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Totally normal. The frequency comes and goes, but it’s never quite as hard and heavy as that first ‘honeymoon period’.
Also, if you’d like to be doing it more often, don’t wait for him to initiate. Do it yourself, and clearly, not hinting or hoping he’ll read your mind. And take it graciously if he declines.
You're already Separating so why stir the pot more? Get out and don't look back, why happens next with her isn't your concern
you should be counting your lucky stars that he broke up with you.
If it is a question that concerns you, she should get into sales. She may even make more than you!
I was with you the whole way until you told her to lie about her perception of time to make it seem like she wasn't purposefully pushing boundaries, only accidentally pushing them. Being disingenuous isn't a good foundation to build relationships on, especially to throw off the scent of insecurity.
Otherwise the breakdown of this interaction seems spot on.
This isn’t normal. He’s not putting any effort into the relationship so maybe you shouldn’t anymore either. He’s not communicating, he’s not prioritising you or your feelings and he just doesn’t seem invested in the relationship at all. I hope you can see this and I wish you all the best.
You made the right choice. That ex will contact her again even if she really blocked him. There are all kinds of ways to get around it.
Live! your best life man. You only get one opportunity!
Updateme!
So now you want an honest relationship… but we're relying on TWO dishonest people here so…. good luck marrying a liar you can't trust! Yall deserve each other!
Thank you so much ?
Some people don’t take graduation as big of a deal as others. I didn’t go to my own graduations or my boyfriends. Maybe she doesn’t see it as big of a deal as you do? Has she graduated and did you go?
Yeah… and… not a damn thing hubby or wife can do about it now. Statue of limitations. And wife is not the problem if she was targeted by a predator.
So hubby’s response is really off base if he’s not jealous.
Some people are just terrible gift givers no matter how much they know you. I wouldn't look too deeply into it, tbh. Maybe next time, drop hints if you go out together. “Oh look how cool this is, oh I'd love that, etc.”
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The fuck? That’s a perfectly healthy weight. 112 for that height would normally be considered underweight, you may have needed to gain what you did from the antidepressants. Even if you were a little overweight that’s a rude comment for him to make.
If your antidepressants are working, PLEASE keep taking them. Unless you get or suspect you are getting to an unhealthy weight you should keep taking them unless your doctor or therapist tells you to stop.
Tell your boyfriend that what he said was not only hurtful but also wrong and that your weight is perfectly healthy. Set a boundary that you aren’t comfortable with him making comments about your weight, tell him that what happened tonight was because of that comment. Then, if he doesn’t respect the boundary, re-evaluate the relationship.
Great advice on here, please listen to it. He is jepardizing your mental health, stand up for yourself, block him and anyone else who has anything to do with him. You are not responsible for him.
So far he’s stopped for his own mental health and reasons but months ago it was just the issue of like lying to me ab it when I did ask even though he used MY phone and the tab was still open…just why lie? It’s like A slap in the face. Makes me feel dumb.
Because you won’t charge a car battery by idleing it. I can’t think of a quicker way to drain a sketchy battery.
You can get a bidet live! for $40 and it takes a bit to get used too, but works way better and you don't go through toilet paper as much. I was against using a bidet for a while until the submarine I used to be on pulled into the Middle East. The hotel I stayed in didn't have toilet paper at all.
Who is cutting onions in here ? this is absolutely heartbreaking
Things are way better for me not that I've got my major health issues under control and I am off the libido-killing drugs.
Two years ago I told my husband I was perfectly happy never having sex again and I understood if he needed to leave. He stuck around, I got better and off the meds and now we average twice a day. It can get better.
But for years I'd get anxious if he even told me my hair looked nice. So I get that too.
Because they are blaming the wrong person. It was not OP throwing 15 years away just for a kiss, it was his girlfriend who did this.
I was asked for help to do some big groceries with my mother and I wanted to do it
So you are being a dutiful son
she pointed out that she doesn't feel good about me spending too much of my time on spending time/helping my parents.
What does helping your (aging) parents have to do with being self sufficient?
I don't know what to do or is it really that bad that I see my parents more often
It isn't bad. You can tell her no. This actually screams a bit like alienation to me.
I want to be more self sufficient but I want to keep seeing my parents and spend time with them.
In what way aren't you self sufficient?
Do you pay your bills?
Can you do your own laundry and clean your own house?
Can you make meals…. Etc etc
Well you were right divorcing him, time to move on
Sounds like you have outstayed your welcome. Time to carryon.
