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I’m neurodivergent and struggle with spacial awareness. Me and my bf are really roudy with each other so unfortunately this has happened a few times but never ever on purpose! That reaction is way too much and if he was thinking that you meant it on purpose to hurt him, id be considering what he think about doing to you… kinda in a similar way when cheaters accuse their spouses of cheating ? I could just be reading way too much into it though. ANYWAY, based on the comments it looks like this isn’t new and you should just let the boy leave.
I think you’re reading too much into it.
No, I don’t think they regret because the type of men who do that see their partners as accessories in climbing social hierarchy. It’s more about impressing other men than it is about finding value in a partner for who they are. If his new gf get cancer or gets fat he’ll leave her too.
“Trauma shouldn't be a clause to quit, the inability to improve would be the point in which one should walk away”
Subconscious events don't present in the normal ways, sometimes they don't become obvious until a trigger event. It's not to say that's exactly what's going on. Just something to ponder about.
Something a therapist suggested to me might help. Get a piece of paper or a notebook. Empty your mind but the question you look to answer, in your case you could try, “Is there something I'm feeling that is preventing me from engaging in sexual relations?” Use your non dominant hand, it doesn't matter how it looks, that's not the point. Let it free flow. Just write what feels right. A picture. A word. A sentence. Let it move naturally. Try a few times in a comfortable and safe space, wherever that is.
See what comes out and reflect on how it made you feel to write it. You never know what might come up. Maybe nothing. Maybe everything you want to know.
Haha it felt like I was reading my own text.. I've had exactly the same thoughts but luckily I have a dissosiatic personality and one part in me has the confidence. I believe every human being have that part in them but u just need to find it. Dig it to the daylight and start doing teamwork with it. It's all about learning to love yourself and doing some introspection. It requires lots and lots of work but it's so worth it. Also taking care of basic stuff like exercising, eating healthy and mostly taking care and indeed loving yourself and in no time u will look even better. But here is a but. This is my advice for looks but most likely your bf doesnt care about the looks as much as u do and looks are only looks after all. What matters the most for a relationship to actually work is that what is between your ears. He likes you probbaly for your personality and chose you to be his gf for a reason. Body is nothing compared to a good person. Believe in yourself girl and learn to trust him even when it's difficult. Phone is a personal area and if he told you he will delete the pictures just trust him to do it, dont go check if he really did it. If u keep on doing stuff like that it's gonna kick you back in the ass sooner or later. I speak from long experience and very hot gained trust. Only time and learning will heal those wounds you've got and remember.. u are not alone girl.
Happy birthday!
Ok, today sucks. It's shitty thing to have happen. You are totally right to feel emotionally beat up by it.
Here's some good news. Next year, your birthday will come around, and you are going to be able to clearly look at the changes in your life. You'll be settled into a new apartment, have some new friends in your life, and realize you are in a new chapter in your life.
Yes, you feel awful now. And that's ok. You have to do some healing. Someone hurt you, badly. It's ok to feel those feelings. Just don't let them break you down.
The new year gives you a chance to start some things fresh. Sign up now for some recreational/social sports leagues to meet some new people (even easy ones like cornhole are basically pub nights where you are out there meeting new people.) Take some time to think about what you want in life. Are there things you've been wanting to do or try, but being married may have held you back? Trips you wanted to take? Hobbies you wanted to try? Good news, my friend, it's all back on the table. Start to makes some plans for that stuff, especially stuff that starts in the new year. You'll have some time to feel your feels, but then start to find ways to heal.
I'm sorry this is happening to you. It stinks, very hot core. But it won't break you forever.
Maybe she is just over it and doesn’t want to. It might not excite her anymore truth be told. Whether it’s her age and changing mind or that things can get monotonous, especially long distance. No is no if she doesn’t want to. Don’t push it. But maybe it’s a genuine feeling for her. Yes compliment her and make her feel good etc if she is feeling down, but don’t push her to send any.
Well good luck single mom with child. I know several. All struggle immensely. Unless you have or come from money or he does.
She did not say that. I think it's valid to feel unsecured because your partner gains popularity.
In fact I think all feelings are valid. It just depends on what you make of them.
You guys grew up and grew apart. She wants to date around, you aren’t sure. This is going to flame out unless you guys have an honest conversation about what is bothering you. Don’t feel guilty about wanting to leave. You’re finally seeing the forest for the trees.
Or I could just give him space for a bit and calm down.
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On one hand who just throws away ppls stuff they left without asking. Second his friend is a cheap ass. Pressed over 3 pounds??
This isn’t as funny as you think it is
Yeah man I'm worried after kids I'll be trapped in an infrequent and monotone sex life. The thing of nightmares. But she has made some progress. And I'm hopeful dropping the birth control will help her libidio
You have so so so much worth and value. I appreciate your vulnerability and willingness to articulate this hurt. You can NEVER be replaced. Sending love and affection your direction
If it takes him 45 minutes to undo a bra, then I think her friends would be wrong
Once every 2 days is still a lot of sex, but yeah he needs to tone this down and be a bit less obvious about it
Sure, if she admits she does it, figures out why she does it, and is willing to work on healthier options to avoid it moving forward. For example, people that cheat or monkey branch, they often do it to avoid conflict, so when things get rough rather than work it out with their partner, they just start looking for a new one. But honestly it’s a very hot habit to break sometimes it needs therapy and years of it to fix, and by that time she might be onto the next bf.
