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You failed to mention if your daughter’s bio mother is in the picture. If not, where is she?
Does daughter live with you and your current wife full time?
What is the status? If matters. Do you pay child support? How much?
These are massively important details to leave out & 100% change the best answer to your situation.
If she lives with your ex/daughter’s bio mom & you pay child support (& even if not bc of a fairness financial agreement) the answer is no, your wife’s inheritance from her father’s money should NOT go to your daughter & your ex’s/bio mom’s kid.
Should you or or wife pass away whomever the daughter is living with full time, if it’s a bio mother, would get the money, not your daughter.
I agree, the fact that he told her what he wanted her to do with the money and then got upset with her when she tried to deviate in any way… OP sees this inheritance as HIS money. It doesn't give me good feeling for OP's wife as a SAHM.
I am an extremely organised and energetic person but… When my son was a toddler, jeez, I really underestimated the level of focus he took. Micro naps, crying, keeping him from jumping or climbing, feeding him, more crying, tantrums, more cleaning and feeding and nappy changes. That's without cleaning in general, shopping, drop offs and pick ups. Let me tell you,, give me work ANYWAY. Then, she probably feels jumpy when you appear with your eye rolls. Being a SAHM, for me, was painful. Hated it. I began to suffer from depression too. You feel so useless, wondering why your so tired, not able to get through as much as you thought. That's without the constant need to entertain the little life zappers. Also, in marriages, you will have a RUDE awakening, if you think it always had to be near 50/50. It's really not. Maybe she's needs more TLC at this point, more rest? I am happily married, 18 years and that's probably because my husband would never walk around with a measuring tape and demonstrate who did what and how much. Women and men are not the same. You didn't do childbirth, did you? Do you get periods and it's resulting pain?, I'm just saying, treating your marriage like a pissing contest is a sure fire way to duck it up. You have to be an American dude. Marriage ebbs and flows, sometimes we do much more than our own partner. Case in point, my husband visited Ireland as a back packer. I was a model, owned a business, worked a weekend job and was studying. I paid all. Years later, I developed postural orthostatic tachycardia and kidney issues due to a monster of a virus. I would sit and cry, feeling shite and he would quietly do breakfast before working a full day. Now, I am back at work and we are comfortable and I do the cooking, cleaning too. Marriage is not a tally sheet. Grow up good sir. Love her. Help her. Communicate and save the snarky eyeroll for primary school kids. She's your life partner, not your employee. Must be exhausting, being married to you..
You're dramatic af. She needs to stop doping. Be responsible for her own actions under the influence of drugs.
im so sorry this is happening to you. I wish you healing and that some how all these people are removed from your life
You don fucked up ? now you gotta face the consequences tell that man cause bro you already a pos he will eventually find out later than now and it’ll be worse ?♂️
I had just sinus surgery not even aesthetics done or anatomical changes on my exterior face and it’s just now finally totally healed. My septum was repaired along with terrible sinuses, my septum felt like it was free floating in my nose and not secure for months to over a year! I very recently realized that my septum feels stable enough that I can rub my nose again when it itches and not fear a septum collapse lol
So it was all three of your friends' birthday? That's why you're waiting til her birthday right?
$900 is a lot of money, I guess not to you, but it still is. How long have you and your GF been together?
I totally agree. I couldn't be buddy buddy with my dad and his affair partner after they did something like that to my mum.
I would be really upset on my mum's behalf. People are really diverse in their thinking I suppose. But I hope I never experience anything like this. It sounds heartbreaking
Is there a reason you can’t take these feelings of anger to the counselor and work through them with your wife with the counselor as intermediary?
I think it’s okay that you are feeling the anger, as a backlash to the shock and loss of trust that she has inflicted on you. I saw your comment where she went as far as discussing her feelings with him and him admitting he reciprocated, before pulling back (one hopes, though personally I would be a little skeptical that she’s telling you the whole truth there. The need for confession and making it up to you suggests a level of intimacy that goes far beyond developing a crush. If it were your garden-variety crush she should have been able to deal with her feelings and reestablish appropriate boundaries without burdening you with this. The fact she needed counseling help is a sign of the magnitude of the problem, and therefore indicative of the level of concern you’d be justified in feeling at her betrayal level, including the follow-on feelings of hurt and anger. It probably would be instructive for her to understand how deeply this wounded you.
No, it's not. The relationship between a man and a woman (or between any genders) is between them only. The love they feel for each other and the health and status of their relationship is for them two to maintain and try to keep. That love might still sometimes disappear, which does not mean that they would stop loving their children in the same time, since that is a completely different relationship.
