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Hold on OP, this answer sounds like you feel like you are expecting yourself to be able to say no after 3 years of therapy. I don't really know how to express this decently since English isn't my first language but please hear me out: this healing process may be taking more time than you expected, but you are like Rome. Rome wasn't built in a day. And exactly like Rome, the more time you take, the more beautiful and strong your inner self will be. And under buildings of Rome you can find older ones. Those are key to understanding how Rome became Rome, and for you is the same! The more you know about Rome, the more amazing the place is, and the more you explore yourself trough therapy, the more amazing your inner capital (your mind and heart) will be. You deserve the best OP.
I think if you enjoy it that much and see it as something you want to share with a partner then it’s clear she’s not the right one for you.
Lack of identity? Eggshells? I hate being another armchair psychologist on Reddit, but the wonderful thing about having such a huge mass of people here are the individual experiences, and the realization that our experiences… aren't that different at all sometimes… so, with that being said, maybe look up Borderline Personality Disorder and the book, “Stop Walking on Eggshells” by Paul T. Mason to see if any of it resonates with you. BPD, Autism, ADHD and the like are often misdiagnosed. I'm not a professional. However, your experience is familiar. The love you two have for each other is real, and I wish you luck on this journey.
People are blowing past the fact that she's abusive. Get out of this marriage. Nobody should be treated like that.