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You cannot control your boyfriend but you can control yourself. He is causing much pain and suffering. Thats not a good relationship. Be kind to yourself and put yourself first. He never will. Send him packing he is not good for you at all.
He said how I would be his “emotional partner” while that other person would be his “sexual partner”.
So you two would no longer have sex?? And he only wants one 'sexual partner'? Sounds like he already has someone lined up and is hoping you'll let him monkey-branch.
I’m pretty sure your pass wasn’t to sleep with a man in her own bed.
Anyways, you’re definitely not straight. You need to have a conversation with your wife and not message the guy unless your wife is okay with it or if you divorce.
Ok. You’re a straight guy who likes sex with other guys. I’m not a vegetarian but I love veggie burgers. Call yourself whatever you want. But labels won’t change what you feel. Also being gay and masculine isn’t a contradiction. There’s a lot more testosterone in gay porn than in straight porn.
Oh OP. this sucks ass I am sorry this has happened to you. I think you should send this post to your boyfriend and and take as much space from his as you can/need.
He is not safe for you to be around right now if 1. He Doesn't realize what he did and 2. You don't have the ability to communicate a “no” to him. Not your fault.
If he is worth an ounce of your time, he will apologize and understand your need for space.
Even if inadvertent his actions are retaumatizing you further. He's insensitive and obtuse/selfish at BEST. At worst he's an mean rapist lol.
Yeah, another Americans told me the same. Here is a little bit different but I get it
Your mentality is part of the problem. It takes two people working together to make a relationship work or not work. When you say that “it's not your job” that doesn't fly.
If you care about someone, it is your job to participate in the relationship.
I get that you are only 23, but the first thing you need to take a look at is your perspective. Check your ego and look at things from a different perspective.
Clearly not acting like adults are children. Grown adults are responsible for their own decisions in life.
Actually, you just did. Thank you!
If it's not working so well for you now, what makes you think he's going to change and be better about it later? Especially when you'll probably be under the stress/long hours of working as a junior associate or something like that?
Based on what he told his friend, he thinks he can predict what you'll do (take him back) and therefore has no reason to change. Why be predictable, especially if it doesn't help you in the long run?
You now know that a relationship with this man includes his mother. You tell him this relationship isn't working, you go back home, and you block him. This is not a relationship you want to be in, not at all.
Truly this, the most honest answer so far. I must back this one up and say yes. STOP DRINKING.
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You're all immature aresholes. Including you. How old are you again? Grow the hell up.
Because ur wife’s family doesn’t have pedophiles in it.
I have been with my partner for 12 years, married for 8 of those years. He is just like your gf. When he is out of town on business trips, even if i text and text him he will not reply sometimes, last time didn’t text when he got back to his hotel for the night. He has adhd and his brain can barely function in one place, much less two or more. Maybe she has this sort of thing too?
Exactly. The laugh was her saying “yeah, no shit.”
Oh, I know haha hence the “overly”.. You could've been nasty with it but chose not to, so I'm grateful nonetheless:) I'll take my sore sorry ass as motivation to do right by the friendship I treasure
I'm gonna take a test as soon as it would actually show anything and I'm 99% sure it'll be negative I just wanted to try to find out how to get him to see me perspective and I think writing it out on here a few times has helped. Basically I don't think I'm pregnant but if I am or if I ever get pregnant I'm not ending the potential life of the little cluster of mine and his cells unless its medically necessary bc that little cell cluster is important to me
You can message me
It's pretty common for friends and colleagues to follow each other on social media. It sounds like you might just be feeling a bit insecure/paranoid but if its eating you up that much, just check his messages on his phone.
You are not a cheater. I think even your lie was understandable—you hadn’t even really admitted it to yourself. Your boyfriend, however, is toxic. He has managed to make your rape all about him, and his behavior was abusive. I can imagine having all kinds of feelings in his situation, but his response was to abuse you further. That’s not okay. More generally, he sounds like a terrible person to have a relationship with.