Find his bud a girlfriend that might help.
Don’t make leaving the adult film industry dependent on finding a man.
You should have bailed months ago, before September, whenever you first discussed that he hadn’t even told her he had a girlfriend. Because you already knew he has a history of cheating and so you knew he was capable of keeping secrets that suit himself.
Don’t talk to him again. He’s not the one.
He cheated on his ex, not the other way round
Leave it be, don’t force or push the matter more then it should. She made her stance clear, respect it.
Thank you. I really appreciate you taking the time to write back to me. I have got in touch with a local therapist. I'm very daunted about speaking to them, as I'm generally a closed book when it comes to discussing my innermost feelings. But I'm hoping it will do
I'm not sure if my ex was trying to make me jealous or she simply misread the dynamics of our relationship. We were friends before we became lovers, and in the past she would ask my advice on guys. I think she assumed we could slip back into that kind of friendship but unfortunately I'm still carrying feelings, and the idea of her sleeping with a hotter, younger guy was hard to bear.
I know that last year she dated a guy who was 25 years-old. She's actually dated this guy twice. She said he was nice but he was a huge party animal, always drinking and smoking, and she couldn't keep up with him. Her logic appeared to be that a younger guy has the potential to mature, but I think she's deluding herself. For example, she doesn't want to have kids, and a lot of young guys aren't interested in that either FOR NOW. But later down the line that could change and she might already be past the point of conceiving, even if she wanted to. Maybe I should give up trying to understand her and focus strictly on myself?
You say she doesn’t like doing it for long. Are you doing everything you can to make it a pleasurable experience for her? Eg ensuring you are freshly washed, wearing clean underwear etc?
You might want to look into managing your anxieties
Have you told him how your feeling, asked him if he's okay (maybe he's depressed?)? Y'all need to have an open, honest, and vulnerable conversation with eachother or else you won't figure it out.
By destroying your integrity?
No worries. I just find his stance pretty jarring honestly. “You don’t see it so it doesn’t matter” is kind of missing the point when all the reasons you pointed out you want to do it have to do with other people and their behaviour, and not your own opinion of yourself.
Kinda feels like that well-intentioned but simultaneously crushing affection of someone who sees their partner as engaging in any form of self improvement as “indicating they don’t love themselves properly” which is honestly really condescending.
You’ll forget him in a month or two trust me! Just fill your time with things that will make you happy
This is sexual assault and you should report them/take action of some kind.
I should have. I hate my brain and it froze. That's what he is saying too. He was trying to make the best choice for friend and i just added to the problem because i followed his plan.
Since when is snow the reason for canceling a ski trip? When I used to go, that was what we hoped for. Why was it never mentioned this guy would be this trip? Why wasn’t it mentioned she’d be staying with him?
Let me ask you, does she ski a lot? Does she have her own equipment? If so, did she get her equipment tuned up for the trip? The reason I ask these things is that it sounds like there never was a ski trip and the plan all along was to stay with this guy.
Now it could be that she’s basically a chaperone for her roommate but even then the deception and lie’s would force me to end it.
Send her a text saying “I hope you’re having a good time because I’m having a terrible time here deciding whether to end it now or wait until you get back.”
Your statement was fine until you assumed she cheated because she was missing something at home. There is no excuse for cheating. Ever. If there is something missing for her, it's her job to communicate that like an adult and try to fix it. If it can't be fixed, you end the relationship. And a lot times, the cheating has little to do with their home life.
Even if there wasn’t the fact that she’s MARRIED WITH CHILDREN to factor in, you work with this person. There is literally no way this ends well for anyone involved. Stop it.
of course – i just think people in life reflect the tone of what they read and the internet could use a little more empathetic tone. couldn't hurt at least.
Thank you, I’ll definitely do this
Thank you
If I find out that a person that I was dating, would lie to me about something like that I don’t wanna date them anymore. You gotta think about the future and the persons character. They’re willing to lie to you that’s all you need to know.
Just split all over the bills, equally 50-50 AND all of the chores. Tell him he can start doing his share of all of the cooking and cleaning.
Although it does make sense for him to want to renegotiate the terms, since you are making more money. Why should he have to pay way more just because he happens to make more money? The only way it would make sense is if he chose to live! somewhere that you could not afford to pay half of the bills, but if you’re somewhere where you can afford to pay half of the bills, then you should be.
