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I assumed since the wording of what she said in her edit that they couldn't be retrieved. But that is certainly my assumption.
As far as androids go I've never had mine delete a message without telling me and I've used them all my life. Iphones should be recoverable. No reason husband shouldn't be able to clarify and show them.
Also if it's enough that there's obvious gaps in the messages that are easily noticeable I think it's possible that more than just gifs are getting deleted.
Something overall about it sounds shady in his relationship to Ashley. But regardless OP has infinite reasons to be infuriated. If my spouse brought someone around my kids and left them ALONE without clarifying with me first I'd be so furious it's no joke. I'd probably kick them out of the house, even if it was someone who lives nearby that I know. Both parents should agree that these things are okay, leaving someone alone with your kids is a decision that shouldn't be made so so lightly.
Which also makes me think he has a closer relationship with Ashley than he lets on.
Ok, so I want to ask a serious question. How is this not rape? She doesn't even remember it so how could she have given consent? I'm being serious, not sarcastic.
I'm 30 and exhausted reading this.
Meanwhile, 20 year old me passed limes from mouth to mouth of random guys at a bar or party so… All adds up.
His mom disowning him is an extreme reaction, imo and prolly why he hasn’t broken up with you yet. Heartbreak happens, breakups happen. It’s part of life. It’d be worse if he married you, wasted more years of your life in a loveless marriage that ends in divorce in 5 more years.