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This is so ducking stupid it’s not even worth arguing with. Go ahead and ruin your life and throw 10 years down the drain so Uncle Sam doesn’t know you’re in a relationship! You’ll be SHOCKED to discover the stats for dating ?? grow up and let your poor gf move on
UpdateMe!
Look, he already expressed it, that's the point.
But I'm pretty sure, for their families “but statistics says” is not something that OP is ready to present. Thus this post.
And we cannot help someone vocalize “but statistics and divorce fees” – he can do it perfectly in his own. But for some reason he doesn't. Sooo…
He is playing both you and the ex.
This guy claims he is playing mind games with the ex. Why is he even bothering with her if she is the ex? If he focused half the time he spent with her, your relationship would prosper tremendously. That is, of course, if you believe what he is saying and I think neither of us do believe him.
He is getting the best of both worlds. He is having sex with both of you while trying to convince both that “you are the one”. He does this by building a ring showing his love. He probably is promising her the same thing. The ring doesn't mean crap for two reasons. One is he never proposed, so it's just a piece of jewelry with no meaning. Two, you have only been with him 7 months and the false marriage stuff is to make you feel secure with him.
He is trying to control you and isolate you. Making you delete your social media and contacts so there is no way his two women can find out or contact each other. This is all just typical cheater manipulation.
Dump him. He doesn't plan on marrying you. He is lying about the ex, you might even be his side piece and he will stay with her because he has his claws sank deeper in her at this point. She reached out to you because she is getting played also and she realizes it unlike you so far.
Geez, what would this post look like if you did want to make it long?
Yeah I’ve definitely created a brat. I’m doing my best to limit it. The credit card isn’t a problem. She has a decent job and can buy her own things. It’s just there just in case. She mostly uses it on beauty, hair, nails, etc
Yes logically this makes sense, but I can’t help but feel a tiny bit abandoned by him in this moment. I can’t tell if I’m being too codependent now by wanting more of his attention. I have this irrational fear that now that he has spent a lot of time with me over the holidays and has gotten to “know me” better, he’s slightly turned off or put off by me.
How old are you?
Having dated someone for a very long time with rich parents before, as a person who basically had nothing but a half decent job… Rich parents don't always enjoy footing bills for kids that aren't their own. There's a good chance that of the boyfriend stays taking care of you the parents will tighten up and stop providing a lifestyle for his girlfriend.
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As a parent of two adult sons, I’m so happy they’ve moved out and enjoying their lives and choices. It’s my time now and I’ve earned the right to sleep through the night.
A lot of friends are grandparents and happy to donate their retirement to their grown kids and grandchildren but I agree with OP. You owe no-one an excuse. Maybe a couple of times a year offer a weekend to let them have a break but don’t get sucked into losing your freedom. Your grandchildren will look forward to time with Grandma and vice versa.
Your time is now, don’t compromise your future happiness to indulge your selfish daughter.
Absolutely do not cheat. There's no justification for infidelity. Cheating with this coworker would be utterly cowardly and prolong the pain. Either go to individual counseling or, and this is probably the better option, get a divorce.
Has he “forgotten” any other occasions? Is he dropping the ball in other areas too, aside from child care?
If this is a pattern of behavior for him, and he's being inconsiderate in other areas after it's been explicitly laid out to him, then you have to seriously think about your options moving forward.
If this the straw that breaks the camel's back, I would highly suggest trying couples therapy, or at the very bare minimum, getting yourself some individual counseling. 10 years is a long time, and you have a baby together. If you decide you aren't going to put up with it, make sure you have additional supports in place for you and your baby.
RED FLAG
It will never get easier then today. There is never going to be a better day to breakup. Too close to Christmas, birthdays, anniversary of her grandma's death, etc..
The reality is she will have to come to terms with that. It isn't your responsibility to plan her life and support her financially once you break up. That being said…having been in your shoes I'd offer to support her for a month or two while she gets her feet under her.
Your wife is a lesbian
What kind of dumb things do you friends say that would upset your wife? Are they things … about your wife? Or about other women?
I came to say the exact same thing. My daughter calls my wife Monster. It's cute because when we got married, she jokingly said, “Now that I am you stepmother, I am going to be evil and wicked like a stepmonster.” It was a joke and eventually became Monster. That is how pet names develop with people.
UMMMM……. girl i dont think that man should be your husband…. also i think you gotta examine the underlying reasons why you keep blacking out, i think theres some emotions, probably ones tied to sex or marriage that you aren't facing. sorry to be blunt. you're very young, honestly too young for marriage, get out before this gets dangerous and heal before you go insane/have a destructive nervous breakdown
This was what I was coming to say. He can turn around and leave everything to his child. Your kids would have zero rights to challenge the will in that case as well.
would advise against fucking a woman who lets anything between her legs but you do you reddit
You’re both AH’s imo. Anyone who cheats on their partner is an AH, and anyone who knowingly sleeps with someone who is in a relationship is also an AH. You’re both selfish. No wonder you’re besties
He's treating you as a child, is what he's doing. But the fact that you've both told him to stop numerous times, and he won't, indicates that he has no intention of ever respecting you.
Time to be single for a bit.
Has to be or OP had a stroke while writing this.
Leave. Block on all platforms.
Hopefully he gets help
I definitely need to work on this. It is honestly so hard to be calm because it seems as if our arguments are repetitive and repetitive over the same basic thing. But your right, I need to make sure I am more calm moving forward.
lol I’m trying to figure out if whoever downvoted my comment was mad I too ok with it or not ok with it enough ?
