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Caroline and LeeLoo, 18 y.o.
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Yeah dump her and don’t be a second choice to someone ever.
As for now, you are planB. Never ever be someones planB.
Wow, I think people are being very harsh in the comments. While I think you handled the situation incorrectly, people are overlooking the fact that this is your first relationship. I don’t expect you to know how to handle scenarios you’ve not encountered before and especially with the way our society and it’s media warps the view of how relationships should be I’m not surprised you reacted in the wrong way. So here’s some advice, if she breaks up with you this is your lesson learned because most people’s first relationships won’t last due to the fact that you need to experience to become better at relationships. In the future, you have to understand that your partner is not a mind reader and completely shutting down and purposefully avoiding communication about your feelings in a situation is not okay. Blaming your partner for your lack of communication is not okay, but it is okay that you made these mistakes. What you need to do moving forward is not try to fix the situation, but rather have an honest conversation about WHY you reacted the way you did and how you plan to change that behavior in the future if you get the chance. To me this just boils down to immaturity and I think you can very easily curve this behavior with some self reflection and gaining a deeper perspective on how jealousy paired with lack of communication is basically a recipe for hurt feelings on both parties. I hope this is helpful and not quite as harsh
Wow, I think people are being very harsh in the comments. While I think you handled the situation incorrectly, people are overlooking the fact that this is your first relationship. I don’t expect you to know how to handle scenarios you’ve not encountered before and especially with the way our society and it’s media warps the view of how relationships should be I’m not surprised you reacted in the wrong way. So here’s some advice, if she breaks up with you this is your lesson learned because most people’s first relationships won’t last due to the fact that you need to experience to become better at relationships. In the future, you have to understand that your partner is not a mind reader and completely shutting down and purposefully avoiding communication about your feelings in a situation is not okay. Blaming your partner for your lack of communication is not okay, but it is okay that you made these mistakes. What you need to do moving forward is not try to fix the situation, but rather have an honest conversation about WHY you reacted the way you did and how you plan to change that behavior in the future if you get the chance. To me this just boils down to immaturity and I think you can very easily curve this behavior with some self reflection and gaining a deeper perspective on how jealousy paired with lack of communication is basically a recipe for hurt feelings on both parties. I hope this is helpful and not quite as harsh
Hey there, I had a distance relationship and I can tell you a few things about it. So a good thing to do is talk regularly, it strengthens the bond between you and helps to feel connected. Then also put effort into the relationship, balance visits out so both of you pay and travel an equal amount. Ask what boundaries she wants to establish and talk about yours. If you want to show her you love her tell her so, write little text how much you appreciate her and if you have a disagreement, talk through it. I wish you guys the best!
If your having major doubts don’t do it. Little doubts maybe workable but those sounds major!
Except they've already had sex, so he's clearly not as serious about this cult as she thinks he is.
No, hence why it was a gift.
So, just text or call, perhaps offer to take him for coffee (w/o milk)…
These things are part of life, if optimally ill-timed here. If he can’t laugh it off and accept a coffee (or such) in “reparations” then he’s not worth keeping.
Your looking for a possible explanation as to why he cheated, without knowing the full context or his side of things, I can only really give you possible explanations.
If he didn't really have a lot of experience sexually before you, or if you were his first “real” long term relationship. Even if you are the perfect girlfriend, he might not have had a got reference or gauge for how perfect you were. Men in early adulthood will sometimes develop this thought process of “is the best relationship out there” especially if they didn't really have a previous relationship to compare it to. And so they get this urge to have more experiences, some times that means breaking up with the perfect girl, or cheating on the perfect girl.
Another possibility is, if he actually has an undiagnosed mental disorder beyond depression, like Bipolar disorder or a personality disorder, Specifically a cluster B personality disorder, that can lead him to making some pretty poor decisions. Sometimes decisions against his own best interests or with out consideration for others. Manic episodes from Bipolar disorder can lead some people to cheat. Compulsiveness and Emotional instability from Borderline personality disorder can cause cheating. And so on
Another possibility is that he cheated simply just because he could, and didn't think about the possible consequences in the moment. The opportunity was there and he took it.
Keep in mind that I'm not using any of these possibilities as justification for what he did. It's strictly just possible explanations. The only person who really knows why he cheated is him.
That’s Jane’s problem. I admire the man for keeping his word in an agreement he made PRIOR to having met Jane.
I am not. And you can, it’s just that you can’t move out and online like you want to.
Lots of people with less money than you make it work.
Lots of folks on here saying you did the right thing, but we’re missing some crucial info – do you dig this guy? Your reasons for breaking up and then second guessing sound… sort of vague, and maybe a little superficial. You don’t want to date a guy who might online at home in his 30s? He’s 26. He doesn’t have enough money? He’s 26!! People think it’s normal so you worry you messed up? Who cares what they think?
Seriously, do you like this guy or not? Is he kind to you? Interesting? Fun? Do you share interests? Does he make you feel good? That’s all you need to worry about.
You’re 21. If you like a guy who dreams of being a DJ, cool. Have fun. Use protection. Don’t worry about what stuff is going to be like in 5 years or how much money he has or if other people approve of him. Just have a good time and if you like him, great. If not, though, and you don’t see eye to eye or he is a jerk, ditch him. Make up your own mind about it, whatever you do. Focus on what you feel about this person. That’s a big part of short term and long term happiness in relationships.
You said “I am mad the person who took over my body” – no. You can’t change if you can’t take responsibility in the fullest, and this statement tells me that you haven’t
This grief you’re feeling? YOU did this. That’s okay. We do things, sometimes they’re toxic things, sometimes the wrong things, sometimes narcissistic things, but we do them and if you don’t own your behaviour, you won’t be able to access the part of you that accepted the life you lived up until the moment you “woke up” in order to see them and see where they need to change. To see you.
You made choices, enacted behaviours, and affected people around you, with or without a plethora of diagnoses, these things happened. So…it’s okay that this happened, it’s a moment of darkness and a low point that can serve as a jumping off point for positive change. Positive change starts with you accepting that you have mismanaged your life, and starting to recognize patterns and breaking them one day at a time until you are able to look back and realize all of this happened for a reason.
You may even reach a point in your journey where you realize that you did your partner a favour, and that you may also deserve more than what you had accepted before. It is possible.
Sis, stop ?. Poly is not a sexuality, it’s a lifestyle. Your man wants to have sex with multiple people and have you be OK with it. Polyamory, polygamy, and monogamy are all choices/lifestyles. Before y’all travel down any of these roads I think you need to educate yourselves.
This doesn't sound like you have a personal situation you want advice on. You are asking for generalizations.
So you basically slept with a 18 year young girl because women in your age would never come near you, right?
I don’t see the generally bigotry in the US anti women. It is anti humanity tbh.
And porn: yeah, you are right with that. I just wouldn’t equate porn to our society.
She stated her standards and you agreed to them. It's unclear what you're really looking for here as no sane person is going to suggest that she must lower her standards just because you're horny. It's not a pathology to want to wait until you know someone before having sex with them. It's not some lingering result of trauma to want a real foundation to a relationship prior to allowing someone else to put their body parts into your body parts (especially considering that all the risks of uncommitted sex fall onto the woman). If you can't handle her standards then end this and go find someone with lower expectations. No one here can force her to f*ck you.
wow.