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  1. Sex is absolutely not the solution here. It may keep her around a little longer, but she's going to leave you eventually. My advice is to let her go. The longer this goes on, the more it'll hurt.

  2. Yeah I just don't care. As long as I'm taken care of and she doesn't bring anything back to me, I don't care. But I'm not, so it's a problem

    If she was going to leave me for a woman she would have done it whether or not I allowed it

    I just don't want to argue about it because you see how women think of men every day on social media.

    It's not just the internet, this is how women are in real life. Like, as a man, you're a piece of shit just for existing and knowing what you want.

  3. Sounds like the typical dynamic where the male has stereotypical female traits and the woman has stereotypical male traits. Think Miranda and Steve. In these cases, the woman typically has little to no respect for the man due to societal conditioning and unconscious expectations.

  4. Red flag! I don’t think you’re wrong for wanting to break up with him. He’s showing you exactly how much he cares and you should see it as it is. Seems like you are!

  5. The women in that documentary gave some excellent footage! I saw it a couple years ago and think about it all the time. His other ones are great too!

  6. I think you should tell him because 1) if he wants any hope of ever having a successful relationship, this is goin to be an issue in the future 2) I had a boyfriend of 3 years dump me with no specific explanation and I was not okay about it for years. Idk I'm okay now tbh, haven't had a healthy relationship since. … Yeah please just tell him.

  7. I’ve heard it when narcissists are involved. Show no emotion, be the most boring and bland version of yourself so they’ll leave you alone.

  8. Get grief counseling. Don’t expect your gf to be your therapist. Mention to the counselor that you talk to pictures.

  9. I'm serious though. You need to go to the party and don't let her intimidate you, it's probably what she wants and she wants you to be insecure, so prove her wrong and without saying a word to her (with your eyes) tell her back off!!!

  10. This is coming from a kid of a similar situation. When I was 2 1/2 (and my younger brother 1/2 a year old) my father unexpectedly died from an accident (a car hit him on his bike) and left my mother alone with 2 young kids.

    Around 1 1/2 years after my father passed, my mother met my stepfather through mutual friends. And my stepfather has been nothing but supportive for us all ever since and I couldn’t wish for a better father. The big thing is, the grief will never fully go away, help groups or therapy can make it manageable, but you‘ll have to online with it as a part of your life for the rest of your life.

    Regarding your girlfriend, she will always be jealous, cause in her eyes your deceased wife will always be a romantic rival for your affection and love. It‘s almost as if you‘re living with an ex in her eyes. And I can understand the type of jealousy she is feeling, but it is fit in the wrong place especially with a young girl, who recently lost her mother, in the picture.

    I don’t think your relationship with your girlfriend will last if she can’t accept, that you grief for your wife (even though I‘d suggest to see a professional for help to manage the grief better, same goes for your daughter) and most importantly, you can’t ever replace a deceased parent. You can take over the role of a parent and eventually the kid will get to recognize them as their parent, but it will take a long long time (it took me ~10 years to start calling my stepfather „Papa“). And as long as your current girlfriend can’t accept that, it is not only in your best interest, but also in your kids best interest to move on.

  11. I think the situation is different because you have a church background. In other situations the porn usage is addictive, over used, or something else that causes an insecurity for your partner. In this case, you two entered into, as you’d described elsewhere, a sacred relationship. I feel like porn usage here is outside the bounds of what she would have expected.

    That being said, my answer would largely be the same, difference being I would say to tone down porn usage and address the insecurity. Here it makes more sense to stop it, which would also fix the insecurities issue.

  12. Wow, I feel like I could have wrote this. Literally going through the same exact situation except I'm the wife doing everything.

  13. u/K1N9P1Nz, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.

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  14. This is (an extreme version of) what happens when you stay living with your parent(s) for too long. The arguments and such just get worse. Idk what the exact cause is but my guess is it's just stuff having over from when she was your mum and needed to look after you (very nude to let go of) vs you being an adult and needing to be treated as such.

