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I don't agree with either of you. Neither should you be obsessed with anyone, nor should she hate her partner even during a fight.
It totally does.
'Sarah and her husband are happy
Aren't they?
Then Jack wants to move his best friend and wife in, to help them out during a rough time. It's the neighbourly thing to do.
Isn't it?
But Sarah isn't happy with this arrangement. She feels that she is being pushed aside in her own house, her own marriage.
Is there more to this menage a trois friendship than meets the eye?
Read more in this year's best selling psychological thriller- the house guests'
Thank you for the support, I thought i was overreacting being scared of him
If we imagine that she's not going to travel to see two strange men, in a country where human rights for women are close to non-existent, a country where if you Google “human trafficking” there's pages up and down about human trafficking of Asian women..
It's not your place to control her actions, or what she does. But it is within your right, to voice your concerns and to leave the relationship.
I'm not saying she doesn't need space. I'm saying that it is not his job to manage the consequences of her snooping.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
SHE set this in motion. OP is writing like he feels bad for not deleting history that he doesn't have to delete.
That's the point. He does not have to delete old stuff.
No, he should not be keeping anything on a shared computer or obviously where she might cone across it. That would be rude.
This isn't something she accidentally stumbled across while playing on a shared computer.
She went hunting and didn't like what she saw = consequences of stupid choices
I tried getting my girl cousin involved and he didn't like that. His friend who is also my boy cousin warned me of him and my bf told me my cousins are trying to hurt me and paint a different picture of him. Involving others doesn't help.
I tried getting my girl cousin involved and he didn't like that. His friend who is also my boy cousin warned me of him and my bf told me my cousins are trying to hurt me and paint a different picture of him. Involving others doesn't help.
Thats one of the craziest shit I ever read
You might be right about trust issues. I work in a field where I see relationship breakups every day and the mount of deceit that goes on with one partner being none the wiser is commonplace. I have never put this onto my partner and he hasn’t ever given me cause for concern before, but this one has thrown me for six. I question whether I am naive thinking this couldn’t happen to me/us or literally he is telling the truth, as dumb as he is
This is the best answear so far, many women experience assault but also many of them use it as an excuse for cheating, in this case chances that she cheated are very high, she had a boundary set by her bf to not go drunk with someone of the opposite sex in a room, someone caught them, she doesn t wanna press any charges or use a rape kit, she EVEN TOLD HIM TO NOT ASK OTHER PEOPLE WHAT HAPPENED THAT NIGHT “because she doesn t want to remember or know”, so my take is that she cheated and got caught by a 3rd party.
Where did you get this line? I'm stealing it and would like context.
If you guys are having sex 3-4 times a week and he’s still consuming that much porn and lying/hiding it and blaming you Id be questioning an addiction tbh. I think for the sake of you and your baby you need to look into any resources you can to help you right now. Family/friends/food stamps if you were relying on him financially. We don’t really know your situation outside of the pregnancy and porn. I hope regardless that things work out for you and baby.
Or be in an open relationship.
Dude how are things,any updates?
Stop being a doormat You are wasting your time.
I just randomly checked his photo gallery
Did the phone just randomly unlock itself and the randomly entered the photo gallery and then randomly opened that video?
How dumb have you have to be to cheat, and to film it and then just leave it like that openly.
This relationship sounds toxic….
You make less money so he values and respects you less. This is awful for you and you seem cool w it.
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So let me get this straight you made a mistake and you had a fight about it , he then told you to leave him alone so you followed him and kept up talking to him?
You didn't give us any information about past fights or how you two are as people. But just this little of information shows me that you don't seem to care about how your husband thinks.
You're obviously right, if any of my friends told me this I'd say the same thing to them but I keep telling myself 'things will get better when…' & I keep moving my own goal posts & telling myself that it's okay, this if fine, I can manage.
We own the house together & the UK market has gone into a nosedive so if we sell right now we'll take a loss, I feel completely trapped. I know it's just money but I never thought I'd be in a position to own a house at all.
No second chances for liars. It’s my line in the sand. If I can’t trust you, I can’t be with you.
Unknown person? How did they get your contact information? Have you talked to her friends?
Also the time is good to reflect if either of you want to continue. You said there is problems so it is about time to figure out if you want to put effort in.
Call the companies your self and ask to put an extra layer of security on your accounts like a password or security question. Dump the boyfriend and go to the police about them opening your post without permission, also impersonating you on the phone if she called the companies.
I assaulted him?
legal in the uk
I'd sue him.
Now I have no idea how iphones work. I use an androids for work. And I like to stick with things I'm comfortable with.
5 x a month .. has he always been like this ? i don’t think it’s you at all. most men watch porn it’s not because they want what they see it’s the act or the story like .. i’m female and watch it and all i think about is scenarios in my head with my man .. it’s just visual.
but that answer of i’m tired isn’t good enough . being incompatible sexually is not fun.