People grow apart to different persons than they were when they met. Sometimes one (or both) spouses grow so comfortable in a relationship that they stop appreciating it and do any effort. Some people think that their spouse needs to put up with all their toxic shit just because they are married.
I have seen healthy relationships break up because the people were tired and didn't try to fix the relationship anymore. I have seen people put up with violence in a relationship without breaking up. I have seen platonic friendships that spouses maintain just for as long as the kids live at home.
Relationships are complex and it is naiive to think that a relationship is functional just because you are married.
Info: your younger brothers, are they Mum’s kids in Dad’s custody?
My mother has an all-or-nothing view of loyalty and it’s very unhealthy. Okay it’s incredibly toxic. Your mum is also making relationships that are not at all about her, about her. If these are patterns in your relationship with her, you might need some therapy. If your relationships with Dad and brothers are more healthy for you than her, you might just benefit from using the ultimatum to take some space from her.
How to do that is up to you. Pre-therapy me moved out, screened calls, and stopped answering questions that I knew were designed to create drama. Post therapy me would probably to tell her that the fact that she would threaten to abandon you over this tells you that she doesn’t seem to value you a whole lot, and you need to take some time to think about this. Therapy essentially gave me ways to think about the relationship with more objectivity and less attachment.
Having a toxic mom and not doing this work really messed up all relationships in my life, because I started out with such a warped view of what love is actually about. Being used to hurt a bunch of other relationships, ain’t it. That’s selfishness bordering on narcissistic or even machiavellian behavior and it’s not like love at all. Another sign is that she is unable or unwilling to see your perspective. That’s not what you do if you care about how someone feels or whether your offspring gets enough connection in their life. Not caring is also not love.
Get a paternity test. Do NOT have another child with him. And don’t let him treat your kid like shit because of his own suspicion
His behaviour is extreme. This is a simple solution to that behaviour.
So I should go to Google to find out how Redditors dealt with menopause…no, I still think reddit makes more sense??♂️
I do think when we interacted it was very smooth. we both had fun when we talked to each other. At least I know I did. I think I might have rushed it by asking her too soon about going out. maybe it would have helped to keep it mysterious or show a bit of toss and release technique. I thought since we got to know each other it would have been easier to ask her out for some drinks but i guess i overplayed my cards too soon.
A lot of great insightful questions here
He could of said it over text..
I don't wanna feel stranded from the rest of my colleague but if that's the only solution, guess I'll cope with headphones in my corner then.
Context isn't important at all /s. He was justifiably upset and had valid reasoning behind his accusation of infidelity. He reacted poorly, but an irrational emotional action shouldn't (and doesn't) void his rights as the father of his children.
She told him and he walked away. Nice try but the piece of shit is the dead beat “dad”. I’d tell him it was the other guys kids and block him.
This. All of this.
I wouldn't even call. Seriously, it is 2 days a month. This guy needs to get a grip.
He has a codependency issue – stop feeding it. He needs to learn how to enjoy his own time to himself.
If my wife wanted to get away for a weekend every month… I'd love that and take the kid to give her the chance. I might want it for myself too. Seems totally healthy and reasonable to me.
I mean you have been able to be around your grandkids and kids for years – isn’t it fair for her to be around a hers? There is no way a marriage can survive snd thrive living apart. If you have changed your mind about moving after you told her you would you two might as well get divorce.
Blood last forever. Friends and significant others comes and goes. I rather pick family over anyone.
Listen to your husband. Your ex is in jail.
You've been dating a month, and he's already saying “f they’re going to be a part of my family for the rest of my life, I’d want to meet them as soon as possible” – ?
Way too soon. You don't even know each other that well yet (just think you do) – shut down the “forever” talk for at least several months.
That's the only part of your story that concerned me. Yeah mom was a little out of line, but with the house full of cousins etc and I assume some of them were kids, she was keeping up appearances.
Plus, he can't commit but talks about marriage. That stuff's kinda exclusive? Like, yeah, open marriages/relationships exist, but either still is a commitment.
Situationships are all fine and dandy for fun, but if someone wanted me to think about marriage with them, there'd need to be commitment to me in form of a relationship beforehand, preferably including having lived together.
Literally the first post that mentions this. Everyone blames the bf without knowing anything about him.
She might be relatively loose and he might be relatively small. He might need more friction to really enjoy it, it might be death grip.
As for OP, even if you're on the loose side, know that there are plenty of men who enjoy it. Me included. Makes me last longer and gives the sense that you're really enjoying it yourself, as arousal loosens everything.