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Some guys get weird… I’ll agree that the majority of the time they aren’t going to murder you but it’s often the easiest and quickest way to get them to shut up. I’m in sales so I’ll give them my number and block them if I have an issue. It’s not like everyone doesn’t have my number already ?
Some guys get weird… I’ll agree that the majority of the time they aren’t going to murder you but it’s often the easiest and quickest way to get them to shut up. I’m in sales so I’ll give them my number and block them if I have an issue. It’s not like everyone doesn’t have my number already ?
Break up and run dude, and maybe chew out your parents while at it.
If you go thru r/survivinginfidelity it’s all on the guy doesn’t sound like he’s gonna leave. The wife always ends up cheating. Usually with a boss or coworker someone in a position of power which she “subconsciously” is looking for…
She’s playing with your feelings in order to keep you hooked. I don’t mean to make it sound as bad as it sounds but just leave her alone, you’ll be in a continuous cycle of will she or will she not, and it will cause you to resent her slowly until you can’t handle it anymore and do what you shoulda done in the first place and leave her alone. I might of… been in your shoes…
If he wanted to change, I think he would have by now.
Yep. Doesn't seem like much point in having yet another conversation about it.
Thanks for this. I clearly need a crustacean of my own, whom I will name “JC” in homage to you and your little fellow.
Suicidal… is this a normal expectation when you have your siblings over?
Suicidal… is this a normal expectation when you have your siblings over?
If I could give you an award I would. You seriously took that correction with grace.
I hope so bc when I have no choice but to raise the kids separately and just accept someone walking away and giving up their true family and what u thought was priority for pussy all the time! How pathetic of a man to be. Loyalty is all I need I have money and what ever I need I don’t want a man for support I want a best friend and companion for growing ll old wit
This.
I want to know how she has his email lol
Why don't you ask him why he ignored you. Then tell him how it made you feel and that you want to have a happy sex life so working through this is important
Which other guy? You seem really upset that… people replied to your post? No one is forcing you to come here and debate religion. You chose to start that conversation.
You're looking for validation. Sounds like your girlfriend can do better in my opinion.
Yes, that’s true- but if someone is wholly uninterested in open relationships, is there anything wrong in that someone only wanting to be with a person who is equally uninterested?
This isn’t a question of her cheating or not- it’s that she simply doesn’t have the same values as OP.
I don't think you're over doing it or unrealistic… but he's not either.
The examples you've listed all seem within reason though. Using lip balm as a “hitting on” device? As long as he's not taking the bait and acting like he's single? Seems like nothing.
I'd say it seems like the relationship is pretty good if you're biggest complaint is people are hitting on your boyfriend and he has friends. Seems like a good guy.
You're definitely showing some jealousy… but you're not keying his car in response so I wouldn't say TOO jealous lol
This is really hurtful. Especially demanding that you don’t talk about the future. I would ask for the ring back and tell her it’s counseling or the relationship is over. Living in limbo sucks.
Maybe it's the way I worded the post in my frustration but yes this started as a relationship first but I guess I just took on more and more of her problems as my own up until this point
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Feeling guilty becuase of someone else's mental health issues is codependency. Please don't feel guilty for that. Its not your doing. But do feel guilty for stringing her along and leading her on. That is what you are doing. You don't want to be with her anymore. Don't pretend like you do just to Pity her and resolve your guilt. Very unhealthy and unfair to both of you.
I'll definitely keep this in mind, I met her through mutual friends and I feel like I'm gonna lose them too.
It sucks, it’s painful but, soon you will look back and realize you dodged a bullet!
Going to need examples
I also feel like it tends to be easier for me to form feelings for a person and I can never fully tell if they share the same feelings or not? How would I be able to tell that they want to be serious?
They’re insecurities.
Trust is an important part of a relationship. My partner is friends, best friends, with her ex. She says there is nothing there and I trust her.
The cousin posted it, not OP.
