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Step away from the cheating part, how did he treat you before all this happened, does he keep his word or does he over promise under deliver, is he consistent in behavior or is he erratic, does he admit to mistakes even when you wouldn’t find out otherwise or only when you find out, does his words match his actions or do his actions and words seem out of sync, does he more often placate people or dies he say the uncomfortable truth? Looking at his relationship to the truth and how dependable he is can help. Someone who’s true to their word is a lot less likely to cheat than someone who plays fast and lose with the facts.
OP sorry but this is massive red flag for abuse – he sprained your ankle!!
Yes its all 'playful' and silly but you're actually bruised, battered and injured and this guy is changing NOTHING.
At best he cares so little about you to change any of this – more likely this guy is no-where near as good as you claim and is intending to have you walk on eggshells around him.
I mean you’re holding your boyfriend of only 2 months back from a work trip…
I’d dump you too lol
No
I'm so sorry but this made me laugh a little, bro really just ended a relationship over a hug, that's crazy. Don't worry, at some point you'll realize that was for the best. He definitely got issues.
I suggest you tell your fiancé that you’re open to premarital counseling but you want a secular therapist rather than a pastor. He needs to understand that you are not interested in having any discussions with this pastor.
How would he feel about a secular wedding?
Is he still hugging/ kissing you whenever he wants? Like, by surprise?
I’m asking because it doesn’t seem fair that he gets to run over and hug on you whenever he feels like it but blocks you when you do it. I’d honestly push for more answers.
Being cheated on is not the only hurt that can happen to someone,
Did you miss the fact that the guy is a victim of paternity fraud?
“So they took by baseball bat and beat me to a bloody pulp. 85 of my bones are broken. I won’t be able to walk again for 5 years. I’ll be in pain for the rest of my life…”
“Having a bat stolen is not the only hurt that can happen to someone”
Have the conversation w him but be kind. Sounds like he is depressed and therapy isn’t the only answer. Maybe he needs a med boost. If that isn’t an option, (maybe he is anti-meds) then give him tasks he has to do each day and a timeline where he has to turn things around. Empathizing change is difficult for most, if you take baby steps and have patience you might snap him out of it. But bottom line the conversation needs to happen.
If you don’t want to have it, it sounds like you have your answer to move on. It needs to occur and effort needs to be made.
Nope! No shared past! Nina, my brother and I grew up in Europe, we’re in the UK now where I met my wife.
As a woman myself I’m absolutely baffled by it, I don’t get what she’s projecting, unless she’s insecure about finances too and putting it onto Nina. It’s getting out of hand, I just don’t know how to suggest therapy without her being unduly offended! ?
^ second that….you got him too whipped fasho
This guy is trying to be loyal and get to know you, pursue a relationship and it’s a red flag?
He got on a dating site found a person he was interested in and is pursuing you. Sound really simple, I don’t get why you and your friends are making this so complicated?
protect your assets by transferring them out of your name and apply for a divorce!!!
This is 100% illegal.
Interesting perspective. That first sentence hit hot lol
It's for the best, to show their true colours after such a short time. It's kind of embarrassing for him actually
If you need to lie to keep the peace, y’all are not in a healthy relationship. But you already figured it out. Best to be upfront and tell her you’d like to move on for good.
Being cheated on sucks, don’t be that guy. You’re 30 year old man. Put a stop to it. Or not. Hopefully you’re never found in a similar position.
Congratulations on your journey of sobriety!!!
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Did you go through therapy or counseling after your SA? You mentioned abusive partners in your past as well, did you heal from that too? I think the problem is that you're not able to pick up on redflags with guys. That's why, after a 5 year break from dating you can still in a situation like this. He's making you feel like you're going crazy and your first instinct isn't to take time apart but to mold yourself into what he wants. Nothing about your post is healthy at all.
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It sounds like your then-girlfriend was willing to tolerate your daughter and nieces, barely, for exactly as long as she felt like she had to. Once she felt secure in the marriage apparently she felt like they would be removed from your life in favor of any “real” kids you two chose to have.
So anyways my wife (age 23 at the time of meeting her now (29) was very open to me being an active father and uncle. She would tag along with us everywhere. Her and I still had our weekends alone typically weekends and holidays that I didn’t have my daughter. Things progressed between my wife and I and we eventually I decided to marry her because the girls absolutely loved her and she cared for them as well. Her and I dated for 3 years and have been married for 2 and a half years now but suddenly something has changed. She has become more withdrawn from being active in their lives. She doesn’t go to their school functions or events. She always asks and seems perturbed that I have anything to do with my daughter or nieces.
Take how hurtful and confusing this sudden change has been for you, then multiply it by about a thousand and you'll get some idea of how upsetting and cruel it seemed to your daughter and nieces that this woman who they thought liked them is now treating them like garbage. Then grow a backbone and stand up for them. Because this:
I haven’t bought my daughter any gifts or even simple birthday cards for the past two years for fear of being criticized by my wife on how much I spent.
…is completely fucking unacceptable. You've allowed your wife to bully you into treating your 12 year old daughter like a stranger, and you're only CONTEMPLATING ending the marriage over it? Exactly how poorly does someone need to treat your own child before you'll get off your ass and be a father?
My wife repeatedly tells me that my daughter is a brat and that my daughter is ungrateful. My wife doesn’t speak to my daughter and doesn’t help me with any of my daughter’s activities.
