I was in high school instead of as an adult, but should I even get into a relationship, my first one is bound to fail because I have no clue what I'm supposed to do. That's why I care
I will say that w young love, especially w trama, it's hot to let that person completely go. I was w my ex husband for almost 5 years. I used to reach out to him and we would chat once in a blue moon, since we went to hs together, had some mutual friends, etc.
He will always be apart of her story, but he doesn't have to see her or talk to her. I think you have justification to tell her your concerns. I don't think she should see him. Doesn't seem like it would bring any good. She's already doing well. She doesn't need closure.
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Just want to thank you so much for this comment. I am the indirect partner and me and my boyfriend struggle with this constantly. Your explanation is so clear and makes perfect sense to me, it's really helped me to understand his perspective. I wish it was easier to change these patterns.
Good luck with your husband, I truly hope it turns out for the best.
Why would you accuse someone of being a pedophile with literally zero solid evidence? Do you accuse people of being literal demons as well? What are your thoughts on adrenochrome? Do you believe in Q?
Do you even understand that there are so many women on this earth? I can't believe I have to explain this.
Ok so. “Men with the same conservative views don't sleep around. If the number of sexual partners are going up, that means they are sleeping around hence all men don't have those views. Any man who says he has these views must therefore be lying.” See any flaw there at all? None?
Especially if it's legal, I think it's reasonable to treat it like alcohol: no taking care of the baby while under the influence. If you're too messed up to drive, you're too messed up to hold a newborn.
How would you feel about him using weed occasionally, like one evening a week, while you are the lead parent? And, of course, you should have equal time during which he is the parent in charge and you can relax however you want.
Well she sees him as a friend, but was once almost in love with him, she just wants to see if he changed and knows what he wants. So my question would be, when would it be considered “too long?”
He sees all that mess every day and doesn't think “hey, let me clean that up.” Or “hey my wife just worked 16 hours, let me make sure she has something to eat.”
My ballet partner was sweet, she had a boyfriend but she hadn’t seen him in weeks, he was away on business, so she spent a lot of time with me in the studio and she said straight up “you are so nude.” I looked at her and i was like “thanks, i know. Your boyfriend is coming back tomorrow (or in 3 days, 8 days however long he’d be back in).” but she would never cheat on that guy…he was also very nice.
i can most definitely see where he's coming from from his side of things, its just the excecution of it all. Id be willing to do things if he was like be safe and everything and have fun but just know that im gonna wanna meet him sooner than later. I just dont want me standing up for myself to turn into a huge fight, and i know just doing what he says would be easier but just super uncomfortable
Again my man, I would just be speculating. Effort presents itself in many different ways. Maybe her idea of effort is different than your own.
Or.. maybe you're correct, you put in a lot more effort. She may simply not care or have it in her to do so, to be that 'serous' in a relationship.
Think the point is, you BELIEVE she isn't putting in enough effort, which is a valid complaint. If talking to her about it or communicating this fact is impossible as she won't hear it – then your options become quite limited.
Usually the grieving party would state the problem to their partner and meet half way to resolve the grievances. This is the bases of relationships.
If this doesn't work, you can 'put up or shut up' as they say. Break it off for your own mental wellbeing, finding someone who is a better fit. Or come to terms you'll simply be the one putting more effort in.
I've never seen her ex, so I only know what she told me, so I can't say whether he was or wasn't, I just told her that if that was a case, it was normal to leave, but I think what you just described is pretty much how I feel about the situation.
i ask how and she says how i don’t make her breakfast in bed or run her bath water for her anymore. i conclude these things are trivial and she would probably still have issues with my effort even if i did these things.
> You have your answer, but you don't want to hear it. Maybe you did nice honeymoon stuff when you first got together but now… you don't do it anymore. And you tried to blow it off.
Brother, in real life a woman can tell when you drop the act and start acting like you don't need to make an effort anymore.
Do you want to be with this woman? Do you realize you have to prove it every day? You can't take someone for granted.
I've been married 20 years, and I learned after about 10 painful years that a good relationship doesn't just happen; you have to invest in it. Just like other parts of a life well lived, you have to put in the effort every day if you want anything to come back to you. Happy wife, happy life.
These things are not trivial. She gave you concrete examples. Whatever relationship you have, you're going to have to make the effort to have a happy home, or you won't!
I’ve seen people break up with someone when they were accused of being unfaithful with someone that WASN’T their brother ffs. If you can’t get past it I think that perfectly fair. How gross that he would even consider that as a possibility! Does he have a sister?
He needs help, not being parented by his girlfriend. He should go to his doctor, he should go to a therapist, he should go to a psychiatrist. Encourage him to get help. That’s the boundary that you can set.
