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No you shouldn't. Be polite. Be kind. Tell her you are going to take a step back as requested then do it. Don't initiate any convo for seven days. It will help you gain clarity. And don't be passive aggressive about it, if you care about this person you have to realize that this maybe the end of the relationship or they just need you to do what they are asking.
Ideally I want to get married and have a family some day, ive just been struggling to navigate weather I see that with my partner
It weird that you say you have values in terms of sex but you call people you’ve had sex with “bodies.” Makes me feel like you don’t really see it as a sacred type of thing and you just don’t like that she has had more sex than you.
I don’t care if that’s the lingo nowadays, it’s demeaning.
I say bodies in a relative term rather than being explicit. I do get your point on the surface I would disagree but disagreeing gets you nowhere and maybe you are right and I just can’t see it. Thank you for your response.
Driving over to collect medication does not make up for his actions.
That he equivocates the two shows a lot about where he’s at.
You can be angry as you want and think of him what you like.
Unfortunately, you have to con parent with him so that’s the only reason to interact with him. There are apps and what not to make coparenting without excessive contact possible.
He could have been up front about it back then but he wants to believe he’s a good guy more than he wants to face facts.
I don’t understand what your problem is. That was naked to read so I didn’t read all of it
Ok
Then it’s a moot point, it’s the exact same if you fell for someone who was already in a relationship; don’t ask them out and ruin a relationship
i don’t understand all the negative comments. but, why not just ask your boyfriend why he sucks his thumb? maybe he doesn’t even realize he does it. ask him in a very non-aggressive way, ya know?
as for your your future children? i think you are getting a bit ahead of yourself with this question. see what he has to say before jumping to anything like that
It sounds like you want to try to date but you're worried he might not like you. FWB is not going to be good for you, it's not what you want. You have to communicate what you actually want.
Probably not going to say anything too different from others. But what I've recently learned is it doesn't matter how much you love them. If they lie , even if caught , even if you know them well enough to know it's a lie , even when you express how much it hurts you . ESPECIALLY for silly reasons.
They're going to keep lying. It's all they know . And when they can't accurately communicate with you. There is nothing you can do to fix , repair , or feel safe in the relationship.
I wish it wasn't this way. There are many amazing and beautiful people who are compulsive liars for various oftentimes defensive reasons. You cannot sustain a relationship if your open and honest and willing to work and they want to hide and lie to escape.
“I want to fuck my coworker but I wasn't thinking about cheating!!” Girl are you dumb? Of course he left your ass.
It’s easy to take out your general frustrations on your partner. Maybe you’re hangry, maybe you’re stressed, need space or annoyed with something they have/haven’t done. But you have to bear with them in their faults and love them despite.
Cool, your fiancé's strong abandonment fear — as well as his anger issues — may be due to his having very weak control over his own emotions (i.e., a lack of emotional skills he had no opportunity to acquire in childhood). My exW has this problem. If that is an issue for your fiancé, you likely have been seeing 3 other warning signs.
First, you would be seeing him rely heavily on black-white thinking, wherein he tends to categorize some people as “all good” (“with me”) or “all bad” (“against me”) and will recategorize them — in just a few seconds — from one polar extreme to the other based on a minor infraction.
Because he also uses B-W thinking in judging HIMSELF, he would rarely acknowledge making a mistake or having a flaw. Doing so would imply, in his mind, he is “all bad.” He thus would blame nearly all misfortunes and mistakes on you and view himself as “The Victim.”
Further, to validate his “victim” status, he would keep a detailed mental list of every infraction/mistake you ever did (real or imagined) and would not hesitate to pull out the entire list to defend himself in the smallest, most insignificant disagreement with you. Moreover, this B-W thinking also would be evident in his frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions like “you ALWAYS…” and “you NEVER….”
Second, you would not see him expressing his anger to casual friends, classmates, or total strangers. He usually gets along fine with them. Rather, his temper tantrums almost exclusively would be expressed against a close loved one (e.g., against you, his sibling, or his parents).
Third, you are convinced he truly loves you. But you often see him flipping, on a dime, between Jekyll (loving you) and Hyde (devaluing you), frequently making you feel like you're “walking on eggshells.” Such flips would occur in a few seconds in response to some minor thing you say or do.
Cool, have you been seeing strong occurrences of these 3 red flags?