Fortunately we actually happen to have similar cultural experiences growing up
That’s good
I’d say our main points of connection were our interests – both of us are very nerdy about a lot of things and we sort of teach each other about our hobbies and stuff
That does sounds super fun
What sort of ways can someone get taken advantage of in these kind of circumstances?
I mean for one thing, it’s far too easy for them to slip into “I’m older so I know better” mode and end up constantly patronizing the younger partner and not taking the ‘‘em seriously because they see them as “less mature and knowledgeable”
A sort of “you’ll do what I say because I’ve been around longer and know more than you” which can turn possessive and controlling ?
Could turn into a sort of “master and subordinate” kind of relationship, and not the fun kind…
I mean from what you’ve described it sounds like you aren’t falling into a lot of the more common “trappings” of a big age gap relationship, so you may be one of those semi-rare exceptions that make it work
One thing to consider though with 10 years between you, if this ends up being the relationship and it’s for the long term, he will get old and die quite a bit before you, so I guess that’s something to at least keep on the back burner or something ?
I mean the knee jerk reaction on here and a lot of places is a early 30s man can’t have a normal healthy relationship with an early 20s girl, it seems predatory and gross and bad and it can’t possibly be good, if he’s not looking for sombody his own age something must be wrong with him and she’s just taken in by his seeming maturity and stability (and probably had a daddy kink or something)
But that doesn’t seem the case here
I guess as long as you focus on being equals in the relationship, it could be ok
It’s important to keep a hold of your individual identity and autonomy basically
Why are we jumping to her being an unfit mother? She has obviously been the kids primary caregiver for their lives. Cheating on him says nothing about her ability or dedication to taking care of the kids.
Well put! Thanks
This wouldn't fly for me personally. I don't date men with poor decision-making skills, and driving drunk is so far beyond poor decision making.
To me, it is a very simple, basic, common sense expression of value for the lives of other people and yourself to not be the jackass who couldn't get an Uber.
I've seen no mention of expression of remorse for what he did. In fact, he thinks she's irrational.
Even if there were remorse, why take the chance on someone who'd fuck up so badly to begin with? Would you also forgive a cheater? I have, and that man did not change, lol.
So your daughter gets to suffer for your decisions? Bad dad.
Forget all of this stuff about whether or not he's cheating on you or would or whatever.
Why do you want to be with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself? The person you love should be someone who builds you up.
Why do you want to be with someone who speaks about women this way? That's so incredibly disrespectful, not just to her, and to you, but to all women.
Why do you want to be with someone who doesn't respect you? Because let's be real, even if you took these as jokes, he still wouldn't respect you for it.
Also, these aren't jokes. The whole point of these comments is to make you feel small, so you'll fight to stay with him instead of trying to do better. They are working as intended.
Sweetheart, he is trash. Throw him out.
Marriage is not a remedy for problems/issues that are already there before tying the knot. I feel you and I'd postpone indefinitely or even cancel. He's not miraculously changing because of a ring on his finger. Your feelings are totally valid but you are in a Mother-Son relationship rather than in a partnership on eye-level. You shouldn't have to tell him what to do.
Eh, Im an old guy, Ive seen this play out a thousand times. When you hear hoofbeats think horses not zebras. Might not describe this case but balance of probability is that it most likely does.
OP said talk her down from it so I was.
Err, isn't that my point? She literally never said that she is hetero. You made a stupid assumption, and I'm calling you out for being an idiot.
Fair enough
I agree specially this part. Role reversing always gives a clearer vision of manipulation and disrespect.
First you shouldn't be having a child with this man if your instincts are telling you to run. As for having his mom on his account, that is odd. Is his mom assisting him financially? I know many people who have separate accounts from their spouses and it works well for them. Financial advisor Suze Orman recommends separate accounts for couples in her books, while David Ramsey does not.
Prenuptial agreements are not a bad thing. They can protect both parties. They can be written to favor either party or written to be fair to both. As for the bank account I don't know why he said “we know how you are with money” which is true, I’m not the best, but I’m honest and working on it.” I don't know how bad you are with money and people have different comfort thresholds that aren't the same for everyone.
You have to decide whether you want the life you have or not. You are living it now. Is it what you want?
PCOS doesn’t make you more fertile. Look I get what you are saying, but the question needs to be asked. Assuming an error rather than a choice or recklessness changes the nature of the question being asked.
Like others have said. After reading that, marriage is not a good idea at this point and time. You are way too young anyway and it's best to get out and enjoy your early twenties first. Spend them meeting new people, furthering your education, and finding a career path. Getting locked down right now will set you back possibly for life. Especially if you start having children this early in the game. Right now, YOU need to do YOU.
Yeah. That really sucks.
Anger outbursts – that's super difficult when you've trauma history. She may not be in control of her anger – that's why something that would seem to be not that big a deal to others, like her throwing dish towels, is hard on you. It's not the dish towels, it's the feeling that you're within the blast radius, and she's not in control. She may not be able to control when she is angry- but she should be responsible in how she treats you in the midst of it. Or yeah- you can't continue to put yourself at ground zero.
Dont sleep with him again. He cheated many times and is at risk of all kinds of STDs. Get checked and get the hell out.
Dont sleep with him again. He cheated many times and is at risk of all kinds of STDs. Get checked and get the hell out.