    To resolve it, seeing as how she's not able to support herself, you need to refresh your relationship. So new boundaries, maybe some counselling. It's not easy! One thing that might help is to switch up the living arrangement. So if you are living at her place, it might help for you to get somewhere of your own and move her in. Especially if you're in your childhood home

  15. I mean sure but nothing there really applies to my own comments. People shouldn't be dogpiling but I wasn't anyway…?

  16. Problem solved! you were never with him, so you owe him no explanation! Block him! he shouldn't care anyway 😉

    But seriously he's acting very immature. Its time to leave him and move on

  17. Frankly, I advise you to break up with her. I had a huge thing written about what to do and not to do in this situation but at the end of the day, if your sexual attraction has vanished solely because of her physical appearance, you should end it.

  18. Red flag alert! One day you should just surprise them and show up. Say you’re at work, but you’d like to know when and where and randomly show up. Also, check her phone… if she gives you a nude time about it, even a bigger red alert.

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  20. Works for me. While I get it's OK to be intimate with multiple people before before we “have the talk” if the foreseen relationship is more than casual to me (and I make it obvious) then I would not accept this.

    Worst stories I have read is when a dude is taken aback by his date taking things slow because it could be serious while entertaining fwb's relationship. (works the same way if gender are reversed).

  21. I’m confused as to why you’re the only one that contributes to household items if you’ve been living together for nine years?

    Also, his carelessness is incredibly frustrating. I assume you love him, but I could not online with someone so reckless, careless and inconsiderate.

  22. You’re being purposefully obtuse. We have one side of the story, sure. We can’t know that OP isn’t just lying about it, but then again we can’t know it’s not fake in it’s entirety. But this half assed “could have been” is so pointless. Realistically, it was not intended as a harmless comment. Especially if she took his comment as an attack. I don’t usually just randomly bring up peoples bodies as a harmless out of nowhere comment, like “yeah fatties generally think that.” If I did, I’d be an asshole.

  23. It’s an excuse. You know it, we’re all just confirming it. Let his ass go, he’s doing you a favor in the long run. Engaged and breaking it all off over financial aid!? Really?

    (I know it’s easy to miss obvious things when you’re too close to the problem. Don’t feel bad, people are jerks.)

  24. I was in a 10 year marriage that was hell. I know what it’s like to get out of a bad situation and how nude it is. If anything kids make it more difficult to leave a situation like that.

  25. I don’t want to discourage you from seeking any and all help you can but in my experience having been stalked and abused before, cops are such an unreliable and unhelpful crapshoot that it’s nude to even say what will or won’t make them take anything seriously. You can try making the cops aware of what’s going on so far in the hopes of creating a paper trail, try the ghost approach I advised and then if things continue or escalate use the internet to draft a cease and desist (sent certified mail) and then also provide that info to the cops along with your time stamped notes for that time period to establish that you’ve said stop. It’s impossible to say whether that will do any good or if they’ll take you seriously but if you feel compelled (and also safe enough with LEO) to seek their help, 100% do it. You could even call on a domestic violence org in your area for help and tips as far as approaching your local PD about this as they will definitely know both the best way to go about it and also what expectations are realistic as far as their help.

  26. These are red flags. He's obviously got some misogynistic traits that are starting to peek through and I would not be surprised if they continue to get more pronounced.

    It's also really telling that he's friends with bigots and you haven't heard him call them out or shut them down. If he was truly a good dude, he wouldn't maintain friendships with people like that.

  27. You need to have a balls-to-the-wall talk with this guy asap. It sucks knowing that you can't give your girlfriend the pleasure she's seeking, but if he's not willing to learn, you're on a dead end road with this guy.

  28. Yeah idk if that guy should even be in her life at all at that rate. He sounds like an attention seeker and I think he will cause other problems for y’all in the future. This won’t be the last headache she brings in regards to him. Next it’ll be that she wants him your future kids lives and then you’re essentially in a throuple.

  29. Please give your family an honest picture of your current situation and lean on them for support. We tend to try to hide the worst in our partners from our support system because we know they won’t be so quick to forgive like we will. But someone needs to know that your girlfriend is exhibiting abusive and erratic behaviour in case she escalates this behaviour and/or tries to blame you for any abuse situation.

