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So you choose to just ignore something as important as your boyfriend's deepest feelings regarding his abuse, just because you can't relate? People who do that make terrible partners. You have not only no empathy for him, as you admit, but also no compassion or respect for him either, and what you are doing is showing him exactly that. It all boils down to one truth; You are putting his abuser…over him. Even if it just occurs on a subconscious level, his mind will dwell on that fact, and over time, it WILL build into resentment.
I’m one of those I’d like to have most of this stuff set before I turn 30 people. As I’d like kids and a family in my mid 30’s latest. And I don’t want to be stepdad