Oh, it's not the harpist day of his life? Look, I understand your side most, but if you come between that man and his mama coming to his mofo wedding, girl you're already divorced, you just don't know it. I understand you're probably a lil jelly, even if you lie that you're family went be there. But they're going to be you're mom and dad till you die or hopefully not, God forbid, divorce. That's you're family, embrace them. Plus, if you ain't got parents but you end up having kids but your still young and want to live! life with the hubs, thems the ones, sis, think of your future. This is important and crucial to your future sanity!!! Good luck, don't be a jerk, it's both of y'all's happiest day, try to remember he is marrying you, I mean, for serious you're the best damn thing that's happened to him and he just wants his most loved people to cherish it with him. You can trade all that in for a wedding that he'll regret and later, you will too, it won't have the same celebration atmosphere, he'll not see you as breathtakingly wonderfully the best girl. He'll say gosh she looks pretty wish my mom was here. Do you really want that? Or a gorgeous celebration, he's up there he's got the goofiest smile thinking, where's my breath, she's beautiful, she's gorgeous, I'm so proud, I bet my mama is proud and she is, because she can rest knowing her baby's heart is in the hands of an angelic devilish heart of gold. She can trust you more. Then y'all party like the wild ones you are, then you and hubby get to experience something glorious together privately in Hawaii where you'll probably just screw all the time and see Hawaii when you're not. Better than mine, damn I'm making myself so jealous. Good luck, sis, don't be a dick, I'm willing to bet your Hawaii trip that if you force this man to have your dream wedding, your dream wedding will be your nightmare. I'm just letting you know what I know. It's totally up to you to believe me or not. I still wish you the best wedding, even if it's in Hawaii. Congratulations, y'all, aaahhh! So exciting!
I have ADHD. It absolutely does not make you suck in bed. He's literally just a selfish asshole who doesn't care if you're having fun.
I'm just saying I don't get why he decided to talk to me again. After not talking for a couple of months. People don't usually talk again after so long. And two months is awhile to go without talking to someone.
It's like meeting the man of your dreams…. and then meeting the strap-on of your life.
from my perspective as someone who bought engagement ring. i feel diamond is a safe bet and he went for it…just think about this scenario.
you meet your extended family, one of your auntie is a problem, she asked to see your ring. when she saw your ring and it's a sapphire and she made a comment, why your fiance didn't buy you a diamond? why he's going cheap on you?
for the general public that has been brainwashed by de beers. most of us think that diamond is a “must” because it symbolizes something that made from hundreds or thousands of years pressure. which is kinda bs in my opinion.
but him as your future husband he doesn't want ppl think that he goes cheap on you when in reality 5k sapphire definitely are more expensive that 1k diamond but people in general have no idea how much a stone cost by looking at it.
i assume he took the safe route. if you're still bugged then talk to him. sell the current ring and buy something you like. or if he got money and he's ok with it just buy 2nd ring that you like. keep the current one as investment.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but old fashioned people don’t have a fling with an ex while they are trying to be the girlfriend of Mr. Perfect…
Username more than checks out for this one
That's a possibility! I find his hobbies to be lame but I still try show interest. Was hoping there would be more reciprocation
Your gf called your mother mom? Does she think you're siblings? Cause that would be a disturbing relationship.
Wholesome. Good luck dude.
I hope that my ability to predict the outcome of that sort of rhetoric makes it clear what he is using it for. Because the reality is him taking advantage of you consoling him, the convenient 'interpretation' of you being sympathetic as an opportunity to push boundaries, is the entire function of this kind of manipulation.
He is likely very well practiced given he is building a silly anime harem. I hope this is enough to shake you loose of that fishing net.
This guy does not respect you. He will not change. Please leave him, you deserve so much better than this. He’s bad for you and he knows exactly what he’s doing. it’s only going to get worse in the long run.
She said “things like gas” but ive always made sure she has a full tank
Lord knows I thought she was going to be carrying it draped on her arm the way she described it at first and I was like WTF
Just be grateful this has come up before marriage.
Say no. If it ends the relationship, thats better than living in misery until you get totally fed up, divorce, and you get stuck with alimony. Or maybe worse, childcare costs on top. Id be very cautious being intimate until this is sorted because a baby trap is another possibilty and then of course MIL moves in “to help”
Dont know, it feels disrespectful anyway. I would give the whole story quite quickly, even inform my partner immediately. I wouldnt like it either if my partner behaved like your GF. Treat yourself well, cause shes not imo.