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Thanks for your response. I didn’t consider him having found someone else. It’s possible, but we spent a lot of our time together so I really don’t think it’s likely (plus he’s moving). I do think it’s case no 1, I’m fairly certain actually. How do you think I should respond? Or is no response best (but I hate the idea of ghosting)
Oh yea then just piss in the bed then see how she feels….cold and wet bitch lmao
AKA retrograde ejaculation. I'm still going to say he faked it. The chances that it was this, are pretty low.
She loses you not the other way around.
Okay thank u
He’s not making anyone safer, including you. The gun and the age gap say it all. He knows your mom doesn’t like guns and had to open carry anyways? Pathetic.
He’s compensating for something clearly. Can’t date his own women and needs a gun to feel like a man. ?
Not sure why you were trying for a baby, but I mean, you don't really need to craft a perfect message.
You both were trying to have a baby and now you guys are. You seem more concerned over the parenting thing over the relationship thing, so you should be good in at least that aspect.
Easy fix, take a new video with you and your current partner and send to said ex, that way they've both seen you with each other.
Don't send him anything OP. I'm sorry for what happened.
She was crying about being sexually assaulted. It doesn’t take a mind reader to know that’s not foreplay for sexy time.
She was crying about being sexually assaulted. It doesn’t take a mind reader to know that’s not foreplay for sexy time.
She was crying about being sexually assaulted. It doesn’t take a mind reader to know that’s not foreplay for sexy time.
Could you elaborate further on the gaslight?
Your comment really pairs how I feel. She is not an asshole indeed but this is not a way of living that I like.
She even said that if she goes out and drink a little and Kisses another man, just for the pleasure it is normal, as long she doesn't know the name or Exchange info. So this might happen in the future she said.
I told that this is a really red flag, and I don't like that, she said that she would never betray me but this is just “lust” so it is normal.
I have problems to break up
It’s amazing how much my opinion changed as the post went on. For the most part, it was (and is) easy to say that your wife needs to get the fuck over it. Out of respect to you, I planned on being much nicer with my words at first.
Listen, we can all fully agree that Nina broke “girl code.” But that’s between her and the ex. Your wife (and honestly anyone else) is entitled to have had some sort of feelings towards Nina if a bond existed with the ex, but where are the feelings toward your brother?
Either way, it’s not her business. Nina is married to you. Your brother is John. He’s happy with Nina, for nearly the length of time you’ve been together no less. It’s honestly concerning that she’s hung up on this.
The issue becomes much more serious when it comes to how you talk about it. So not only is your wife a fucking nutjob in her obsession with this, but when you don’t engage with her incessant rambling about it, she verbally abuses you. Oh and also physically abuses you (imagine what we’d all be saying if she were here saying you threw shit at her).
That’s all there is to it. The fact that you ended this with a disclaimer about how leaving isn’t an option should tell you everything you need to know. Because it’s not about the cliche that everyone’s advice is to leave; it’s about knowing that everyone’s going to tell you to leave because it’s the correct advice.
Talk to a lawyer. That’s who will give you the right advice on how to figure out your concerns. You want advice on how to “help her get better?” Start by being firm and telling her to chill the fuck out. Will that go well? Of course it won’t. But nothing else has or will either. At least stand up for yourself in the meantime.
I couldn't respect myself and go through something like that. Your wife didn't miss out on anything, she made her choices. She can still make choices, but I would recommend it being between you or a completely different lifestyle.
You need the dignity of having your own worth beyond whether or not your wife choses to stay with you. She needs to make a choice.
You tell him. Adults in an adult relationship are honest with eachother. That's a part of a promise of for ever. You didn't mean to lose it, and he'll understand that.
My guy, secure that NOW before I come in and do it for you!!!
All jokes aside, who cares what you perceive yourself to be right now? That’s a later problem. This is one of those things that you will regret in 20 years if you don’t just go for it. Clearly she thinks a lot more highly of you than you do yourself. Don’t waste such a fantastic opportunity to find love. The worst thing that will happen is that you will learn from it. You’re not going to die.