    I know you want to see the best in her like “if she gets back on her meds she’ll be a better person” but mental illness is only a reason for these behaviours, it’s not an excuse to treat you this way. You don’t deserve to be terrorized like this

  30. I think it’s fine for you to date a 42 year old but also fine (and probably inevitable) if your parents find it weird. They’re supposed to be protective and to want to look out for their baby girl. The r/agegap sub may be helpful in navigating things.

  31. A risk of no sex before marriage is that you don't find out you're not sexually compatible until it's too late.

    Your wife isn't attracted to you. She doesn't want you. It's a tough message but you can't change her mind. Let her go with dignity.

  32. Divorce. Get custody figured out. Wait like a year. Then destroy their lives. Make sure you have the contact info of all his fam, friends, and co-workers before you divorce. Leak the info on every platform you can think of. Gramma doesn't have Facebook? Mail her the pictures. If it's legal, put posters all over town. I've seen people take out billboards. Just make sure everything is 100% above board. Nude pics in public are not ok but I'm sure there's plenty of juicy stuff that is. You mentioned pricing of her in your post. That's prostitution, if it's illegal where you are, make sure you go to the cops about that first.

  33. Yes, I realize I am rather young and a have a lot of maturing to do as a result. My problem here is that either I am unable to realize whether I like someone or I have never fell in love in my life, as I can't say I ever knew for sure whether I liked someone. Should the later be truth than you are right, it would be a mistake to pursue a relationship. However, if it's simply a problem of emotional intelligence I might very well like her and not be able to tell, meaning I'd be regret later letting her go.

  34. In my opinion he has to talk to her about it and accept whatever she has to say

    I very strongly suggest not doing this. She is married, what purpose would it serve? It would come off as him trying to interfere with her relationship, potentially causing problems between her and her husband and most definitely problems between your friend and her.

    The best route would probably be for him to back off from her, give himself some space. He isn't going to get any better if he keeps exposing himself to something that is hurting him.

  35. Of course you should. You're glad you found out right? He'd probably appreciate knowing as well. Never protect cheaters.

  36. Honestly, breaking up was for the best I think. Sounds like the kid was a deal breaker for you, but really when you’re dating someone with a kid, it’s all or nothing. She needs to find someone that’s able to commit to both her and her son, and that’s not you. Hopefully you both find partners that are a better fit for each of you down the road.

  37. Hon, you aren’t even correctly understanding the first insane thing you linked. And sorry to blow your theory but I’m fat as fuck lol and very strongly advocate for full acceptance and fair treatment, but I’m also not a delusional science denying nut job. If you’re fat, basically everything medical gets more complicated.

    Best of luck. Stop blaming everybody else for your issues. This is nonsense and deep down you know it.

  38. No it's not. You'll end up like me w crippling headaches or my husband who never sleeps and then you're forced to deal w it or you will break. Men don't get the mental health support they need to help them sort out situations like this.

    I've lost a LOT of friends to suicide. Out of more than 10 people who've left, 1 was a woman

    Don't suffer in silence.

  39. lol i would have cheated on you by now. shameless how much you benefit off her. provider men deserve to have all their meals made and chores done. not you. she's figured that out so clock's ticking.

  40. It sounds like you already know but you need to move on. It sounds like you learned a life lesson today which is never have sex or being a relationship with someone you work with. It can only end ugly and bad then you have to work with this person and it makes it super awkward and you open yourself up to harass me. Truthfully you calling her was sexual harassment. You should not have called her because she blocked your number and she could probably report you to hr. I would suggest just leaving her alone and moving on and next time having better communication in the moment so it doesn't get to this point.

  41. Oh, is there a point where it is still funny when you ask your partner to stop doing something that’s upsetting you and they don’t?

  42. He's not being unreasonable. You like to share, he doesn't. He doesn't want to dissect a previous, historical relationship and frankly, you're just being nosey.

