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Who owns the house or who is named on the lease? “NO” is a full sentence. Tell him if they move in you leave.
You're 35, and it was a 7-month relationship. It was just the honeymoon phase.
He's not a cruel person for changing his mind about being with you. Blocking you makes it easier to move on.
I think your feelings are valid but ultimately a bit extreme.
So, you shouldn’t be feeling weird about him feelings the same way you do but not communicating it in the way you probably expected.
can you ask him? like you said you already cut your losses so would it really hurt to just ask? you might feel even more fulfilled after that and then you can let it stop weighing on you. or it could even be an opportunity for you guys to come closer together if thats something you want. you dont know what the answer is, its not worth it to create narratives when the answer could be literally anything. its hot to ask but it might be the most fulfilling thing you could do. and you cant predict the future so something wonderful could come out of it (even if its something you dont see the results of for a while). if you really want the answer, i think the only way to get it is to ask him.
I want to try to correct the things before giving up
Dreams are a subconscious reaction to your current state of mind. The fact your ex was in the dream does NOT mean you still feel for him. Infact, your subconscience likely used his image as a representation for something else.
A lot of people here are saying you shouldn't have told him about the dream, but tbh that suggests that they can't trust their partners to have a mature reaction to a dream. You should be able to talk to your partner and not fear their reactions.
Your BF needs thicker skin. It was a dream.
Now
But he’s very clear that she could not raise their children with any traditions either
You’re welcome, and I’m sorry how your self-image is hurt. Love is so complicated, it takes your whole life to try to get it right
From bitter experience: this guy is less interested in his own desires than he is in having power over you. If you do what he asks, he'll want more. There's every chance that what he truly gets off on is humiliating you.
Find somebody who deserves you.
Wow! He recorded it. That is mind blowing…
Are you going to give him another chance and try to work things out with him still??
Username checks out. I feel really sorry for you that this is your existence. May God help you
Profound and beautifully stated.
Hi OP. Any updates?
Personally I agree with the other commenters that it sucks your mom still wouldn't like to talk to you seriously about why she had an affair, instead always saying “let's focus on the now.” Feels like she just wants a picture perfect family. Kinda manipulative tbh
Have you asked him about this when he’s not having an episode?
Have you considered couples counseling/therapy?
Nope, you don't get it. Accusing me of lying about somebody's tone of voice. If someone approached you rude as hell, you'd have a problem about it. But that's your life I guess. Easier said than done.
Oh c’mon 6 months and best friends?
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Yeah, okay, honestly, that’s a massive red flag that she jUsT dIdNt TeLL yOu who she was with and where, putting herself in an extremely dangerous and sexually compromising situation.
How can this be an open situation when she trusts some stranger enough to go to her house and fuck her after a single cup of coffee, yet she didn’t trust you enough, or think about you and your family at all, to tell you where and with whom she’d be with when in a vulnerable situation…. That’s dangerous and suspicious. My first jump is usually to there being something to hide, with behavior like that.
Also a major red flag that she didn’t tell you about the assault when it happened. Again, this is supposed to be an open situation, she is putting herself in sexual situations with complete strangers and hiding things from her husband.
Does she know about revenge porn laws? If so, discuss that with her. It’s another red flag that she is unwilling to pursue charges related to the blackmail and revenge porn. Shit, she even deleted evidence that could be used to prove her case here.
Sorry buddy, you wanted the feedback of whether or not her story makes sense. It doesn’t add up to me at all. Her abject refusal to tell you anything of consequence, refusal to trust you with information, deletion of evidence, and refusal to pursue criminal charges regarding the blackmail is very suspect and leads me to believe that she cheated on you.
What did you honestly expect? You wanted an open marriage and you got one, you can't go back and forth as you like.
Ex-Jew (now athiest) here. Raised by a Jewish dad and Christian mom, raised as a Jew.
