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It has nothing to do with being Polish.
I've worked with tons of Polish people in my life and while yes, they can be a bit rough at first, they are usually warm, kind hearted people that look out for you when you've gained their trust.
She as a mother despises her son, her OWN flesh. I've never met a Polish women that I think is capable of doing somerhing so cruel. In my experience they are extremely very hot working and resistant people that raise up to the challenge.
That she gets into trouble regulary with other people also says a lot. I mean she already got banned by several institutions.
She also tries to step by step cut him off from his support system.
That's not Polish, that's abusive.
nah i dont think so. sounds like just friends to me though. especially if he doesnt have a history of cheating.
Well, see, you are conflating a bunch of things here.
So first of all sex doesn't equal love. So even if she recalls prior sex being better that has nothing to do with love.
Second is that you change the focus. You say that her saying love now is dulled by her having said it in the past… what has that got to do with sex?
If the idea is that you fall in love once and that makes all future loves mean less… well, again, do you believe that of yourself? Like the feelings you have for her now does that mean every girl you care about after this will mean less? Or if she was the best sex you had any future sex you'd enjoy less?
This is the sort of mindset you need to challenge. Love isn't about being 'the best' and love doesn't mean less if you don't happen to dominate in every area.
That is also, of course, treating sex as if it isn't impacted by emotions and isn't a skill you can improve. You can get better at sex and specifically at pleasuring her.
But remember that trauma makes us think in absolutes. It is easier to say 'she left because he sex better than me' than face that feelings are complicated and messy.
I appreciate you taking the time to comment and would overall agree with you. However, I do genuinely want him to have female friends and have opposite sex friendships myself. I just feel like I don't allow my friendships to form beyond what is respectful, and try to actively mention my boyfriend or disengage with someone who becomes flirtatious. I think I want the same reactions from him
Why are you trying work things out with her kick her out. She ain't worth the time and effort. Why do people physical affair is worse than emotional affair. If you ha dost your family member she should've been patient, give you space and there for you not trying to fuck her coworker. End it for your sanity. Your trust over is broken and you'd never be able to trust her completely.
I view it as a sacred and special bond difference of views
or bi, or pan?? It says before that he's been in relationships with girls and guys and nothing here says that he's gay. Stop assuming, he's exploring and whilst he should be held accountable for cheating you should not mislead OP because he may not be gay!!
Boundaries are not rules to govern other people. They are your own personal values that you have set got yourself. You can't expect your boyfriend to never watch a show with a woman with breasts simply because you're insecure. You are the one who needs to work on your insecurities. People can not walk on eggshells forever. Your insecurities are your responsibility not your boyfriend's.
He will do it again.
Man, you sure do spell ex-girlfriend funny….
hey! current fourth year med student here – been in your shoes, its tough. for what its worth, there ARE people (your partner maybe being one of them) who will understand your time commitments and love you anyway as long as you put in what you can. Ive been in several relationships where we did our best and they were still great! That being said, you’re right that this is the reality of going into medicine. Those people are out there, but there’s less of them and the time commitment ramps up even more in med school and then residency. It sounds like you love the field and thats awesome!! Even with that, Its good to reflect if its for you from time to time. Happy to chat more, feel free to DM me!
Take it from this doc, seen a lot of relationships before during and after medschool. If this one 5 day trip makes him leave you then just call it now. College is the easy part.
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Anything between very distanced to cordial/warm, honestly.
It’s pretty natural for adults in their 20s to grow more independent. That process naturally leads to some distance between parent and child, but it’s not a bad kind of distance. It’s more of a “I respect you, so I don’t have to parent you anymore“ kind of thing. That’s the ideal.
It’s when parents don’t want to give up on that dynamic, or when they are narcissistic m, cruel, or unaccepting, that I have seen people end up on the more-distanced end of that continuum.
I would break up with her and tell her you are looking for something else. She either wants to sleep around or doesn’t respect your relationship
But OP was appropriately concerned. In fact she was so shocked she assumed it was a weird joke and immediately went to her husband. If you don’t believe your partner when they come immediately to you after being hit on inappropriately , then you are lacking any normal trust in your relationship.
Simple. Have a grown up conversation about how you are not interested in a casual relationship and be prepared to end it because it definitely doesn't seem like he's wanting the same thing you are.
One of the leading causing of men cheating is a sexless relationship. You should be worried.
How would you feel if he just started denying you any lovebor affection in the ways that are important to you.
