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You are not, and he will try very hard to make you think that you are. Document everything the best you can. Check your local laws about recording people – one party consent means you can record him secretly as long as you’re on the recording too, two party means you can’t. If you can, record everything ALL the time when you interact. Bonus points if you can get him to admit (or not deny) past abuse. If you can’t record, talk as much in text as possible. You can get an emergency restraining order with nothing but your statement, but if he tries to fight a permanent order you will have the upper hand with proof. Dude is trash, and trash dudes like that are slick as hell and will try to turn people against you. Be careful ?
I remember my friend calling my boyfriend “stolid” and “a trifle boring.” Oh yeah, Honey, he was soooo boring, working his ass off to help me raise my kids after their father died. Her ex husband had spent all his money on prostitutes and her house didn't even have a central heating system!! I've been with my kind, sweet, amazing husband for 20 years now!! I haven't been bored for even a day of it! No clue where the friend even is!
The only thing your optimism is doing is possibly enabling a future hoarder. Being a grad student isn't an excuse either if anything a lame way to divert.