You might ask to meet and speak with their Rabbi about this. He might see things differently / more reasonably (or he might not, depends if we're talking ultra-orthodox). If he feels it is reasonable to go ahead without making you get circumcised as a prerequisite then he may be willing to speak with the dad on your behalf. For my 2 cents, I don't think it is a reasonable ask and I am against genital mutilation (I'm circumcised and wish it hadn't been done to me).
Something you would want to work out with your Fiancee first is if you are in agreement on how to raise kids if you have them – that is probably the biggest thing to deal with.
She's not you friend. He laughs? Hm…
Watch Midsommar. Staying with someone disingenuously because of a tragedy will not end well.
He asked me who I thought had better table manners and I said of course it was him.
I'm going to read the rest of the post but this is a properly shit question to ask. Bizarre… reckon I can guess where this is going before I read further…. (especially given the post title)
Ok… rest of the post didn't pan out as blatantly as I expected.
But… he's the big man. The big alpha man. Gets everything, you work for him doncha know? And if he doesn't, you're a gold digger. FYI… you're not a gold digger. He's a small man… pretending to be a big man.
Honestly it could've absolutely been story done after the first “gold digger.” This reads “bad intentions” all over. You could end up bending over backwards for the big man that eats brick crackers because he's so big that you'll end up miserable.
You do what you've got to do but how does this guy even enter an building with a head that big?
Stop blaming OP, if any of you experts were ever in a relationship you would know people can be pushy and emotion can cloud better judgement. She's young and still learning the harsh realities of life. To those blaming her, Stop being cunts.
OP talk to someone you trust and get peoples advice you actually know. Reddit will destroy your soul.
No, your concern is reasonable. It's not even about the chocolate, his constant negativity rubs off on you. I wouldn't take “this is just who I am” as a reply to that. Either he works on himself or you can consider splitting and getting with someone less gloomy.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
Hi, my Gf of a year think I cheated on her and has broken up with me and I want to know if there is a chance we could get back together, the story: I met this girl about a year or little more and shes everything I ever wanted and wished for, pretty, intelligent and we share most of our interests including music, goals, hobbies and humor, she has 2 degrees and a masters degree (she has a degree in teaching, a degree in english and a masters in teaching higher education, we are Mexicans living in Mexico btw) I only have 1 degree im a gral practitioner looking to enter a residence, anyway I have an ex (47F) who i hadn’t talked in years (1.5 years maybe 2) and I wondered how she was with the pandemic, even if she was alive, so I sent her a message through IG, and a song about reminiscing old times about a month ago and forgot about it, now my gf teaches in a rural town and stays in the city weekends (friday, saturday and sunday) my ex showed up at my house unnanounced last thursday and we started to chat and catch up (outside my house, I didnt let her in) and 15 minutes in my gf showed up also unnanounced, she got friday off and wanted to surprise me and saw us talking outside, my ex quickly just drove off after introducing her to my gf and my gf just did the same and broke up with me, the next day I went to her home and she thinks I cheated on her with my ex, and to top things up my ex contacted her through IG and showed her the message and song and now she blocked me on everything, I love her deeply and we were serious (thinking of getting married and everything) i feel like thrash because even if i didnt cheat on her i was stupid for even contacting this person and I know how it looks like, what can I do to get her to forgive me and get back, is it even possible? Or likely? I feel too much sadness and desperation TLDR My gf thinks I cheated and broke up with me, what can I Do?
Men? Am I missing something? He didn’t say anything about men.
When he finishes, stop whatever he's about to do and say something along the lines of “I'm not finished yet, make me come”. Or refuse to start intercourse if you haven't come first, whatever's your preference.
If he acts like it's an unreasonable request, dump his selfish ass.
Yes, she made the deal, he reneged, but she’s asking what to do next. There’s no other info. None. We certainly don’t know why he’s not doing it and we’re don’t know how she’s tackled this with him before.
So the answers are: Have a direct chat about it or try to engage in some foreplay where she cheekily leaves no doubt what she wants to happen. A third option is to introduce a chat about expectations during the build-up. It all depends on how they deal with sex and something that could be seen as confrontational.