I just broke up with my now-ex because he, during an argument, screamed at the top of his lungs and punched a wall, then told me he had gotten an impulse to hit me. I was too shell-shocked to react appropriately in the moment other than leave for a friend's house, but when we tried to talk it through a few days later he insisted that it was a sign of control that he could redirect it to screaming and wall-punching, and not a loss of control. In the end he admitted it was wrong to want to punch me, but not bad in general, whatever that means.
He still doesn't get why I broke up with him and he's super mad at me (I'm safe with family).
I found some amazing advice in a reddit comment on another post: If your partner does or says something you feel you have to hide from family and friends because you think it would make them dislike your partner, that's a BAD SIGN.
He is a cheater and you are just room mates. Stop cooking for and looking after him in any way and just live your own life, you'll feel so much less hurt & resentful if you give nothing.
Don't bother wasteing time asking ( begging) him to change/speak nicely, just treat anything he says thats not respectfull as silence , literally just pretend he didn't speak until he approaches you politely . He'll soon learn.
He’s overdue for a breakup. You deserve to be treated better.
Both of these guys are complete shit.
I would reframe this a bit and think of it that you aren’t in the same place or have the same drive. You are starting your adult life and he is still living like a college kid relying on his parents.
You would likely feel less resentful of him if he at least worked for something that he has.
She sounds immature to be honest. You have a history like everyone else. We can't delete all memories of past friends because of dating
You told her that you slept with your friend. That’s more than she needed to know. She had no right to expect that you wouldn’t date and sleep with other people, since she broke up with you.
Additionally, she needs to be able to take care of herself; you aren’t responsible for her happiness or feelings. If she breaks up with you again, block her number.
I immediately said I didn’t find this funny and I wasn’t going to laugh at this types of jokes. I’m saying I’ll talk with him cuz I’m not looking forward to dealing with this situation in the future.
She says he hasn't worked in 4yrs and refuses to get help mentally to be able to work. He refuses to help himself or his wife but make all financial decisions on money she makes. He found a woman he can walk all over and leech off of.
So she was working all night, now she's working two nights & three days. Our relationship has deteriorated over the last year or so. She was working nights, we had a baby, we slowly transitioned into the schedule we're in now. At first it was 5 nights. Then it was 3 nights & 2 days. Then it was 2 nights, 2 days, & Saturday was a weird 11-7. Now it's 3 days and 2 nights. I was hoping she would continue to get more daylight so we could finally enjoy being a family every night, until she decided to go for this promotion.
The entire time when it was announced, through the application, and interview to her offer, and finally her decision, has been a huge fight. She considers it controlling because she couldn't go to college because her mom needed her to work to support her (fucked up, I know) & then her only other BF wanted her to be a stay at home girlfriend.
I want her to have an amazing career, but at this point we're sacrificing too much. We have a 16 month old baby that we never have the ability to make real memories with. She's fine with taking pictures with the baby at home or doing things separately, but even our rare time off together isn't really “together.” There's definitely been a building wedge between us.
She thinks I should allow her to do what she wants because anything else is controlling. I think family decisions should be made as a family. My only option is to walk away from a marriage that I have loved in the past (prior to this job that is now her career aspiration).
Your dad is an adult and needs to understand that he can't always have his way just because he pitches a fit. Just do whatever you feel is best for your child and don't let your dad's feelings play any role in your decision. He can pout if he wants to.
You are what you keep on your phone/in your house. Clean up shop if you want to make a good impression.
Not correlated to OP, but I've been told I have a. Lot of symptoms of ADHD and I've been trying to use a notes app to keep track of everything I need to do. I will be checking out these apps you linked as soon as I have time. I am just leaving a comment so that I don't forget.
Is there any correlation you can think of during these periods? Like…does it happen just before or during your period? Is it more likely to happen towards the end of the week when you’re stressed? Do other sounds bother you/have you been diagnosed misophonia? Do you happen to have ADHD or other neurodivergent situation?
I don’t know what the reason is for you. But I know that for me (44F) I tend to get overstimulated and burnt out by the end of the week and while I can normally keep my shit together, it takes energy I often don’t have come end week or after a particularly challenging day at work. I have ADHD and misophonia so all sorts of sounds and stimulation that doesn’t bother most people REALLY bothers me.
There are times that my partner’s son is sitting next to me eating dinner or having a snack and he’s lip smacking. Drives me fucking bananas. The sound of my dog licking himself? Gag. My partner all up in my space when I’m working and he keeps distracting me? Like if he’s home sick from work, he will come to my office multiple times in the day (I WFH) and his interruptions set me back in my work each time as I lose focus and it’s hot for me to get reengaged. Or if he tells me what time we need to leave for something, I plan my day around it, then the time changes plus or minus and I feel a weird kind of rage.
