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It sounds like maybe you didn't need it. But OP is 18 months post breakup and still not over it.
She didn't put herself on a waiting list yet and I don't really want to push her. She is still trying to get an immediate spot though, so I wouldn't say she gave up.
I'm pretty easy going with partners being friends with exes they are exes fir a reason.
But I would feel uncomfortable with the level of emotional dependency here, you being his biggest support, putting his needs so high on your list of priorities. It is something any significant other would struggle with.
I don't agree with ultimatums or him wanting men out of your life, but I can understand his needs for boundaries and you may find that he's being so black and white about it because he doesn't think boundaries on their own would change anything.
What did you do to get banned on tinder?