You are not a cheater. I think even your lie was understandable—you hadn’t even really admitted it to yourself. Your boyfriend, however, is toxic. He has managed to make your rape all about him, and his behavior was abusive. I can imagine having all kinds of feelings in his situation, but his response was to abuse you further. That’s not okay. More generally, he sounds like a terrible person to have a relationship with.
I mean look how many people don't believe him in the comment section even with evidence lol. This subreddit is honestly ridiculous
Sounds like insecurity to me. There's nothing wrong about a good economy. If you can contribute more to the household then that should always be a plus.
Also, every forum I’ve read live! about this topic, it’s always an EX who’s smell they didn’t like. Never a long term partner.
They don’t call it a good gum job for nothing.
Is there any update on what you decided to do?
You cannot, cannot, cannot fix a mean drunk. Male or female, the only solution is that the mean drunk stop drinking, and that’s not happening here.
You can find another girl who’s great sober and not a monster when she’s had a few.
Women don’t read these for the sex scenes, not exactly. They read them for the “guy is rich and cosmically powerful and bends the knee only for her as he strives to have an emotionally healthy relationship of equals” characters. You have to include the sex scenes just to flesh out the above trope, honestly.
I was about to say the exact same thing!
Could you give an example of something you disagree on?
The reality of relationships is that some disagreements indicate a fundamental incompatibility that should be a dealbreaker. Agreeing to disagree is not actually a solution on matters that reveal deep incompatibilities. If a disagreement reveals a major incompatibility, it's probably not something to ignore or “agree to disagree” on if it'll arise over and over again.
Additionally, there is a different genre of incompatibility that can lead to inevitable breakups. Which are instances where no one is objectively right or wrong, but there is just a major difference in preference. For example, one person is a home body and always wants to be with their partner. While the other person likes to be out and about and enjoys their solitude. Both people may feel like their needs are unmet if they compromise for their partner. If the outgoing person is always staying in, they may feel resentful, smothered, and like they're not able to live! authentically without upsetting their partner. Or the home body partner may feel neglected if their elevated need for time together isn't met.
I say this because it's important to assess the nature of the disagreement, what the implications are, whether it will impact relationship satisfaction or if it's a major disagreement that will likely be ongoing.
In those cases, it's important to assess whether the disagreement is a dealbreaker or if you can actually reach a mutually satisfying compromise.
Now for common disagreements that are less consequential, here is my advice,
Try and understand where they're coming from and what experience in their life may have created that perspective. Consider how their past has contributed to their perception and understand the ways you two have taken different paths to arrive at different conclusions. The more compassion and understanding you can have for a person's past, the easier it is to connect the dots and understand why they think the way they do. Try and be humble. Some lessons or truths that you take as a non-negotiable self-evident truth may not actually be all that evident to others. And it may not be correct in all contexts. Consider how your own point of view may be true and useful in the context you know, but might not serve someone else. Don't approach the disagreement with the intent to “win” or change their mind, approach it with the intent to understand their point of view. And use it as an opportunity to better understand your own beliefs and perspective. For example, my partner is a total optimist and I am a total realist. This leads to a lot of variation in how we see the world and assess scenarios, both approaches have their merits and shortcomings. Try and see where your partner is coming from and consider the benefit of their perspective.
If there are any specific examples of disagreements that you can share, maybe we can give you better, less generalized advice!
I don't write erotic stories, and don't read them, but there have been studies done on this, women are the highest user's of erotic literature. I remember my mother reading “Romance” novels (titles like “Savage love”) when I was a kid and some looked to me from just the covers didn't look like they were all consensual?) Men look at porn, women read it.
Yes I agree and I wonder if the young wife was a friend of the daughter? That would definitely explain why she was so upset and begged the wife to end the relationship
Trust your gut. Back yourself. And look up @datingbylion to get insight into the male perspective on dating. Might help you understand where you are going wrong and build healthier boundaries.
