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“Either shut up, or get on board”
First off, it's your emotional reaction so “wrong” as he's saying doesn't apply. You can't feel “wrong” & the nice thing is that he's your ex so he can kindly fuck off now. Would be great if he admitted he felt guilt because he knew he was a sack of shite, but he likely won't.
Secondly, it's a deep betrayal of trust. Every time you went to counseling & were being honest he was there already checked out and lying. So you're vulnerable with someone who is essentially gaslighting you (this is a real example of gaslighting as opposed to how ppl tend to use it). Betrayal of trust, being denied a reality you can feel in your bones does a number on a person. How do you trust your own instincts again in the future? – At least know this, your instincts were right- you just couldn't listen to them over the sound of him lying to you.
Since you co-parent you do need to do something with this rage that's constructive and won't damage your kids emotionally or otherwise. I know you already did marriage counseling with the lying sack-of-trophy-second-wife-seeking-dung, but if this anger simmers for a long time then one-on-one therapy for you to help you move forward would be good.
If they are from her I don’t see how him having them are an issue.