As far as your outlook on yourself, I highly suggest trying new things. Often times when people feel they are boring, average or a loser it’s because they feel they have no interests & they don’t take proper care of themselves. First things first, make sure you’re eating right & getting enough exercise. These 2 things are incredibly important for self esteem & general health. Second, put some more effort into yourself. Maybe it’s starting a skin care routine, maybe it’s a new cologne, maybe it’s a new t shirt or even a haircut. Now you’re feeling good & you’re looking good – what are your interests? The only way to discover your interests is to try new things. Start dating this girl. Go out to restaurants & try new food, maybe even take a cooking class with her. Go to a concert, maybe you’ll fall in love with music. Go hiking, go skiing, go to a museum, go to a sporting event. Chances are you’ll find something you love. That’s how I found my passions & now I’m trying to figure out which ones I need to drop because I can’t focus on them all. It’s a good problem to have. Trust me, trying new things will open up a whole new world to you.
maybe try a traffic light photo. put a pin/magnet in whichone u want to denote. Green=let's hang, yellow=I just need quiet, red means I'm going to have a drink, be back in 10 (maybe get a “be back ar ____” clock)
He sounds like creep for commenting on the girl, and you're right to be pissed about that.
That said, I think your comment that “Not to be rude but Frank isn’t the best looking male either to be rating these beautiful woman the way he was” is also unfair. It implies that good looking men are more socially allowed to be crass than other men.
But he said he will sex with other people. So he’s not being considerate, he’s being lazy and lacks enough care to even try to make sex enjoyable. Are you honestly going to stay with him if he starts sleeping with other girls? Sounds like he is making you feel guilty which is emotional manipulation.
Your mom needs to have him and his family on a different day. If you are raising his child get an attorney and get child support. This will make him stop coming around.
He likes attention and thinks you’ll always be chasing. Grey rock him and watch him lose interest.
13 English is not my first language
You believe in marriage and use your parent’s marriage as an example.
I don’t understand how that is at all affected by a totally different marriage that didn’t work out.
Thank you! I got her a gift and was planning on dropping it off to her appt when she returns home. I would like to give it to her directly but don't want to come across as pushy or creepy since the situation is so fresh. Thank you!
I can’t relate to that one. I never went, I know many people who never went. I graduated a year early and went to college and didn’t care about having a senior year.
Time to cut ties and find yourself. You are too young to be tied down for 5+ years
About the middle of January, after the holidays are done but that’s still long before his bd.
Okay I am clearly in the minority here. This is gonna be a bit nuanced and I know that doesn't always go over well.
First of all yes, you absolutely deserve to be hurt. Second of all no, you're not taking it too lightly, because it is up to you and only you to feel how you feel about it. Like there's no wrong way to react, here. Should you feel secure and protected in the relationship? Yes. Now you ask yourself if you feel secure or not, and that tells you if you're brushing it under the rug, or you need more boundaries, or whatever else, to protect yourself and have a healthy relationship.
The other thing, maybe more controversial is: I really think everyone is fooling themselves, if they think romantic feelings/attraction outside of your monogamous relationship never happen. I am NOT condoning cheating. But they do happen. I say this because alcohol is not an excuse at all, but it does lower inhibitions, especially if you're super drunk like that. The important part is choosing your partner, despite other options. Mistakes happen. Especially when you're young and in this sort of environment. I don't think this automatically means she doesn't love and desire you, OP. To me it sounds like she wants to be with you, and she's doing the harder thing of keeping your relationship honest, and respecting you enough to tell you the truth.
I'm also a little concerned about her coworker going into the room when she went in there to pass out. I'm wondering if she feels like this was in any way a violation, in which case it's a different story.
Break up with him. He is a liar and a thief.
Well, it's something to which you can look forward. When it does happen, remember I told you so. 🙂
They didn’t steal them, the men willingly gave the hoodies to them.
I mean, in this case I wouldn't think they're banging because if they were, I'd think they'd be more secretive, and he wouldn't give those toys in front of his wife.
But yeah, pretty sure he wants to bang her. But I wouldn't immediately blame the friend for anything, she's basically done what a lot of people would do; awkwardly try to laugh it off…
I mean, in this case I wouldn't think they're banging because if they were, I'd think they'd be more secretive, and he wouldn't give those toys in front of his wife.
But yeah, pretty sure he wants to bang her. But I wouldn't immediately blame the friend for anything, she's basically done what a lot of people would do; awkwardly try to laugh it off…
I mean, in this case I wouldn't think they're banging because if they were, I'd think they'd be more secretive, and he wouldn't give those toys in front of his wife.