OP, I want to address something since everybody else here already covered the issue with your wife. Is there a way for you to contact old friends and maybe rekindle some friendships? It's nice that you are so committed to your family, and I know that life can be stressful sometimes with work and stuff. But you have to have another outlet in your life. People you can talk to. A support system or at least people you could casually hang out with from time to time. It's important to have more than one (adult) person you can rely on, especially if things with your wife could go south.
I don't mean to shame you here or make you feel bad or anything. Just trying to give you a little nudge. Friendships are important. I'm sure if you contacted some old friends they would be happy to hear from you. You might not want to mention the stuff with your wife then. But meeting up with people you like and care about just to clear your head a little could be very therapeutic. Even if it's just for a beer to catch up a little.
Damn she had that locked and loaded , revealed her truth is what she did
Time to play the game
See a lawyer and find out likely outcome
Figure out what to do from there
There's an undeniable level of jealousy I'm reading and it's understandable but I would absolutely not attend. There's no reason to put yourself through anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.
Given that she is placing blame for your son's disability, I can't imagine she's not abusing him, at least emotionally.
Understandable. It’s good to know you’re beginning to see that it’s not okay. Should it escalate do not hesitate to get others involved. Stay safe
I think you need to find somebody who grew up in a cult or a highly religious environment to find a man who won't watch porn.
Maybe there is like Christiam/Muslim dating apps?
Ma'am. That phone did you a favor. Dump him.
Its 8pm here
Note the time that your marriage fell apart.
You entered the marriage in good faith. I'm not so sure about her.
Once it became clear that moving to the US is not on budget and that you would not be applying for her green card, she started monkey branching for another 'sponsor'.
You should look out for the poor kid she is trying to make her next mark. The guy sounds vulnerable due to his foster care status. At least it sounds like his foster parents truly care for him if he is living with them at 20.
Maybe next call, pop onto the call with your daughter and introduce yourself. Don't let her hurt another person.
Get the divorce started and request full custody.
Be thankful that you found out that she is a con artist early on.
Hugs
Super creepy. 2. Did he give a reason for this obsession? 3. What would've happened if you had played with yourself?
That wasn't the point I was trying to make with the ages. Yeah, I was young, and still am, but what happens when I'm not and it the same boat because I didn't care to figure things out while I actually was young?
And why would I not care about everyone else having an advantage over me? It's doing me no good having the same level of dating experience as a typical 6th grader. I would have rather messed up when I was in high school instead of as an adult, but should I even get into a relationship, my first one is bound to fail because I have no clue what I'm supposed to do. That's why I care
I will say that w young love, especially w trama, it's hot to let that person completely go. I was w my ex husband for almost 5 years. I used to reach out to him and we would chat once in a blue moon, since we went to hs together, had some mutual friends, etc.
He will always be apart of her story, but he doesn't have to see her or talk to her. I think you have justification to tell her your concerns. I don't think she should see him. Doesn't seem like it would bring any good. She's already doing well. She doesn't need closure.
She’s not interested
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I don’t even have to read past the title, get away from this person for your own good.
That’s what I thought. I’ve always told her no matter what i’m just a phone call away, but I didn’t think she could mess with my head like she has
Just want to thank you so much for this comment. I am the indirect partner and me and my boyfriend struggle with this constantly. Your explanation is so clear and makes perfect sense to me, it's really helped me to understand his perspective. I wish it was easier to change these patterns.
Good luck with your husband, I truly hope it turns out for the best.
Why would you accuse someone of being a pedophile with literally zero solid evidence? Do you accuse people of being literal demons as well? What are your thoughts on adrenochrome? Do you believe in Q?
Do you even understand that there are so many women on this earth? I can't believe I have to explain this.
Ok so. “Men with the same conservative views don't sleep around. If the number of sexual partners are going up, that means they are sleeping around hence all men don't have those views. Any man who says he has these views must therefore be lying.” See any flaw there at all? None?
I’ve stopped licking his asshole and don’t suck his duck as much and told him why, he hasn’t complained
Especially if it's legal, I think it's reasonable to treat it like alcohol: no taking care of the baby while under the influence. If you're too messed up to drive, you're too messed up to hold a newborn.
How would you feel about him using weed occasionally, like one evening a week, while you are the lead parent? And, of course, you should have equal time during which he is the parent in charge and you can relax however you want.
I think you've done what you can do. If he can't get past it, then he was never a good match for you.
Ewwww hell no girl.
Well she sees him as a friend, but was once almost in love with him, she just wants to see if he changed and knows what he wants. So my question would be, when would it be considered “too long?”
Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting, or that you want to stay.
