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Love is caring about someone else's health and happiness in an amount equal to or above your own. Let me ask you though, do you feel your own definition of love towards her? Or do you just think it should be what she's feeling towards you? You can't love someone healthily if you worship them, you'll ignore all kinds of bad things about them that will end up hurting you in the long run. There shouldn't be any unconditional love either, as that leads to the same problems. Just two people, trying the best they can to make themselves and each other happy.
Seems really over the top to leave someone you've been seeing for 2 years over to me. Why does it bother you so much?
We give ourselves the closure we need.
You'll never really know… even if they were to communicate they will only tell you what you want to hear, or what will make the split smoother, and not necessarily the truth.
You do know that they're not someone who has good communication skills, or conflict resolution skills which is vital for any type of good relationship.
And you know they're not your person, and the sooner you can process, accept, evaluate and move on — the closer you will be to finding your person.
?Almost 40 used to be called geriatric pregnancy. Now it’s called advanced maternal age. Either way there’s a greater chance of complications for pregnant person.
The thing is, your relationship IS on the back burner to school – as it should be. You’re in med school. It requires full focus. Many a relationship has been broken during career training that requires such dedication, like med school. Shoot, single people have been broken by it lol.
You can validate his feelings, and hold space for them, express your love for him, but at the end of the day he has to understand that for the next however many years your time and energy will be consumed. He has to decided if what he gets from you now is enough to sustain him until he can have more of you (after your residency, which will be harder/more consuming than med school).
Your dream, and your future is to be a doctor. Hopefully he can come along for that, but sometimes paths diverge and that’s sad but it’s ok. What’s meant for you will be yours.
You can’t love someone out of mental illness. You cannot negotiate with mental illness. If someone is suicidal then your compassion can only delay not cure. I have twice survived suicide and I guarantee that nothing you do will help your GF. She needs therapy. Until she addresses her mental illness, her behavior will not change. Even if she is using threats to manipulate you, that’s also a sign that she needs professional help. If she threatens to kill herself, assume that she is being serious and call emergency medical services (911, 999, whatever it is where you are). Serious threats get serious reactions. Once she is getting help then give her support and compassion. Your participation can help therapy but it cannot replace it. The greatest act of love you can do for her is realizing that this is a battle you cannot win. This is not a battle that you are even qualified to fight.
It will fade with time
That was a mean game of him to play. And it does sound like game. The distance, the “rating”, the attention to his phone when he is with you. . .we teach people how to treat us by what we allow. If you don't want to end things with him, no longer allow that. If he is on his phone and not engaging with you, leave and go do something else. If he is busy a lot and isn't seeing you, don't wait around on him. Make plans with friends or with yourself and be less available. If he wants to play dumb games that insult you, do not participate. A good answer would have been that the ratings thing is childish. And when he gave you a mediocre rating, you could have laughed and said you didn't realize the scale was 1 to 5. Or you could have quietly left. His behavior is disrespectful at best.
My wife is asian and I'm white. Where my wife comes from, girls really are into white men. And some white men like myself, prefer Asian girls. I wouldn't say it's fetishizing, it's just a preference.
Just to add…she ain't the one controling those toys what got me were the price points they have WiFi capabilities meaning she can actually hand over control to another person via code tred carefully
I leased a car for my WP after she cheated as part of me doing the 'pick me', then I caught her a year later with AP#2 (and AP#1 still in the picture). She got mad at me that I would not R again, so she put the car into a lake …. TV Helicopters, Sheriff Dept Divers, the works. It's a naked lesson for sure.
I’m not saying ignore it.. the dog needs to be trained. You have no idea how often “shitty” dog owners turn around after some obedience training.
You break up. It’s not shallow but a requirement.
You can not have sex with lots of people. Don’t choose that in a monogamous relationship.
