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Oh didn't see that.
It was removed because I broke a rule, I fixed the post and reposted. I explained in this new post. I am new at posting though. Is this not allowed? If so I will delete.
No,it will be tougher.
You might end up texting her or her reaching extensively may break you to text her.
All the best 🙂
Babe… sexual misconduct aside. What a piece of shit letting you cry for two hours while playing video games?
You feel like all you’re being used for is sex because that’s literally all he’s using you for.
You deserve SO much better. You deserve comfort and care and to be cherished and loved.
Get yourself away from this fuck boy , get yourself a (good) therapist and start healing ❤️‍?
You deserve so much better !
Has sex even not been painful? As in specific instances or with other people?
Aah woman it's just cartoons nothing serious ???
he’s not respecting your boundaries or your feelings. now, this could be for one of two reasons. 1: you’re not communicating those boundaries as clearly as you think you are, in which case you need to have another serious conversation with him and make things abundantly clear. Or 2, he’s more concerned with his own needs. If that’s the case, he doesn’t care about you the way he should and you need to leave asap before it gets worse
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Ok first off, your husband is cheating on you.
Secondly this relationship is a hard mess and should get professional help if you're willing to forgive point 1.
Thirdly, I don't think he will change. In a monogamous relationship, when one person says they have feelings for another, that relationship is over.
Okay, that literally does not change the core point. Even if I misread it, just flip flop the genitals. That means that OP was expecting there to be a vagina, and got a penis instead. Because either way, she was surprised there had been no surgery below the waist, which means the genitals that were there were not expected.
Just be honest about how you feel. If you think you're going to be less attracted to her if she does it you can bet your ass you will be. Why not go ahead and get it put of the way? Good or bad whatever happens at least it won't be strung out.
I really appreciate the advice. And I’m taking it to heart. On the whole “bangmaid” thing…. He bought me a sexy maid costume about 1.5 years into dating. And makes jokes about how he has to “punish the maid for not cleaning enough” immediately followed up with “I’m just kidding I’d never expect you to clean the whole place.” I don’t know what his life was like too much growing up as far as chores go but he has mentioned he believes his parents are really messy and he’d “never what to on-line like that” his Mom is a nurse and keeps good surfaces really clean but there is always cat food and litter on the floor. And the cat water bowl has nude water stains so bad it looks like hasn’t been touched by a sponge in years. So I don’t know how much of his messy nature is like a generational trauma cycle that has yet to be broken?
Yes I do present female but I identify as NB for clarification.
He often blames being tired or forgetting for not doing much. He is very forgetful. I don’t know how much of that is learned or how much of that is ADHD. We are both on that spectrum. I’m an inattentive daydreamer, he’s the over stereotyped “oh look a dog” kind. Neither of us are medicated.
I’ll include a little update as this literally just happened today. I started getting ready for bed and while he was making dinner he came into the room and initiated a conversation. My short term memory sucks but this is the gist; he specifically got upset about my Mom/child comment because he had an ex that was emotionally abuse and that kind of rhetoric was common ammunition that this ex used against him. I did stand up for myself and said that tho I am sorry my comment made him upset it’s not my responsibility to walk on egg shells around his past that did not involve me. Those feelings and trauma are things he needs to unpack himself and try to find growth from.
He also mentioned that he feels I don’t see the things he does do for me. I have chronic depression, and he does encourage me a lot to get up and take care of myself. He’ll remind me of plans I made and how I’d feel better if I stuck to them rather than bailing out. He’s carried me off the couch and into bed and brought me my makeup wipes after I fell asleep on said couch. I’ll admit I did not see that he was helping me, I have had to help others with depression and the emotional energy spent just trying to get someone out of bed it very draining. Since we moved in, tho I have done all the dishes, he has done most of the laundry and when I got angry about the baskets of clean clothes not put away he dropped everything and helped me organize the closet and dressed. And he is the only one that has taken the trash out of both the bathroom and the kitchen. I make the coffee M-F as I get up before he does but he always makes coffee and even brings me a cup ready on Saturday and Sunday.
We had a long talk about how we feel and how we made each other feel through actions inactions and words. I cried a lot. He admitted he had been dismissive about things and apologized for it, stating that he’d try to do better. He mentioned he was concern that my depression seemed to be getting worse because our physical intimacy has been lacking lately, and I haven’t been delving in my creative hobbies or video games (dead by daylight anyone?) and I have been falling asleep on the couch more and more. He did say he was stressed at work, his bosses keep nitpicking him over the tiniest things, and staff that has been their for longer push their worn off on him as “learning opportunities”. So I can understand from his perspective he needed to come home and be supported and got met with “you said you do these dishes and you didn’t?” Instead made him feel that I wasn’t seeing the things he was doing. And I’ll admit I wasn’t seeing them.
We discussed a plan going forward. We both promised to try to communicate better about needs and energy levels. Like “do you think you have enough energy to do the dishes today when you get home from work? I’d really appreciate if you did. Please let me know if that’s something you can get done today” we are also going to implement a chore chart. To hopefully divide up responsibilities more equally. I know it won’t be perfect and it’ll be a little 60/40 70/30 some times and not completely 50/50.
I just hope I’m not being manipulated and that he actually sticks to improving his cleanliness. I spent a long time explaining how when the home is taken care of it makes me feel cared for and our space respected. But we will have to see. I’ll def post any future updates on my own page.
Never date someone for their potential. Date who they are right now. It’s great that you can see the best in people, but when dating you have to deal with the reality on the ground.
Right now your bf sucks. He has shown no indication that he will get better. Don’t stay with him because of your magical thinking that he could be better.
Why?
I’m sorry I could’ve clarified this in the story but the way they were talking to each other was certainly suggestive. She was basically giggling as they came down the hall.
Oh dear god. Don’t move another thing in there. Grab your shit and get out.
Your family is wrong. You were lied to and instead of being remorseful your ex brought your family into the situation that they should have never been apart off. Deception and betrayal all the way around!
Same here. I’m in an open/poly marriage and Im sick and tired of cheaters using that label to justify their unethical behaviour
When you have kids, they can consume your life, especially when they're little.
Understand that a large percentage of your sister's time and attention is devoted to her kids right now, so having a relationship with her is probably going to involve talking about the kids some. However, every parent also needs a life outside of their kids, even if it's a TV show they watch a few times a week.
Let her talk about the kids for a little while, but also ask her questions about herself. Try to develop/nurture common interests you can discuss together. And know that this will probably get better over time.
Lol why do you ask for people’s opinion and then get aggressive and defensive because you don’t like it? You’re just confirming what I said before, I hope that you consider therapy, good luck.