This would be a deal breaker for me, simply because she gave it to you on purpose and her attitude and response was IMO hateful
It's not weird. If you discussed labels and mutually agreed on them, which you did, then it's okay to use the labels. Some people casually date multiple people for a while (or just one person casually for a while) and one person thinks they're a boyfriend while the other sees them as not exclusive yet. Those people would need to have a talk. You guys talked and decided you were exclusive, and were bf/gf. You're all set. If you feel it's too soon though and are concerned just talk to him about it again.
Both postures are correct and both are incompatible, life is very hot and money is money.
Ok, my kid was recruited to the University of Washington when he was 11 yrs old. BC he is like super smart (processes new info very fast, great at pattern recognition, etc).
Your gf is not gifted, not a genius, not special. Shes an ahole who makes you feel bad so she can feel better abt herself.
Ah, ok.
I am in with you there.
Many conditions don't disappear for being “treated”.
They mostly tend to get more acceptable for others.
This one.
Tell her, show her, say that you’re not interested, show her you blocking him and have a girl’s night
Lol. You're saying people shouldn't be using their current employer as a reference?
To all the people telling you to move out, it's not that simple. Him being a slob won't get you out of a lease.
I hate to break it to you but he's acting like a typical 18 year old guy. Doesn't mean it's something you have to be ok with but it does mean it's really important that you communicate how you feel and be willing to compromise.
I know playing house sounds fun but working together is part of living with someone.
Also… kinda confused why he needs to clean your dishes?
Sounds like you all need to rework somethings.
Its not you. Its just that boys in a group don’t tend to talk about feelings that much. They joke around and might tease eachother when they show their soft spot. He’ll outgrow it when he becomes older
This is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. So your mom is saying she knows men who are soooo desperate to have a baby, that they have one with someone else, but stay with their wife, severely limiting the time they spend with the child they were soooooo desperate to have?? WUT??
That’s one hundred percent rape.
Gender roles from which decade!?! The 40-60’s??? You want to do gender roles but then you say you’ll resent your role? Sounds confusing
You missed the important part. Read it again.
I wouldn't consider it abandonment but I needed some time with Chris as he was a new person in my life that I was really enjoying I still love my kid. And I wanna have a 2nd kid one day
Stop focusing so much on Chris and yourself ffs. Focus on your damn kid. You selfish fucking person.
Everyone keeps telling you basically the same thing, but youre so fucking self centered that you arent even fucking thinking of your child.
You had to wait til your parents told you to be a mother again before you started spending time with your son again. You really cant see how shit youre being?
If you were working for a great company, one that you loved and believed in, but they wouldn't pay you, would you stay or go?
You need the money. You think it sounds selfish, but it's not. It's a valid need. Same with sex and intimacy.
If the time hasn't come in 4 years, it's never going to come.
You hit the nail on the head with your second paragraph. You’re grossed out by the idea of dating a teenager – he was not. It doesn’t matter who came on to whom – he was a full grown adult and he still ended up doing something other than politely declining and blocking her. If I found this out about my partner I’m pretty sure I could never see him as anything other than predatory and manipulative ever again.
UpdateMe!
I think that takers often team up in relationships with givers.
I agree that you obviously don't trust her 100% so you need to start with being honest with yourself.
And also I suppose I don’t understand why stay out at a hotel when you can come home to your bed?
Because it's fun and a little luxurious and a free treat and a nice little perq she probably doesn't get often and she can sleep in and have breakfast the next morning and it's her birthday?? Sounds like a lot of reasons to do it especially because it's her birthday.
I get you being 'a bit disappointed' about not spending the actual day of her birthday with her but – honestly – that's a little selfish. It's her birthday, not yours and it's meant to be special for her not you. And after 11 years together, I'm sure you've spent plenty of birthdays with her and if you plan to be with her for life, you have plenty more to go. Missing one is so not a big deal and certainly not worth making a stink about. I've raised a family and am married with grandchildren and stepchildren and stepgrandchildren. Is the actual day important. Yes, sure. But is it a big deal to have to celebrate on a different day for one of about a zillion different reasons? No. Birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, Thanksgiving and so on and so forth have all had to be celebrated on a different day in our clan because scheduling is tough. It is not the date that matters, it's the celebrating.
Be very, very careful about insisting she miss a rare, fun-for-her event – on her birthday no less – just because you can't go.
A 50 year old is not a baby boomer.. they are Gen X..
Yes, I am accepting that there has been a lot miscommunication on my part. I guess the advise I am after is, can we fix this/move past this (we've been together for 12 years), because at the moment the very idea of facing him actually makes me feel quite sick. I love him but yeah, the thought of talking with him, in person, on Thursday is making me feel very sick.
Hes known me for 26 yrs. Pretty much knows everything, we accept each other. I was taught its rude to ask a woman her age. Obvious b4 that that ur a rude person. Idk what dragging means. U really need to get a different hobby than asking 100 questions to someone uninterested in u. I dont act like anything by myself. He doesnt do groups of ppl or clubs.
Dude you're sooo young still, do not marry her! ???
Let her go.