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Total bullshit. That isn't really a problematic age gap, and you do not have enough info to suggest he's manipulative.
He wanted to settle down and she did not (his words).
Let him settle down and don't be a part of any of it!
Too many red flags… You are young, find someone with less skeletons in the closet. There's still time!
So she emotionally cheats, and has absolutely no contrition or guilt? OP, you have to consider if she is committed to you…… tell her what your expectations are of her, and then hold her accountable for her behavior.
I tend to be against ultimatums because they put you between a rock and a hot place…. If they break your rule you have to walk away or lose all respect for you.
I personally would have asked her to avoid all contact with this person immediately no questions asked…..
If she chooses his friendship over your peace at home, then you know where you stand on her priority list….. them its time to make a decisions where you are willing and able to stand in this priority list.
Best of luck to you buddy
I don't understand? He wasn't opening the door for anyone? Was he not eating? You seem more focused on his ex (the person who helped him during a mental health crisis when he wasn't functioning) instead of his mental health crisis?
Is he in therapy? Was he suicidal? What trauma happened? Does he not feel safe with any of his family? Why not call a wellness check on him?
In my experience, a former partner giving that less-than-bare-minimum effort was a tactic to push me away. People like that act oblivious to how they mistreat their partners, but come on, no one is that stupid. No one would think it's okay to go on a date un-showered after 9-10 hours of manual labor in construction and sewage, either.