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Ah yes, the real world, where adults fucking teenagers is frowned upon for good god damn reasons.
The human brain doesn't fully develop until mid to late twenties. The agency of teens is extremely limited because of this.
At the age of 30, the idea of being attracted to someone in their early 20s is horrifying, let alone the scenario in this post… Age gaps are okay once people are older, but THESE circumstances are extremely inappropriate. Not sure why you're trying to defend OPs husband here… Gross.
You need to train the dog, the dog values his attention right so if you’re on the sofa and cuddling and she starts barking or growling he needs to ignore her / put her out the room for a few minutes. When she is quiet she can come back in.
Only reward her with attention when she is quiet and well behaved. I suspect this very spoilt dog is used to getting her bad behaviour rewarded every time she barks at you. This will probably be quite engrained by this point so you will need to be consistent.
You will need your boyfriend to commit to the training and if he doesn’t then honestly you need to leave. The dog is affecting your relationship and your boyfriend isn’t taking that seriously or trying to fix it so why stay for more of the same?