But yeah, pretty sure he wants to bang her. But I wouldn't immediately blame the friend for anything, she's basically done what a lot of people would do; awkwardly try to laugh it off…
If you were smart you would end your friendship with her now . I was friends with a girl since I was a baby literally 30 years of friendship , together every weekend . As soon as I started dating my husband she messaged him to try to pick her over me and she never even met him before . Literally just messaged him from fb. I almost didn’t believe it until I seen the messages . Then when me and him went out to the bar she so happened to be there and she seen him and ran up to him drunk . This is not a friend but an undercover enemy . People like this are thrown into our lives for lessons . Get rid of her now ! Just tell her it was fun while it lasted but you’ve outgrown her
He's my only prize I want!
Just because they have kids doesn't mean they can't help. Call your friends and tell them the situation. You don't loose anything but not calling them. If they say “sorry, can't help”, then it's the same as what's happening now, but if they say something, then that's more than what you have now.
I see them frequently but I do not like to take time away from their families.
This is another excuse! Anyone would be pissed off if their friend was in an abusive situation, needed help, and they didn't tell them because it would bother their family life. I would be so upset! What's the point of having friends?
It's not a joke. It's an actual thing. When/ if a woman needs stitches after an episiotomy or after tearing during delivery, there are some doctors who do this. It's… questionable to say the least as it's only further closing the vaginal opening, not the vagina itself. Anecdotally, I've heard of women who were happy to get this as well as women who said it caused them severe problems and pain from sex.
Can he not afford for some beater civic?
Guys in drag 80% naked reading stories to kids, gayparade where majority is almost hot where kids can see it, you can't tell me this is not pedophillia.
The fact teachers pressure your kid to change genders and that cutting your penis off is oké? It's not.
I don't need my child hanging out with a loud audience that is mentally ill
They were broken up when he hooked up with Ole girl….??♂️ but go off
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So she didn’t fracture your trust. She was single. She didn’t cheat. She could have not told you about it and been well within her right not to do so.
Uhm easy:
You DUMP HIM.
Uhm easy:
You DUMP HIM.
Uhm easy:
You DUMP HIM.
Oh hun…this isn't a guy that is championing you at all. The fact that you're choosing to leave this toxic environment is such a relief to read!
When I divorced, I always worried about what other people would think. Although it is true that other people have opinions, people that LOVE you are going to be cheering you making the best decision of your life!!
Oh hun…this isn't a guy that is championing you at all. The fact that you're choosing to leave this toxic environment is such a relief to read!
When I divorced, I always worried about what other people would think. Although it is true that other people have opinions, people that LOVE you are going to be cheering you making the best decision of your life!!
Oh hun…this isn't a guy that is championing you at all. The fact that you're choosing to leave this toxic environment is such a relief to read!
When I divorced, I always worried about what other people would think. Although it is true that other people have opinions, people that LOVE you are going to be cheering you making the best decision of your life!!
You stop having sex just for him. You insist on foreplay. You make sure that you cum too, preferably before him if he’s the kind of asshole who rolls over or leaves as soon as he cums. You get him to help with the cooking and the cleaning. This dude is not treating you well. Based on your post, he’s very, very selfish.
No, you did not talk to three child psychologists who just shrugged their shoulders and said “it's a phase” when a five-year-old child hits and bites and screams for hours when he hears “no.” Either you didn't tell them everything, or you are lying about what they said, or you didn't understand what they said.
I don't actually think this is a real letter, by the way.
“Nutures the friendship too much”: not sure this is possible–long distance friendships are difficult to maintain. I'd recommend examining your feelings–are you envious and need more friends in your life? Are you jealous because he doesn't communicate with you as openly?
Oh OP, I’m so sorry!
I think you know this is not ok and you deserve better. She may be intelligent, but she lacks compassion and emotional intelligence.
Do you feel like you are less than her? Has your self esteem taken a hit since you have been married?
This is a GREAT suggestion! I have a Pinterest board full of rings and wedding ideas, even though I'm not even in a relationship right now.
One thing you may not have thought about, OP, is getting the ring size right. You have a couple of options for that one. First, if she already has a ring that fits her, take it with you to the jeweler. If she doesn't have one, enlist the help of her friends. While they're talking about rings anyway, they can try on a few sizes of cheap rings or ones in their jewelry boxes, or they can find some other way of figuring out her ring size.