I did state that I trust him, he’s never given me a reason not to trust him. All I’m saying is that these actions hurt me and I’m having trouble getting over it. As for the house thing I agree, he’s been living with me at my apartment since we started dating we’re ready to get our own place without my roommates and I wanted another apartment, but he doesn’t want to pay somebody else’s mortgage. For him the house is an investment and if anything happens we could rent it out as an additional source of income. I get where he’s coming from, but I think it’s too soon to own something together also!
it is a terrible decision
This is absolutely a true story, but I went to a psychic and before I said anything she knew my boyfriend was a Capricorn. When she read Tarot cards she told me he had another relationship with a woman named Diane. I thought she was crazy because I had no signs anything was going in. But we knew a married woman named Deana. We didn’t live! together but I asked him and sure enough they were planning on taking a trip to San Francisco together. Nothing had happened physically yet but that’s because I found out through the psychic. I called her and she was so smug and thought she had won him. Keep in mind she was married to an older rich guy. To prove she was winning, she said, well, when was the last time you had sex? I said yesterday! He told her he was being faithful to her. So she went home to her husband and he and I stayed together and never had another problem because it scared the crap out of him that he could be so easily found out by a psychic. We are still together. That said, your girlfriend’s psychic is wrong and your girlfriend should break up with you. The psychic might have interpreted your interest in other women but not the fact that you would never act on it. Your gf should trust you.
“Tried to break up with me again” Why? that's not a random thing… especially twice. There's more to it than that.
And if you don't know why? how do you know it won't happen again?
Honestly? either you two need therapy – apart and together… or you should probably just break up with him.
Me, I just cackle at posts like this. Its literally a formula, and non of you never fail to tick off each expectation.
Men like this are my worst nightmare.
My response: Well too freaking bad.
I love dogs and couldn’t do what your husband is doing, however, he has made himself pretty clear. Your husband does not want a dog. Do you know why his opinion changed?
Anyway, I know it’s irritating to have to do all the work, but I imagine your husband feels like it’s unfair to have to take care of a dog he does not want. You will need to ask yourself if shouldering the responsibility of taking care of a dog is, by yourself, worth it. Expecting your husband to take care of a dog he doesn’t want isn’t going to work. In the long run, how do you think your husband’s desire to not have a dog will affect your relationship?
wow, you fucked this up royal didn't you? good luck sorting this out
If you're that insecure, you have no business being in a relationship. Work on your insecurities in therapy, dude.
Show him this friend. Possibly hundreds of impartial strangers calling him an idiot will persuade him.
Yeah, definitely argue about liking your own name rather than about disliking his. No need to make this a negative conversation right off the bat.
I aslo disagree that a man who considers it important for his wife to take his last name is a bullet to dodge. The practice is outdated, but it is a part of some customs. Personally I wouldn't care to push mine on a partner, but I also don't care about getting married altogether. I know that many women would consider that a dealbreaker, because to them getting officially married is a sign of committment (which I still don't get how that works and why). But if eventual marriage is not a bullet dodged type of expectation to have in a long term relationship, then I don't think the expectation of taking your partner's name is either. I can only assume a man might see it as a sign of committment from the woman, the same way some women might see marriage itself as a sign of committment from the man.
You've been through so much…please get therapy so you can transition, they will be able to help guide you through this and navigate the bumps along the way 🙂
I believe he had your permission and I also believe that was very silly on your part. This is not an important part of management
If she doesn’t keep her house clean and the dogs go to the bathroom inside, then that’s why she stinks
Why would you put up with this?
The issue here is I didn't stop caring about my appearance. I dressed warmly for the cold weather outside, and my hair became greasy while wearing the beanie. She asked if I even showered anymore. I shower every evening. Of course I'd have my relationship back, but I'm under the impression that she acted out-of-line, hence this post to gather outside opinions.
That’s a problem, that you are the focus, that you personally have to feel an impact. You can’t just “remove” someone from a tragedy. That’s not how it works.
We plan to go on a somewhat expansive trip so going with a larger group would be cheaper, plus i don't see a problem with them being there because our communicaton is already minimal so we wouls just ignore each other
Boss is limited in his praises, does not accept when he fucks up and is generally a vanilla guy. Not emotional to any degree. He likes talking about sports and travel and is probably high on narcissism scale.
Call it quits now. Doesn’t sound like you’re losing much anyway.
That’s why you should speak to her and not make a decision now. Tell her all of this is a lot to take in but in a very short period of time she will be pushing out a whole new human being. Her life won’t be the same either.
If you want to avoid having a child birth control and condoms should have been used. It wasn’t and now you are where you are.
If this makes you cry you are going to gave a very very hot life. I think you need to figure out why this bothers you so much because crying because he ate the chips is pretty unusual. Figure out what's going on with yourself.
This seems like a precursor to something more physical the next time he does not approve of your behavior.
Holy crap. Calm down. Damn.
What are you talking about? I’ve only ever heard this hysteria over 35 being some magical cut off from Americans, and typically men at that. Living in a culture that desperately wants all women barefoot and pregnant in their early 20s has seriously done a number on you.
