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First and foremost you need to figure out which gender you really identify as, without taking into account how others treat you because of this, and then go off of that.
For most people, there is a very strong dividing line between friendship and romance. Someone is either your friend, or your romantic partner. It sounds like by acting more like a man they get friendship vibes from you and treat you like a a non-sexual friend.
This is domestic abuse. Make an exit plan, don‘t tell him anything, your safety should be your highest priority! Get out, cut all contact, involve the police if he cannot respect your boundaries. Wishing you all the best!
You need to work on being more sociable. Isolation isn't the answer. The more you avoid social situations the more your social skills degrade and the more daunting it seems to eat potato salad and very hot dogs in someone else's backyard. Many of my friends have struggled with these issues. Though they usually ascribed their problems to “introversion” , their struggles were more closely related to control issues. If they stay at home and don't interact with people they have a less fulfilling and less interesting life, but they have the comfort of complete control.
Whether you continue with this relationship or not, I would suggest seeing a therapist to address your social anxiety. Everyone needs friends. You sound like a delightfully thoughtful person. Stop denying yourself these social connections, your life and the lives of your future friends will be better for it.
Your relationship should be on the back burner compared to med school and your future. He is not your everything, you are your everything. There will be other vacations. A relationships should never ever come before school/your future. I wish you luck
He is using you as a sex slave. And manipulating you with his child to keep you in his bedroom.
You need to run away now before you get pregnant or something.
Love isn't this. I'm sorry you feel trapped. But you have the backbone of a women, so pack your shit and leave this guy.
How he feels DOESNT matter.
This is so messed up. I spent years hating my mom and feeling unwanted because I thought she tried to starve herself to end her pregnancy because a family member told me this. Years later I found out she suffered from extreme nausea and couldn't keep food down. Do not ever tell someone they may have been unwanted. That's horrible.
He refused to pay and stared me down and threatened to leave if I didn't. The staff was busy and I had high heels on (literally stilettos) and the exit was all the way up the stairs so I had no quick easy way to flee.
Also I can't really take it offline, it's public records. I might just have to quit dating which is sad as I'm a young pretty something girl
Why would you need permission from the mods to share the app you were using? I don’t see it as a breach of the rules.
Break up with her. She has no empathy, loyalty and respect.
My dude if you don't wanna get pegged then tell her no. If she argues remind her that no means no, even if it is a man telling a woman no. It's still a no.
if Dude feels comfortable humping you in front of your mother, that tells you everything you need to know
I feel that most people are in agreement either you right now, might just be the right way to go lmao
Normal people aren't rich.
“you have to work on it. It's your shit not mine.” Here, that's the problem, that's not how it works, sex takes 2 people and his attitude just makes things worse
You are being kind of petty for dwelling on it; if it was all during the “getting to know you” period and you didn’t agree to be exclusive during that time then it really is none of your business to be blunt.
Also, the fact that it was just sex instead of actual dates makes it better, she just needed her needs met while getting to know you pretty much, why should she stop getting laid while she gets to know you if there was no agreement on exclusivity? Likely he was just a “fuck buddy” and that’s it, I wouldn’t even classify it as “friends with benefits” because their is no friendship, just humping and hanging out at his place a bit before and after. But now that your meeting all her “needs” he is out of the picture, as it should be.
About the “Italian guy” thing, get over yourself; if being her “first Italian guy” is so important to you then maybe you need to take a look at how you define a relationship; one dumb joke isn’t (or at least shouldn’t) that important.
Also take into account that this was 5 years ago. . . She was still in collage (I assume) and likely had a higher sex drive and wasn’t fully matured emotionally, so that would all definitely play a part.
So in short, let it go, if this is the only thing making you unhappy then your lucky, you have a long term attractive girlfriend, who loves you and trusts you enough to tell you about something she doesn’t need to because she trusted you to be emotionally mature enough to handle it, also sound like she has given you no other reason in the last 5 years to think she was unfaithful so count your blessings and enjoy your relationship.
He hit you. He's an abuser. It will get worse. You need to leave. Reach out, talk to your parents. Get out of this situation ASAP.
That’s what trusts are for.
Oh yeah, that's probably a date, but I'm gonna suggest you treat her like a friend during this date regardless. It'll work out better.
I am probably going to have my mom come and get us on Monday when he is at work. I think that would be safest. I just hate this, all I want is for my child to not come from a broken home. But a broken home is better than an unsafe home
You're absolutely right and very kind about it. However, it's perfectly human to have boundaries. Boundaries don't make you mean or assertive. Most people (except the ones you want to avoid) like boundaries, they make interaction clear and expectable. Not everything has to be a two-way street. Sometimes, things are unacceptable.