  43. In the beginning, he was in a position of power. You were vulnerable, he felt needed, useful. Over time, you grew more powerful, more independent, strong and resourceful. Now he feels weak, threatened by your confidence and assertiveness in exploring your talents. It may be that coming from a place of vulnerability originally, you both had more in common at that time than now. Now he just feels you slipping away along with the former codependence. Please know, there is nothing wrong with froth and change. There is a lot wrong with some peoples inability to support and accept it. It is ok to set boundaries, and it is also ok to let go. My words to online by are these” for ANY relationship in your life, if you do not feel like a better person for it, if you don’t feel supported and encouraged to be your best self, there is no place for it.” All the best to you. Our hurts are part of us, but they don’t have to define or limit us. Life your best life, it’s too short to be unhappy.

  44. From your experience, did you ever figure a reason as to why they were doing this to you? Like were they fresh out of relationships or anything of the sort? Both him and i haven’t had relationships for a while and both seem on the same page. I completely understand where you’re coming from and am very honest and open about it to him, i’ve met his friends and from what i’ve experienced he’s loyal, respectful, and a dependable friend and that shows a lot to me. My ex had no friends and for good reason tbh

  45. If that were the case, what's the best way to just squash all the beefs once and for all? Cause there's no way we can sit down and hash out each individual thing. Or maybe we have to?

  46. She's talked to him about it, in her words, “a lot.” What else is there to do? If there's a hygiene issue that's the main reason preventing him from not wanting to perform oral on her, it's his responsibility to share that. It's been several years; if it is a hygiene issue, is she supposed to wait an indeterminate amount of time for him to possibly admit to that – if ever?

    They've communicated multiple times; she brings it up and he says he's not into it.

    I get that it sucks for her, but I'd say the same thing if the genders were reversed – if someone isn't into a specific sexual act, they shouldn't have to perform it, and they may likely be better off with someone who doesn't find that act very important to them. Just as OP would be better off with someone who does like to perform oral sex on women.

    She has tried to get to the bottom of it, and unless he's hiding something, the bottom of it is that he simply doesn't like it. If she's looking for some other answer besides “just isn't into it,” then she might be stuck waiting for even more years going forward, and he might be stuck being continually asked why he doesn't like giving oral when he's already made it explicitly clear why.

  47. Hey man, appreciate you penning down your thoughts. The thing is her honesty is something that makes me want to give her a 2nd chance.

    You’re right, she could’ve took it to the grave and none of this would happen. I have no reason to believe that she was forced or threatened into coming clean.

  48. He’s home with his family and seeing old friends. Why on earth does it “hurt” you that your boyfriend has a life that doesn’t totally revolve around you?

    Communication is important, but so is trust. You need to get comfortable with the idea that a couple can still be two separate people and the relationship is still just fine. Texting you all day is not “making an effort.” It’s enabling an unrealistic and unnatural codependency. What do you plan to do after college when you are working? Underperform at work because you need to grab your phones and text each other?

    If you have security in your relationship and believe in it at all you don’t need to be this needy. Think long and nude about how much faith you have in yourselves as a couple, because if this is enough to upset you then you are in for a rude awakening when you guys encounter ACTUAL problems.

  49. Damn, glad for once the top comments are good advice like communicate and not to just jump to scorched earth policy.

  50. Find an understanding friend who will loan you a couch spot for a while. Family is toxic but at least they don't control where you are so there's that.

  51. If you didn't interact much there are few possible reasons for negative feelings.

    His parents might be pushing you as potential love interest to him. Assuming it wasn't the first time they interfere in his love life, then his behaviour would be a natural response.

    Alternatively he has crush on you, but is terrible at dealing with romantic feelings.

    Both if these can be verified, by asking around, about his past. Only alternative reason is that he just feel dislike or disinterest towards you just cause. That combined with the fact you have mutual friends, and he might have been made aware of your feelings would also make an avoidance to be an understandable course of action.

  52. “Lets go to that address together. Right now. Knock on the door and find out who it is.”

    I'm willing to bet that it's some womans house.

    I'm also willing to bet his credit card has a charge for the restaurant.

  53. I’m not referring to you here.

    I’m saying, your Ex GF.

    She should have been a decent human being and not gotten mad at you for not being a mind reader. Like she could have told you what bar she was at and that she wanted to be with her friends alone there. Then you wouldn’t have gone to that bar.

    But she’s upset with you for not just ‘KNOWING’ she was there and not going there. That is the silliest reason ever.

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