If what you’re describing is accurate then it sounds like it really wasn’t the best relationship for either of you. Especially towards the end, it seems like you were putting in most of the work in the relationship for a while and that’s not okay – I’m not saying things should be 50/50 all the time because realistically they’re not, but she only went over to your place twice, let her roommate say horrific things to you, made a habit of canceling plans last minute, got distant from you multiple times for varying reasons, didn’t reciprocate your affection towards her, didn’t initiate anything, and was letting her roommate influence her feelings for you. Then, when you (understandably) had a break down due to all the things going on, her response was not to keep working on it and change for the better – it was to break up. As soon as it turned to your issues instead of hers, she couldn’t handle it which is not the sign of a healthy relationship. This was all in the span of less than a year, dude. She really does need to work on herself before getting into another relationship, and probably with the help of a professional.
You say this is the best relationship of your life, and it very well could have been, but it doesn’t mean this is as good as it gets – it actually sounds like it had a lot of issues which needed to be worked out individually. You both had a lot of baggage. You put in effort, were supportive in any way you could be, and wanted to work past the issues in the relationship. The only issue is the other person has to do that too – she has to want to try harder, but you can’t make her. So realistically if nothing changed down the line, say another one or two years, you’d still be in a relationship where you’d feel you’d need more support and activity overall within your connection. You likely wouldn’t be able to express your concerns and feelings to the fullest with her. What’s the point of being with someone if they’re not reciprocating the enthusiasm or effort of being in a relationship?
The feelings aren’t just going to disappear, but it’s time to realize that it’s time to move on. She’s made it clear. And it sounds like it will be healthier for both of you. Unfortunately, closure isn’t guaranteed, so that’s all the more reason to turn towards yourself right now. And seriously, it sounds like you’re looking at this with rose colored glasses and blaming yourself for not trying harder or not doing something to make her try harder (which isn’t something you can do), so time away to look at this rationally and learn from it would likely benefit you. This isn’t what a healthy relationship looks like. Perhaps therapy would be of benefit to you as well, not just to help your feelings of the relationship but to be more confident in yourself and work through whatever is holding you back. To hopefully help you go into whatever relationship next (be it romantic or platonic) with less baggage and healthier expectations and boundaries.
I couldn't do this. My boyfriend and I don't share passwords. If I want to use his phone for something I say open your phone and he does. I do the same for him.
But different strokes for different folks.
Right I agree, I think the only way to get to the bottom of it is to find out what's changed, but she claims “nothing has changed, we're fine” and that's all I get.
She can block or not block whoever she wants.
It’s up to you to decide if you want to continue this relationship. (Which doesn’t sound like it’s going to end any better if you let it drag on longer)
You have expressed your boundary, and she has said she won’t respect it. Is this boundary not being respected enough to cause you to end the relationship?
OP: – marries a literal teenager – is surprised when she acts immature
Did I do wrong for telling her in the car not to say things like this to people ?
She can joke about whatever she wants. Not really your place to control it.
First of all congratulations on your beautiful new healthy baby! The second my son was out in my arms my life was forever changed in ways I never even imagined it comprehended it would before that moment so I completely relate to your experience. With that said there's a lot to unpack here. Please know that what I'm about to say only comes with the best intentions.
I think that you are really overreacting and that is much worse. Why don't you have the same open, direct and honest conversation with your mom that you had with your dad? That seems to me what an emotionally healthy mature adult would do. Before you have this conversation with her I also highly recommend that you work with your dad and put together a list of qualified therapists together that her insurance accepts so she can begin work with to help her begin to address her deeply rooted lifelong issues.
I also suggest that you also start seeing a therapist to help too. They can help you learn how to set realistic and healthy boundaries, have mature, direct and open conversations while recognizing the difference between rationale and irrational expectations and coping mechanisms as well as healthy expectations.
Please know I truly say this with the best intentions of love and kindness not with any kind of criticisms or judgements. I also don't say this in any way to be mean to you. I only recommend this because I think this could quickly spiral into a really regrettable and hurtful situation that is honestly quite unnecessary that will result in some major long-term consequences that don't need to happen. Your mother sounds like a really good mom. In my situation my mom was so toxic (she sat quietly and enabled me to suffer some of the most sadistic physical, sexual and emotional abuse you can imagine from the ages of 3-12) that resulted in my stepdad going to prison for 20 years that I cut off any and all contact between her and my child. He only met her once when he was around 8 and that was a complete disaster that I refused to ever allow to happen again. I decided at that moment that the cycle of sadistic abuse ends with me and chose to raise my son in an emotionally healthy and totally safe environment the second he was put in my arms. Because of that he's grown into a really well adjusted, sometimes even naive, emotionally healthy and well adjusted adult. So I can absolutely and totally understand your same desire.