What works for me since it’s the weekend when I really need the alone time or need to not murder someone is to literally leave the house for a few hours—even going grocery shopping or running errands helps. Else if im staying home, I take 5-10mg pot gummies and that takes the edge off. I also practice square breathing and guided meditation.
If I were in your shoes, I’d start a little journal and sort of take your mental “temperature” each day and add details about what else is going on to see if you can find a pattern and correlation.
Like, rate your general mood on a scale of 0-5 with 0 being “fuck off world” and 5 being “life is grand!”. Then do a quick HALT check (hungry, angry, lonely, tired). Then jot down some things that are happening that day like “big work meeting and presentation” or “day 1 of period”.
Once you do that for a few months, I bet something will jump out for you. In the meantime you could book with a therapist and see if a professional can help sort things with you. If you do find that there’s a correlation with your menstrual cycle, you can speak to your OBGYN and they may be able to prescribe you different BC or suggest adding something like Prozac or Wellbutrin.
It’s great that you’re self aware and trying to come to a solution.
Birth control messed up my fertility so maybe you should look for other options. She sounds miserable why does she have to endure this?
Imagine thinking women shouldn't try not to be murdered. Yet when bad things happen it's “oh she should have known better.” “Oh she should have taken precautions.”
OK you’re not a horrible person so don’t go that far. I’m gonna get voted down for this but I would leave it alone. It is a piece of chicken if nothing is said and you don’t do it again just let it go. It’s not like my sobriety. She doesn’t have to change your vegan date like I would have to change my sobriety date. I’m just kidding now.
I don’t think it was okay. That’s why I’m asking how I should tell her about what I’ve done.
Why are you even on a dating app when you really are not interested in meeting, and trying to read red flags that don’t yet exist? He’s not asking you to run a marathon, he’s simply asking to meet and talk in person to see if you both do have chemistry, what is so complicated about that?
Then you come here asking us how soon is too soon? Once upon a time, not all that long ago, random strangers would happen to cross paths, get to talking and laughing for a few, then one invites the other to grab a coffee with them. There was no red tape rules and regulations involving texting and crap. If the woman wanted to decline grabbing that coffee with a man she just bumped into she would do so; none of this “Well, you see, here’s the thing…we just met an hour ago, so this is not an appropriate time to grab coffee. First, we must get each others phone numbers and then tease each other for weeks on end in text messages before a date.”
Since he is clearly looking to find the right woman to date, and you are showing signs of lack of interest, the fair thing to do is stop leading him on. Don’t keep him on the string just because you want to pacify your loneliness. Now if you do want to date him then fine, go for it.
Sorry but I also agree with most of the comments here. If you don't meet with him because you think he will lose interest you are entering in a “self-fulfilling prophecy” situation, because if you never meet it's kind of obvious he is going to lose interest.
As many people said, most people meet soon in order to check if the feeling is real, you don't even need to do anything, just talk and take a coffee or a beer, but see the other person in real life is essential, not only for bf but also friends.
It might be but I don't read it quite that way, although i agree it is a power play. But so is OPs position in refusing to consider a compromise. I'm trying to assume both of them are fighting over the same territory so them doing something else as well isn't really cutting it. I'd need OP to provide more detail to try and unpack this further. I mean you could just go to the standard reddit solution and say this shows that they aren't compatible and she should just ditch him. I'm kinda hoping they do actually want to make it work but this behaviour doesnt support that option.
My boyfriend doesn’t bring it up often, but when he does my response is always honest: “if your dick were any bigger, I would not want to fuck you”
He’s not massive, but he’s not small either and even the size he is now will occasionally hit my cervix which is an immediate “GODDAMMIT” in pain for me. His dick does great work on its own, hands free, and I am not interested in any changes.
I found paragraph 5 concerning, as well as paragraph 9, to be specific.
I agree that Lucy should talk to Kate.
Thank you. The sad thing is 90% of our relationship is extremely placid and so laid back. We rarely argue. No drama happens in general day to day. These few events have been the worst of it all. Otherwise we are so mellow.
I think in a way we have been bored. That's my conclusion. Both together for so long, no kids, no real purpose, I've had stress from family, grief, loss etc, stress from work etc, but otherwise our lives have been so still. We love each other but we lost the spark sometimes.
Yes.
Thank you❤️. I will contact her and talk it out.
Hopefully she breaks it off soon and you end up together because you're both pieces of shit.
All of this isn’t worth only dating for 6 months. Ghost him and move on with your life. He’s shady as hell and none of his story makes sense.
He doesn’t have a job and can’t cook… you need to dump him.. he’s using you at this point.. he’s not a partner but a man child needing his mommy..