Reading the comments, OP is in denial that she manipulated her husband into this. Yes, he’s a grown man, but he said “no” and then you “convinced” him to open it up. He found what you weren’t supplying in his other relationship and more than likely your marriage will end. Need to deal with the consequences of your decision. Sucks to be you.
It’s not about that in this case. This is an issue that will literally end the relationship unless it is resolved, therefor either you talk about it and deal with it or break up.
When something is this important you cannot ignore or subvert the problem. Gaining this much bodyweight and ignoring your partners attempts at discussion on the topic is simply a clear cut reason to end what could have otherwise been a good relationship.
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I will do this. Thank you
100.
Try to see it as a lesson learned…. You better off I promise… living with uncertainty is the worse.. if you stay, you’ll always think, when is this going to happen again…
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Well for one, call the police. Also, get checked out. Jesus Christ..
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Of course you want to move on! You forgot you had a child. She really shouldn’t be bringing it up in arguments but can’t really blame her for not trusting you completely. It’s a pretty big fuck up. You guys should talk to someone so you can both move on (if possible.) Therapist, clergy, counselor, social worker, etc. A formal third party is likely necessary.
Sounds like an issue for /r/askblackpeople if there ever was one.
GTFO. That is ancient way of thinking. He’s been dropping hints left and right for you. If you keep ignoring them, he’s going to move on.
Is this someone you want back in your life? Assume nothing has changed with her, do you want to go back to that? If you do then yes, reach out and apologize for being so harsh.
Did I miss something, or are you just assuming it’s a man withholding food from a woman?
She's 20 years younger and is asking you for money.
You're paying for this relationship dude. She's not with you because she loves you, she's with you because she loves your money.
I agree, but OP didn't blow the friendship.
Sorry. Saving sex for marriage sometimes is a risky thing to do. I dated a woman in college who's husband didn't want to have sex until marriage. She left him due to her disappointment in their sex life after a couple of weeks of marriage. It doesn't sound like you can do anything about your situation because she was never into you to begin with. Best to move on. Next time try before you buy.
As a woman here… these are a little different 🙂
If that was the case, I wish he’d tell me. He usually downplays talking about any finances.
Generally speaking, being ok with pork or not is very personal between a couple and isn’t really inherently right or wrong.
What’s odd here is that you did not have an issue, but his own response to himself is so extreme. I think he needs to sort out his own issues here, because it is giving you necessary insecurity
Reading all the parents stories here sounds like having a kid is the most depressing thing to ever happen to them.
He actually wanted to explain himself smh so gross. The fact that he told her he didnt have “ill intentions”, yea that doesnt mean anything. You felt entitled to touch her body because thats how predators think.
Without assumptions, I'd say it's not petty at all. Even if the friend is expecting an invite, it wouldn't be petty. You do not owe her an invitation no matter what other nice things she may have done for you.
That being said, she never owed you an invitation to travel or to be involved more in her life. That sounds harsh, but I don't mean it that way. It's simply a matter of you both viewing things differently. You can't guess her reasoning and without asking her, you'll never know.
I tend to be more of a giver in my relationship and sometimes I am hurt when that is not returned. I've learned to let it go and not take it personally. You can only control yourself. And your expectations of others will seldom be met.
I say go on your vacation alone. And while you're there, just consider the importance of this unequal friendship. You can still go on as you have, you can pull back a little, or cut the friendship entirely. Whatever makes you feel happy, and appreciated, is the right choice.
But he was clear with you before and after the gift that he’s not ready to get married. “Ignoring the obvious” is only the case from your fixated perspective. He could alternately, very easily, argue that you’ve been ignoring what he has plainly been telling you for a year now.
How long has he been her step-dad and normalised this kind of behavour?
Because that's what gaslighters do.
I don’t think you read my post.
It could be the difference between 'the litter needs doing' vs 'can you please go do it', etc.