You can cover the swastika but she can’t tattoo over the fact that she’s the sort of person who is ok with having a swastika on her body.
I would look at it from an insecurity stand point. What are you insecure about? There has to be something. Is your butt big/small? Your breast size too large/too small? How would you feel if your partner said “I'm so glad your butt is flat because I don't like big butts as they age!” Or something like that, ya know?
I would refrain from talking about dick size.
Just apologize sincerely. And then seduce him. Lol
He has taken care of her for over a year sounds like hes the only one trying in the marriage anymore, why is it on him to get her therapy? whos to say he didnt ask her to get therapy and she refuses? His wife is an adult, she is responsible for herself and her children and right now she is neglecting all parties. Him being upset that his marriage is one sided is whining? hmm sounds more like hes tired of have 5 children to look after when one is suppose to be a partner.
How are you helping me exactly? trying to show how to be a complete pushover and walked on? Again didnt know wanting a fair partnership and proper marriage is wrong but thats just me i guess, maybe OP should start wiping his wifes ass as well so its easier for her too. His wife isnt telling her needs she is hiding away doing sweet fuck all to get better, its on her to want this not Op to make her want it.
As for what im doing here, calling out a horrible double standard of reddit, man is sick and depressed kick him out hes a deadbeat. Women is sick and depressed well she needs you to do more, spend more money on her, fix her issues for her, kinda bullshit dont you think?
Just give her a maxed out credit card to go shopping with
Meeting doesn't mean you're making new friends. if you actually care about your gf make the long-term boundary known but make a small sacrifice and meet her friends once or twice.
Hi OP! I hate to break it to you, but waiting isn’t going to produce the result you want. If your bf’s family is traditionally religious, it’s likely your bf will be forced to participate in an arranged marriage at some point and you will definitely not be a fitting option for marriage into his family without conversion.
You two don’t have to break up now, but know there is a time limit on the relationship due to religious circumstances. His family will most likely not accept you as a marriage option for their son if you do not convert, and even if you do, it’s likely they still won’t be happy about you dating / marrying their son. Keep in mind that they might also be verbally and/or physically abusive to you, if your relationship does ever progress that far. Also, if you leave America (or any other country where women have basic human rights) for this relationship, please remember that women DO NOT have many rights in islamic countries and your life may be in danger / your quality of life may be severely impacted. Just some things to consider. Good luck.
How's that working out for you?
He’s upset he got caught. He knew all along what he was doing would hurt you and he chose to do it anyway. It sucks that this happened after you put so much trust into him.
No it wasn't. It's the normal reaction when her husband is threatening to make a scene over some underwear. And make no mistake,neither man will be confused about the undertone involved in this exchange he’s suggesting.
I think it depends. Did they make a stupid choice that they then learned from and worked to not repeat? Or are they out here chronically cheating on every partner they have?
Cheating sucks. But not EVERYONE who has made that choice is a terrible person. Sometimes people fuck up. Other times, they’re assholes who never learn. Figure out which ones your friends are.
You no longer have a GF. On to better things. No one is that busy.
I think this is ok. You have been very available and can still be like hey we are friends and I like being your friend and supporting you but you can support me by having some outside interest beyond your current self inflicted trauma and limiting rants to 1 hr and sending cute emojis/max of 5 texts a day unless you having a real conversation. Text walk doesn’t count. Reading the room is a great skill to learn. I’m still working on it. I wish I had honest friends like you.
Yeah like I feel I am overreacting a little, given I’ve never been in a situation where I’ve needed a gun, maybe before we go out I’ll try to talk to him about how I’m feeling and see where to go from there
She literally said hes a 10/10 but then called OP a pedo. Makes no sense
That’s usually when he says I picked a bad time to bring it up. This latest incident when he accused me of sabotaging was in the evening and we were getting ready for bed and an anxiety of mine just sort of tumbled out. I was looking for some reassurance and he told me I hadn’t considered how bringing up my feelings would in time make him feel bad, that I don’t consider his feelings before I speak.
When I pointed out he had said he wants me to be 100% open all the time and talk about how I feel, he told this was a bad time, he was too tired to talk about it.
So what happens when one of these 'hot' girls makes a move? Does his demeanor suddenly change? 'Nah bro I love my girl I would never…'
Delusional.
