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Y'all need to chill your shit. Take some deep breaths and let it go. Being so ashamed to the point your throw up is not healthy, it's no healthy that you suddenly feel this way because your gf said to.
Both of you get some therapy. Now.
i split up with my girlfriend to be with her. But ever since we have been together i cant shake this feeling i am simply second choice.
She was your second choice then, no? You were in a relationship and left it to be with her, too. Unless I'm misunderstanding what you mean
could of had me whenever she was done having fun and ready to “settle”.
So you clearly understand that she had no trouble finding guys to be in relationships with… But she chose you as the person to “settle down with” so to speak. Does that not scream of being first pick? She kept talking to you through all the times that she'd slept with other guys (and tbh you kept talking to her too) so I don't understand why you're worried because she didn't stay with those guys and came to you instead.
By dump her, do you mean file for divorce? It’s terribly sad that she’s going through such a difficult time with the impending death of a family member, alcoholism, depression & more. She hasn’t cheated on OP yet, let alone even communicated with the other guy. I think this is one of those “for better or for worse” stretches. If their relationship really is wonderful & they got married for the right reasons, then this will be just a blip in the road.