But it does says a lot about you if you are willing to condone cheating (whether you think it or not that is what you are doing) instead of condemn it. What you did when you found out, or the lack of response is what sets up this whole scenario.
Your wife's view of you is changing for the worst with every day now.
Sad story. What is he doing to deal with his trauma, other than grabbing your neck? Over draining the sink nonetheless.
This would have been a dealbreaker to me. An immediate one. If you insist on staying, there have to be strict rules – you don’t live together, he goes to therapy individually and you two start working with a counselor. Is it worth it? I don’t think so. But you do you.
You can’t. Get Sue to explain it, but good luck with that. Better to hold your ground and end things if your gf insists on suggesting you’re a liar.
Not to mention she should prob build her own credit
Just something to add I have talk to a friend about issues in the past but had stopped bc I felt like my friends were giving bias advice and it wasn’t helping progress anything.
But I thought you'd decided on a beach trip???
He's really acting like a child here.
Maybe she genuinely didn’t see it? Or was shy and didn’t know how to respond? Idk but I’d be a little sad too if I were you. The best thing you can do is ask her about it to get your answer—maybe casually bring it up later in person.
I think that’s adorable personally. The fact that she’s still enthusiastically texting you means she can’t be put off too much by it haha.
lol I get it now. Gross
She cheated because she didn't want you anymore, she cheated before, she'll do it again, as soon as you let your guard down. File divorce papers before she does, & show your lawyer (preferably a Men's Rights Advocate) all the proof you have. Make sure to get spousal support, and take custody of the dogs.
I think to him it feels that way because trauma inflames the victims sensitivities to whatever traumatized them initially. His father was probably very critical and demeaning and so any criticism takes him back to that shame his father instilled in him. Like a confirmation that his father was right. His nervous system probably gets set ablaze by any perceived threat and he deals with that threat how he learned to as a child; to Freeze or fawn. If he likes audiobooks or videos, get him to check out Gabor Maté on trauma. If he listens and compassionately inquires about himself, he'll be able to definitely get something helpful from it.
I get it’s not my time but he’s my bf so he should try to make it easier for me
Your bf is full of crap, and what the fuck is a grown man in his mid 30s doing making you waste your 20s on his sorry ass?
Like those who ask for a body count. The answer will never satisfy.
I’ve tried that before when he is repeating stuff for reassurance but I should incorporate it more. And I totally feel like his therapist – or his mom – sometimes. Thanks for the tips!
Your question triggered a lot of women I can see from the responses.
9 weeks is a little long. If she's still having issues have her Obgyn take a look.
Excuse me? She can’t think for herself?
The worst part is that my brother won't talk to me.
I wonder why he won't talk to you, you just come across as extremly judgemental. You call the guys in his friendgroup neckbeards judge them for playing dnd, talk shit about the girls in his friendgroup.
You call your brother a dumb fuck, go on tangents what is ex gf said and treat it as gospel.
I give you advice if you bring this up and express the same contempt you express here he will probably cut contact with you.
If I feel uncomfortable sharing it with my partner than it means I deemed that I did something wrong. Something I need to hide from them. If that is closeness with someone else that I felt the need to hide, then yes there’s an element of cheating there. At least something worth bringing to light and figuring out with your partner.
He's not supportive then
Four whole months? Wow fairy tales exist.
Yeah, you need to get out of your head. You stressing over it is probably making your experience worse too and you just end up in this negative feedback loop where sex is causing stress where it should be the opposite and helping you to relieve stress. Try to start seeing sex as an journey where you focus on the ride as much as the “destination” or finishing. I'm a dude and there have been plenty of times I didn't finish (usually on 2nd/3rd round like in your situation) when I was with my girl and it's not like I didn't enjoy it just because I didn't finish.
Yeah, you need to get out of your head. You stressing over it is probably making your experience worse too and you just end up in this negative feedback loop where sex is causing stress where it should be the opposite and helping you to relieve stress. Try to start seeing sex as an journey where you focus on the ride as much as the “destination” or finishing. I'm a dude and there have been plenty of times I didn't finish (usually on 2nd/3rd round like in your situation) when I was with my girl and it's not like I didn't enjoy it just because I didn't finish.