Considering he went and recorded the moves, then put them into a computer simulation
That's pretty much standard for most serious-ish chess players I know.
What I said is it’s not okay that he called you a dumb bitch. Not a good man.
Or maybe you need to learn how to read? It's right at the beginning of the OP's post. It's literally the 2nd sentence.
The move and no friends certainly doesn't help for either of you. That maybe an underlying issue. Is she the majority caretaker of the child? As that could also be an issue.
When a couple has underlying issues that are not addressed it bleeds into the sex life where now that is the main issue. You need to get to the underlying issues and get those resolved before sex will come naturally again.
It was not your place to bring up the apartment with the ex.
That being said, it seems like your fiancé isn’t very open with you. Do you really want to spend your life with someone who won’t talk about his past, especially with regards to his ex wife and mother of his child? I understand it might be painful for him, but if he can’t open up to you about this then what kind of marriage will you have in the future.
A couple months. We both had a tough time with spending nights apart. We worked through it by talking every night I was on shift before the kids went to bed.
I'm not as convinced as you; he might have been more interested in getting into the pants of OP's partner's ex-wife (what a mouthful) than purposely messing up with him, so he might have no business with OP. Plus, without being glued at the waist, OP and her partner will probably spend most of the wedding together, so he might not get the opportunity to have a 1-on-1 with her anyway.
However, it indeed doesn't hurt to be ready.
Not really sure you would be playing devils advocate if you just support the argument 99% of the people in here are making ?
Giving someone a ride home isn't really a big deal to most people. Maybe it never came up?
No you’re not doing anything wrong.
If the friend was a man and everything else in this story was the same, then nothing would change about what I said. Normally I would recommend dropping that person as a friend, but from what OP wrote it didn't seem like she was considering that at all. That is why I keep saying that this only applies if OP wants to continue the friendship.
I personally wouldn't forgive a friend for that, no matter the gender.
So, instead of just respecting your wife enough to listen to her concerns and discomfort- you want thousands of opinions from strangers on the internet.
You should have told her. Point blank- I understand you’re saying it’s harmless- but there’s no way I’m working night shift- driving another guy home three times a week for MULTIPLE weeks and not saying anything to me husband about it.
Sure, you can totally keep driving her- it’s in your right, but understand you’re choosing your coworker’s comfort over your wife’s.
Stop going over there.
Stop dating a gross little boy.
It was in my drawer of memory stuff 😀 We are preparing to move, so it got taken out.
What a tiny, absurd thing for me to post about. Thanks for taking the time to reply.
Relationships are about love aren’t they? Date him for who he is, not the job he has. Unless his job is a drug dealer or hitman lol. Ignore your friends..
Thank you it’s tough for sure :/ but I’ve found that I can find what I was missing from him in other guys and even tho part of me wished that was him filling those roles a much bigger part of me is fine letting go and not holding onto him. Looking back I wanted to grow with him and he wanted to kill time. I’ll focus on loving myself and maybe finding someone I can have a meaningful relationship with who actually wants to have a future w me not just pretend ❤️
Take your husband with you, you can talk in private, but you should not be meeting without him there
Take your husband with you, you can talk in private, but you should not be meeting without him there
That’s abuse. Run.
Of my SO told me they didn’t like me when no drank, I would simply not drink anymore. That’s embarrassing. The fact that she just keeps doing it shows that she prob does have a bad relationship with alcohol.
Forget it. It's a lost cause. That discussion would be massively uncomfortable and lead nowhere good. That price is much higher than whatever you spent on this lingerie.
If he doesn't find it first, maybe his next girlfriend will stumble across some of it one day. It'll make for a fun conversation!
If the yelling/anger has been going on for years it's unlikely it will stop now. This on/off thing was also just toxic. Just read your title again, it's so confusing. No matter the intention but alone from that it looks both those men are messing up your thoughts.
No matter the outcome but I think maybe distant yourself from them for now to clear out your head and heart. Breaking up or not, dating someone new or not, you need a firm stand on what you want and need for youself
I'm here to kinkshame. Ewww…
You better stop thinking because it is not your strongest feature. If you want to have a healthy relationship with the man you love have some respect to him as he has towards you. He never wanted to bring his family into the picture because there were plenty of reasons maybe his bad was that he lacked some comunication and never said why. But on the other hand it clearly might be a thing that he never felt comfortable to talk about even with you because what was he supposed to say that his family are racists? No one would feel comfortable to say something like that especialy to someone who one cares about.