This is toxic as hell. And I'll remind you again that as confusing and upsetting as this is for you it is infinitely worse for your daughter, who has seen someone who pretended to love her turn on her the moment she got married to her dad. And then she had to watch that person successfully convince her dad to essentially disown her.
I'm a stepfather. If I ever treated one of my stepchildren even 1/1000th as poorly as your wife is treating your daughter my wife would divorce me so fast it would make my head spin and she would be right to do it. I have no idea how you've let this situation devolve this far without intervening. Even if you do the right thing now it may be too late to rebuild any trust with your daughter, since she's now seen where she actually fits in to her father's priorities.
He’s trying to place the blame on you. He’s gaslighting you. It’s not your fault at all. He’s lying to you.
Expect your not the mom so everything you just said will blow up in your face
Leave her alone. She destroyed your world for another woman. What makes you think she won’t do it again?
try doing a little bit of maths, really listening to the “difficult break up” part, and wondering why the ex might've wanted to keep this child to herself. i somehow doubt that the lying husband is the victim here.
I hope you know it’s not judgement, it’s concern. I also grew up in a very very poor place in very rural TN, and I have seen so many of my friends lives get stuck in place because they had children sooo young. My middle school best friend is still living in that town working at McDonald’s. Abortion is always someone’s personal decision, I’m 25 now and if I wound up miraculously pregnant I would want an abortion, but I understand why someone would not be able to go through that painful decision. As for your boyfriend, just like there’s nothing he could do to make you abort or adopt, there’s nothing you can do to change anyone else’s reaction to the situation. Even though he’s panicking at the thought right now, there’s no telling what will happen and how he will feel after a whole nine month pregnancy. All you can do is get a test ASAP. I know you said you’re having symptoms, but it’s impossible to tell if its side effects from your birth control, hormonal changes bc of a stomach bug, ect. Just make sure to tell yourself that you’re going to be okay 🙂
They do be having a hold on us fr
I just can’t help but think I did something because when I lost feelings I wasn’t as loving before and we weren’t in a proper relationship but I made all those clear to him but he always said I hurt him by leaving and I really don’t know, he constantly says how he’s never loved anyone the way he loves me and I don’t know why I keep thinking he’s such a nice guy, I just keep thinking that every time I try to leave.
Exactly what I was thinking ? he talks to her like a dog, it’s over
I mean, it totally sounds like you do expect him to pay your bills. It is what it is.
It was no longer your concern and still isn’t now. Don’t try to start some off and on nonsense. You broke up for a reason, that reason probably still exists.
She can use it as an excuse to be a baby, evidently.
20 year olds, dude.
Maybe she’s simply playing for fun or as a player his age and ability? Or is there a reason she would be afraid to tell you the truth? You seems to a relatively harsh character, you’re crushing your son after all. So she’s telling you perhaps to relax and shut up about it?
Whiter than a Canadian winter lol
Ngl I’m gonna use that to describe myself for the foreseeable future. Thank you lol
Who brought up getting back together?
If you brought it up first then I suspect he's dating someone else and not ready to end it.
If he brought up getting back together but wants to keep it low key, you need more info. Without more information, it sounds like a recipe for hurt feelings.
And what evidence do you have from the post to support that? I’ve said it before in this thread and I’ll say it again it seems like a lot of people are coming here and projecting their own sexual issues. They had sexual intimacy the night before and it wasn’t like he was getting a personal rejection she could not physically do The activity. He wanted her to do having something shoved in her body, because it was painful for her because he had already shoved something into her body. She says that they broke up at his request, after that for a couple months and have been tryingfor a couple months to rekindle the relationship/sex life. I don’t get where all y’all are coming from crying about. Oh my god this poor man hasn’t had sex for six months? He broke up with her and made that choice at first and now she is making the choice that she is uncomfortable having transactional sex or painful sex so he needs to show her That that is not what their future sex life will be like. If someone wants to have painful or transactional sex with you and it’s telling you that is painful and transactional you know exactly why are you are being rejected and you have the choice to break up with them and stay broken up or change the way that you were approaching your sexual relationship. That’s it
Depending on the person, blackouts can happen, doesn't have to be a crazy amount. Three drinks can change a person.
This is extremely wise advice right here.
This episode is in the past. Let it stay in the past.
Concentrate on the future and a new woman who is right for you.
Well it didn’t take her long to line up another guy. Pack her shit and throw her out.
Nope, they do not have depression or anxiety. And nothing much happened, not that I’m aware of. We’re in long distance but we were doing pretty well until this event occurred.
You don’t get to hold something that happened after your break up against her. If it bothered you that she moved on, you shouldn’t have gotten back together with her. If you aren’t happy with your relationship/her drinking, it maybe be time to call it quits.
You both have different life expectations. Either take the risk, or cut him loose. You’re both 19/21, you’ll both other cool people in your 20s/30s
Sexual assault plus rape (in the comments). Police time.
That is an overwhelmingly eye opening thought, thank you for that.. I’m talking to him today about it all. Thanks for the advice
Sweetie, you can’t expect people to wait for you for when you are ready to be with them. He was ready from the start and it seems like the wait was too long for him and felt like you would never actually get there.
Now you have to let go without the expectations of him coming back.
I’m sorry love, but you kinda self sabotaged yourself due to your trust issues.
I dont think we are compatible long term. Its not you its me sort of stuff.
Ask her.
He is definitely crossing the line, no doubt about it. It’s to bad your mom isn’t standing up for you. He’s probably a shitty husband to your mom too, and it would surprise me if he abuses her. Be safe around him. Try not to be alone with him, especially if he is drunk.