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Bianca, 60 y.o.
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Hi OP,
The friend was the one to say this person was attractive initially, right? I'm wondering if they took offence to you not finding them attractive, too, and lashed out in a really petty way.
Does your friend know this person IRL? Is it possible they are unhappy in their relationship? If so they might be seeking reassurance in finding a new partner in this person and your lack of attraction to them was seen as a rejection to their idea of moving on from the relationship to another.
It is a bit of a stretch and speculation, but I can't help but wonder what hurt your friends feelings so much in this interaction, it's like it was personal and she was trying to hurt you back because you unintentionally hurt her.
Either way, this isn't really a problem on you to resolve. It seems like a her issue that without full honesty and disclosure from your friend you're going to be guessing at what she wants. She's an adult and needs to use her words. I don't think a friendship of 15 years is one to throw away over a spat like a lot of people are saying. I'm assuming you have mutual friends and a relationship with her family and it might be worth reaching out to them to see if they have been experiencing unusual behaviour from your friend. It might not just be you they are alienating and that is not a good sign for their mental health.
If this is usual behaviour from her and you are always on eggshells it is worth expressing how you feel and ask for change. If she is unwilling to change and this relationship is detrimental to your health THEN it is fully worth to end the friendship. If this is unusual, there's a cause and it likely isn't you, but it's still up to her to tell someone what is up. Until then, be available and ready for if she does open up, if that is in your own mental health capabilities to do.
If someone mental health is hurting you, you aren't a bad person for putting your own mental health first and not supporting them. So take suggestions I have said with your own mental health as a priority
it is clear that if I didn’t get her a ring up until now that I’am hesitating about her”.
There is absolutely nothing stopping her from buying a ring and proposing to you. Why is she putting this on you?
she has been threatening with suicide if we break up…
Red flag.
Thoughts? Break up?
Notify her family she's threatening suicide so they can support her and break up. This isn't healthy and I wouldn't commit to someone like this much less put a baby in her.
22 years. Even 25 year olds ain’t this crazy…
You shouldn't have been flirting with or seeing him when you were his subordinate.
You shouldn't be flirting or seeing him now that he's your subordinate.
This is why.