I would leave. I never want to feel like I'm a consolation prize in a relationship. I self esteem would take a dive. I'd rather just walk away and find someone who only wants me
Can you really see your full butt in a mirror? Selfie stick is the superior way to get the right angle
I’d say it might work if he had always wanted it to be more from the beginning. But if he was cool from the start with a “no strings attached” set up, it’s unlikely. Especially when you’re both pushing 50 and still doing FWB like you’re in college. But, no harm in asking. Good luck.
But you didn’t tell her, she found out?
Here we go with people overusing buzz words again….
I accidentally knocked her up
Accident for you.
there has been pressure from everyone to get married.
Get a DNA test first. If you aren't married to her, statistically there's a 30% chance its someone else's kid.
If it ends up being yours then you won't need to get married, you will be financially linked either way.
Yes, not respecting someone's boundary and lying is worth breaking up over. You deserve to be single
How many times are you going to let him act like he can throw you away and pick you back up whenever he wants? It's not cute and it's not going to get any cuter.
Accept he broke up, send him a text like “I accept that we are no longer together, thanks for returning my things -” and list all the other things he's done to show it is a break up so he can't throw another “I never broke up with you” bs line. In fact make the break up as public as possible! If he wants to fake staying together live! while he mentally tortures you in person, he is probably doing it to keep you from realizing you deserve better.
Don't hope to keep a guy who makes you feel like this. Find your sense of self worth then find a man who values you and would never put you in this position again.
I have no doubt he likely took advantage of the break ups on his end (saw other people), but you can't move on – that's against his rules.
UpdateMe!
exactly
So yeah I’m leaving and well I know he’ll start dating her even if he doesn’t notice it yet.
I don’t disagree with you per se but you’re gonna be naked pressed in the long term to find someone who wants to have sex that much.
Hm, should I invite him to the gym more? I didn't want him to feel like I was asking him to workout with me. I've hinted at him trying out the sauna and steam room but he didn't seem very interested.
As I get older, the less inclined I am to cohabitate early in a relationship. There's more at stake: larger homes, children, more stuff, etc. I'm 40 and I LOVE having my own home and being financially independent. I feel like I have the freedom to date someone without feeling desperate for kids or a home. My fiance and I are able to spend plenty of time getting to know each other before we decide to enmesh two families.
Can’t do anything about the past; whether it’s mine or someone else’s.
The only thing you could is your own actions and choices. So be clear about your values, boundaries, and expectations early in a relationship and ask your partner what they values, expectations, and boundaries are. Check in with yourself and your partner often. Having different values, expectations, and values is okay but for a relationship to be successful in the long term at least most of them should align.
There are some actions in the past that are okay never to tolerate in a potential partner. For example if someone told me that in their past they were abusive, bullying, and racist/sexist/ableist ect. I don’t fuck with people like that.
But if my partner told me that they slept with lots of people in the past I would ask questions like: was everything you did consensual with all parties involved? Did you use protection? Do you get tested regularly and will you commit to continuing to do so? What do you want in your relationship with me? If it’s monogamy, how do you define manogamy? How do I? Do those definitions align? Can you agree to an alignment?
In their current and future life no one person is perfect. People make mistakes and bad choices sometimes. But if they apologize and actually change their behavior, consider what you can be flexible and forgiving about. Some things are naked boundaries and somethings are softer or mailable.
Just know what the expectations are before you jump in head first.
Are we sure that he didn't actually rape her? If she doesn't remember and didn't want to… I have a “friend” with whom I've had sex and who would sometimes mention it or my tits, or something. This would make me uncomfortable. I didn't have the guts to explain this so I ignored every message in that sense and he eventually stopped mentioning it.
Breakup immediately. Don’t do this to yourself
If none of your friends have told you this, I’m going to tell you: this is making you unhinged. You are ready for the FBI academy at this point with all the tracking and analysis you’ve done here. It’s over, you’re done with him. He wants her, he can have her. Make an appointment with a divorce lawyer tomorrow, get your ducks in a row, and get the hell out of there.
Cheating isn't just sex or physical. He is intentionally keeping things from you, I think it's just the thrill for him.
Oh I'd confront him. I'd want to watch him break the way he's been breaking me when I tell him I'm done. That I have given him chance after chance and he's done is gaslit me.
Have some self respect and cut this guy out. He's definitely fucking other people.
I thought this too but then she reveals in the comments how she's bitter that her bf basically chose to plan a trip with his friends over just with her. She just left all that out so the initial post does seem a bit silly.