OP, have some dignity. This guy wants to keep you (and who knows how many others) on the back burner so he has access to no strings sex whenever he wants it. Stop “trusting the process”. Someone using you as a backstop booty call is not “the process”. It's just something f-boys do when they can find someone naive enough to go along with it.
Commitment I would imagine. You can say whatever you want, but you can’t fix him.
You get along with her because there are no stakes or consequences. That's how emotional affairs work; you are both living with fantasy versions of each other in a fantasy situation. Once you're together with her, the fantasy will be replaced with reality.
Why so harsh? Having worries and insecurities isn’t a cardinal sin, it’s human. How you react to them is the important bit.
Ok first of all, it's often the case that the early part of relationships is filled with frequent sex which then slowly decreases until hitting an equilibrium. So don't read too much into that. Secondly, try to think about all of her past experiences as shaping who she is. And if you love her more than anything, then you almost have to love that she experienced everything she did to turn out this way.
My boyfriend and I are in our 40s and have many sexual experiences each prior to meeting each other (that happens when you get this old). I'm grateful for every single person he f*cked. I'm grateful he was married to someone else for 20 years. He's grateful I've dated many men, including a few high profile ones. The little flicker of jealousy comes out now and again, but we feel so lucky to have found each other that we feel almost indebted to all those who have helped shape who we are as people and lovers.
It's a big twist on how you're feeling now, I understand that. But if you can make the mental leap from jealous/insecure to grateful/lucky when it comes to her past, your relationship will be so much closer. Insecurities don't disappear but they become tiny little bugs you can swat away.
friend , family ,boyfriend or girlfriend never lend money only give what you feel comfortable with to never get back
You do nothing. Mind your business.
This is something she needs to unpack with a therapist. This sounds like some serious trauma and you're right, it's not something you're experienced in.
My cousin literally did this. They broke up for a year & bc it was meant to be, got back together ; later got married & had kids.
If the roles were reversed it would be different. People simping over an 18 year old girl
too many red flags – too many attachment to his ex & exs & he can't move on.
you move on as he is not ready.
you still wanna marry him in this condition? I won't as its too much nitpicking & causing me migraine. I would go & find myself a new man who has moved on from his exes & only love me & make me his Queen.
A lot to unpack here..
First, daughter and HER son. Call CPS. You can do this anonymously, she clearly sounds very immature and unfit parent.
You, You need to become an independent parent again. And sounds like you need to mature, bc the example your giving your daughter is why she is behaving this way. If you can afford Vegas, then you can afford to get out of your parents house, let them enjoy life, and find an apartment or home that you rent or own.
Speaking of your parents, where are they at in all of this?
She's not selfish, but you certainly are.
His sister is 7 by the way so we couldn't leave her if she was 16 then she wouldn't need one, which is why I think my gf was being selfish to his sister
Okay. I gave an ultimatum. He proposed. Do you really want someone that you have to blackmail into marrying you? I’m divorced. Just my experience. Move on.
Okay so…I’ve had 4 knee surgeries and some other orthopedic surgeries. Why are you falling down? Do you not have crutches? A shower chair?
I dunno, aside from day of surgery getting to and from the hospital since I couldn’t drive with anesthesia, I didn’t need help. I was walking on crutches just to leave the hospital. Usually—even for a full knee replacement or cadaver repair, they want you moving same day. And you can drive once you’re done with pain meds on like day 3.
I dunno. I’m not sure if you’re being extra needy or he’s being a jerk. But if he needs to be gone for the day, have him set up a cooler near your chair or couch or bed to put your ice packs in, some drinks, snacks, etc.
Hope you’re feeling better soon
None of my friends have used this meaning so now I’m confused what a situationship is. I thought it’s the time before you put a label on your relationship; when you are just dating. What you’re describing is what I’d call a fling.