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1. I would personally divorce and cut contact with that “friend”.

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2. Does it need to be that inflexible though? I agree with a lot of the comments in terms of maturity but I don't think yet another ultimatum is the best way to go.

   Your dad sounds like the sort of person who would claim to be “just protective of my little girl” which is controlling and possessive. You are neither his or your husband's property and as you grow into your role as a wife and mother, your dad needs to know he doesn't call the shots in your life.

   That being said, relationships with parents are complex and become more complex when you have a new family yourself. Especially because you were (and are) so young, but it doesn't mean that a load of people on Reddit get to decide how “good” a wife, parent or daughter you will be.

   Personally, I would tell your parents calmly that you won't be coming this Christmas, that you love them and appreciate the support they have given you in the past but that you have to put your own family first and you come as a package deal – that you hope they can get to the point where they understand this and that you can all find a way to be respectful of each other.

   To me, that leaves the door open for future growth from your dad and doesn't lock you in to some new precedence you've set for all future holidays through pride or stubbornness.

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3. Oh Hun, life is too short for such people in your life.

   You’re 40, do you really need another 40 years of this?

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4. Check the county clerk's public records of every county in which he's lived. Marriage licenses are public record.

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