You better stop thinking because it is not your strongest feature. If you want to have a healthy relationship with the man you love have some respect to him as he has towards you. He never wanted to bring his family into the picture because there were plenty of reasons maybe his bad was that he lacked some comunication and never said why. But on the other hand it clearly might be a thing that he never felt comfortable to talk about even with you because what was he supposed to say that his family are racists? No one would feel comfortable to say something like that especialy to someone who one cares about.
I can read in your post just how low your self esteem has been brought down by her.
Your partner should be the one to build you up and support you when things get tough. That’s why they are a partner, not an enemy.
Being with someone who perpetually tells you that you aren’t good enough and they are better is just a bully. Take off your rose coloured glasses and talk about the situation with your family and close friends, I think you need to hear an outside view of just how mean this person is to you.
Your gf is a nobody and sounds like she is a talentless and worthless hack that pretends the world revolves around her. I've met a ton of people like this back when I did art, they truly believed they were geniuses and deserved only the very best. Everything else was beneath them and they were too special for simple things.
They typically go on to do nothing with their lives just like your gf will, get tf out of there as you're only in for a life of misery as she will put you down consistently to make herself feel higher.
Why can't you just come out and ask him if he's interested? Would save you a load of worry
Get in line, I'm selling him a bridge first.
He certainly has an unhealthy view on work relationships/team support.
As a former program manager, I met quarterly with the team and account leads to make sure everyone was being recognized or rewarded some way or another if they were doing well or going above and beyond. Sometimes it was a small gift, sometimes points to buy something, whatever. If a team member came back and said no thank you, that we embarrassed them, I wouldn't want to recognize them again (because they were uncomfortable) and then I would reconsider moving them up on the team because would they then recognize others below them? Are they not mature enough to for the next position up?
And my former mentor, close friend, was my program manager. One of my best friends I oversaw and managed. Not everyone has to be best friends, but it's completely possible to have a healthy work relationship without the us vs them mentality.
I didn't mention anything about her drinking nor being handicapped nor her plans. What she does is her choice. Her soon to be husband sucks ass for this and that's just what it is.
Info: Has the sexual incompatibility always been there?
I fully understand, but I prefer talking to them about more interesting topics, like how they spent their holidays at the seaside, my travel plans, our family in general, instead of being asked whether I took the bus or the train to work and being told that they couldn’t sleep last night because they knew I had a date with a guy and they were worried that he stayed overnight at my place. (I obviously didn’t tell them that, although he went home, we had sex, because they would have gone insane).
She usually says she’s sorry and she will try and work on it. But it only changes for a period of time. Then it goes back to how it was
If you’re in the US, contact United way 211. They can direct you to local services like women’s shelters who can help you make a plan and put you in contact with appropriate resources,
This is the shittiest take I've seen in here in awhile. The world is not unkind to mothers who don't have primary custody and yes, there are good reasons why one parent might have the other be the primary parent but this…this is NOT one of them. She KNEW this man didn't want to on-line with her daughter before they even began dating and she said it was okay with her to send her daughter away once they got married. What kind of shit parent would do that? From primary custody to one weekend a month, uprooting her entire life, etc. The child has expressed she doesn't want to move so yes it would affect her wellbeing. From being with her mom full time to barely having a relationship with her while she goes and have more kids…that will really take a toll on the daughter's mental. She gave no fucks about her daughter in her decision to get married to a man who didn't want her.
You need help if you think of this is okay and that only people with unresolved/unrealistic issues don't.
What are you the spelling police ? chill
Okay but what do I do NOW though?
I'm sure neithwr woman would benefit drom a dude with those views, ngl
100% how I feel rn.
Well, he did say that he’s tired of helping you and that your not appreciative. Is there anything to this?
Not being on time is not a big enough reason for his reaction but it just may be the last straw.
You've known for 4 years, and it doesn't bother you. Go get married and leave it there. Maybe she feels funny about it now.. don't make it weird. If she comes to you one day and talks about it, say that's OK babe..
He is a friend. Let him know that you value him as a friend but not as a romantic partner. Period.