I came here to say the same thing. If she started feeling bad after their shopping trip, he dosed her with something, so Lord knows what he did to her before he left. I would definitely contact the cops and get tested.
Or, you know, hear me out, if op is really that concerned about the mom calling the cops, they should get ahead of the issue. Frame it as “my crazy mother is having an episode, and is making up all kinds of crazy lies about my family. She will say anything she can think of to get back into my life.” Op doesn’t need to tell them that she’s going to claim DV.
Plus, personal experience here, law enforcement doesn’t give a single solitary fuck about DV.
Go to surviving infidelity.com. It helped me with a cheating wife.
No, I'm good thanks.
If I were to guess, I think she started laughing at “crunch cake” because it's a little ridiculous sounding. Either way, I would suggest a serious talk that could break the relationship apart. But if that's what has to be done, then it has to be done. You shouldn't have to be with someone who doesn't consider your feelings.
I hope you didn’t start the conversation like you started your title. It sounds like you are making a joke.
“I need to really open up to you about my childhood trauma. When I was 12… a kid called me crunch cake”.
Cheaters shouldn’t get rewarded with threesomes.
From OP's responses, it sounds less like manipulation and more like “you're getting your ass in gear one way or another.”
Also, OP is insisting on being a kept boy. He can't cry ADULT INDEPENDENCE and DADDY GIVE ME MONEY in the same breath.
So painful to read, highly wouldn’t stay
I did break his trust recently (I didn’t cheat, just sent one message back to another guy back- no flirting, history, etc).
Before this incident he stalked it. After this incident, it has ramped up.
No. Unfortunately Leo is in a weird place where real life for him is like internet girls for most other guys. You and I get older; but the girls on the internet are always 20yo. Leo is unusual in that he has enough fame, fortune and looks to always attract women under 25yo – unlike the rest of us.
The downside to that is he has to deal with the wants, needs and emotional maturity of under 25yo women. Not saying its bad, but for us older guys, we're in a very different place mentally – well, most of us are, anyway. So even if we can still appreciate a smokin' hot body on a woman under 25yo we are only seeing it through a screen and don't have to deal with it 24/7 warts , emotions, and all. And vice versa.
Break up with him. He waits 5 months? And how do you know all he did was make out? Get tested. Break all contact.
Exactly. He broke it off to fuck someone else, you're accepting it. Can you give him a reason to prevent himself on the next occasion?
Once a cheater, always a cheater. There might one in million who do it once and that's it. But nah, I wouldn't risk it.
Don’t pursue it. You were lied to and it clearly bothers you. Just stop talking to her.
Not rude at all! I appreciate constructive criticism and that’s why I posted! I know I have a lot to work on, and I appreciate hearing other people’s insights. If I may ask, what were your experiences and feelings in regard to the other side of my situation? I just want to know what I can do, I plan on talking to him and explaining thoroughly why I can’t do a relationship (he doesn’t know about my SA experiences). If I was ready for a relationship I definitely would’ve gone with him. He truly is a really nice guy.
Big repairs are generally infrequent anyway unless he’s in the world shittiest house where the roof collapses every other month.
Totally disagree. Some things are completely out of your own control that even upkeep can't mitigate.
Take for instance the massive flooding that happened in my hometown just last year. It was a record for the state. Homes completely underwater. You cannot reasonably prepare for these events or the damage they cause.
Homes are a risk.
On the flip side, what if she pays him rent for a year and they break up?
Personally if it were me, I wouldn't ask her to pay for taxes, home or flood insurance, city/county fees, and keep it to half the utilities and a small rent fee, something like $350/400. I personally wouldn't ask her to pay for a new roof when realistically, roofs are friggin expensive and she has no legal binding to the home, or none of the risk that the boyfriend here does.
But if she were to break up, then she'd only be out the monthly rent and half the utilities which is how renting functions in America, and even then, she had a home so it wasn't wasted money. She used the electric and water, etc. So what does she really lose?
She already offered to cover all home maintenance! Lol