He sees all that mess every day and doesn't think “hey, let me clean that up.” Or “hey my wife just worked 16 hours, let me make sure she has something to eat.”
You’re already cheating. It’s called emotional cheating.
My ballet partner was sweet, she had a boyfriend but she hadn’t seen him in weeks, he was away on business, so she spent a lot of time with me in the studio and she said straight up “you are so nude.” I looked at her and i was like “thanks, i know. Your boyfriend is coming back tomorrow (or in 3 days, 8 days however long he’d be back in).” but she would never cheat on that guy…he was also very nice.
What would this sub be without young women with inappropriately older men?
i can most definitely see where he's coming from from his side of things, its just the excecution of it all. Id be willing to do things if he was like be safe and everything and have fun but just know that im gonna wanna meet him sooner than later. I just dont want me standing up for myself to turn into a huge fight, and i know just doing what he says would be easier but just super uncomfortable
Again my man, I would just be speculating. Effort presents itself in many different ways. Maybe her idea of effort is different than your own.
Or.. maybe you're correct, you put in a lot more effort. She may simply not care or have it in her to do so, to be that 'serous' in a relationship.
Think the point is, you BELIEVE she isn't putting in enough effort, which is a valid complaint. If talking to her about it or communicating this fact is impossible as she won't hear it – then your options become quite limited.
Usually the grieving party would state the problem to their partner and meet half way to resolve the grievances. This is the bases of relationships.
If this doesn't work, you can 'put up or shut up' as they say. Break it off for your own mental wellbeing, finding someone who is a better fit. Or come to terms you'll simply be the one putting more effort in.
You haven’t asked your boyfriend why you’re not in this group chat?
I've never seen her ex, so I only know what she told me, so I can't say whether he was or wasn't, I just told her that if that was a case, it was normal to leave, but I think what you just described is pretty much how I feel about the situation.
me neither, no idea why
i ask how and she says how i don’t make her breakfast in bed or run her bath water for her anymore. i conclude these things are trivial and she would probably still have issues with my effort even if i did these things.
> You have your answer, but you don't want to hear it. Maybe you did nice honeymoon stuff when you first got together but now… you don't do it anymore. And you tried to blow it off.
Brother, in real life a woman can tell when you drop the act and start acting like you don't need to make an effort anymore.
Do you want to be with this woman? Do you realize you have to prove it every day? You can't take someone for granted.
I've been married 20 years, and I learned after about 10 painful years that a good relationship doesn't just happen; you have to invest in it. Just like other parts of a life well lived, you have to put in the effort every day if you want anything to come back to you. Happy wife, happy life.
These things are not trivial. She gave you concrete examples. Whatever relationship you have, you're going to have to make the effort to have a happy home, or you won't!
I’ve seen people break up with someone when they were accused of being unfaithful with someone that WASN’T their brother ffs. If you can’t get past it I think that perfectly fair. How gross that he would even consider that as a possibility! Does he have a sister?
If he’s a friend then why but just tell him?
I don’t think it’s quite to that level. We can pretty easily afford her therapy but I’m just not sure that I want to at this point.
He needs help, not being parented by his girlfriend. He should go to his doctor, he should go to a therapist, he should go to a psychiatrist. Encourage him to get help. That’s the boundary that you can set.
Go to an Evangelical church and get yourself a nice virgin Christian boy who will rush into marrying you so you can have sex together. Jesus Christ. ?
OP, I want to address something since everybody else here already covered the issue with your wife. Is there a way for you to contact old friends and maybe rekindle some friendships? It's nice that you are so committed to your family, and I know that life can be stressful sometimes with work and stuff. But you have to have another outlet in your life. People you can talk to. A support system or at least people you could casually hang out with from time to time. It's important to have more than one (adult) person you can rely on, especially if things with your wife could go south.
I don't mean to shame you here or make you feel bad or anything. Just trying to give you a little nudge. Friendships are important. I'm sure if you contacted some old friends they would be happy to hear from you. You might not want to mention the stuff with your wife then. But meeting up with people you like and care about just to clear your head a little could be very therapeutic. Even if it's just for a beer to catch up a little.
real??
How do you know that? And what people bring to the table means more than just money.
Her kids were taken because she went to a metal hospital due to ptsd from her mother dying, mental and physical abuse
You're right, he's not husband material. He's not father material either. Get rid of him, you deserve better.
Talking to a friend isn't cheating, and forbidding you from having friends is abusive.
Lying, and hiding issues is great way to sabitage a relationship. So yes, do talk with her.
However if your question is, whether your issues are real, or you are just being unreasobable, then give us the list of them not the bare question.
Okay i thought that weed does have an impact