It kinda does when OP and her girlfriend are both women…
Why is this man the love of your life? He sounds like an angry toddler. Yikes
Google “the importance of validation in relationships” and “defensiveness in relationships” and solutions for it as this usually happens when one or both people get defensive in the arguement and fail to validate each other. In general, when in conflict, each person’s feelings/perspective should be treated as just as important, not more than, not less than, but just as important. So one side shares their perspective, receives validation, then the other side shares and gets the same. After that, solutions that work for both are explored and then implemented. You want a friend and want to be a friend that looks for win/win solutions, not one who looks to win at the others expense.
Also, important to note, validation is different from agreement. If you have trouble separating the two google how to validate even when you disagree and six levels of validation to help address that issue.
Once he gets his own car he probably will want you to get rid of yours as some kind of power play to keep you even more trapped. Run.
He's coercing her into letting him live! there
While I understand honor killings, I don't get why the family is so embarrassed about the aunt having a child with her 2nd husband.
You give him ultimatum, block her and delete her right now or we are done. The fact they being talking constantly and wished eachother happy valentines says it all.
If he still refuses to block her then end it tell him it's over and to never contact you again
Absolutely not. She shouldn’t lie at all. They made their mess and now that’s what they all will have to deal with.
I personally just think like wtf!? How do you sleep with someone who wanted a family with you and you said you didn’t. IMO I think she took advantage of that Situation.
I also don’t understand why this is in relationship advice when she is in fact not in a relationship with said guy.
These comments are… weird. 1. Only YOU know the right choice about having this baby. 25 is not “too young”. If you feel confident in your decision to have a child – yay, congrats! 2. Hooking up with an ex doesn’t make you a predator who took advantage of him. Pretty normal. Congrats on the sex 3. Ya gotta just tell him ASAP so you can all figure out how to move forward. It doesn’t matter whether or not he cheated on her – that’s not your job to figure out. Everyone just needs all the info 4. I hope everything works out for you! Xo
I appreciate your response and I will take that into consideration. I apologized to my husband due to the responses and he then apologized for over reacting (his words, not mine). You are right though, I should have not touched my husband’s arm and instead souls have said excuse me.
Your friends are dumb. You’ve met a handful of times so you have no say how she spends her time apart from you. She had no idea of your crush and you guys were drunk having fun at a bar, so what were you expecting her to do? Follow you around like a love sick girl? There is no romantic relationship between you. So if you want to continue things with her speak up! Shoot your shot!
That's not a trust exercise, he's being a perverted creep. I'd avoid him completely.
Gf is spending 550+700 vs your 550 on mutual expenses. You are not splitting expenses 50/50. She is spending more than twice as much as you. And as a thank you for her spending twice as much as you even though she doesn’t earn that much more you can’t be arsed to even do half of the chores.
Frankly she’d be better off if she dumped you. One less person she’d have to feed, on less person she’d have to do all the chores for. Living with you is all downside for her.
He was drunk so not in the state of mind to actually give consent.
It’s alarming that you feel you have a right to determine how he votes. Or for whom. And a red flag. But he’ll probably overlook it if you apologize.
So now he wants to make things official but it feels fast to me, is it?
Yes.
If it feels fast for you, then communicate it and work at a pace that is comfortable for you.
This is a basic fundamental of relationships:
This is what works for me. This is what I am capable of.
I can work with that and function at a pace that is comfortable for you.
Its an exchange of respect / understanding of you as a person to achieve a goal together. Finding common ground is critical for relationships and a must have skill.
If something simple like this causes tension… then the relationship won't last (sorry).
This is a basic piece of the foundation. Also becomes a test to see how strong his deeper understanding of you.
I will always say… the slower person of the two, sets the pace. Take things slow and do it for the right reasons. Don't rush relationships.
You may right, there could be nothing different between having the label now or later… but that label can feel like a very hot weight and can cause things to fall apart.
Its okay to stay where you are and let things manifest naturally. Then add new layers to the connection when you feel you're ready to hold it.
Your kids won't be extremely young forever. Of course they will find out at some point, and of course he's going to continue cheating on you.
Respect yourself and your kids enough to kick him out.
Okay but you didn’t even acknowledge my point about him saying he spends every night at her place and is also somehow spending time with his kids during the week and every other weekend?
i agree, our generation is spoilt for choice in more ways than one
Can I have some advice?
Tell him that seeing the conversations makes you insecure. Then tell him it's ok to not show you the conversations.
we’re talking about something that happened like 10 years ago?? i don’t see the big deal.
Don't worry about it, it's the alcohol talking. Once he sober up, he should be apologising
That's a really good idea, thanks :))
Especially when you are tired or out of emotional steam, take a breath as self care and then practice stopping to think.
If you realise that you could be happier by making others happy, then do that.
Don't let short term failures become entrenched.
Talk to your mother about your approach and ask and expect fair respectful critique.
View it as repairing the relationship and building an equal adult relationship for the future.
Sometimes your mum might cross the line too… she will be learning through the process. Calmly and clearly refrain from escalation an address it later when you are both in a place of emotional safety and receptiveness.