Would you have an unforced two-way “let's find a compromise” conversation with someone who refuses to piss anywhere else but on your couch or would you put your foot down? Or someone who is convinced 3 weeks old chicken would still be fine to put in your shared dinner? What about someone who has an STD but still wants to have sex with you. Let's find some middle ground, maybe just the tip?
Some things are not a conversation. Some things are a boundary.
I couldn't live with a partner who would not want to eradicate head lice. You gradually got into this new normal, so it's very hot to see the old normal. Would you have went on a date with someone with visible lice in their hair?
Miata in the snow…jeez
This is the right answer. An audio recording to prove what's going on.
My best guess is the parents know they are being loud, but don't think it's THAT loud, and also are in denial as well.
Just make sure to hide that file or delete it or whatever. Despite the obvious reason, if someone ever found it, saying “oh yeah, that's just a bunch of recordings of my parents having sex, you can ignore that” isn't something easy to explain.
Agreed. That story was a wild ride in the first half, but OP is NTA, his wife is.
Don’t do it. It’s going to end in a disaster. Just leave the client with limerance that they’ll have to work through themselves.
That's cute you believe that.
I hate that I had the same thought. Which is probably why mom is concerned about their closeness. I’m also curious how old the ap was and when it happened. Like was op a teen and he hooked up with someone 18-20? Op should tell mom and hopefully it will be the push for the mom to be free and happy.
The company of a 21 year old at almost 30? Like i said if you want a relationship and he doesn’t then it’s time to move on. You don’t have to stick around he’s made it clear he won’t date you.
Like I said one scenario, call it insecurity, fragile ego. Yes as a generalization most men would prefer that their partner doesn’t have any intimate history with their friends or teammates, locker room or drunk talk can get ruthless between guys. And they will use that against each other, some guys can take it some guys can’t. I am not the boyfriend in question here, so I’m not bothered at all. But Reddit has a bunch of stories like this and most, not all, most guys are insecure about situations like this. Like I said nothing is her fault in this situation, the current boyfriend is the one that either gets passed this or not.
Couldn’t help but notice you only said you don’t want to regret not having a child…not that you actually want a child. Think about that very very hot and don’t do something just because you’re afraid of regret. Nevermind what he wants, if you don’t want a baby more than anything in the world, DON’T do it!
It’s a joke, they say “send nudes” to the mention of any woman as a dumb joke. We don’t take that stuff seriously, it’s literally just a nonsensical joke that we’ve been doing for over a decade. Literally a one and done “send nudes” we laugh and move on. All of them are VERY respectful to women, dote on their girlfriends when they have them, constantly talk about having children, settling down with a great woman, and living a normal and boring life. People can make dumb jokes and not be bad people you know.
You can do better. You deserve better. Get the abortion, get on birth control, get rid of this loser who probably did this 100% on purpose, against your wishes.
When you’re young and in abusive relationship with a manipulator, sometimes things that would normally seem clear as day outside that relationship, seem murky. He’s clear great at gas lighting and we really don’t know op’s history. E we don’t know if she’s ever seen a healthy relationship modeled for her by the adults in her life or if she’s experienced abuse. Often children of abusers end up in abusive relationships bc those things seem “normal” to them or not as bad as what they saw growing up.
How dare she binge watch the Madalorian without you! Divorce!!! (Lol)
Hopefully after posting this, you feel at least somewhat better about the whole thing, and can more easily move on.
You and her were a big mismatch from the start. You and her had a big incompatibility from the start, yet you both ignored it because some things were good. Now you know better, now you understand that where an incompatibility exists, a relationship will fail, and next time, you won’t (I hope) make this mistake.
Let her go, mentally and emotionally. Go no contact for your own sanity, if you haven’t already. Her actions don’t matter, not anymore. Do what is right for you, to move on from this and build a happier life.
Disappear her from your life. Sorry man, that really sucks. You will be just fine.
why she reacted so dramatically
Maybe work on the phrasing, but yes
The Aristocrats!
Solve the debt problem by investing in real estate.
I think there is a very real possibility that your friend is not gonna hang with you the next time she comes. I also think she's gonna lose your number and not talk to you anymore. You don't get to control who your friend or sister is friends with. This behavior is probably why your friendship is “cordial.”
OP needs actual friends. These are just “people she knows.”
With the 3 month rule should I withhold from having sex?? That sounds like a good idea but I don’t know how to go about it
Most likely. Guys that are in relationships just feel themselves around other girls and they see it as flirting.
I’m officially shipping her and Brock lol