I’d say just don’t tell her the slimy parts
He’s NOT the last man on earth. Why do you even want it to work??????? He sounds like he sucks
Looks, I think the nail painting thing is a bit of a distraction from the main point (obviously it's not ok to repeatedly ask someone to make changes to their self presentation when they're said no, obviously it's offensive to ask someone to make a change to presentation that is a bit 'porn star' but like, I wouldn't expect the average man to know that out there nail polish colours (with exceptions when making a fashion statement) are naff).
But that's kind of irrelevant in the face of you haven't had sex for your entire marriage and your wife doesn't like spending time with you. This isn't a you problem.
It's not you. You have a need, and she isn't addressing it and moving on. This eventually breeds resentment. It's also a reason why people cheat, not being fulfilled. Seeking something you're missing. Not saying it's the right thing to do. Just saying it's usual a reason.
Why is he misogynist?
being interrogated about cheating or even hinted at, joked at, etc, once or twice a week is insane. that is not occasional. that is extremely frequent and a gigantic red glad you should not be making decisions like pulling your child out of daycare without consulting your partner. however, the specific incident you're talking about in this post, she had no way of knowing that you had permanently pulled your child out of daycare. maybe you just picked her up early because she wasn't feeling well, and you forgot to mention it. then you took a nap together. that is a realistic and normal scenario. your partners reaction was to physically assault you by throwing a lamp at two sleeping people. that is domestic abuse.
you need couples counseling, or honestly just divorce. your wife is unhinged.
He said he would look into therapy, but hasn’t. This is not a deal breaker for me I don’t think, but I really want something to change.
You have an issue with communication. You only have to say is “I would love to go travel with you but this weekend I would like to spend some quality time just the two of us if you don't mind”.you can't expect to try to guess then if she says no, it's another matter.
ahhhh shit
I'm the always cold but puts off too much heat person in my marriage. My husband is always running naked. I do like to snuggle but he does too.
As gw-green put it, wrap her in a duvet and snuggle the blanket burrito. A fan might help but I don't like that as it makes me really cold. My husband has me put my feet on him because they are ice cold and feel good to him when we snuggle and it helps to keep him from overheating. You can also use an ice pack for yourself, just in a place it won't be on her.
Everyone makes different choices. U choose bothering ppl with too many questions. Its not a hobby, its entertainment.
My ex told me his misstress coworker was a friend.
I do see this from both sides, so it's a tough one..
From his perspective.. Negativity bias isn't fun to live! with. I am also a person who compulsively critiques fucking everything and it's not something I like about myself or a world I enjoy living in. Unfortunately, I can't help it.. my mind just works like that because I have wicked ADHD.
People with ADHD often suffer with negativity bias because our brains crave stimulation, and negative feelings are more stimulating to the brain than positive ones.. maybe look into whether or not this is what could be affecting his perception?
On the other hand…
You cannot live a healthy life with someone who does not allow you to experience any positive emotions.
It will drain the life from you, and sooner or later, you will have to leave. I can categorically promise you that HE IS NOT WORTH what you will be giving up by allowing him to chip away at your self esteem.
Regardless of whether or not he means it or if his actions can be justified.. the end result will be the same. He will continue to chip away at you until you too start seeing the bad in everything and can't stop. Eventually you will be forced to either put yourself first or lose yourself.
How much of your soul are you willing to give away before that happens?
I should also add that I think her being very stressed from other commitments in life likely played a large role in the end of our relationship. She was very busy towards the end and didn't have much time for quality time together and when she did she was normally stressed.
You separate yourself from the new girl (go no contact), or breakup with your current girl, and start dating the new girl. It's one of those two options. There is no middle ground
The one thing you have not said anywhere is WHY you are doing that. Break up with her, problem solved.
In order for the match to occur, she had to swipe on you as well, just as you said. Plus, considering your both women, she might not have known you were bi/pan or even an option. I don't think it's terrible, but I also don't think it really has to carry as much weight as you give it. You didn't have a relationship before then, social awkwardness made you take a chance on a method that happened to pan out.
Sounds like you're very happy. ?